Can't reach orgasm during sex

LegacyUser

I've got a wonderful boyfriend who is an extremely dedicated lover, he does his best to make me satisfied BUT - I just don't reach orgasm with him.

This is my first serious relationship (I'm 22) but I have had short flings, etc, in the past and didn't get off during sex with them either.

I have reached orgasm with my bf when he gives me oral sex, but only a handful of times, and this is due to direct stimulation of my clit.
It seems that's the only way I can get off. He could thrust into me all day but it's just not "hitting the spot". I find it hard to believe that any woman could get off from the in/out motion, even after hours of foreplay, but is it just me that's different??

I get off straight away every time when I use my vibrator, but the difference is I mostly direct the vibrations to my clit, I rarely put my vibrator inside me. Have I trained myself to enjoy sex in a way that isn't possible to recreate with a man?

Am I doomed to just saying I'm fulfilled by sex forever more while I don't in fact get to orgasm, ever.
I can live with not orgasming, he's incredibly sweet and affectionate and attentive and that's almost enough to make sex worthwhile without the O, it's just a little disheartening when he's cuming so hard and I'm just lying there, wishing I could experience the same.

Perhaps I just think too much into it? My mind always seems to drift off during sex, I try for a while to concentrate on it, picture what's happening but it just doesn't get me off, at the time. Weird thing is, I usually picture our raunchy sex life when I'm using my vibrator and it gets me off straight away, but again, the stimulation is being applied to a different place, and I don't want to go and tell my boyfriend he's doing it all wrong after 6 months of otherwise great sex!

Any advice appreciated. Do other women never get off during sex?? I honestly believe this is a much more common problem, perhaps many don't even realise what they're missing out on, but would love to hear others' opinions.

Wibbs

mayfair9 wrote: »

Have I trained myself to enjoy sex in a way that isn't possible to recreate with a man?

Possibly. OK this is only my humble but here it is....

When guys post here saying that they find it difficult to orgasm through sex with their partner, but have no difficulty getting there on their own, you'll find a line of posters male and female suggesting that he's too used to the hard pressure he gives himself. They advise that he stop masturbating for a while to build up his sensitivity and open up to different stimuli that'll get him there through sex with his partner.

However when women post saying they have similar difficulty like yourself and need a vibrator to get there, the advice is usually very different. And you'll even get women saying it's impossible without one, so forget about that and just introduce it into the bedroom. You'll also get the oft trotted out "fact" that the vast majority of women can't through just intercourse. IMHO this is also dubious. Though seems to depend on age. A woman of 30 generally has much less difficulty getting there regardless of the method IME. I suspect due as much to knowing herself better and being more content and less self conscious.

IMHO I think the advice to men also can apply here equally. You're used to getting very strong stimuli to get to where you need to. Sex by comparison is going to give you less stimuli, different stimuli too. Just like the guy who is very rough with himself. Kinda like if all you ever ate was very spicy food. After a while all you'll taste is the spice and little of the flavours of the food itself. Hell give up salt for a month and see how much more you'll taste the flavour of meat say. I have a mate and she used to take 3 sugars in her tea. Yep 3. She gave that up and now if I stir her tea after it's been in my 1 sugar tea half the time she'll go "euuuw you put sugar in mine"

Do not get me wrong, I do believe sex aids are another flavour in love making and can help a woman get over the barrier of her first orgasm, but IMHO reliance on them will just reinforce that reliance.

Way more women than men can actually get there just by thinking about it with very little or no physical stimulation. So it's possible that you can 'train" your responses that way.

So again IMHO I would lay off the vibe for a while. Indeed try to stop worrying about and aiming for the orgasm. Difficult yes, but if you've stuff on your mind it's a lot harder for women in general to get there. Read an interesting article recently that found that brain scans of women and men at the point of orgasm showed a big difference. Mens brains lit up while a part of women's brains actually shut down. The part that seems to be related with conscious thought and self control etc. It seems as a general rule women need to feel relaxed and free and "carried away" to have one.

Explore each other with no goal in mind. Him too BTW. Take your time. Maybe even suggest both of you try to not orgasm for a week or so. That should help you and him too to learn about all the subtle flavours. It may take time and patience from you both, but IMHO it'll be worth it. Even if you still need more stimulation in the end, you should have both learned more about each other than when you started, so it's wrth a go.

My 2 cents anyway

opinion guy

Also two things pop too mind.

First
DO you know where your own G-spot is ? If not a bit of self exploration may be in order. Its usually descirbed as being 2 inchs upwards an on the inside front wall - your partner can often reach it with a come hither motion of the finger.

Second
Do you try different positions ? Missionary is actually not that good for having the penis hit the Gspot, due to the geometry of it.Doggie say can be better cause the penis comes in at an angle where it hits off the front inside wall

hullaballoo

In contrast to WIbbs' post:

http://upload.ecvv.com/upload/Product/200801/C2007101595826685040_ribrator_cock_ring.jpg

LegacyUser

Wibbs, thanks so much for your advice, it's really helpful to me. I think you are right. I've actually been ill for the past week, so there hasn't been any sex or vibrators for me, and tonight we will be having sex so I'm hoping the week free of orgasms will help me a little, but we'll see.

The vibrator is definitely much stronger than my man when it comes to stimulation, and it's directed exactly where I want the stimulation to be, so that has to make a big difference.

I have a very high sex drive, using my vibrator probably 5 times per week, so laying off it should make changes for me.

And hullaballoo, I guess if Wibbs' advice doesn't work out, I can always settle for yours! :P

Opinion guy, I've never managed to locate my G-spot, though I am extremely aware of myself sexually. To be honest, I've come to accept that the G-spot thing is a bit of a myth. I'm happy enough with clit stimulation that I've never felt the need to *find* more.. My orgasms from my vibrator are mind-blowingly wonderful.

Women, opinions on the G-Spot???


And we try ALL positions, I think we've tried every position known to man and a few others on top of that, and still no luck. I've actually found the missionary better than most other positions when it comes to stimulating my clit, definitely better than doggy, etc. My guy loves having me on top, but this definitely doesn't stimulate my clit, unless I use my fingers, or his.

Anyway, I shall be experimenting with my man tonight.... fingers crossed something mind-blowing happens!

Wibbs

mayfair9 wrote: »

Wibbs, thanks so much for your advice, it's really helpful to me. I think you are right. I've actually been ill for the past week, so there hasn't been any sex or vibrators for me, and tonight we will be having sex so I'm hoping the week free of orgasms will help me a little, but we'll see.

You never know:)

I have a very high sex drive, using my vibrator probably 5 times per week, so laying off it should make changes for me

I'd say so, but it may take some time though.

Opinion guy, I've never managed to locate my G-spot,

Hard enough for a woman to find it herself TBH.

I'm happy enough with clit stimulation that I've never felt the need to *find* more.. My orgasms from my vibrator are mind-blowingly wonderful.

Women, opinions on the G-Spot???

Not a woman:) They vary alright but but I've yet to meet a woman who didn't have one. Or at least didn't get increased sensation from it. Granted a small enough number, but I can't have been that lucky or that good.

I've actually found the missionary better than most other positions when it comes to stimulating my clit, definitely better than doggy, etc.

I would agree defo. Doggie I would say is pretty useless on that score. The CAT position is a very good one. Google is your friend on info there.

Anyway, I shall be experimenting with my man tonight.... fingers crossed something mind-blowing happens!

And it if doesn't don't put pressure on yourself. As I say it can take time and hopefully then one will sneak up on you when you least expect it. Usually how it happens IME.

tfak85

i think it's very normal for women not to hit the O through sex..
try and incorporate your vibe and your boyfriend... get him to get you super hot and close before getting into pen and then use your vibe and see if you can't get there together...


i know a problem myself and my boyfriend have is conflicting schedules, both work wise and body wise, we have to make an effort and find time that suits us both when we are not wrecked from the whole day or what not...

best of luck and just go with it..you can't say you'd be happy not reaching the O with your boyfriend (in any way) and he wouldn't be happy with it either!

LegacyUser

OP here. No luck with the big O yet, but I haven't been using my vibrator either so hoping I'll get there soon..

Any more advice/tips much appreciated!

I know there's no instant cure, but I'm willing to try anything because I really like this guy and want our sex life to be amazing. It already is for him, and I want it to be equally as good for me, without artificial means.

LegacyUser

I hate to rain on the parade but I'm a 35 year old female in my second marriage and I've probably had about 30-40 lovers in the past twenty years yet not one of them have found a g-spot and neither have I.

Some of my friends say they have them, most don't. During intercourse I stimulate my clit with own fingers or use his as well, or just take it in turns to cum. It hasn't been a problem though it always made me laugh when yet another man promised to find it for me. The G must stand for holy Grail.

minidazzler

gspotless wrote: »

I hate to rain on the parade but I'm a 35 year old female in my second marriage and I've probably had about 30-40 lovers in the past twenty years yet not one of them have found a g-spot and neither have I.

Some of my friends say they have them, most don't. During intercourse I stimulate my clit with own fingers or use his as well, or just take it in turns to cum. It hasn't been a problem though it always made me laugh when yet another man promised to find it for me. The G must stand for holy Grail.

I'm so sorry, But I just laughed so hard at this, it is such a thing I would say


OP, just keep at it, as they say, practice makes perfect, and at least with sex the practice is fun!

shellyboo

mayfair9 wrote: »

OP here. No luck with the big O yet, but I haven't been using my vibrator either so hoping I'll get there soon..

Any more advice/tips much appreciated!

I know there's no instant cure, but I'm willing to try anything because I really like this guy and want our sex life to be amazing. It already is for him, and I want it to be equally as good for me, without artificial means.

What if that's not possible? Why are you so against incorporating toys or aids? You say you're willing to try ANYTHING, but you're actually not... you don't want to use tools designed to make orgasm easier.

It just may not be physically possible for your bf to make you orgasm through plain old p-in-v sex. The best lover I ever had couldn't do it for me... we had to use a combination of ways to get me there, but by god did we get me there. You need to really be prepared to do anything and not limit yourself to the basics.

LegacyUser

OP:

Any more advice/tips much appreciated!......

......I've actually found the missionary better than most other positions when it comes to stimulating my clit,

Then try classic missionary but when you're well established and he's well in, get him to take his body weight off you by transferring it onto his toes and arms. This will allow you to straighten your legs dead straight(as if you're in a coffin!!) and his legs to rest outside of yours. Pull him real close and let his weight back onto you and off you go again.

I have found lot of ladies ladies *love* this posn for positive hands-free clit action. Won't work if either of ye are a bit...er... 'stocky' though.

LegacyUser

shellyboo wrote: »

What if that's not possible? Why are you so against incorporating toys or aids? You say you're willing to try ANYTHING, but you're actually not... you don't want to use tools designed to make orgasm easier.

It just may not be physically possible for your bf to make you orgasm through plain old p-in-v sex. The best lover I ever had couldn't do it for me... we had to use a combination of ways to get me there, but by god did we get me there. You need to really be prepared to do anything and not limit yourself to the basics.

OP here. I'm leaving that as a last resort. If you read my original post, I've been using toys for years to get me off. I'm now trying to lay off those for a while, see if I can allow myself to become more sensitive to lighter touches again, and perhaps get off easier, without the extra force the vibrator gives me.

If this doesn't work out, then I'll start looking into toys to make me orgasm during sex, but I'd prefer not to give in that easily. I'm willing to keep trying for another while.

I will say that I do have increased sensitivity already from not using my vibrator, my bf got me off with his fingers quite easily last night where normally it takes forever and I'll end up resorting to vibrator. But having waited a few days, and had sex but not had an orgasm, I came much easier.

Not giving up on the natural way just yet!...

LegacyUser

Unregisteredude wrote: »

OP:


Then try classic missionary but when you're well established and he's well in, get him to take his body weight off you by transferring it onto his toes and arms. This will allow you to straighten your legs dead straight(as if you're in a coffin!!) and his legs to rest outside of yours. Pull him real close and let his weight back onto you and off you go again.

I have found lot of ladies ladies *love* this posn for positive hands-free clit action. Won't work if either of ye are a bit...er... 'stocky' though.

hahaha.. thanks dude! We're not 'stocky' so we'll add that to the 'to do' list..