Giving up alcohol

LegacyUser

ok im going 2 post this here as it is a personal issue to me and i like the fact i can remain anonymous. ok so im 29 and an alcoholic and i need advice on how to kick the drink for good. basically i might drink once a week or once every two weeks but when i do i binge drink. i can go a long time without a drink but always end craving one or ten.i hate the feeling of being hung over i get extremely depressed after drinking and its a feeling id rather not experience again. the high of having a few drinks is not worth the low of the recovery. i have an amazing girlfriend who i think is sick of my drinking and as a result of me being drunk hung over etc i have put our relationship under a lot of pressure. also whats in the back of my mind is the social aspect. can i go to a pub and not drink?? can it be done. what do i tell people. i feel that if i was to come out and say ya im an alcoholic id jeopardize work opportunities as i know my boss would frown on it. also i dont think i could go to aa im not an open person and i couldnt speak in front of other people about my experiences. im not hung over writing this but i've come to a point in my life where ive realised i need to stop drinking. i want peoples advice as to how they may have quit. i really need to stop drinking cause if i dont it will ruin my life. thank you for reading.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,
I'm not sure I can provide you with any answers but just to note I understand what you are going through. I promise myself all week I won't drink then weekend comes around and BANG - a big binge. Just last week I noted over a dozen reasons why I shouldn't drink and promosed myself I wouldn't. Then saturday comes round and I ended up out drinking all night and doing coke. I didn't get totally blacked out smashed drunk but feel really pissed off and down on myself about it. I know if I keep drinking I will end up with nothing. I don't think I'm physically addicted to alcohol but am definitely phsychologically dependent on it in a social situation. I would love to never drink again but don't have the tools just to say no when out.

Fiend-Foe

Find out what triggers it.

If you can go two weeks without a drink and then feel the sudden need to binge there is most likely some trigger. IE its not everyday life thats unbearable. Or maybe it is and you just need to blow off steam less than most.

I'd say try identify this trigger and work out a plan. A way to deal with it without drinking.

Try AA or a counseler.

havana

Going to the pub and not drinking can be done but probably best to avoid the situation for a while, no need to put added pressure on yourself. And don't give any thought to what others will think or say. You, your health and your relationship is so much more important than them. And you certainly don't have to explain yourself. Also talk to your girlfriend. When my bf stopped drinking- ha has major alcohol issues- i didn't drink when i was with him. So no friday night bottle of wine or quick trip to the pub for one in the evening. I do drink now with him, but not in the early days.

I agree about identifying the trigger, this can help alot especially if you can then avoid it or find some other way to deal with it. If up to this you have always turned to alcohol then it can take time to learn how to cope when difficulties arise. Thats why some support can be really useful. Don't totally write off AA. you don't have to talk but maybe have a look at the non drinkers forum. I think there are discussions there about alternatives to AA.

Best of luck!

opinion guy

I think you need a handy store of ready reasons why you can't drink when people try to push you into it. Personally i hate when people won't accept no I don't want a drink as good enough.

so you could say - sorry I'm driving - the excuse people most accept.
I on antibitocis/medication is another one
I have to get up early for work tomorrow

hmmm I'm sure there are others

eviltwin

I gave up drink completely nearly two years ago.

I wasnt alcoholic but I was a binge drinker who couldnt say no and I could see that long term it was probably going to kill me.

I've stupidly gotten behind the wheel of a car while under the influence, I've broken an ankle, gotten into fights.... not the type of behaviour you would expect from someone who can handle their drink so I made the decision to quit

Everyone knows I dont drink, they dont know the reasons why exactly, but even now I still find I get asked "whats wrong with ya" if I stick to soft drinks...does my nut it does. If people cant accept you want to kick alcohol then they arent very good friends in my opinion - you shouldnt have to tell them the reasons why, they should just accept it.

Can you go to a pub and not drink? Yes you can, its not easy at first but it does improve. I had to stay away from social situations for the best part of four months because I knew before that my willpower wasnt strong enough but its been worth it.

I wish you the best of luck with it. Its tough but you have the support from your partner and you've taken the hardest step of all...admitting that you have issues with drink.

mbren

Hey Op,

I think you should take up a sport like running to keep your mind off the booze. By running at the weekends, it's a great excuse not to be drinking.

Also, if you started running competitively, it's a sport you do by yourself so there'd be no-one suggesting to go for "one" drink after a race!

Anyway, that's just my two cents worth!
Best of luck

stovelid

Your friends and girlfriend need to help.

I love going out for pints, but I also meet friends in other non-alcohol contexts: five-a-side, going for a coffee; walks or going to football matches.

If you feel that you're not ready to face the pub without drinking, skip the pub nights and try and meet your friends in a different context. If they are good friends, they'll make the effort.

LegacyUser

id like to thank everyone for replying to my post. anyway i am more determined than ever not to drink again. i get depressed when i think of all the hangovers i've had, stupid things i've done and said when drinking and the all round bad feeling i get from drink. i hope i have the will power to finally kick it. i've set myself goals before like i wont drink this weekend but i always fold once the weekend comes. even the odd occassion i've gone a weekend without drink i could decide to go out the following wednesday night for example. Fingers crossed. i finally found the courage to tell a close friend today "i'm an alcoholic i'm going to try and give up the drink" to which he repied "your not an alcoholic dont be drastic"!!!!! thats the type of attitude i dont need to have around me. i really hope and pray i can make the changes that i need to move forward in my life. here's to the future thanks for the support.

LegacyUser

where your friends encourage you not to sort yourself out!

Ive had that 'youre not an alcoholic' thing from friends too: Ive been off drink for 2 years now and couldnt be happier, I just couldnt stand the miserable gloom of the hangovers anymore, and always having a vague guilty feeling in my stomach that Id done something wrong.

The use of the word 'alcoholic' has caused a lot of problems in this country. People think that you're either (a) An alcoholic or (b) Not an alcoholic, and as long as you're (b) - which in Ireland means anybody that doesnt actually need a swig of vodka to get out of bed, then you can relax and drink as much as you like, cause you dont have a problem.

The reality is alcoholism is a smooth continum from people who can easily get by on a glass of wine/nothing at all right through to that quy sitting outside the train station with wazz on his pants. You sound , like me, to be heading somewhere towards the opposite side and it's time you got off the boat.

The good news, is that its not actually that hard. You'll get used to socialising without it, and find yourself enjoying your nights out MORE, cause you wont have that knowledge in the back of your head that you're gonna feel like **** the next day.

It takes some getting used to, and you may even lose a friend or two (hint: The friend you lose through giving up booze are not really your friends anyway, just drinking buddies) , but its more than worth it in the end.

Gonzales

Anonymous29 wrote: »

ok im going 2 post this here as it is a personal issue to me and i like the fact i can remain anonymous. ok so im 29 and an alcoholic and i need advice on how to kick the drink for good. basically i might drink once a week or once every two weeks but when i do i binge drink. i can go a long time without a drink but always end craving one or ten.i hate the feeling of being hung over i get extremely depressed after drinking and its a feeling id rather not experience again. the high of having a few drinks is not worth the low of the recovery. i have an amazing girlfriend who i think is sick of my drinking and as a result of me being drunk hung over etc i have put our relationship under a lot of pressure. also whats in the back of my mind is the social aspect. can i go to a pub and not drink?? can it be done. what do i tell people. i feel that if i was to come out and say ya im an alcoholic id jeopardize work opportunities as i know my boss would frown on it. also i dont think i could go to aa im not an open person and i couldnt speak in front of other people about my experiences. im not hung over writing this but i've come to a point in my life where ive realised i need to stop drinking. i want peoples advice as to how they may have quit. i really need to stop drinking cause if i dont it will ruin my life. thank you for reading.

a lot of people will relate to binging behaviour. I tried to quit a few years back & packed it in after six months - the new approach is moderation. Go to the pub give yourself a limit then leave or move onto soft drinks or drink shandies - moderate not eliminate. good luck.

LegacyUser

Hi,
I think many people may use the word alcoholic too freely. I am no expert but it would seem to me that if alcohol is causing you problems in your life whether it be work, relationships, financially or mentally you should consider giving it up. What you are labelled whether it be alcoholic or binge drinker is relevant. If you can make your life happier without drink then go for it.

daithid2000

Gonzales wrote: »

a lot of people will relate to binging behaviour. I tried to quit a few years back & packed it in after six months - the new approach is moderation. Go to the pub give yourself a limit then leave or move onto soft drinks or drink shandies - moderate not eliminate. good luck.

How did you get on with the limit part? How easy was it to drink say 4 or 5 pints and then move onto soft drinks

LegacyUser

OP, First of all if you dont feel that AA is the right way for you then there is always an Alcohol Councellor for one to one sessions. The alcohol itself is not the problem but the reasoning behind it. So you would probably benefit from talking it through with a professional even once to get you started.

Secondly, there are plenty of different non alcohol beers on the market if you cant get out of a trip to the pub, they help to draw less attention to the fact you are not drinking if you dont want to have the "I no longer drink" conversation.

LegacyUser

They say you have a problem with alcohol if drink affects a key area in your life, work, relationships or health -that sort of thing.

I gave up drinking some time ago as I was going through a crap time. I could only go for four days and eventually gave in and visited my GP.

The thing is that you are the person who is unhappy. I find nobody missed me from the pub and my lifestyle changed. If you cant quit for a while or control it do see your GP and get help.

LegacyUser

id like to thank everyone for all the advice they gave me. i just thought id let ye know how im getting on. well i haven't drank which is great. went out last night for the first time to a big work do. normally id be well oiled at these things however i stuck to the sparkling water even though the urge to have a drink was over bearing, i didn't. i must say its hard. i've tried to do this for the right reasons to sort out the path my life was going in and although its only a few weeks i find the slack im getting from friends is sickening. i feel i'm getting no support whatsoever. even last night my girlfriend text me saying "you should have a drink you've done so well up to now". that plus the fact the 3 of my best friends persisted to put alcohol in front of me last night. for example they'd buy a round and include me in it even though they know i'm trying to stay off the stuff. this happened at least 4 times where id pints thrown in front of me. I felt the need to up date people as this kind of attitude has me at my wits end. Even as i write this i'd love a pint but my problem is i can never just have the one pint it has to be 12 pints washed down by as many whiskeys and vodkas as it takes me to get absolutely hammered. I'm disguisted at the attitude my closest friends and gf have towards me they feel because i'm off it a few weeks im a hero and can just go back drinking when deep down they know especially my gf that when im drunk im a dickhead and when im hungover im unpleasant and a serious depression case. anyway other than all of the above i haven't drank and we had a bank holiday last weekend!!!!! and i feel great. thanks boards for giving me somewhere to rant

LegacyUser

That's really well done OP, pat yourself on the back. As for the friends goading you to drink, you just gotta ignore it (hard as it may be) and continue on the path. Remember its you, not them, who wakes up with the depression, feeling of dread at acting the dick and the knowledge that it can destroy your whole life. You only have one life to live, and only you know the best way to live it. Good luck.

AMK

I gave up drinking nearly 12 years ago, when I was 33, and I can totally identify with the problems you are having. I think it's something to do with the way Irish people drink. A lot of people who don't have a 'problem' are still a bit uncomfortable about their drinking habits.

However, people adjust remarkably fast. After a while, they will accept you don't drink. If they don't, they are more drinking pals than real friends. I find new acquaintances have to stop themselves blurting out 'why' when I say I don't drink - that's Ireland for you. At this stage, I find it funny. And I love when I look at the state of everybody at the end of a night out and compare myself to them. The Irish culture of excess drinking is bad enough when people are in their twenties but is pretty disgusting when it's a group of forty (plus) year olds.
You have only the one life to live. You, and nobody else, knows whats right for you.
Best of luck.

TwoShedsJackson

Anonymous29 wrote: »

id like to thank everyone for all the advice they gave me. i just thought id let ye know how im getting on. well i haven't drank which is great. went out last night for the first time to a big work do. normally id be well oiled at these things however i stuck to the sparkling water even though the urge to have a drink was over bearing, i didn't. i must say its hard. i've tried to do this for the right reasons to sort out the path my life was going in and although its only a few weeks i find the slack im getting from friends is sickening. i feel i'm getting no support whatsoever. even last night my girlfriend text me saying "you should have a drink you've done so well up to now". that plus the fact the 3 of my best friends persisted to put alcohol in front of me last night. for example they'd buy a round and include me in it even though they know i'm trying to stay off the stuff. this happened at least 4 times where id pints thrown in front of me. I felt the need to up date people as this kind of attitude has me at my wits end. Even as i write this i'd love a pint but my problem is i can never just have the one pint it has to be 12 pints washed down by as many whiskeys and vodkas as it takes me to get absolutely hammered. I'm disguisted at the attitude my closest friends and gf have towards me they feel because i'm off it a few weeks im a hero and can just go back drinking when deep down they know especially my gf that when im drunk im a dickhead and when im hungover im unpleasant and a serious depression case. anyway other than all of the above i haven't drank and we had a bank holiday last weekend!!!!! and i feel great. thanks boards for giving me somewhere to rant

Well done on staying off it despite the lack of support you're getting. I don't understand your girlfriends attitude 'oh you've stayed off drink so long, have a drink to celebrate!!' makes no sense at all.

As for your friends, they should accept it in time, if they want to waste a fiver putting a pint that you won't drink in front of you, let them.

kjl

I gave up drinking about 7 years ago and I still get grief for not drinking. Every new person I meet on a night out are shocked "You dont what?" I hear this a lot.

Every time I go out on a date, even though I have explained to the girl that I don't drink, they all think that they can help me do is so I enjoy it.

Its just the Irish culture, and prepare for about a year of absolute boredom in clubs, Irish people are loud, stupid and obnoxious when they are drunk and often its difficult to get in on the joke they are having.

And dont let yourself become the chauffeur to all your friends.

TBH nights out in Ireland are kinda crap when you are sober, but stick with it. In the end of the day you will live longer and if you combine this with a healthy diet and exercise you will look on all the drunks in this country with pity.

fatmammycat

kjl wrote: »

TBH nights out in Ireland are kinda crap when you are sober, but stick with it. In the end of the day you will live longer and if you combine this with a healthy diet and exercise you will look on all the drunks in this country with pity.

While I agree with much of what you wrote this is very condesending. A lot of folk go out have a few drinks and have a fine time without becoming absolute ass holes or obnoxious. Not drinking doesn't mean you get to look down on people or 'pity' them because they do.

Well down OP, you're doing great. Your reasons are stellar and it's a shame your friends cannot be more supportive.

Kimia

Hi Op. I just want to say to you Well Done. You have taken the first step and admitted that you have a problem and that you are powerless over your drinking. I think that in itself is a fantastic step and you should be very proud of yourself. Do you know how hard it is for someone to come out of denial?

I have great admiration for your courage and determination. What I would suggest is firstly talking to your girlfriend and explaining that you are an addict and that you need to stop drinking, and that you would really appreciate her support.

I also think that you should try and ignore the begrudgers and the people who won't support you. Remember that a lot of the time, you giving up the drink may highlight their own insecurities with drink, they may feel that they are also drinking too much and they are just being defensive. Take no notice.

AA is the handiest option for support. YOu don't have to talk at a meeting, you can sit their every single time for a year and never say a word, just listen to other people's stories and it will help you. If you really feel you are not ready for that, go on to amazon and buy some self help books and keep them private. There is a lot of literature out there ready to give you some support.

And again OP fair play to you. The very best of luck.

kjl

fatmammycat wrote: »

While I agree with much of what you wrote this is very condesending. A lot of folk go out have a few drinks and have a fine time without becoming absolute ass holes or obnoxious. Not drinking doesn't mean you get to look down on people or 'pity' them because they do.

Well down OP, you're doing great. Your reasons are stellar and it's a shame your friends cannot be more supportive.

I can feel pity for whoever I want, and I do feel pity for the majority of Irish people. For some reason the whole country has it in its head that its ok to do what they do, going out every weekend and getting sloshed.

This is not healthy living, its the reason so many of the Irish turn into overweight slobs by 30, and the girls in this country are a disgrace. Thank god for the recent injection of good looking girls from other countries.

Im not being so general as to put everybody in this category, but have a look around the next time you're out, its shocking what the last 15 or so years has done to the country. Almost every pretty girl I knew when I was younger, has grown up to be a heffer chain smoking 20 cigarettes a day.

I look at my life, how I've still had a lot of fun without the drink, but my physical well being is still in top shape. I went to the doctor and was told I am a pillar of health, I will probably live to be about 120 with modern medicine, where as all the people who drink and smoke heavily wont make it past 70.

So yeah, I do pity people who self-destruct themselves.

b28

I drink every night of the week. I am concerned about my drinking. If you drink once every 1 or 2 weeks it's not all that bad. But if it's messing up your life or getting worse, you should try and force yourself to abstain! After a while, you'll feel too good to think about it and one day at a time from there! If there's alcoholics or suspected alcoholics in your family, then you should be wary you may be at risk.

AMK

TBH nights out in Ireland are kinda crap when you are sober, but stick with it. In the end of the day you will live longer and if you combine this with a healthy diet and exercise you will look on all the drunks in this country with pity.[/quote]

He did say "all the drunks in this country".

I know there are people who can go out and have a few drinks and have a fine time it is true that there is an awful lot of excess drinking. Also, a lot of people seem to think they're fine because they haven't had a lot to drink. But when you're looking on, sober, they often don't look that fine at all.

mikemac

Kimia wrote: »

I also think that you should try and ignore the begrudgers and the people who won't support you. Remember that a lot of the time, you giving up the drink may highlight their own insecurities with drink, they may feel that they are also drinking too much and they are just being defensive. Take no notice.
.

Definitely.
Your friends seeing you making a change and getting defensive over it.
You're trying to change but they are happy enough where they are.

You won't much support from them but still keep them as friends anyway.
And when you drive them home at the end of the night, they'll be delighted. Just don't be everyones chauffeur.

CDfm

OP - drink can be an addiction like any drug. It seems to me that your recreational use of it has taken a bad turn. That makes it a problem especially if you become an a**hole after drinking.

People do end up with lives after quitting alcohol. Check the non drinkers thread
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=1015

Now if you were quitting any other addiction you would be off to the GP for help to take the edge off it and thats what I suggest you do.

The other thing is while you are giving it up you ned to stay out of pubs etc for a few months. You also need to have alternative sugar supplies like chocolate and coca cola available so that you get your craving satisfied as alcohol has lots of sugar in it.

Best of luck

LegacyUser

I feel 4 ya man im in the same boat ive ****ed up my life from drink. i wish i could stop but i find it impossible. how are ya finding it

Babooshka

kjl wrote: »

I can feel pity for whoever I want, and I do feel pity for the majority of Irish people. For some reason the whole country has it in its head that its ok to do what they do, going out every weekend and getting sloshed.

This is not healthy living, its the reason so many of the Irish turn into overweight slobs by 30, and the girls in this country are a disgrace. Thank god for the recent injection of good looking girls from other countries.

Im not being so general as to put everybody in this category, but have a look around the next time you're out, its shocking what the last 15 or so years has done to the country. Almost every pretty girl I knew when I was younger, has grown up to be a heffer chain smoking 20 cigarettes a day.

I look at my life, how I've still had a lot of fun without the drink, but my physical well being is still in top shape. I went to the doctor and was told I am a pillar of health, I will probably live to be about 120 with modern medicine, where as all the people who drink and smoke heavily wont make it past 70.

So yeah, I do pity people who self-destruct themselves.

Spoken like the true reformed alcoholic! Every pub and nightclub is a loud, boring obnoxious hole (in any country) if you're sober, they're not nice places to be if you're tee total ...unless you're into hardcore dance.

It's fine to encourage someone but just to put everyone else down because you have seen the light, sounds a little premature. George Best used to do it continously, and continously fall back off his high horse wagon too....


...and you are generalising, about Irish women too, but that's dragging this thread off topic (and to another level altogether) I get so sick of hearing that. Some people can drink , and, smoke, and actually go to the gym too, it's called moderation. Sounds more like it's the fact that you can't control the people around you that's bugging you and not your own actions. You really sound like one of those reformed sinners turned good.

To OP, good luck with it. Maybe you should try the non alcoholic beers if the mineral water isn't doing it? It is a very hard thing you're doing in a country with lots of drinkers, think as someone else suggested, running is a great way of getting your body sorted. I run and can only manage 2 drinks if I'm out, as opposed to 5 or 6 if I haven't run for a while. Good luck.

LegacyUser

yes it is hard to give up booze, I have to say though I do really enjoy a few drinks and find it hard to be in a pub and not drink.
I think that for everyone you need to start limiting your drinking. Normally I would head out and drink as much as I could, as soon as one is finished its straight up for another. Say ok I'm having four tonight and thats all and stick to it.
Also mix up your drinks, have a blackcurrant inbetween some pints. I always figured I'd grow out of binge drinking but at 30 I still regularly drink too much but not as much as I used to.