Does this happen to you?

Bottle_of_Smoke

Throughout my "love life" I've had a really frustrating thing happen to me,

Whenever I'm half arsed about a girl she seems to fall for me big time. I feel completely confident around her and I'm able to be myself. I'm funny, charming and likeable around her.

However, whenever I meet a girl I'm mad about I turn into a pathetic mess. I'm nervous, afraid of what to say and generally f*ck it up.

Had one long term relationship where we were on pretty much an "equal par" so to speak and one short term one where it ended for practical reasons I don't want to get into.

I'm single now and the pattern in repeating itself once again. Met two girls in the last few months who were both deadly and while everything went well the first night they just lost interest in me, I think if I could have been better at being myself around them it could have went further.

Does/Has this happen to you, any thoughts?

OldGoat

Always be yourself.
When someone likes you for who you are then all is good.
When someone likes you for whom you are pretending to be the poo will hit the fan eventually.

Edit: Could the grammer police give me a check on the Who/Whom thing here please.

metrovelvet

Its pretty obvious. What most people want is to feel comfortable being themselves. And there is nothing harder than this.

So when you are not comfortable being yourself, its like a contagion that spreads, and then others are also not comfortable because the vibe has caught.

kaimera

Yes.

Cabaal

Always be yourself, I honestly never thought I'd find anyone who gets my random humor and just gets me full stop but now I'm married to her

DevilsBreath

I’m fantastic and doing just that so I’ve decided to just give up and become a hermit

Dr Galen

Cabaal wrote: »

Always be yourself, I honestly never thought I'd find anyone who gets my random humor and just gets me full stop but now I'm married to her

ditto

tbh i never felt it was an effort with my now wife. Being ourselves and relaxed was just what we did from day 1. there was no though process involved in it.
looking back at previous relationships, I think now maybe I was guilty of trying too hard, though tbh I was never a relationshipy type of person until I met Mrs Monkey.

Will

Do my best to be true to myself.
I presume the reason the women you were half arsed about were mad about you is because you were.. half arsed about them, lol. It's weird, i dont wanna go on a long post about it (I will let wibbs ) but basically since you weren't that interested in them it spurred them on to try make you more interested in them.

Conversely it's the same, if you show too much admiration/attention to some women they just brush you off.

It's a weird one, and of course there are women who absolutely love attention and will love you in return for it.

Be yourself, have fun, don't put too much pressure on yourself or the lady, will all fall into place someday... i hope :pac:

Snowie

i went on a date

once wearing a pair of denim cargo shorts a tshirt and nice short sleave shirt I looked good, and she turned around and said well your classy...

My retort was well this is who I am...

I didnt say much for the rest of the date she was really attractive. That really really turned me of.

but i wouldnt mind but i was wearing the cuts of 500 euros in labels, even the waitress said to me that shirts hot as i was walking out the door.

Now my ideal miss moneky would just go great to see you :cool:

And my point being I am who I am i dress how i want to dress is how i dress if she dont like it keep it to her self...

scanlas

I've noticed that a lot of people are saying how he should be himself but don't give any practical advice on how he can be himself around the women he wants.

If you want to get access to your natural funny charming indifferent personality around the women you want that you have in other situations then you are going to have to push your comfort zone.

Approach these women that you want again and again. Don't leave until you either get rejected or seduce her/get her number or whatever. In the beginning you should give yourself a set mininmum amount of rejections from these women that you must accomplish every day or week or whatever time frame. In time you'll become as funny charming and indifferent around these women as you are around the other ones. Your success with them will rise as you are doing this.

Will

scanlas wrote: »

I've noticed that a lot of people are saying how he should be himself but don't give any practical advice on how he can be himself around the women he wants.

If you want to get access to your natural funny charming indifferent personality around the women you want that you have in other situations then you are going to have to push your comfort zone.

Approach these women that you want again and again. Don't leave until you either get rejected or seduce her/get her number or whatever. In the beginning you should give yourself a set mininmum amount of rejections from these women that you must accomplish every day or week or whatever time frame. In time you'll become as funny charming and indifferent around these women as you are around the other ones. Your success with them will rise as you are doing this.

Yeah quality advice there tbh. Go outside your comfort zone, soon you will become accustomed to it and it won't phase you going up to randomers and starting a conversation. You will learn

If they say no, no biggie. Life goes on. Plenty more ladies around.

Snowie

scanlas wrote: »

I've noticed that a lot of people are saying how he should be himself but don't give any practical advice on how he can be himself around the women he wants.

If you want to get access to your natural funny charming indifferent personality around the women you want that you have in other situations then you are going to have to push your comfort zone.

Approach these women that you want again and again. Don't leave until you either get rejected or seduce her/get her number or whatever. In the beginning you should give yourself a set mininmum amount of rejections from these women that you must accomplish every day or week or whatever time frame. In time you'll become as funny charming and indifferent around these women as you are around the other ones. Your success with them will rise as you are doing this.

your reading way to much PUA stuff mate
i agree with what you say but two posts you have made are cleer to me your into this or you read a lot if not to much...

Bottle_of_Smoke

I know you need to be yourself all right. As I was saying it comes easy around girls I'm half arsed about.

Around a girl I like though, its more like I can't think of funny things to say. They just come naturally with other girls.

Was just looking for discussion on why this happens. Don't mean it as a PI thread really

metrovelvet

Its because you care too much about what they think so you have yourself on the editing room floor.

ironictoaster

metrovelvet wrote: »

Its because you care too much about what they think so you have yourself on the editing room floor.

That statements applies to me so much, its not even funny.