I'm dumb/stupid or too slow

LegacyUser

Hi,

I just got in from work, I work crazy hours until the middle of the night sometimes, or the middle of the day from the middle of the day before that. I work in a 5 star environment. Where you're on stage all the time, customers, managers and colleagues are always looking at you . Always. Every move is noticed.

I get bad reports from my manager now, where once they were good. He says I'm not accurate enough these days and wants to know what has happened. I work with people on a daily basis, which requires preparation, I have to have a well-ironed and washed pristine uniform, perfect hair and perfect make up. I'm a girl. The only reason I got this job was because the manager said in the outset that I am a very attractive girl and that's exactly what they want.

So I have very low self esteem since this other girl came along, she didn't like me from the outset. The day she came in I tried to make her feel at home. She'd made that bit of effort then began to snarl at me. When nobody was around she'd answer me back snappy and cheeky. She's from USA. I tried my best to get along with her but she just didn't budge. she's nice to the men around us , and is a horrible person to me. I'm jazzy, have a nice personality, can have a laugh and make others smile a lot. But she just came along, and is making me feel like I need to try harder, because she annoys me. It's making me miserable, I used to love my job, now I dread the idea of setting foot in the door. Everything about her annoys me, but mostly because she doesn't like me, and without reason, I'm so nice to everyone, I make efforts to be kind and help people out.

I'm going mad. I don't know what to do.

Handsome Bob

That sounds like one horrid profession you have there OP. Your boss said from the outright that he hired you because you are very attractive and now you're being bullied by some nut job. None of these people have any respect for you OP, I know that you said you love the job but you can't keep working in this environment.

Give it a few weeks. Something your boss and your new colleague share in common is that they think you can do better or try harder. So just try your best for next few weeks or so, and if they are still being insufferable then you can either a) make a complaint or b) walk away.

If you go with a) make sure you document everything that is being said by whom, on what day, in what context and at what time.

ogriofa

of course these are only suggestions, not recommendations...

I look at this scenario as a bully scenario. She thinks you're too nice and that she can get away with being a d1ck to you on the sly. If you were to take her down a peg or two it would tame her nastiness.

Some people just need to be pulled up on stuff. It's like you have to break their attitude towards you.
So if something pops up in work, pull her up on it. And dont be too considerate of her feelings. Be hard on her.
Don't make this a regular thing though - you'll end up being the d1ck Just on one or two occasions, pull her.
Play her at her own game.
Let her know that she cant get away with that with you.

That's what I'd do anyway.

Hate that stuff - hope you get it sorted!

LegacyUser

Op I feel very sorry for you, it sounds like you are working in a terrible environment. I too have worked in environments where people have been unprofessional, nasty and had no respect for me and it's just not worth it, it gets you down and destroys your confidence.

It's shocking that your boss told you that he hired you because you're attractive, unless you are working as model that is a highly inappropriate and disrespectful thing to say.

You sound like you are working horrific and illegal hours. You can't be expected to be precise when you are working these hours, no one would be.

You co worker sounds like a nasty piece of work. I have no idea what she thinks she's playing at with you but it sounds like she has some serious issues!

I really think you should make a complaint about both your boss and your co workers, people shouldn't be able to get away with kind of behavior, it shouldn't go unchallenged. Other then this I think you should start looking for a new job, it may be a tough time to be finding a new job at the minute but I really think you'd be better of out of this even if it means taking a pay cut for a while in another job.

LegacyUser

Thank you for the replies.

I'm looking for a new job. I woke up this morning and was feeling like utter crap about myself within minutes.

I was thinking, she and her attitude can win this, it's not even a battle. The others will see it as if I gave up, but I'm annoyed. I'm so fed up of it now. her mere presence annoys me, my manager said to me "well she's working hard", comparing my performance with hers.

I've started applying for a new job elsewhere. I'll just have to learn to deal with this on my own for the time being. I'll document anything relevant should needs be , but I don't feel like fighting this any longer.

kmick

Are you her boss or is she a peer?

LegacyUser

Hi there, thank you for the reply, I am "senior" staff member comparative to her, she just got in the door whereas I've been here some time now.

davmol

OP you should cause some serious trouble for her if you find a new job that you are considering moving to.No person should be allowed get away with whatever she has put you though,if you are as you say you are,a nice person andkind to others you should make life hell for her for your last month.Ive worked in jobs in the past with people like that who are intenton causing sh1t in a work place where the opposite should be the case.Why would anyone want problems in a place they have to spend a third of their day in andprobably many yeas of their life.Youd think people would want the easy life and have no tension or bad atmosphere in a place theyve to attend almost every day.

Let her know how it feels to have an enemy in teh workplace who causes problems and she'll think twice about her behaviour again.

LegacyUser

Thanks Davmol for that inspirational post, you see, I don't normally run away from things, but this seems to be soemwhat a case I can't win if the superiors already think he's great. Looks like it's probably a case of out with the old and in with the new, but it's not like I got fat or anything! I'm always making a horrific amount of money from people, we each have a small box where we put our shift's-worth of tips into, and mine is always full of five and ten euro notes (which I may carry in my pocket from now on). I roll out of work not needing to go to the ATM for days, and i'm not blowing smoke up my chimney, I'm merely stating that this is how people appreciate kindness and a good attitude where I work. I thought for a while that maybe she saw this and didn't like it, I make a lot more than she does in tips but very similar in a wage pack. But this was never ever mentioned by anyone, but everyone knows.

I don't know if it's the money or that attitude or just her way of dealing with fellow females, but I'm not fighting this. And if I do find another job, I'll be taking her outside for a breath of fresh air to talk to her. I've tried to be nice with her, being myself wasn't suitable so I completely ignore her, and now that works much better. If I end up leaving for definite, I'll hand in my notice but ask that I do my last shift without anyone knowing it's my last.

There are people like that in every job, OP. Especially in the 'hospitality' industry, for some reason. I worked with this b*tch who snapped at me, put me down and embarrassed me in front of customers for no reason. She said because I was slow and had no initiative, but it slowly came out that I was doing a lot better than any of the other interns, and she wasn't bullying them. I stopped being so nice, started snapping back and playing her at her own game and the bullying tapered off. She decided she liked me in the end and said she was mean because she was jealous that I was thinner (wtf like) and well liked by the other staff. Some people are just that insecure. This type of person also tends to see niceness and friendliness as a weakness which is what makes it so impossible for a normal person to understand them. The nicer you are, in an effort to get along, the more they think you're an idiot. That's probably what has happened with your co-worker.

Snowie

One thing you said was trying...

When ever some one trys they fail... please don't take this the wrong way.
because you sound increably cool but did you ever notice this watching some sort of match between the two teams...

the winner always said, we knew what we had to do went out and did it, the lossers' alway's say we tried are best....

How about you quit trying to be miss nice to the girl whos the Ice queen to you? and give her a taste of her own medcine dont talk to her make no effort if she say's hi say hi back, comepletely blank her, and watch for the changes in her. atitude. some times i think you have to fight fire with fire. I think this is a perfect example....

Step to... sike your self up for work tomorow go in on a mission to do every single job better then her. Show you are a force to be regoned with and do it you did it in the past you can do it again...

Lots of people say ya no hopitality buisness is cut throat it is I hate it fromt he point of veiw of a chef ist a night mare. You need to look past it all and open up your inner mojow and remind your self that you are good at your job.

stop trying and just go in there on one mission to do your job. and do it as good as you allways have. dont let the ice queen knock you off just because shes got her own problems cleerly probably threatined bye you.

Kick ass


well ther emy thaoughts


Oh and quit with negitive vibes about your self you got the job over other people just incase you forgot that so a bit of self beleaf is in order of the day

opinion guy

her mere presence annoys me, my manager said to me "well she's working hard", comparing my performance with hers.

Right. So I would totally ignore this. Your manager sounds like a c*ck. Look some managers think that pitting employees against each other is the best way to motivate them to work harder. He has probably told this girl the exact same thing - probably told her that you were the standard to live up to. That could even be why this girl has adopted this attitude to you.

CeNedra

Based on what you are saying it sounds like this is bullying. The best approach to bullying is a direct one.

Step 1: Tell her straight out that you do not appreciate her attitude towards you and if it continues you will take action.
Step 2: Document, document and document again. Times places and who said what.
Step 3: If you can get witnesses to nasty statements/comments you will be made up.
Step 4: Tell your manager that you are aware that your performance has slipped and it is due to comments from this person. That you are aware that it needs to be dealt with and that you are dealing with it. However, if you cannot resolve it you alone will be looking to them for help in the not distant future.
Step 5: Escalate quickly if no improvement.

The reality is that you are at a higher level in the organisation but you are letting this girl bully you and that is effecting your performance. This is not an unusual effect when somebody is being bullied.

If you do not see an improvement escalate quickly and deal with the issue head on. Doing nothing is letting this girl manage you out of the organisation. If that's what you want fine, but you probably would like to stay in current job if you didn't have her around.
Don't let somebody else dictate your career. If you want to leave let it be at a time that suits you. Otherwise, try to find it in you to take the bull by the horns so to speak and tackle the issue head on. You may be surprised by how well it goes.

Caveat: My experience is all in US multinationals who play by the HR book to a T. I don't have experience of service industry nor Irish companies so my advise could be unsuitable for your environment. I hope it can help you in some way. Best of luck!!

LegacyUser

Thank you for the replies and the insight.

I'm going to give it one g,re'm f here in her company, if she does anything, I'm confronting her. I have spent the bones of the last couple of days thinking of it. But here's the problem, If I leave this place because of her, I won't be able to look at my CV again and be proud of another achievement but it'll be a failure. If I get no joy from that I'll be going to the managers to ask for advice, then checking out my HR approach.

Zaph

notworkingout wrote: »

I'm going to give it one g,re'm f here in her company, if she does anything, I'm confronting her.

Sorry OP, do you want to repost this, I've no idea what you're trying to say.

LegacyUser

I'm sorry, I have no idea what happened with the typing there! I basically wrote I was going to give it one more day, and I did, she ignores me, I ignore her now. I don't even look at her, yet she looks at me when she walks by, I don't know what way this is going to end up .