I'm Lost

LegacyUser

Before i start i know the person I'm talking about in this thread reads boards and reads PI.

Yesterday my OH told me that she wants to be alone for a while. We have (had) been together for 9 years. Lived together, went travelling together.

I really feel lost. I'm back living in my parents. i don't hold a grudge, I'm not angry i just don't get it.

She was 16 and i was 18 when we got together. We had ups and downs like all other couples but recently everything seemed fine. Had plans for buying a house and other things.

I love her to bits and she says she still loves me too but feels like she needs to be alone for a while.
Can anyone shed any light on this because I'm lost. i don't know what to do.

Hallo World

give her space like she asked.. last thing ya wanna do is push her further with constant msgs/calls.. give her a week and maybe check in then.. whatever happens she will need to tell you what the issue is when she is ready but don't let it drag too long, esp after 9 yrs.. before ye can move on.. ye don't seem to have broken up, so don't sweat it too much, maybe she lookin to the future and seeing what she wants, but thats all guesswork.. use this time yourself if needs be to address any concerns you have inside you...

Black Swan

Lost.. wrote: »

I love her to bits and she says she still loves me too but feels like she needs to be alone for a while.

Respect her wishes and give her the space she requests. Don't bug her constantly, but rather assure her that you will be there when she needs you.

LegacyUser

OP Here, thanks for the replies,

Hallo World wrote: »

whatever happens she will need to tell you what the issue is when she is ready but don't let it drag too long, esp after 9 yrs.. before ye can move on.. ye don't seem to have broken up, so don't sweat it too much, maybe she lookin to the future and seeing what she wants, but thats all guesswork.. use this time yourself if needs be to address any concerns you have inside you...

i already know what the issue is, she needs time alone to see what she wants. It seems we have broken up because she said and i quote "i dont want to be in a relationship at the moment"
and on your last point, i have no concerns. i know what i want and its her, thats all.

I just dont understand it, how can everything be ok one second, discussing future things, even the day before about holidays and such. then i want to be alone and not in a relationship the next.

kjl

Lost.. wrote: »

Before i start i know the person I'm talking about in this thread reads boards and reads PI.

Yet your level of detail is shocking,

People are creatures of habbit, then after a while we want to try something different. You guys have been together so long she wants to see who she is without you.

Do not call or txt or email or facebook or tweet or contact her in any way.

When she is ready she will come back to you

Moomoo1

that really sucks. Did she really give no other reasons for kicking you out? And was it specified how long is this 'while' was going to be?

I don't really understand how people can do this to people they supposedly 'love'. Really don't understand it. Sure, you want to be alone for a bit, but shouldn't you take the other person's feelings into account here? Shouldn't you at the very least not leave them wondering where exactly they stand and what the future holds?

Also, she gave you just a day to move out? Many people would, in such a situation as yours say 'ok, if you hurt me like this I am off'...

Lucyx

Hi OP

I really feel for you. I went through a similar situation but we didn't go out for as long as you guys, so I can only imagine how low you must be right now.

I know she needs her space but I just don't think its acceptable for someone to break this kind of news to you after 9 years. Its so cold I think. You probably should not contact her and try to look after yourself for the moment. Try to talk about it with family and friends as much as possible as this helps a lot. You probably feel close to insanity at the moment because of the loss of any control over your life and theres the shock too.

Wait it out and hopefully she will miss you and won't want to throw it all away. Did she say that she would be in touch at all?

LegacyUser

OP here

thanks for the replies..
She never specified a length of time although i never expected that
who knows how long it takes....

She is not a cold person, the total opposite in fact, we discussed it on the night for a few hours and then i moved out.

I think she just needs to find out who she is without me so she can move on with life
she feels she has no identity, only the identity as a couple.

We have been in touch, we text each other here and there. Not continuous just odd texts.
I just dont want this, but i dont want anyone else...

KJL i think you hit the nail on the head

Lucyx, as you say, i am very close to insanity

Moomoo1

this reminds me of this thread http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055664089&goto=newpost. Same reason given, same scenario. Cue much heartbreak.

I think the most you can do is to communicate how much this all is hurting you, and ask what exactly she needs to do to 'find her identity' that she couldn't do whilst living with you.

And I still think that to be asked to move out in one night is really harsh.

opinion guy

Lost.. wrote: »

Before i start i know the person I'm talking about in this thread reads boards and reads PI.

:eek:
Stop right there.

She wants space. Yet your on a public forum you know she reads talking about the issue? Thats not giving space

For both your sakes ask a mod to close/delete the thread would you and find maybe a more appropriate place to discuss thigns perhaps ?

Edit: i'm not unsympathetic to what you are going thru, jsut not going to help if she reads this thread is it ?

Moomoo1

I don't think it would make a difference if she reads or not tbh... it's nothing that she doesn't know and she can hardly expect him not to seek help over this, and if boards is where he posts, this is the logical place to come.

steve3

moomoo1 to be honest,and i think you know this,if a girl wants a break after 9 years its probably over. Space!! come on,you either wana hear sugar coated rubbish which alot of people seem to be very happy to type or you want honest opinion. What about what you want? are you just meant to wait around is it?

Moomoo1

steve3 wrote: »

moomoo1 to be honest,and i think you know this,if a girl wants a break after 9 years its probably over. Space!! come on,you either wana hear sugar coated rubbish which alot of people seem to be very happy to type or you want honest opinion. What about what you want? are you just meant to wait around is it?

I agree totally: would never accept a break myself (unless there was a bloody good excuse like distance involved). I do not consider myself a masochist: so if someone wishes to inflict suffering on me, feeling love to them afterwards might prove somewhat difficult.

vandermeyde

You either want to be with someone or you don't...this whole "break" thing is cop-out, she can go off and do what she wants with impunity whilst leaving you an emotional mess waiting by the phone for her to graciously call and say, yes, I'm ready now, lets get back on track.

She's broken up with you op, but she hasn't the balls to tell you that. It's over.

Ring her up and tell her that if she wants a break she can have one, permanently.