over reacting?

LegacyUser

hi all, right i need some advice to see am i in fact missing something here or is my OH over reacting big time.
been going out with this girl over 2years, both mid twenties, have the occasional row every now and then, usually over what id consider to be petty enough things.
so today was our (if im correct) 28th month anniversary, and much like about the last 5 or so i have forgotten to mention it to her 1st that it is in fact our anniversary date. (the last few times iv gotten a text saying happy XX month anniversary, followed by a "i cant believe u have forgotten, again" type message.
so today i got another version of these, finally i decide to say it out straight look- wer together over 2years now, isnt it time we leave the celebration of da day we 1st became official to a more yearly event...well she flips out and tells me she cant believe i just said that, its really important to her, better than her monthly pay day etc.
now, dont get me wrong, i know theres a sentimental thing going on, hell for the 1st 12months i was usually the one doing the reminding it was our xx month anniversery. but surely after 2 years these things should tone down a wee bit like?
am i being a bastid or is she over reacting, coz i literally havent heard from her all day until a few mins ago when she texts saying shes too tired to discuss this now. i replyed saying fine, ring me when u are then.
tell me as you see it boardsies!

John Mason

LOL your gf is completely over reacting LOL

you have my sympathies, OP nothing as bad as a drama queen :rolleyes:

jam_mac_jam

Yes, this is an absolute over reaction, I personally think on a yearly basis is when you have an aniversary not every month? This is very silly unless she is very young.

bluemachaveli

Yearly is the way to celebrate. Monthly is just nuts! If it bothers her that much log onto your mobile provider website. Set up webtexts to be sent on the magic day every month brownie points :pac:

shellyboo

Wow, that's totally crazy. She's seriously overreacting. Celebrating a monthly anniversary is totally mental... 6 months, that's a mini celebration; then after that it's just the big ones. Honestly, she sounds a bit odd. What an insane thing to get annoyed at your bf about.

Anniversaries are yearly, the clue is in the name! One month anniversaries are for 13 year olds who hold hands and have cheeky snogs behind the bike shed, not adults! She sounds very immature and unreasonable.

LegacyUser

hi all, thanks for the replys, thats exactly what i was thinking.as i said we are both mid twenties so its not a maturity type thing.shes telling me she heartbroken that iv said that, and that it means so much to her, and shes doesnt think i think the world of her anymore and she misses the old me.
what the hell goes thru some females minds sometimes?! i mean honestly, us manfolk are a simple enough aul breed, when we say its time to tone down anniversery celebrations to a yearly event, we dont actually me we no longer think highly of our missus's,we simply mean we think its a bit flippin daft to have to go tryin to think of it mentionin it every bleeding month..i mean what happens 4years down the line like? "happy 48 month anniversery sweetie?" anybody hear a man say that would think hes gone loo-laa altogether.
as it stands iv told her im not discussing it via text (shes not answering the fone) so when shes ready to actually talk to me, ring me. (iv a feeling it will be tomorrow before i hear anything)
so now, thank you all for listening to me go off on one!

banquo

As tempting as it must be to explain to her how completely insanse she is, don't. Nearly every boyfriend's girlfriend has a few ''mad parts'' to her that, to the guy, are totally beyond reason. I could lash off a few myself.

Make sure to explain it to her in such a way that it doesn't give her an excuse to start an argument on that day every month. You know, ''I would say happy anniversary, but you don't care etc etc''. But be careful not to ridicule her for being mad about you.

loloray

Hi OP.
Actually I think you are overreacting. If the girl that you love wants to send a text to you once a month, to celebrate the fact that you are together an extra month - what's the problem? Why does she have to stop this?

If you love her, and it's so important to her, then you could consciously try to remember the date, think how happy it would make her!

Personally I never really remember the date I get with a boyf, and it's not such a big deal to me to remember the times - but if I had someone who wanted to remember and text me, I don't really see the problem with that. And you actually say that you actually started this tradition for the first twelve months!

She's not asking for presents/to be brought out for dinner/whatever - it's just a text!!

minidazzler

OP, she is over reacting, but what you can do is set webtext to send a Happy anniversary message every month on the same date!!!! Then you get yourself some remembrance loving!!!:D

Bold

loloray wrote: »

Hi OP.
Actually I think you are overreacting. If the girl that you love wants to send a text to you once a month, to celebrate the fact that you are together an extra month - what's the problem? Why does she have to stop this?

If you love her, and it's so important to her, then you could consciously try to remember the date, think how happy it would make her!

Personally I never really remember the date I get with a boyf, and it's not such a big deal to me to remember the times - but if I had someone who wanted to remember and text me, I don't really see the problem with that. And you actually say that you actually started this tradition for the first twelve months!

She's not asking for presents/to be brought out for dinner/whatever - it's just a text!!

My thoughts exactly.

LegacyUser

Maybe explain it in such a way that you are so happy and secure in the relationship, you see it as a very stable ongoing thing, so that from month to month it never occurs to you to think "yay made it through one more month", because you don't think of it as something that is in danger of suddenly ending at any given time, because you guys are so right together

Yeah she is quite, quite mad though.

Oh The Humanity

Ah thats mad. When I was reading your original post I had to keep re-reading 28 month anniversary over and over thinking I was mis-understanding it.

Look, it means loads to her but she's taking it ott to a stupid degree. Yearly anniversaries are fine but getting texts with stuff like Happy 17th month Anniversary?

That goes into the realms of comedy right there. She needs to get a hold of herself. She is being so oversentimental that she is removing the actual meaning from any real anniversary.

As you said if the two of ye stick together will the future be paved with tantrums when you fail to remember the Monthly anniversaries of every first kiss/date whatever?

You have to futureproof here, if you give in to her for a quiet life on this one she will get the idea this is normal and fine.

kittenkiller

Sounds like she's bonkers, but if you love her, that's just one of the little things you're going to have to do to see her smiling!

Put a note on your calendar for the next few months.
It'd probably make her day to know you beat her to it when you say happy anniversary next month!

ash23

Madness on her behalf. What the hell like?

The first 6 months, even the first year, fair enough celebrating the months thing. But once the first year is over then it's on a yearly basis.

I would bet money that she's one of those "ticker" types. You know the ones. On forums they have tickers counting down the months and days to their birthday, their wedding, their kids dates of birth.
Or she'll be the type who (once she has kids) keeps giving ages in months even when they're over the year mark. "oooh little Mary is 38 months old"...."so she's 3, yeah?"....."nooooo, she's 38 months"...


I'm as sentimental as the next woman but this is beyond silly. But say it in a nice way. Don't mock her, as stupid and all as she is being. Say something like "but when we're together 20 years we won't be counting in months". Let her know you're mad about her and you love her and the spark and romance is still there. Do something nice for her out of the blue.
It might not be so much about the actual date as it is that she is worried that the romance is gone. Because, in fairness, a lot of men get far too comfortable in a LTR and the woman is left wondering what happened to the thoughtful romantic that she fell for.

LegacyUser

hi all,thanks for imput,
well didnt get the fone call this morn, so i pulled my horns in a bit (he he!horns..) and text her to say that i really missed not chattn to her the day before, i didnt realise mentionin dat da anniversery onda day was such a big thing to her, i loved gettin/receiving a quick text on da day of the anniversery from the one i love, i just seen it was a bit of fun and taught mayb we shud start toning it down a biteen.and i apologised if i had upset her.
didnt hear back all day,so i rang her and result- we chatted away and afterwards she text me bak to say thanks for the earlier text,and she really loves me. so alls well ends well, (totally setting up that recurrent webtext thing yer going on about tho! thank you boardsies!)...still think its a bit daft, but thats a quirk im guna live with suppose!

Nevyn

Please more more text speak.

Fiend-Foe

I HATE that.

How can you have a monthly anniversary? It's impossible!

anniversary
n pl -ries
1. the date on which an event occurred in some previous year a wedding anniversary
2. the celebration of this
adj
1. of or relating to an anniversary
2. recurring every year, esp on the same date

I feel sorry for you OP, that must be a headwreck!

MissHoneyBun

Are you serious? A grown woman in her mid twenties is p1ssed off with you and claiming to be 'heartbroken' because you forgot a '28 month anniversary'? Does she expect you to ride a white horse and live in a castle too? I'm sorry but this is too much.

If she expects to have an adult relationship then that requires living like an adult in a real, adult world. Not some diva like princess cross between Sex And The City and Cinderella. I wouldn't like to see her reaction to something serious :rolleyes:

e04bf099

loloray wrote: »

Hi OP.
Actually I think you are overreacting. If the girl that you love wants to send a text to you once a month, to celebrate the fact that you are together an extra month - what's the problem? Why does she have to stop this?

If you love her, and it's so important to her, then you could consciously try to remember the date, think how happy it would make her!

Personally I never really remember the date I get with a boyf, and it's not such a big deal to me to remember the times - but if I had someone who wanted to remember and text me, I don't really see the problem with that. And you actually say that you actually started this tradition for the first twelve months!

She's not asking for presents/to be brought out for dinner/whatever - it's just a text!!

I think you are misrepresenting the issue completely. He gets an earful every month he forgets and then gets a little tetchy when she doesn't drop it after 5 months. He didn't over-reacte. He didn't reacte at all until she did it 5 months in a row. If a girl gave out to me for forgetting a month anniversary, I would... I don't know what I'd say, I wouldn't curse at my gf, but she'd know I was pissed and she wouldn't do it again, thats a certainty.

OP, if it actually means a lot to her and she gets annoyed every month when you don't acknowledge it first then give her a proper earful to make sure she knows you are not a push-over. Imo she is testing you. She is seeing how much control she has over you and what she can get you to do - using something trivial at the moment, but soon it will be less trivial if you don't stamp it out early.

If it means a lot to her then it might be nice for you to play along out of the affection you have for her. But her coersion and tantrums are just tests.

e04bf099

op back again wrote: »

hi all,thanks for imput,
well didnt get the fone call this morn, so i pulled my horns in a bit (he he!horns..) and text her to say that i really missed not chattn to her the day before, i didnt realise mentionin dat da anniversery onda day was such a big thing to her, i loved gettin/receiving a quick text on da day of the anniversery from the one i love, i just seen it was a bit of fun and taught mayb we shud start toning it down a biteen.and i apologised if i had upset her.
didnt hear back all day,so i rang her and result- we chatted away and afterwards she text me bak to say thanks for the earlier text,and she really loves me. so alls well ends well, (totally setting up that recurrent webtext thing yer going on about tho! thank you boardsies!)...still think its a bit daft, but thats a quirk im guna live with suppose!

On second thoughts, you are a push-over and deserve to be dominated. I am shocked that you called/texted her first. Next time it won't be about a monthly anniversary, she will actually be manipulating you into doing something you really don't want to do, but you will feel obligated, and these things won't be trivial. But sure thats the way it is sometimes. It doesn't really matter who wears the trousers in a relationship, as long as someone does. But you are definitely her b&%$h.

loloray

e04bf099 wrote: »

On second thoughts, you are a push-over and deserve to be dominated. I am shocked that you called/texted her first. Next time it won't be about a monthly anniversary, she will actually be manipulating you into doing something you really don't want to do, but you will feel obligated, and these things won't be trivial. But sure thats the way it is sometimes. It doesn't really matter who wears the trousers in a relationship, as long as someone does. But you are definitely her b&%$h.

With respect, I don't you know an awful lot about relationships or women. Link. I think that what you have just written is rubbish.

I also disagree with your previous post.

I think that the OP did the right thing. If it was really important to me to text my OH about apples once a month, then I think that my OH should be ok with that, and maybe even text me once a month about apples. I would be upset if my OH told me never to text about apples ever again, if apples were really really important to me. Everyone in every relationship has little quirks.

I honestly don't see where the majority of repliers seem to be coming on this one. I don't see how everyone is getting so upset about this. OP, based on what you have said, I don't think your gf is a diva, I don't think she's testing you, I don't think you are a pushover. I think you are an understanding bf of two years, who loves his girlfriend, and she loves you - she has a habit that crops up once a month in a text that you don't particularly like, but surely there's lots of us out there with annoying habits or quirks that are more obtrusive and offending, and that occur more than once a month???

e04bf099

That isn't the point! It is not her habits that matter. Enjoying a monthly anniversary in a light-hearted way is fine. Those things are shared by every couple. But every time he forgets she gives out to him. But he can't force himself to care enough about a monthly anniversary if he just doesn't. That says nothing about how he feels about her, which is how (as he portrays it) she is making it out. That is pure control and manipulation.

If he remembered then fine. That would be a cute thing for them to share. But if he doesn't, and she isn't rying to control him, then give up and concentrate on something they both care about. She should just buy a dog and celebrate every month the anniversary of the purchase with a new bow to put around it's neck!

LegacyUser

hi all,
some interesting views coming in on this little pickle. i dont really see her as testing me, she knows at this stage that i can be a bit of a push over, but if i have a view and its not the same as hers, im well able to say "hauld ona second there now" and argue my view as well as anybody.
i think for some reason sending a text once a month meant a lot to her, (a quirk, we all have them) so when i suggested toning it down she flipped out a bit, maybe after a day of not speaking she began to realise that its not very common to mention it every single month.(its even a bit daft to 99% of people!)
as i said earlier, i sent her a text, explained how i didnt realise it ment something to her, seen it as a bit of fun, as thought we could tone it down a bit.i dont see my actions as bowing down to her, i explained exactly where i was coming from and apologised (ok wee bit of bow down there) if it caused offence, as it wasnt intended.
as far as im aware, the situation has passed, cant wait to see the reaction next month when i forget....!!

MissHoneyBun

OP it's clear you're going to do your own thing anyway here and are not actually open to advice so whatever floats your yacht and all but grow a pair to be honest.

Lollipops23

woah,that's a bit much tbh. I celebrated 6 mths,a year, 18 mths and 2 years. after that it's just a yearly thing. It's unreasonable of her to expect you to remember each month. tell her to cop on.

LegacyUser

with respect "MisshuneyBun", i have taken some of whats been said on board, i came on asking for opinions, got some and acted accordingly. i thought she was being completey OTT, i came on here, told my story, and it was pointed out to me that she obiviously really loves me so getting/sending a text once a month (even though its daft in my humble opinion) is just one of her things, and seem as i do love her, i can see past it. it was also pointed out to me on here is -its just a text, not expections of dinner/dates/pressies, just one text-fairly harmless when put into perspective.
(jaysus, i must be fairly deadly if she still wants to mark the occasion of us getting together every single month!!...im just kidding)
"lollypop"-technically im agreeing with u, but i do think asking her to tone it down a wee bit would be the slightly better form of saying "cop the **** on!!" (from my expericence anyways,wimminsfolk dont like being spoken to like that)

Monkey61

OP if you love her and say she loves you then fair enough and carry on as long as you are happy.

The only things to point out are - 1. If she looks forward to the day of another month together more than she does payday, I would take that as a sign of some seriously deep rooted insecurity. Why would anyone in a relationship look forward to that particular day unless they were just trying to prove something to themselves by being in a long term relationship? It just doesn't sound healthy.

2. What is also severely unhealthy, not to mention childish, is the way that she threw a tantrum and sulked until you fell into line with her. It is not the habit of saying happy anniversary every month, that is a quirk. It is the way she reacted when you forgot that is disturbing. That kind of behaviour has a nasty habit of spiraling when left unchallenged. I am sure you know yourself deep down that this is not going to get better, only worse. As time passes by, she is going to sulk more, become more childish and generally have you running after her constantly to fill whatever gap she thinks there is in her life. She acted like a spoilt and immature crazy person and what did you do? Exactly as she wanted you to do. You ran after her, telling her how much you loved getting those texts and generally just played up to her behaviour - the complete opposite to what you should have done.

3. Her manipulating you and trying to control you is not an indicator of how much she loves you. It is an indicator of how much she wants to control you and how insecure she is. Nothing more. If you love someone you do not want to own and control them.

I have a feeling that you are going to carry on letting her walk all over you OP. Be careful because eventually, nobody has any respect for those that let them behave badly and she will utlimately not end up respecting you for bending to her every will. She might get a buzz off it in the short term, but not forever.

John Mason

me and the ball and chain completely forgot our first year anniversary until about 3 weeks after the event and will probably completely forget about it this time again.

to be expecting someone to remember a date every month, other then payday, is complete madness, does your gf have a job? cos she doesnt seem to have much else going on in her life, maybe try to get her involved in some hobbies