In love with a woman in work

LegacyUser

Ok just gonna dive right in here and hopefully someone can give me advice.

I'm 19 year old female currently working and in college. Been working in the same place for 4 years now and I think I'm in love with one of my female co-workers. But there's just so many things wrong with that cos

1) I'm single; she's in a long term relationship with another man
2) I'm 19, she's 29
3) I'm straight (?), she's straight (?)

I'm not a lesbian and I'd barely class myself as bisexual because..well I would never want to get involved with women. I get on great with women and have a lot of female friends...I find them easier to talk to than men, and yes I can appreciate female beauty but I'm never sexually attracted to any women, wheras I am to men. And I've had plenty of male crushes in the past!! So I don't even think I'm bi. She's with a man at the moment but she's kissed girls in the past and she loves the whole gay scene (she has a lot of gay friends) so maybe she's bi - I don't know.

So why the hell do I think I'm in love with this woman if I don't like women? Well she's the one exception. She's the one female I've ever had the urge to kiss and not even that I just want to be with her all the time. When I first met her at work and I felt this way, I thought it was just a silly weird crush, and I thought I'd grow out of it. But the more I got to know her, the more I wanted her. Now she hasn't a clue - we're just friends to her. After all she has a boyfriend and she's seen me with other guys. Strangely, I do think she sees me as a pretty close friend - like more so than our other co workers who shes known for much longer. And whenever we have nights out we're the ones who end up getting drunk and she's always hugging me and kissing me on the cheek and everything.

Anyway, I really don't know what to do. It's driving me crazy - I literally can't stop thinking about her. She's the last thing on my mind at night and the first thing I think of when I wake up. What am I supposed to do? Should I tell her? Should I leave work to avoid her and try to move on?

This has been going on for almost 4 years now. In this space of time there have been men I've liked...and if I hadn't ever met this girl I would've considered a few of these guys boyfriend material. But it's only in comparison to how I feel about her that I realise I don't love these guys at all. Wheras I do think I love her.

t-ha

Proposition her and her partner. Sometimes you just need to screw and move.

Zaph

t-ha wrote: »

Proposition her and her partner. Sometimes you just need to screw and move.

And sometimes you just need to read what the charter has to say about unhelpful posts.

opinion guy

OP

Have you ever considered that maybe its an admiration thing ? Maybe you see this woman as a role model and someone to emulate ?

I mean personally i once had the experience where a female friend was very much being a support for me. I felt like i was in love with her. so after much agonising i told her. she freaked out and it all got messy (not in the least cos she turned out to be a sociopath (no not throwing the word around - i really believe she is mildly sociopathic).

ANYHOW - the point is within days of telling her. I actually realised I didn't love her. I was even kind of relieved that she didn't say it back. I eventually I came to realise I loved her as a friend - which was a new experience to me and had confused me cos my brain had never experienced that before i didn't no what to do with and assume dI was romantically in love with her - which i wasn't

Do u think something like this might be at play ?

LegacyUser

opinion guy wrote: »

OP

Have you ever considered that maybe its an admiration thing ? Maybe you see this woman as a role model and someone to emulate ?

I mean personally i once had the experience where a female friend was very much being a support for me. I felt like i was in love with her. so after much agonising i told her. she freaked out and it all got messy (not in the least cos she turned out to be a sociopath (no not throwing the word around - i really believe she is mildly sociopathic).

ANYHOW - the point is within days of telling her. I actually realised I didn't love her. I was even kind of relieved that she didn't say it back. I eventually I came to realise I loved her as a friend - which was a new experience to me and had confused me cos my brain had never experienced that before i didn't no what to do with and assume dI was romantically in love with her - which i wasn't

Do u think something like this might be at play ?

I thought this at the start...that it was just that I wasn't used to someone being so nice to me, and that I just admired her. But after a few years the feeling just kept getting stronger. As I said, I've been fortunate to meet some great guys and one in particular I probably would have thought I could have something serious with - I thought about him a lot, loved being with him, he was kind, funny etc. But my feelings for this girl at work really blows that right out the window - it was nothing compared to her.

And funnily enough, if you knew me you'd be shocked - I'm not an emotional girl. I don't believe in fate/soul mates, I don't take myself or anything else too seriously - I'm quite laid back. And I wouldn't throw the word love around because I believe half the people who say they're in love (especially at my age) aren't.

I'm good at hiding these feelings when I'm around her - and I don't mope around the place when I'm with other people. But when I'm on my own and don't have to worry about people noticing, I get so sad cos I miss her so much. It's gotton to a stage where I actually have this weird feeling in my stomach when I think about how I miss her. I didn't even think that could happen; I thought it was just a stupid cliche about love!!

So from the above poster, I'm guessing telling her wouldn't be a good idea, as she'd probably freak out.