Moral Dilemma

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Having a bit of a moral dilemma with regard to a situation in work and could do with some insight to it. I'm going to try and keep it vague though.

Basically I'm in a very stressful job. I'm on a salary but often work twice the amount of hours that I get paid for. I have no major problem with this as I knew this when I signed up for it. It does mean that I rarely get home before 10 or 11pm and I often work weekends too. I love the job, but it does take up a lot of my extra time and I don't get any thanks for it.

Anyway over the last year I've done a lot of work for a company and recently they gave me an item and told me I could give it away in a competition or something. When they actually gave me the item they said I could do whatever I wanted with it. That was two months ago and it has been in my drawer since because, when I told my friends and family about it, they told me I should keep it. Many of my coworkers have gotten free gifts from companies; clothes, drinks, gig tickets, but I have gotten nothing.

I do want to take it but I don't at the same time. It's an expensive item, around €150, but at the same time I know my coworkers have received gifts worth much more money and taken them without a second thought. It's just the fact that the other company originally said I could give it away in the competition and then said I could do whatever I wanted with it. They haven't mentioned it since despite me doing a large amount of work with them since.

I don't know what to do; give the item away or keep it for myself. Not one person has told me to give it away. Everyone thinks I should keep it but I don't think it's that easy. Everyday that I think about it the issue seems to get bigger and bigger.

Thanks for any advice.

LegacyUser

Hi Op,

it funny how things like this can really play on your mind and cause so much anxiety.

This might sound weird, but i dont feel that you should take the item, its kind of what it has come to represent, like a few appreciative words toward you would probably mean a lot more, i just feel that you are better than that gift and it only a thing, for the sake of yourself i would give it to a charity or something, this way you will give it to something really positive and you will get a lovely feeling back from that act, where if you keep the item you will have a new gift but prob wont feel any good feelings from it, and will wonder if there is any resentment toward you for keeping it.

its a pity your job does not recognize individuals with a few kind words when they do a lot of work rather than giving gifts to certain people and others feeling left out,

In the future if i was you i would not place so much energy on wanting the gifts, as long as you know you are working hard and you are happy that is the main thing, if you feel you are putting in too much over time and not getting paid just pull back a bit and balance your life up a bit, if you become completely defined by your job then you will ony experience one side of yourself, it sounds very competitive in there like your all competing for teachers attention to be the best, it is not healthy to be in that, if you change your attitude to this and just start to appreciate other things otherwise you will just feel lore hard dome by.

jimmycrackcorm

they said I could do whatever I wanted with it

They gave you the answer.

CDfm

I imagine that they phrased it that way so that it could be a donation of some sort rather than a taxable payment or benefit in kind.

No worries on that score.

mdebets

Could you please clarify, who gave you the present?Was it the company who employs you, or one of your customer or suppliers?

If it is the first, then there should be no problem with keeping it.
If it is the second, you need to treat very carefully, as your company might have a code of conduct that forbids taking presents from customers or suppliers.

wylo

Your post is a bit confusing but im guessing they gave you something and you dont know whether to give it away in a competition because they said that, or keep it like they also said. I think they were probably hinting for you to keep it but just had to be more official by telling you to give it away in a competition at the start. Just keep it, they wont care, theyve probably forgotten about it,theyve already said do whatever you want with it,and you said theyve given away loads of stuff to other co workers.
Just take the hint and keep it, I dont really see what the issue is unless youve seen all the other workers give it away in a competition.

opinion guy

To be honest this catches my attention more than your dilemma

Basically I'm in a very stressful job. I'm on a salary but often work twice the amount of hours that I get paid for. I have no major problem with this as I knew this when I signed up for it. It does mean that I rarely get home before 10 or 11pm and I often work weekends too. I love the job, but it does take up a lot of my extra time and I don't get any thanks for it.

Been there, done that. Would never do it again. I'd start looking for a job that pays by the hour.

thefeatheredcat

I think you have the moral dilemma about it because you have worked so hard and haven't been officially recognised/awarded for your efforts. Instead, you were offered something which has turned into being as a merit without the fanfare.

I think you've earned the right to keep it, but I think you are uncomfortable about the receipt of it - it hasn't been given to you officially as a reward or in that intended way and that can make one uneasy.

I would be cautious - if its intention is recognition for your efforts in a quiet way then take it as that. If you feel that accepting it makes you uncomfortable for whatever reason (being in someone's pocket, seen to be being dishonest, conflicting code of ethics etc) than raffle it off. I'm assuming with all the extra work you could be going for a better position - you never know they might ask you about it in the future, it could be some sort of test to see if you're up to the working material that they want for the next promotion.

If in doubt, do what you think is right, no matter whatever anyone else says. Often being in doubt speaks for itself and having this bother you is a clear indication you're not happy with it.

CokaColumbo

The people who gave you the item told you to do whatever you want with it. You are perfectly entitled to keep it. In a sense, the people gave it to you as a gift.