I'm pretty much heart broken and sick inside

markus schulz

Not so long ago I met someone in work, someone I felt attracted to very much, and I plucked up the courage to talk to her. Actually, I always have courage to talk to a girl, but when she is quite attractive, then I take it easy.

(I AM NOT A GOOD LOOKING MALE, but I feel like I can say the right things no matter what, most of the time.)

She is not a native of this country, and english is not her strongest language, but I can understand most of if not all of what she says. Anyways, we got on like a house on fire, always talking, going for lunch, being a pair basically. It got really serious really fast, talking about the future and everything.

I was crazy about her and still am, and I felt certain she felt the same and she made it clear that she wanted to be with me, relationshipwise.

Then she tells me, it's got too serious, we need to be friends first for whatever time it takes.

Ouch, what did I miss. Did I say something wrong? Do something wrong? get too emotional? Is this just a phase she is in? What changed her mind just like that?

She had said that she likes to talk, but feels that any relationship we would have would be over so fast because of the language barrier.

Now, I feel like crap. Like my heart has dropped, and that the feelings I feel for this girl have been for nothing.

I have asked her so many questions about "us", and she is this close to telling me to go away for good.

What can I do?

LegacyUser

I think you need to just be her friend. If she has made it clear that she is not interested in having something serious with you right now and you keep asking her about "us" you will drive her away.
Stay friends, and se what happens

markus schulz

I will be like everyone else around, and not mean anything to her. I don't want to be just a friend considering what we have done and said.

WellyJ

You were far too keen and she got bored.

markus schulz

She was keen too, more than I was infact, a lot more. Within a day it just folded completely.

WellyJ

markus schulz wrote: »

She was keen too, more than I was infact, a lot more. Within a day it just folded completely.

That doesnt matter though. If you are too keen so early on in a relationship (if thats what it was?) she will get bored. Remember that for the next time!

markus schulz

that can i do to change that? what can i do to make everything the way it was?

shellyboo

You can't. Sounds like she was messing you around, tbh. She liked the attention and the fairy tale idea of a relationship, but then realised she doesn't actually want to be with you - and so she's giving you (ridiculous) excuses about the language barrier.

Think about it OP - if you really liked someone, would the fact that you don't speak their language stop you going for it? Of course it wouldn't. So the logical answer is that she doesn't really like you, unfortunately.

Let her off, don't go chasing her. Hold your head high and walk away.

markus schulz

I forgot to add that she is in a long term relationship already. Most of the people who work with us know him very well. Why would she jeopardise this, unless she wanted something?

Wibbs

Hang on she's with someone else? Eh no scrape her off for that reason alone. If she's willing to cheat with you, she'll be willing to cheat on you. Secondly, like others have said you got too heavy too quickly. Forget about what she did too. It's possible you misread the signals. You say you were acting like a pair. Did this get physical? Snogging or more? If not you were in friendzone from the start. If stuff did happen and she's in a LTR, with a guy well known to co workers, then she's way too emotionally dangerous to get involved with on any level.

ash23

OP, did anything actually happen with you? Physically I mean?
Did you ever kiss or have sex?

shellyboo

markus schulz wrote: »

I forgot to add that she is in a long term relationship already. Most of the people who work with us know him very well. Why would she jeopardise this, unless she wanted something?

Dude, stop being so naive. She liked the attention and the excitement. You clearly have her up on a pedestal when in fact she has the morals of an alley cat. Planning a future with another guy when she already has a boyfriend? Is that the kind of girl you'd even want to be with?

Seriously, she's not as great as you think she is. Scrape her off.

Wagon

markus schulz wrote: »

I forgot to add that she is in a long term relationship already. Most of the people who work with us know him very well. Why would she jeopardise this, unless she wanted something?

you got involved with a women already in a long term relationship. And you were really keen on your future together while she was cheating on him with you...It's your own bloody fault really. Leave her (for your own sanity) and maybe read between the lines next time.

markus schulz

She is not loving her partner anymore, and don't think it will work out between them.

Wibbs

So what? If I "stop loving a partner" it doesn't happen overnight and I don't wait around for a replacement to take over. Some do of course but they're generally immature or selfish(there are exceptions). Secondly I don't lead some bloke on in my work where it's sure to get back to the partner, that's called dumb and selfish. Or of course she's BSing you and wants it to get back to her bloke. That can be common enough with eejits.

I note you haven't expanded on what actually happened in the physical sense. Going for lunch and talking means jack. I go for lunch and talk with my mates and I'm not in a relationship with them. If you haven't snogged or done other actual couple things then you were in friendzone from the start.

Chucky the tree

What excactly happened? Because os far the picture I'm forming is that you hung around together, got on well like friends but nothing every happened. You then turn a bit stalkerish/obsessive and go on about "us" and the "future" and then she runs like Usian Bolt. Hardly blame the girl.

opinion guy

markus schulz wrote: »

She is not loving her partner anymore, and don't think it will work out between them.

Also remember - talk is cheap. People like this will say crap like this in order to string along those gullible enough to believe them - in this case you. She is taking advantage of you, whether intentionally or not. Personally, I just wouldn't even bother with this kind of person.

You CAN do better mate

Wibbs

Or he may have convinced himself something was happening when it wasn't. Gullible can run both ways. She may have had little to do with it.

Liam Byrne

Wibbs wrote: »

Or he may have convinced himself something was happening when it wasn't. Gullible can run both ways. She may have had little to do with it.

+1. When people are in a relationship, they can be a lot more comfortable around others; it's a variation of the "looking for something" being less attractive, and "not looking" being more attractive.

And if someone's in a relationship, then they're not looking; and they can be a lot more tactile and friendly, particularly if they're aware that the person they're talking to knows about the relationship, which the OP did.

So she has a new friend, while - despite her being in a relationship - he gets ideas.

Did she like the attention ? Probably, but then who doesn't ? Most of us just wouldn't act on it, and like I said if we knew the other person knew about the relationship, we wouldn't reckon we were leading the other person on.

opinion guy

Good points guys. But I get the impression form OP's post that something did happen.

Can you clarify OP - did anything happen ? We can probably help you a little better if we know