how to talk to a friend

LegacyUser

I am trying to help a friend who is in a strange/ bad situation. We are both non-irish but from different countries and have known each other a few years. The problem is that last year she met an irish guy and married him after a few months. I didn't like the guy not because he was strange or anything but he was with another girl for years before he met my friend and they had a child togethor. They were even planning their wedding and he called it all off when he met my friend. it was so quick and things i thought maybe he's just really in love or he's actually not a nice person or maybe he was just strange, especially since when i asked it's like they never once really talked about his ex or the child.

She came back to live with him after the wedding but after 2 months he said he had made a big mistake and wanted to end the marriage and went back to his ex and their child. My friend moved in with me and she was upset by the whole thing and I tried to be sympathetic but I also felt like she was asking for trouble getting with a guy in those circumstances. She went home but her family are strict and pushed her to come back. We are sharing an apartment and she is sharing the bills and my last roommate left so its nice to have her around but the situation is beginning to make me nervous. Like I know her husband, if i can call him that, is looking for a divorce but she hasn't told him she is back in ireland and she's not using her old number or e-mails so he can't talk to her. I know he can find her if he uses the garda and I am worried as if immigration get involved it will look like she was using him to stay here. she doesn't like to talk about him and every time i ask what will she do cos she doesn't really know him she just says she can't get divorced??

I don't want her to get in trouble and we are close but don't really talk about our boyfriends or men but I don't know what to say to her. she just doesn't want to talk about the whole thing!

Fiend-Foe

If she says she doesn't want to talk about it, she doesn't want to talk about it.

I don't really see how it affects your current situation.

She is seperated from her husband, just not legally yet. There are 1000's of people in this situation.

Some people go years without getting a divorce because of the hassle and legal cost and they just leave it until one of them need it done.

I don't see why it concerns you so much.

Overheal

I really dont see how you could possibly talk to her. you can hardly say "I know what you must be going through". Frankly if you had personally gone through as much sh*t as you have described here (and I'm sure that barely scrapes the surface) then you have no possible idea how she feels or what she is going through.

Honestly, I would just leave it well alone.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the responses....I am worried because after all, she is my friend, and she has become so qiuet about all this I just don't know if she is ok. She is not even talking to her family!

You are right, it's not my business, but I am at another close friend's house for a few days and she was asking how my other friend is and i just got so worried. I worry about everyone!

Maybe I'll just talk to her and explain I don't think it's good for a person to be stuck in these situations. I want her to be happy and it can be very depressiing and sad in the flat togethor. I feel bad when my boyfriend comes to visit and wish she was just happy again.

daisybelle2008

worried friend wrote: »

Thanks for the responses....I am worried because after all, she is my friend, and she has become so qiuet about all this I just don't know if she is ok. She is not even talking to her family!

You are right, it's not my business, but I am at another close friend's house for a few days and she was asking how my other friend is and i just got so worried. I worry about everyone!

Maybe I'll just talk to her and explain I don't think it's good for a person to be stuck in these situations. I want her to be happy and it can be very depressiing and sad in the flat togethor. I feel bad when my boyfriend comes to visit and wish she was just happy again.

It is nice that you care about her but to be honest but you say you don't normally talk about relationships, so leave it at that. Maybe if you really feel strongly tell her you are there for her if she wants to talk but you can do no more. Sounds like she is dealing with it in her own way.

thefeatheredcat

I wouldn't push the issue with her, it's sounds like a difficult situation for her. It's good that you're worried about her but I would say just let her know you're there if she wants to talk about it and leave it at that. If she wants to talk she knows where you are.

Try not to worry yourself on this - it's hard to be a bystander when things go wrong for others.