He choose his friends over me

LegacyUser · 13-10-2009 8:15am #1

Hi Guys,

I've been with my boyfriend (well, ex now) for 5 years. We both grew up in the same City but I moved to a different City 6 months ago due to work. The long distance thing has been working out fgreat. We see each other most weekends or every second weekend and teh time apart has made us really miss and appreciate each other....or so I thought.

Last weekend a mutual friend of ours turned 30 and was throwing a party in Dublin (where he lives). Neither of us have much money and although I really wnated to go, I knew I had to be good and save my pennys. On Wednesday afternoon he told me that he decided not to go to the party and instead to come visit me. We said we'd cook dinner, play computer games, drink cheap wine and have lots of sex. I was looking forward to it. Also, I'm going away next week for 2 weeks so if I didn't see him, then we wouldn't see each other for 3 weeks which to em is a long time.

On Friday afternoon I asked him what time he was planning on coming here and did he want anything in particular for dinner. He said that he'd changed his mind and was going to the session so he'd just see me in 2 weeks instead. I got really really angry with him and told him I felt he was letting me down, that I'm not high enough on his priorities list and that I thought he was being selfish. He said it's not a crime to be indecisive and that he wanted to go to the party cause it was a good friend of his.

I told him I didn't mind him going to a party, we live in different cities and often go to parties without each other. I was annoyed that I'd told this friend I wouldn't be going, I'd bought ingredients for dinner for us and was looking forward to seeing him cause I hadn't seen him in a week and wouldn't for another 2 weeks.

He said I was being nagging, demanding and needy.

So I broke up with him.

He textd me yesterday saying he was wrecked cause he went on a mad session all weekend long.

I told him that was his choice over hanging out with me so not to expcet a shred of sympathy. I also told him I was with someone else this weekend and to f*ck off and not contact me again.

Did I overreact or wa she being a d*ck?
I feel like he was pushing me to break up with him.
Surely if you're mad about a girl you'd want to spend time with her and waiting 3 weeks would seem quite long, no?

Moomoo1 · 13-10-2009 8:23am

I would say you overreacted. He didn't act in a very considerate way, but telling someone that you just went off with someone else isn't very nice...

ash23 · 13-10-2009 8:35am

You might have been right to be a bit annoyed with him for letting you down at the last minute. But to dump him, tell him you were with someone else etc, thats just childish.
Seems like you don't actually want to break up with him? In which case then surely it would have been better for you to explain that you were hurt etc and take some time to cool off before explaining it.
You are now not going to see him for 3 weeks, you've dumped him and told him you've been with someone else.
Sort it out quicksmart, in a mature and reasonable manner. Otherwise I can imagine what he will end up doing in those 3 weeks! And you'd have nobody to blame but yourself.

LegacyUser · 13-10-2009 8:55am

ash23 wrote: »

You might have been right to be a bit annoyed with him for letting you down at the last minute. But to dump him, tell him you were with someone else etc, thats just childish.
Seems like you don't actually want to break up with him? In which case then surely it would have been better for you to explain that you were hurt etc and take some time to cool off before explaining it.
You are now not going to see him for 3 weeks, you've dumped him and told him you've been with someone else.
Sort it out quicksmart, in a mature and reasonable manner. Otherwise I can imagine what he will end up doing in those 3 weeks! And you'd have nobody to blame but yourself.

Sort it out quicksmart, in a mature and reasonable manner. Otherwise I can imagine what he will end up doing in those 3 weeks! And you'd have nobody to blame but yourself.[/QUOTE]

That's not a very nice thing to say.

I was hurting this weekend, feeling very low on his list of priorites and it's not the first time he's let me down in this way. It was my birthday in May and he forgot all about it. He didn't even come visit me or send me a text yet for his friends birthday he's willing to cancel plans with me at the last minute and not see me for 2 weeks.

I did kiss a guy on Friday but it was just a silly kiss and I know I shouldn't have said that to my bf but I was so angry at him.

I don't think thsi can be fixed. I think he takes me for granted and I question his love for me all the time. He has cheated on me in the past (with my best friend no less) and it's just a big mess.

LegacyUser · 13-10-2009 8:55am

What ages are ye? This seems like a very childish move...

Yes he was wrong..but surely not wrong enough for you to dump him over it and tell him you were with someone else?? 5 years is a long time to just throw away because he was inconsiderate and indecisive..
It warranted a row maybe but no more...

If I was he now I'd be moving on sharpish (especially if I'd been told you were with someone else..) so if you do love him, which seems unlikely by your behavior, I'd get moving quick to make it up to him ...

Best of luck

kenbrady · 13-10-2009 9:01am

ash23 wrote: »

You are now not going to see him for 3 weeks, you've dumped him and told him you've been with someone else.
Sort it out quicksmart, in a mature and reasonable manner. Otherwise I can imagine what he will end up doing in those 3 weeks! And you'd have nobody to blame but yourself.

I would be amazed if he is interested in ever getting back with you, after the way you behaved.
Over reacting does not even come close, to describe your behavior.

krudler · 13-10-2009 9:05am

Were you with someone else? if so then thats bad form after a few days breaking up with someone of 5 years , if not then thats probably worse to say purely to stick the knife in, he's better off without you tbh you sound horrible. you ended a 5 year relationship over someone cancelling 1 night with you? how childish

krudler · 13-10-2009 9:07am

secondbest wrote: »

Sort it out quicksmart, in a mature and reasonable manner. Otherwise I can imagine what he will end up doing in those 3 weeks! And you'd have nobody to blame but yourself.

That's not a very nice thing to say.

I was hurting this weekend, feeling very low on his list of priorites and it's not the first time he's let me down in this way. It was my birthday in May and he forgot all about it. He didn't even come visit me or send me a text yet for his friends birthday he's willing to cancel plans with me at the last minute and not see me for 2 weeks.

I did kiss a guy on Friday but it was just a silly kiss and I know I shouldn't have said that to my bf but I was so angry at him.

I don't think thsi can be fixed. I think he takes me for granted and I question his love for me all the time. He has cheated on me in the past (with my best friend no less) and it's just a big mess.[/QUOTE]

Ah well thats different then, if someone is constantly letting you down then its a problem, you made it sound like this was the first thing he'd done, you're better off without each other then

shellyboo · 13-10-2009 9:21am

secondbest wrote: »

I was hurting this weekend, feeling very low on his list of priorites and it's not the first time he's let me down in this way. It was my birthday in May and he forgot all about it. He didn't even come visit me or send me a text yet for his friends birthday he's willing to cancel plans with me at the last minute and not see me for 2 weeks.

So, instead of maybe telling him this, you dump him to teach him a lesson? That's extremely immature. If you want this guy back, you need to fix this. Yeah, he let you down and that sucks - but if you want to stay with him you have to figure out the problem by talking to him.

ash23 · 13-10-2009 9:33am

That's not a very nice thing to say

Well neither is "you're dumped" and after 5 years "I've kissed someone else 2 days after dumping you".

If he's always letting you down then fine, dump him and go and meet someone else. Your OP implied everything was rosy in the garden and that this LDR was working well.

If someone had such little respect for me that they turned to me a matter of days after dumping me and gloated about being with someone else, I can assure you I would be gone and I wouldn't be looking back.

You told him to get a response. I'm simply saying that it might not get the desired response.

Talk to him without the games and nonsense.

Or else just walk away.

If you keep playing the game you are playing it's only a matter of time before it ends anyway.

kittenkiller · 13-10-2009 10:02am

secondbest wrote: »

Sort it out quicksmart, in a mature and reasonable manner. Otherwise I can imagine what he will end up doing in those 3 weeks! And you'd have nobody to blame but yourself.

That's not a very nice thing to say.

I was hurting this weekend, feeling very low on his list of priorites and it's not the first time he's let me down in this way. It was my birthday in May and he forgot all about it. He didn't even come visit me or send me a text yet for his friends birthday he's willing to cancel plans with me at the last minute and not see me for 2 weeks.

I did kiss a guy on Friday but it was just a silly kiss and I know I shouldn't have said that to my bf but I was so angry at him.

I don't think thsi can be fixed. I think he takes me for granted and I question his love for me all the time. He has cheated on me in the past (with my best friend no less) and it's just a big mess.

Then what's the problem.
You've dumped him.
Move on!

He was horrible and you were childish and now you want to know what the internet thinks of his behaviour?
Grow up!
Better off without.

Chocoholic84 · 13-10-2009 11:23am

So let me get this straight - he's let you down lots of times in the past, and he's cheated on you before with your best friend?

And this latest one is, he had made plans with you, both of you having agreed ye weren't going to the party, he knew he wouldn't see you for 3 weeks, and he changes his mind at the last minute to go?

When you weigh all that up, I'm not surprised you dumped him. Sounds like he doesn't care about you at all tbh. Selfish d-head!

Why would you WANT him back? Once the cheating happened, he should have been out the door.

Stay clear is my advice.

ash23 · 13-10-2009 11:26am

Am I missing something? Where did the Op say he cheated with her best friend??

*

Edit * oops see it now.

OP, lucky escape. Keep away from him.

Queencake · 13-10-2009 11:37am

Here, I missed it the first time too.

secondbest wrote: »

I did kiss a guy on Friday but it was just a silly kiss and I know I shouldn't have said that to my bf but I was so angry at him.

I don't think thsi can be fixed. I think he takes me for granted and I question his love for me all the time. He has cheated on me in the past (with my best friend no less) and it's just a big mess.

OP I think you could have handled the situation better. What he did was bad form but after 5 years not really a dumpable offence. A 30 birthday is a big deal. He should have told you sooner though.

Kissing another guy so soon wasn't ideal but telling him was silly.

Him cheating on you with your best friend - definitely a terrible thing (and I would have called it quits there and then) but you clearly chose to "move on" so I dunno how relevant it is. Maybe you have just reached your breaking point with this man.

It sounds like you want him back but it you did why tell him you kissed someone else? It sounds like it needs to be over.

Lollipops23 · 13-10-2009 12:00pm

OP, it really sounds like you were waiting for an excuse to dump him. I'm not saying I wouldn't be very pissed off if my OH cancelled plans at the very last minute like that, but it's not a dumpable offence.

You came across as being very immature(by telling him that you'd scored someone else). It looks like you were just trying to hurt him, which is lame if you didn't wanna be with him in the first place.

pisslips · 13-10-2009 12:18pm

Fair play for putting that out there.

I wouldn't have believed that people in their thirties could act like that, it all makes sense now.

You should probably apologise and then forget about him and break off all contact for your own good but thats probably not going to happen.

Jesus like, 30 years ago, 30 year olds would have families in school and a house and savings together, or at least attempting to build a long term future. Fair enough thats not nessasarily a recipe for happiness but its better than paranoia, egotism and childish games.

I'm not in some ivory tower but like at least aim for honesty and respect next time, maybe take the lead.

He choose his friends over me

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