Is my gift not enough?

LegacyUser

I've a wedding to go to next week in Donegal, it's my uncle's one. I was talking to some mates last night and something one of them said bothered me and has me thinking I'm being a bit scabby.

As a gift, I'll be giving them the usual wedding card and €50. I'm on the dole currently, as you can guess by the name, and I have to put myself up in a room at a hotel for the night as well as pay for my own drinks etc.

Funny thing is, my mam also said it to me today she thought it was a bit low. The hotel is €70 for the night and I've €35 rent for my actual room where I live. So I'm looking for your opinions, I know this isn't quite a representative sample and this is the first wedding I've gone to so some advice would be appreciated

lolli

Well.... If i was you and I could only afford 50 quid I wouldn't give them cash, I would buy them a gift.

Some suggestions

Towel set
Duvet set
Cutlery set
Some house hold appliance
Something decorative like a nice clock or a vase.

Loads of choices.

lolli

http://giftsdirect.com/gift/Tipperary-Crystal-Star-12quot;-Candleholders-Pair/2617.htm

http://giftsdirect.com/gift/Jerpoint-Traditional-Vase/2651.htm

http://giftsdirect.com/gift/Louise-Kennedy-Aurora-Red-Wine-Glass/2563.htm

http://giftsdirect.com/gift/Belleek-Lines-Starter-Set/2944.htm

http://giftsdirect.com/gift/Royal-Tara-O-Neill-Vase/2913.htm

Heres some ideas

davyjose

lolli wrote: »

Well.... If i was you and I could only afford 50 quid I wouldn't give them cash, I would buy them a gift.

Some suggestions

Towel set
Duvet set
Cutlery set
Some house hold appliance
Something decorative like a nice clock or a vase.

Loads of choices.

Bullsh!t, give them the 50. If I was getting married and someone with no job gave me 50 quid, i'd personally be very grateful.

The problem is these days, people invite you to their wedding to help you pay for it, it seems.

whatdoicare

I'm sure the couple realise yr situation and considering it myself there, 50 euros is amazing on the dole!
Maybe get a nice gift? A really beautiful waterford crystal type frame can be got in carraig donn for less than fifty- I know this coz I got one myself recently for my mams birthday.

Darthhoob

do they not have a wedding list? i was on the dole when i was bridesmaid for my friend and i spent about £29.99 on her gift, it was on her list though so it was something she and hubby needed (they moved into a house few days after wedding). i always thought wedding lists were a bit cheeky until i actually used one to buy a present, though i suppose it would depend what is on it. it makes sure you get something they want/need and that nobody else buys the same thing though.

for my cousin's wedding i got her some wine glasses for £10 (reduced from £20) and a £20 gift voucher....she was more than happy with that. but they didn't have a list and had been living together for years and had kids etc before they got married, so wasn't much they needed.

i wouldn't take it to heart what someone said about it being too small an amount, it's a large amount for you especially right now, plus you need to pay your way. they wont scoff at the money you give them, if they do they dont deserve it. plus if they dont have a list it saves them getting something they dont want and allows them to buy something they do want or save it up for something

mikemac

Seems many people invite you to a wedding and then expect you to pay for your meal and contribute to other costs...

50 euro is fantastic with your situation.
Maybe a nice clock for the mantel piece? I'd say they'd appreciate that

MissMotivated

I've been to a load of weddings in the last 2 years where everyone gave money, I did not hear of one gift they got, People getting married these days usually are already living together and have everything they need for their house, money is much more handy for them instead of buying them crap they don't need.
And I think there is not one thing wrong with giving 50 quid, my OH and i would usually give 50 each so if you're going on your own and not working its fine! Don't listen to what other people say give what ever you can afford. Not everyone is loaded these days and can afford to give 100's!!

Monkey61

50 euro is amazing. Don't worry about what other people say, that is loads. It is your Uncle after all, not your best friend or your brother or sister. I couldn't even imagine giving my Uncle that much money. Anyway, you are on the dole so that 50 is a quarter of your weekly wages essentially. That is a huge percentage of money.

You are paying money out of your own pocket to attend his day (which in itself should be enough) so any gift you give on top of that should only be a bonus for them - not an expectation.

I'd say the money is a good idea instead of a present. I would rather be able to choose my own present, rather than spend the rest of my life staring at a piece of Waterford Crystal that I hated.

shellyboo

50 euro's pretty generous considering you're on the dole - but if even your Mum said it was too little, you're definitely better off buying them a gift so they don't know the value of it. Your main aim here (it seems) is to not seem scabby (which you're not!) but if others are going to think you are, buying a gift is the best way to get around that.

martdalto

In your circumstances your gift is very generous. Your uncle will not be one bit bothered by your gift, he will be happy that you are there.

When we got married, my husbands family had to travel and stay over in a hotel. His granny (86 and on a pension) gave us €20 in a card. It actually brought a tear to my eye as I wasn't expecting/didn't want anything from her, only for her to be there for the day.

I certainly didn't think she was scabby and could have given a bit more.

I don't think people invite people to their wedding to pay for it (well I didn't anyway.. of course money presents was a bonus) I think people, and especially family, invite you to their wedding because they want you there.

€50 is a nice token, and they will appreciate your circumstances. Or, as others have said you oculd buy one of the presents listed, and maybe even save yourself a few quid!

Oh The Humanity

€50 is a good show for someone on the dole. Well done.

I would tend to steer away from giving vases/toasters/towel sets as those things are personal and usually the person already has them anyway.

Gone are the days when people had to return 4 toasters they got!

Everyone loves getting cash so I think your gift is bang on the money! :pac:

Enjoy the wedding!

Peewee_lane

HI OP.

Recently went to a wedding in Cork. We paid 300+ for the hotel as the bride and groom wanted to see us for the 3 days. The hotel was a €35 taxi fare to the church and back €35 (no transport / buses available).

After the wedding, the groom rang my OH and asked why we didnt get them a present!

I was like -my OH was made redundant and Im going to a 3 day week. Our mere presence was your gift!

People invite you to witness them getting married and join in on the celebration, its not about presents. That imo, is absolute selfishness.

Give them the 50 and a scratchcard or lotto ticket. Dont listen to other people and let them bring you down! Your gift, is your gift.

whatdoicare

Peewee_lane wrote: »

After the wedding, the groom rang my OH and asked why we didnt get them a present!

I was like -my OH was made redundant and Im going to a 3 day week. Our mere presence was your gift!

Holy S**T the groom actually rang looking for his present?? Thats fair cheeky!

Liam Byrne

Peewee_lane wrote: »

After the wedding, the groom rang my OH and asked why we didnt get them a present!

With an attitude like that I'd end up hanging up glad that I hadn't bought them one!

LeixlipRed

50 euro is more than enough OP. I'm sure your uncle would have no complaint if you gave him just a card with you being unemployed. I wouldn't expect a mate to give me money for my birthday if he was in your postion for example and nothing should change for a wedding.

AARRRGH

If you are really worried about it, as you give them the gift mention you wish you could afford more, but you're on the dole.

If they have any problem with this, they're total dickheads.

LegacyUser

Hi,

IS 50 eu not the norm these days anyway?

Im 31 and was at my friends wedding in the summer, everyone was giving 50 a head?


Me and my BF gave 100 in a card, all the others did the same???

It is quite expensive to go to a wedding especially if your on the dole, Why did your mother and co. think it was too scabby, what are they giving???

Im sure you uncle will be happy with what you give, if not then he not very supportive of your position right now as a family member unemployed.

But surely 50 eu is the norm, what do others pay???

AARRRGH

ARTistSPUDIO wrote:

But surely 50 eu is the norm, what do others pay???

My own wedding experience would tell me €250 - €500 is normal.

Or at least was normal before we realised the celtic tiger was a load of nonsense.

shellyboo

ARTistSPUDIO wrote: »

But surely 50 eu is the norm, what do others pay???

I'd say €100 per person is the norm actually. But given the circumstances, I don't think any couple can gripe that they're not getting enough money as presents. Attending a wedding costs a fortune.

helimachoptor

Normally go to weddings with my Gf, and we give about €150, now we've been to 3 of her weddings and 1 of mine.. Best mate is getting married next year so will have to stump up for that!!

LegacyUser

Hey there, this is the OP again. Many thanks for your opinions. My parents are each giving 100 euro and paying for half of the wedding flowers.

There is no wedding list, and my folks said they would appreciate the money. They've got their own house and all that so I think they're OK for towels etc.

My main aim was to see what you guys would do in my predicament. I can afford what I can afford, and nothing's going to change there so thanks very much for your opinions - I'll give them 50 euro in the card and if anything is said I'll just remind them I'm on the dole and can't afford more. The last weddings my friends and parents were are were during the boom, so I guess their gifts haven't been adjusted for the recession/unemployment

martdalto

Hiya OP, well if it's your uncle then I'm guessing it's your mam or dad's brother?

If this is the case and they decide to do that much they are doing it for THEIR BROTHER... that's their choice. You are going as a nephew, and a guest. A whole different story altogether.

I really can't imagine that your uncle will make any comment, except for you to get a Thank You card, saying "We really appreciate your very generous gift".

Red Alert

I think that if the OP is in straightened circumstances that his/her family shouldn't be putting them under pressure. The best idea might be to actually get something, like some of the suggestions here. I'd hate at my wedding (if/when I have one) to think that people were going through hardship just so I could have a gift. I'd be very happy just to see them there.

LegacyUser

Red Alert wrote: »

I think that if the OP is in straightened circumstances that his/her family shouldn't be putting them under pressure. The best idea might be to actually get something, like some of the suggestions here. I'd hate at my wedding (if/when I have one) to think that people were going through hardship just so I could have a gift. I'd be very happy just to see them there.

Yeah i would too-be happy just to have them there, I would hate to think my wedding would put someone under financial stress,

What are the other younger people doing, like your cousins etc? I bet your not the only one giving 50, do you?

Peewee_lane

whatdoicare wrote: »

Holy S**T the groom actually rang looking for his present?? Thats fair cheeky!

We were disgusted!

Liam Byrne wrote: »

With an attitude like that I'd end up hanging up glad that I hadn't bought them one!

The worst part is, the bride rang me up first asking me what present we had got them, as someone had stolen their wedding presents from their room. I was shocked, sitting in the car reading a book - that someone would do that, and then it all unraveled that she was just trying to see what we got them. When I told her we got them nothing, she asked me not to tell anyone about the presents being stolen and was quick to get off the phone.

It was a group of 6 of us who travelled from the east coast all the way down to the south coast, spent money on travel, hotel, clothes, etc, and you'd think that having their friends there would make their special day? Obviously not... Bad way to start off married life!