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LegacyUser

Hi Guys,


Quick question, if you found out your bf/gf was sending messages to random gils/guys on facebook would you consider it cheating or just buzzing about on the internet?

The messages are harmless enough, just stuff like.....hey, I like your profile pic, my names *** and I'm 29...how about you?

Stuff like that. Is this intent to cheat, cheating, boredom (although he can't access fb in work so he did it at home)

We are together years and I am so confused. I feel sick.

Thoughts??

Miss Fluff

Sounds like he is definitely dipping his toe in the water and seeing what type of response he gets......NOT good imho.

lolli

Websites like facebook and bebo have seriously been causing a lot of trouble in relationships lately.

My opinion would be... if hes sending messages to both guys and girls maybe hes just looking for friends? If he was using it to just try score surely he'd only be sending messages to girls.

LegacyUser

lolli wrote: »

Websites like facebook and bebo have seriously been causing a lot of trouble in relationships lately.

My opinion would be... if hes sending messages to both guys and girls maybe hes just looking for friends? If he was using it to just try score surely he'd only be sending messages to girls.

I found 4 messages, each one was sent to girls and the girls all had really pretty/sexy profile pics.
In my heart I knwo he was doing it to score but I was thinking maybe he was just bored at home and buzzing about with no intent of actually meeting them.

Maybe I am in denial though and shouldn't be giving him the benefit of teh doubt.

I feel sick and shaken by this..

shellyboo

I'd say it's just boredom. He's looking for female attention alright, but it's not intent to cheat in my book. Confront him about it.

kittenkiller

I think it depends to be honest.

Does their job involve sitting in front of a screen for hours on end, where a brief moment of non-work-related interactivity is a welcome break?
Or is he/she legging it in the door, ignoring you to log on to meet new friends?

In the first instance I wouldn't think twice about it, the second however is dangerous territory.

I hope it all gets resolved OP.

LegacyUser

kittenkiller wrote: »

I think it depends to be honest.

Does their job involve sitting in front of a screen for hours on end, where a brief moment of non-work-related interactivity is a welcome break?
Or is he/she legging it in the door, ignoring you to log on to meet new friends?

In the first instance I wouldn't think twice about it, the second however is dangerous territory.

I hope it all gets resolved OP.

Facebook is blocked in his job so he was doing it at home, not in work.

We don't live together either.

I feel so sick by this but maybe I'm over-reacting, that's why I wanted objective opinions.

One of my friends (he's a bloke) is with his gf for 4 years and he loves her but he told me he sometimes buzzes off girls just for attention or cause he's feeling flirty. he said he'd never do anything though and I shouldn't worry.

Another mate of mine (also a guy) said he thinks its seedy and pathetic and he would never do it. he thinks I should end it over this.

I feel so confused.

There's other stuff going on with us at the moment too, we haven't been getting on great, not that this is an excuse, I just mean it's not teh only thing playing on my mind.

I feel drained.

shellyboo

facebookface wrote: »

There's other stuff going on with us at the moment too, we haven't been getting on great, not that this is an excuse, I just mean it's not teh only thing playing on my mind.

This backs up the looking-for-attention theory. If things are crap it's easy to get a little bit of flattery and reinforcement from some random girl online... it's way easier than sorting out the problems in your relationship for a bit of an ego boost.

lolli

I think the internet makes it so easy for people to find other people to flirt with. I think it is mainly for an ego boost or to see if someone else is interested in them. I don't think that everyone who does this would go out and cheat.

Its still a betrayal of your trust but I wouldnt go automatically assuming that he was going to meet up with people behind your back.

thefeatheredcat

Don't take it so seriously... what is with everyone, why is everyone taking what people say on social sites so seriously??

It's part of the Internet, that thing that people go on when they've nowt else to do. Entertainment.

I've had plenty of messages/chats/ims with ppl on net in all sorts of relationship status just because one was bored without any intention on anyone's part of extra marital affairs, flirting, one nighters blah blah.

If ye've an open and honest relationship and it's really bothering you, talk to him about it. There is no point sitting there worrying about what ifs and buts. The sooner you ask the sooner you'll find out.

Where has the trust in relationships really gone these days?

racheypachey

Bebo, myspace, facebook are all sources of conflicts in relationships, If he is messaging random girls it does sound dodgy sure he might not be a cheater but he is looking for attention from other females which is not a good sign. You must talk to him about this!!! communication is always the answer never mind facebook, why cant people "talk" to each other anymore

Beruthiel

I would wonder what exactly is missing in his life that he feels the need to do this.

martdalto

racheypachey wrote: »

You must talk to him about this!!! communication is always the answer never mind facebook, why cant people "talk" to each other anymore

Excellent point! There's been a huge increase of posts here about people messaging/emailing others. And then bf/gf discussing their relationship through texts or MSN etc.

facebookface wrote: »

I just mean it's not teh only thing playing on my mind.



I feel drained.

Don't let things be playing on your mind and draining you.. get them out in the open. What's the absolute worst that can happen?
If you are going to be part of a "grown-up" relationship, then you need to actually SPEAK to each other.

If things are going bad between you at the moment, you have a few choices

1: Ignore them, and hope they'll just fizzle away
2: Ignore them, and hope the relationship just fizzles away
3: TALK ABOUT THEM - and decide to work on them, and your relationship
4: TALK ABOUT THEM - and decide to end the relationship

You cannot seriously have a relationship without communication. If there are things you are unhappy about, but won't discuss then they will fester and grow (possibly out of proportion) until it's too late, and too far gone.

The same goes for him.

Think about what you want from this relationship. Relationships aren't easy. No matter how in love two people are, they will ALWAYS have their tough times. What happens during and after those tough times is down to the two people involved.

If you're young and not that bothered about whether you are a couple anymore, it might be better to just call it a day. If you think that you would feel worse off without him - then talk to him. Discuss everything. Everything that you are unhappy with, or feel is not right in the relationship anymore.

After that, once everything is out in the open, and you both know how the other is truly feeling, you can make a better informed decision as to what happens next.

Nobody on here can really advise you on what's going on with your bf. The only one who knows that is HIM, and the only way you're going to know for sure is to ask him (face to face, not through texts or emails!)

Good Luck, it doesn't have to be the end of the world!

finbarrk

How would he react if you were at it? Would he dump you? You need to ask yourself this.

cafecolour

Well, I think 'harmless' flirting can be part of the fun of being in a secure relationship. For an offline equivalent, if yer at a party with the OH, I prefer to split up and circulate most of the time. Then you can spend time comparing notes aferward

Having said that, there's a difference between a secure relationship with two social people who normally behave like that, and one where one partner suddenly starts doing it when you're having issues. I wouldn't say it's an intent to cheat at all, but it might be a bit above boredom.