Shes not acting like a girlfriend

LegacyUser

We've been going out since August, but seeing each other and exclusive since April. I was away for the summer but we started dating upon my return. For the first month it was great fun, always hanging out having a laugh, sex was frequent and good etc etc

Now that college is back, for the last month, things have just gotten really really boring. 2 weeks ago I got tired of this, and her making no effort in terms of texting me first or organising time for us to hang out and I went to break up with her. We decided we'd go on a break, because neither of us wanted to break up, but we acknowledged things had gotten boring and **** basically, sex was non existent and stuff.

A week after this, we met in a nightclub, and had a chat. She had been with 2 guys (kissed, and we had said it was ok to do this so I wasnt pissed off) in the week and said that that was her 'getting it out of her system' because she hates the idea of going out KNOWING she cant score anyone, even if she doesnt nessecarily want to. She also explained how being a girlfriend is really a new thing to her and she finds it hard sometimes cos this is her first kind of serious relationship.

She also said after that, that she loved me so much which is a huge thing for her because shed never have been a big feeling person before she met me. So we spent the night together and spent the whole day in bed just chilling out the next day. We decided we'd get back together.

Since then, things have just gone back to the way they were. Its ALWAYS me that has to text her first and see if she wants to do stuff. I feel that if I dont text her, things will just die out and I really dont want that.

SHE DOESNT LIKE ME GOING OUT TO CLUBS WITH HER which really bugs me. Its not as if I want to go out all the time with her and her friends but I get on really really well with her mates and this bothers her a bit. She says that she feels Ive 'infiltrated' most of her life, which I feel is a bit rough and weird....

I dont know what to do. We know things are going to end in May because shes going away all next year, so I just want to have fun with her for the year. Im in love with the girl. But things just arent fun now.
It doesnt make me feel good, that I always have to text her first, that we rarely hang out because I often dont ask incase I seem needy, and her sex drive is ZERO.

I dont think Im over-reacting, but what do you guys think of this situation. Thanks alot for reading.

ManOfMystery

This girl is not ready for an adult relationship. She had her fun with you, and not that your relationship has gotten more serious she doesn't want to know - she simply wants you there when she needs you, but clearly wants to have a single life too with doesn't involve you.

Any adult relationship involves compromises. Yes you give up on being able to go out and potentially score anyone, but you gain so much more. Whilst it's healthy for people in relationships to have nights out without their partner, I don't think it's normal for them to want that ALL the time or to exclude their partner from every night out which involves their friends.

IMO you should move on ...... she's not mature enough yet for this.

opinion guy

Let me guess ? You are about 19 ?

Shes not putting in any effort. She quite clearly doesn't want to be exclusive. Wants to have her cake and eat it too if you will allow me a cliche.
Hmm u could even say she is taking advantage of you.

So I think dump her and find someone who appreciates you cos she will just continue to melt your head.

Faith

You've been going out since August and things are boring already? That's not a good sign. IMO the honeymoon period usually lasts about 3 months. She doesn't sound mature enough for a relationship. You're just going to get more hurt if you keep going with her.

Oh The Humanity

She is lazy. She is letting you do it all because its all coming easy to her and 'why not?' thinks she.

She doesn't want you coming to clubs with her because she wants attention from other guys and more.

You might ask yourself what can you do?

Well the answer is nothing. You can lead a horse to water etc
If she is not willingly and actively doing half the work then you can't make her. Her attitude could well be 'well, why should I bother, he'll do it' ot she may just not realise this is required of her, which doesn't excuse it.

Funny enough if someone else turned her head enough she may well then jump up and snap into action. So beware of trying to 'teach her' or make excuses for her. She knows deep down regardless.

I am going to say I think she is a spoilt little madam that is taking you for granted.

Its up to you whether you want to put up with it.

G-Money

Hmmm, sounds like this is coming to its end and if you aren't careful you'll come across as needy and clingy.

It's easy for me to say this as I'm not in your shoes, but if looking at it from an unattached viewpoint, if someone isn't making an effort to stay in contact with me and I'm the one doing all the "running" so to speak, I'd just let it go.

I wouldn't necessarily cut them out of my life but I would make zero effort to initiate anything. And even if they did make an effort, I could still feel fairly apathetic about it.

She sounds like she wants to be single, so I say let her. Just leave her be and go out with other girls. Show her you aren't wrapped around her little finger (which you kind of are at the moment it seems). Show that you are willing to walk away and you know, she's not the only girl out there. Once the crazy fog clears, you'll see lots of much hotter girls around the place.

Also, in about 6 months after this has all finished you'll be looking back wondering who the hell that person was who put up with all that. So just leave it. She obviously wasn't that cut up about being finished as she managed to snog two other guys in a super short space of time.

I say you just leave it alone and don't bother getting in touch and see what happens. In the meantime, try and focus on something else.

sunnysunshine

I have been in a similar situation. I would have been the girl in your relationship. You said two things which I think are pretty important:

"She also said after that, that she loved me so much which is a huge thing for her because shed never have been a big feeling person before she met me."

"We know things are going to end in May because shes going away all next year"

I think that as she knows that she will be away from you for a year, she is afraid to get to attached to you. That's why she acts so weird. At least that was the reason why I was "acting" weird as I did not want to give someone the power to hurt me so much. I have never been much of a feeling person myself, that was one of the reasons why I got scared that I had so strong feelings for that one person, which I knew I would have to leave soon. And before someone asks no, I am not 19.

Wibbs

OK it may well be for the reasons sunnysunshine gives and they are understandable reasons. They're not excuses though if she keeps you in her life. If your current GF isn't bereft of a spine, insight, manners and brains and feels like this then she should simply think of someone other than herself and leave you alone. Not keep you as an emotional/sexual topper upper until she leaves the country.

If its for some other reason, like she doesn't know what she wants, is afraid of commitment etc, blah blah, then equally she shouldn't be using you as a comforter while she figures herself out.

In both cases it's selfcentredness at play.

Anyway, you know what? It doesnt and shouldn't matter to you her reasons. Her reasons are her own. I would be asking how this is affecting me, how this is not what I want, how this is not healthy for me. What her actions are saying. If she's not including you in her life, if she's going away in a while, if she's not putting in the effort(a night of nookie isn't effort BTW), if she's not willing to meet halfway, then why do you want to be around someone like that. No face is so pretty, no bum is so pert, that makes that stress worthwhile.

LegacyUser

OP here

Ended things today, we hadnt spoken all week really. It was mutual but Im still in bits thinking about all the really really good times we had together and the good times we could have had but now we wont get to

We did part on good terms, both agreeing that we were more than likely going to end up in one anothers beds over the course of the coming college year more than once (both in same college, bump into each other alot) so thats kinda good.

I was beginning to resent her for not being what Id consider to be a good girlfriend which isnt really fair to her so I think it is for the best, even if the pain in my heart suggests otherwise.

Thanks to everyone for advice and general helpfullness.

SheRa

murphcork88 wrote: »

We did part on good terms, both agreeing that we were more than likely going to end up in one anothers beds over the course of the coming college year more than once (both in same college, bump into each other alot) so thats kinda good.

No no no its not good.

It means that you still hang on to the hope that you guys will sleep together and maybe she'll develop more feelings for you and you'll get back together. Thats going to be really really hard for you. Dont you deserve more? How about a GF that doesn't want to kiss other men, a GF that doesn't want to live the single life while still having a boyf?

Stu77

Don't be a Doormat mate, onwards and upwards.