So how do you actually get a girlfriend?

LegacyUser

Well?
Im just after starting college, for once in my life Im confident and popular.
Theres a few girls on the course that I really like but I really dont know how to ask them out, besides if they say no it will be wierd because I have to talk to them everyday. But Im no good at just talking to some random stranger.
And with the amount of studying I have to do to keep up with the rest I actually dont have time for a life outside of college.
But this is like my time to shine, Ive come through some dark places where I've had low self esteem now I feel like I should really be getting in on action. Its like I've been missing out on something huge.
I'd really love to be able to walk down the street holding a girls hand and just talk absolute nonsense with her.
Its that kind of thing I dearly want. People go on and on about love, and even if I could just get a brief glimpse of it while Im young and in my prime it would make the last few rough years and the work I put in to get where I am worth it.
What do I do now?
Thanks.
sorry if Im a bit romantic about it all, I know its not all a bed of roses surely but I really need some guidance about how to get what Im after.
Thanks

RossFixxxed

Right two things

1) Don't let YOUR happiness depend on anyone else or having someone else.

2) Just ASK! If you like one of the girls just ask her if she wants to go out, just the two of you, for a drink/shop/cinema/gig/sporty thing/dance. Seriously. I've been where you are and I was in the same situation starting college. You at some point have to just stick your neck right out and bite the bullet!

College can be great for meeting people and you're actually done the hard part, believe it or not!

When I was in college I'd ask random people to help me shop for something, so it'd be 1 on 1 and we'd get to chat, have a pint if it was going well. This wasn't a dating thing as it happens I was seeing someone, but it was a great way to make friends!

Monkey61

I agree on asking someone to help you shop for something. If anything it is a great way to get to know someone a little bit better on their own without any pressure, in a fun way.

What you have to be very careful of though is this - having a girlfriend is not going to make you happy. As I found out to my great surprise years ago when in a situation slightly like yours. I was just miserable with a girlfriend. Don't just want anyone for the sake of it, because girls will smell this a mile off and it will not do you any favours. If you like someone in particular because they are amazing - then brilliant, go for it. But if you like a lot of people because any of them will do, then you have a problem and probably won't have any of them.

You say you like a few girls. Do they know eachother? Whatever you do, don't just move from one to the other asking them out in turn. They will know about the others, you will seem desperate and nobody will take you seriously. To be honest from your post it sounds like anybody will do, which is fine for one night in a club, but not so fine for picking a girlfriend.

One of my best friends is a lovely guy. Very sweet, very fun and would make a lovely boyfriend - yet he has never really had a proper girlfriend and was always rubbish at chatting up girls. Why? Because he didn't care who they were. He just wanted a girlfriend and thus would try it on with everyone and managed to make it perfectly clear within ten minutes of talking to someone new, that anyone would do. He was actually mad into someone I knew for years and I was talking to her about that a while ago. Her response - "don't be stupid, he doesn't love me, sure he is like that about every girl he meets!"

LegacyUser

Hello
OP here again!
Well I have taken the advice in this thread.
I decided there was only one girl on the course who I could really see myself going with.
She's a real quite shy girl but for some reason Im kind of drawn to that and when she come out of her shell she is absolutely lovely.
However there was a backfire!
I went to this party the other night and she was there. I made an effort to chat to her and that.
I decided however that it wasnt the night to ask her out, that I would rather do it some night when we were both sober, I was also quite ill with the flu so I didnt have much energy.

Unfortunatley, I happened to mention my plans to one of the lads.
I ended up having to ask her that night because they kept pushing me over to her and it was completely obvious to anyone what was up.
So in the end I just had to ask her if she would like to go for a walk sometime when we were both sober. She said she would and that was great!

Now one of the other girls at the party said that she was chatting to her and apparently this lovely girl has never had any kind of relationship whatsoever!
So now Im worried that it all might be a bit much for her and she might back out of it.
I really dig this girl and now Im worried that I have completely ****ed it up. Shes gone away for a week now so when she comes back what do I do!
And another worry I have.

I'm kind of a loudish guy, I dont cut across people or anything but Im not the guy who sits in the corner all the time just listening Im also a bit of a party animal, Im always the first on the dance floor and that . This means that the two of us are like chalk and cheese she being so shy. Would that kind of thing worry here?
Thanks

Monkey61

Massive well done to you OP. That is a great start.

Just because she is shy and has never had a relationship doesn't mean that she doesn't want one. In fact it probably means that she is only dying to go out on a date.

As for you being different - well, you are attracted to her so why wouldn't she be attracted to you. Opposites do attract (as the saying goes) when the opposition as such is in superficial ways like that. Don't think of it as chalk and cheese, that would imply a fundamentalist Christian cattle rancher and an atheist vegan, more like cheese and pickle. Personality types need to compliment each other so it could work perfectly.

When she comes back, give her a call or if you are going to see her first, have a chat with her and name a day for that date. Bear in mind that she might be a bit nervous so don't be cocky and in her face. Just be nice and fun and I'm sure she will be delighted.

RossFixxxed

+1 the above, my OH and I are unbelievably different personalities, more like chalk and abstract cubism tbh. You never know who you will click with, who you will fall for! But you're off to a cracking start. Get the two of you out somewhere light and easy (not candles and french waiters) and spend some time getting to know each other.

Have fun!

embermine

You have to be very much your own person. The getting a girl will fall into place in good time. Be confident about who you are and what you want.