STD worries ruining relationships

LegacyUser

I am a 24 year old woman and this issue is totally taking over my life. I was totally normal until a couple of years ago when I found out I had pre cancerous lesions on my cervix. This alone isn't really a big deal, but it sort of made me think how easy it is to get sexually transmitted infections. I had only had 2 partners and always used protection so had assumed there was nothing to worry about, but in fact you can still get some STDs despite being really careful.
I am really worried about herpes now. My ex used to get cold sores so I never let him give me oral. When I met my current bf, I was delighted, as he never gets them, so we had loads of oral. So I was horrified when I got what looked like a cold sore on my mouth a few months ago. Obviously I know to avoid oral while sores are present, but from what I've read, you can pass on the virus even without having visible sores. This makes me so angry - I figured that having a monogamous, long term partner meant not worrying about stuff like this! I asked the doctor about it and she reckoned it was incredibly unlikely to get genital herpes from oral herpes, especially with no sores present, but I've read differently. Am I going to have to forgo oral for the rest of my life???

minidazzler

Talk to you GP about this to confirm but here is what I am pretty sure of.

Those precancerous lesions are probably caused by HPV much more common that Genital Herpes. It may cause Genital warts depending on the type you have though.

Just don't go down on your BF when you have the tingle of a coldsore and tell him the same.

HPV can spread even with proper condom use as it is spread by Skin to Skin contact.

In the majority of cases it is not even detectable.

http://www.cdc.gov/STD/HPV/STDFact-HPV.htm


Talk to your GP to confirm it is HPV though.

LegacyUser

Oh I know the lesions are caused by HPV, I just mean that getting them made me worry about all the other stuff you can get, I don't have the mentality of 'using protection means I won't get STD's' anymore.

John Mason

you could have picked up the cold sore anywhere, in a restuarant where the cups/glasses/cutlery havent been wash properly. from a beer bottle.

all it takes is for someone with a cold to touch their face, not wash their hands and then touch your beer bottle etc.

so i wouldnt really be stressing about

also it is probably best not to give oral when you have active sores

shellyboo

Op, oral herpes is unbelievably common, but we're not all wandering around with secret genital herpes. Avoid oral when you have an outbreak - that's literally all you can do. Beyond that, why make yourself miserable?

LegacyUser

I know what you mean shellyboo, but at the same time, I'd be more miserable if I got genital herpes than I would by avoiding oral sex forever. The doctor only told me that 'everything in life carries a risk', but I have no idea what the risk is, if it's significant or only theoretical.
Also to make my paranoid mind even worse, I have this little red patch on my vulva, my GP said it was nothing but it's still there after a month so I'm imagining all kinds of awful things

minidazzler

Unregistered wrote: »

I know what you mean shellyboo, but at the same time, I'd be more miserable if I got genital herpes than I would by avoiding oral sex forever. The doctor only told me that 'everything in life carries a risk', but I have no idea what the risk is, if it's significant or only theoretical.
Also to make my paranoid mind even worse, I have this little red patch on my vulva, my GP said it was nothing but it's still there after a month so I'm imagining all kinds of awful things

Get a second opinion!!!

shellyboo

Unregistered wrote: »

I know what you mean shellyboo, but at the same time, I'd be more miserable if I got genital herpes than I would by avoiding oral sex forever. The doctor only told me that 'everything in life carries a risk', but I have no idea what the risk is, if it's significant or only theoretical.
Also to make my paranoid mind even worse, I have this little red patch on my vulva, my GP said it was nothing but it's still there after a month so I'm imagining all kinds of awful things

Really?! You'd rather avoid oral sex forever on the off-chance you'll get genital herpes? When you have the exact same risk as everyone else on the planet of getting it? Less, in fact, because neither you nor your partner has ever had genital herpes?



I understand that you want to be careful, but you're being unreasonably obsessive about this. No facts or figures are going to convince you of this - you need to rationalise this in your own head.

Nevyn

Do you know what a dental dam is?

Dental dams or rubber dams are rectangular sheets of latex used in dentistry, specifically endodontic therapy. They are also used during sexual activities as a safe sex technique. Safe sex

In regard to safe sex practices, dental dams are most commonly recognized for their use during cunnilingus and analingus to protect against the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases. After lubrication with water-based lubricant an unpunctured dental dam may be held over the vulva or anus, allowing oral stimulation of these areas without transmission of bodily fluids and skin contact.

LegacyUser

Shellyboo, yes I know. I feel that something out there is out to get me - I mean, right after I got my first coldsore and had given head to my boyfriend, he got a spot on his penis! As he squeezed it and white pus came out and it cleared up, even I am fairly confident it was just a spot, but what a co-incidence that he happened to get it at that time. Both of us were freaking out about herpes for several days.

Thaedydal, yeah I know what one is, but my boyfriend (not unreasonably) won't use them. He'd prefer just not to bother with oral as he finds it too clinical with barrier methods.

LegacyUser

its just herpes its not a big deal.
cold sores or genital cold sores last maybe 5 to 7 days and if youre unlucky you get them around 4 times a year usually less.

so youre upset about something that will be there 20 days out of 365 days? if you love your partner then you shouldnt care. its a little red rash dont let it run your life