Really like my ex's friend..weird situation

LegacyUser

Uhh usually I'd be able to sort this stuff out myself but....just thought I'd go for some advice here and try keep it as vague as possible to avoid identification!

I was with a guy for over a year about 2 years ago. A few months into the relationship I realised I was staying with him out of sympathy/fear of what he may do if I left (I know a lot of people say that but in this instant it was true). There were many reasons for this, one I was feeling bad about myself/family issues/My Mother had just passed away at the start of that year and I think I was honestly looking for comfort since I wasn't getting it from my family. I told myself it was alright to stay with him. I knew he thought I loved him, and I did dearly but mostly as a friend..and thought I was doing the right thing as it was making him happy and noone would get hurt?

Anyway, he had a friend who I also met the second time I met him at a party. At this point I had not even kissed Bob lets call him, and I had not given him any other signals than I was just interested in being friends which was true at the time. Unfortunately, I had consumed an unhealthy amount of alcohol at this party that night, which is unusual for me (I put it down to pure supressed grief about my mother and yearning to look like I was okay) and I ended up in bed with Bob whilst kinda forgetting about..uhh John lets call his friend!

So things went well, still fancied John everytime we all went out for a drink etc but was liking the total comfort of knowing Bob was the kinda guy who'd never really be anything but good to me, and who I could rely on, which was nice. Never once mentioned anything about having feelings for John, to Bob or him.

Then stupidely a few weeks before I got the courage to leave Bob because I did not love him as I said, John invited me to go on a weekend trip with him and his friend. We drove to the destination together, took hours, discovered we liked the same music, chatted about everything and anything and honestly had the greatest craic in that car I didn't want it to end. Had a weird moment with John sitting in his tent in the rain, nothing happened, just felt...weird..so I went off to bed and spent all night thinking about him and feeling like a complete asshole and hating myself for possibly breaking Bobs heart because I'm so indecisive .

Cut to after the breakup, few weeks. I drunkenly call John and tell him I've feelings for him. He tells me to stop because he's Bobs friend and won't talk about it, which is right..I presume he means he doesn't feel the same way. I deal with this somehow and try get over it. A week later John sends me flirty texts and I reply to tell him to leave me alone as he 'gives me a headache'..because I felt so bad for Bob. Don't talk to John again for a year or so.

Long story short, Bob went nutty after we broke up, pretty sure John didn't tell him anything..because technically there wouldn't be much to tell and it'd just be adding salt to the wound I suppose. Bob accuses me of stalking him in different ways which is completely untrue, he does this when HE magically turns up at my birthday at a pub in town at which I am completely drunk. I say HEYY Bob hows it going like trying to be nice and he freaks out in front of all of his friends who I knew too and really liked saying I was stalking him?! I talked bout it with a different friend of his outside who isin't insane it seems and explains what Bob has been saying about me, which extends to what would have to be complicated use of some software to gain access to e-mails/websites etc which is complete crap because I have about as much technical skill with a computer as the next person, which is none! This really really annoyed me.

Recently I was on an e-bay type website talking to someone about buying something and in a roundabout way after I relalised it was John because of some info he had up that was recognisable. He was surprised. Now I think he may indeed think I am using my 'amazing' hackz0r skillz to contact him!? I had his number before and lost my phone so I'm sure if I wanted I could just text him. I'm afraid Bob has dragged him into his crazy ass world of me stalking him and he believes him. I am the complete opposite to that. I really want to get in contact with John again, he is one of only a couple of people I've met in my life that I felt a connection with. I know I'm a bitch for all the things I did and I shouldn't blame it on anything but I really think my depression over my mother was a catalyst for a lot of it. I'm much happier now and all I've been thinking about recently is him.

My question is, what should I do, should I just send John an e-mail explaining that I'd like to meet up /chat and hoping he doesnt think I'm mad because of what Bob said and risk the consequences because he..well..rightfully should take his friends side..or should I just leave it and leave it up to fate?

Ugh!

Sorry for the length by the way ;/

LegacyUser

44 views no replies? any advice would be great . i feel like im going mad!waaaaaaah

minidazzler

2 years is a long time.

Email John and ask him out if you wish. By now it has nothing to do with Bob.

So go for it and good luck with it.

Use some Tact though when talking to John, he may think it's weird that you randomly found him on the net while buying something.

LegacyUser

I would leave it if I was you. I doubt this John guy would be interested as your his friends ex who it sounds like you had a difficult break up with and you have already revealed your feelings to him and he didn't seem that interested.

If you go contacting him after all this time then you will add weight to the rumour circulated by your ex that you have some stalker tendencies.

Maybe you and John did get on well but it's a good while ago now I think you need to move on. Do you really have a 'connection' with this guy or is it just that you want what you can't have. You have no idea really whether or not it would ever work between you.

shellyboo

That sounds long, messy and complicated - and more hassle than it's worth, quite frankly. I say forget the two of them, leave them both behind and move on.

minidazzler

lala1333 wrote: »

I would leave it if I was you. I doubt this John guy would be interested as your his friends ex who it sounds like you had a difficult break up with and you have already revealed your feelings to him and he didn't seem that interested.

If you go contacting him after all this time then you will add weight to the rumour circulated by your ex that you have some stalker tendencies.

Maybe you and John did get on well but it's a good while ago now I think you need to move on. Do you really have a 'connection' with this guy or is it just that you want what you can't have. You have no idea really whether or not it would ever work between you.

Noone ever does, the only way to know is to try.

LegacyUser

minidazzler wrote: »

Noone ever does, the only way to know is to try.

Yeah exactly... and to the previous poster I know it probably would add 'weight' to whatever hes said, and I suppose if someone blindly believes what an obviously disturbed person says to them then its not worth it anyway. So yeah.. I've already made contact as I thought nobody would reply to this and I just went for it. We'll see what happens.