i need a name for this mad man

LegacyUser

il try and make this as clear to the point as i can im being tortured by this freak these past few years trying to make me look mad, and make people dislike me or basically do what he can to make my life hell, he is my mothers second husband, he became obsessesed with me some years ago and when i didnt respond to him he took a dislike to me and has done everything in his power to ensure everyone else does the same
but aside from that i try and visit the house to see my poor mam who thinks hes wonderfull and when im there if i dont give him my full attention and conversation he will slam things and make it clear i have to go, my mams a bit soft and thinks he dosnt mean any harm but hes a control freak i cant talk to mam alone or shes not allowed own a phone or answer the house phone so i know il never have a chance to speak to her alone, and if im not nice to him he will not allow me to see her at all, also if i want to ask her anything it basically has to go through him, now hes started telling everyone locally such outragous lies about me and saying i said things about them, this happens when i dont visit in a few weeks but im drove mad by him i cant look at him again
to make matters worse he tells mam i wont visit because im selfish and dont care about her
ive made my mind up to not go back in to see them, but he wont leave me be! he is now spreading the most malicious storys about me and i have people calling me asking what i said about them, i need to know has he a mental disorder or somthing or find a name for him other than psychopath i cant think of anything else.

mood

Could you try to call over when he is not there? Does he work? If you have a boyfriend maybe he could go along with you when you visit.

kelle

My cousins had a similar problem when their mother died. Their father met another woman on the rebound, and she was making rules from the start. They could no longer talk to their father on his own. She was grossly unsympathetic if they came to him with problems, yet she gave full attention to all her children. Her children were rude and spiteful to my cousins.
My cousins are non-confrontational people.

But, years later, they couldn't take it anymore and one of them made an outburst when this woman walked in while she was talking to her dad alone. She explained all of the above. It ended with them all in tears, and this woman promised things would change. It was the best thing that happened, because things are better now between them all.

But I realise you probably can't do similar to that horrible man and for things to come out well. It's awful your mother can't see through him. You may have to arrange to meet her outside of the house, if he'll let her out.

At the end of the day, your mother's an adult and he treats her like that because she allows him to - and she puts him before you.

metrovelvet

I suggest you get your mother a copy of the book "Women Who Love Psychopaths." I have an e-copy if you want it.

And no mods, Im not being glib.

LegacyUser

thanks for your replies i have no chance of seeing my mam at all alone because this waster dosnt work and sends her out to work instead and he drops her off and collects her my mam is a very easy led person, the type of woman who would comply with anyone, shes so vunerable too. id like a copy of that book might help me understand wat kind of nutjob im dealing with this has been going on for 5 years now, and i can honestly say hes getting worse now.

tfak85

perhaps you could call into your mams place of work in the middle of the day while he is not around..
you do need to talk to her alone, even explain the situation to her boss so you get some decent time together.

LegacyUser

the type of job my mam does means thats impossible to do. theres no way to get to her alone ive been thinking of this for 5 yrs now. the mans a deranged freak and he expects me to be nice to him and he will reward me with a half an hour with her and of course him sitting by her side, shes like a dummy saying what he wants to hear.
and he is so nice to me in front of her.

Oh The Humanity

Some sort of intervention is required here. Have you any siblings?

Could you go to her workplace after he has left her off and speak to her alone....

You need to start spreading the word about him and what he is doing. So that when he calls people trying to badmouth you they are ready for him.

Also you need to stop obeying his rules. This part is hard, dont put yourself in danger but don't always comply with everthing he demands. Don't go home when he slams things and makes it clear he want's you to go. Sit there and let him build the pressure and blow his top. Film this on your phone.

He is indeed a psychopath by the sounds of things. The parasitic behaviour I well recognise.

Don't stop calling to your Mother. Keep going there and let him say what he will about you. Your Mothers wellbeing is more important than his attacks on your reputation. If you pre-preare people they will know not to believe him. I know its hard when someone is doing you genuine damage to stand firm but you have to fight him.

You have to expose and disclose. Don't let up telling people what is going on. Keep working on your Mother too. Your visits could be the lifeline she needs.