Ex Not following terms of access agreement

LegacyUser

Hi,

I was just wondering if somebody could advise me what the next steps are or what recourse I have when my ex ( the mother) has not followed terms of an access agreement (court order).

If someone has had experience in this i would much appreciate the advice.

Thanks.

Nevyn

I would say start keeping a record of all the times the agreement was broken, dates times ect.

Is the access part of a court order?

traceybere

Sorry to hop on the OP's post - but what happens if the agreement is broke, or "in breech"? For example if they are to take the child to an after school activity and don't or continuously returning late or arriving early?

Heilixc

The next step is to go back to court for enforcement. She will be put in jail if she does not comply with the courts order re access. You will have to give evidence so accurate records are essential.

MojoMaker

lol. The naivety ^^

bcirl03

Heilixc wrote: »

The next step is to go back to court for enforcement. She will be put in jail if she does not comply with the courts order re access. You will have to give evidence so accurate records are essential.

And the kid(s) too?

LegacyUser

Thaedydal wrote: »

I would say start keeping a record of all the times the agreement was broken, dates times ect.

Is the access part of a court order?

yes it is. My solicitor advised to keep a record of all this until the next court date which is next year. Far from an ideal situation

Eoineo

That's all you can do until the review unfortunately.

If the child isn't handed over at all you can bring a copy of the order to the local Garda Station, ask them to make a note of it and datestamp the back of the order. It's a good way of keeping everything above board.

If you have a case where you're getting access but not to the letter of the order then make a note of it all in a diary. Collate the information and present it to the judge on the day.

Have you discussed it with the child's mother to see if there is a specific reason why it's not working out?

traceybere

Eoineo wrote: »

That's all you can do until the review unfortunately.

If the child isn't handed over at all you can bring a copy of the order to the local Garda Station, ask them to make a note of it and datestamp the back of the order. It's a good way of keeping everything above board.

If you have a case where you're getting access but not to the letter of the order then make a note of it all in a diary. Collate the information and present it to the judge on the day.

Have you discussed it with the child's mother to see if there is a specific reason why it's not working out?

I have tried to discuss it with her father and to be honest its one excuse after another - mostly he pays dumb - we all get stuck in traffic and have punctures and loose track of time - this is understandable and can be easily helped by sending a text or a quick call - but excuses like - I forgot, I didn't know or "was I meant to?" - are just wearing thin

seamus

Yep, keeping a log is pretty much the best thing you can do. Have a few tickboxes on the log - e.g. when the "session" has ended, confirm the date and time of the next "session" with the parent. Put a tick in the log to indicate that you have indeed confirmed that access.

Make a note of the time that the other parent picks up the child and drops off the child, to the minute. I know one girl where the father had a habit of arriving 5 minutes before his access was supposed to end, and 30 minutes before the child was supposed to be in bed.

I would personally recommend sending a text the day before asking, "Just confirming that we're still on for tomorrow at xx o'clock?". This means they can't use any "I forgot" or "was I meant to?" excuses. People who've actually been in that situation can probably tell you whether that's excessive.

Above all, be consistent and truthful when keeping a log, because otherwise it becomes worthless.

CDfm

Court is one option but I think that you should take the approach of preparing for the best while assuming the worst.

You should look into mediation at www.fsa.ie and co parenting courses at www.oneparent.ie . This is worth a shot. Courts are the last option.

If I were you I would contact one of the help groups such as amen www.amen.ie or www.usfi.ie as they provide support for men in your situation.

You should keep records and bring someone with you as a witness to the breaches just in case she makes allegations against you.

The ideal situation is that you get some form of mediation and parenting plan going and get rid of the hostility of court.

Now I am not saying its easy but you should remain positive and try to demonstrate goodwill where you can.

LegacyUser

Thanks for taking the time to reply to the threads. I will look into the mediation side of things and the support groups. The only problem I can see with these is that she will promise the world as she has done via solicitor's and then pays no heed to "that stupid piece of paper" ie the court order.

As it stands I havent had proper access to the child in the last month and my patience is wearing thin. it will be her first birthday in december and also her first christmas. Im on a bit of a tangent there though sorry.

Just to note as well that the court was already last resort. Unfortunately it went through many different avenues before coming to this

handlebears

you should go ahead and seek to enforce the court order. Until the gaol keys are jangled in front of her you will get nowhere.

CDfm

handlebears wrote: »

you should go ahead and seek to enforce the court order. Until the gaol keys are jangled in front of her you will get nowhere.

now nobody is going to be jangling jail keys

its best to put a plan together and see if something can be salvaged so you can say to anyone whoever asks that you did the right thing

Eoineo

traceybere wrote: »

I have tried to discuss it with her father and to be honest its one excuse after another - mostly he pays dumb - we all get stuck in traffic and have punctures and loose track of time - this is understandable and can be easily helped by sending a text or a quick call - but excuses like - I forgot, I didn't know or "was I meant to?" - are just wearing thin

@ Tracey sorry for not replying sooner. I'd give him a maximum of 15 mins leeway if he cannot do you the courtesy of letting you know he will be late. If he is more than 15 mins late to collect the child then don't be there. IMHO he had his opportunity and he missed it. Plan something on a contingency (e.g. trip to the park) and if he does turn up and call you then he will have to wait until you are ready. Give it a couple of times like that and then I suspect he will learn his lesson.

@ Anon - Suggest if you do get her to agree to mediation that you attend a parenting course together. Perhaps when she understands the importance of joint parenting then she might be more prepared to give up the child for access.

CDfm

traceybere wrote: »

I have tried to discuss it with her father and to be honest its one excuse after another - mostly he pays dumb - we all get stuck in traffic and have punctures and loose track of time - this is understandable and can be easily helped by sending a text or a quick call - but excuses like - I forgot, I didn't know or "was I meant to?" - are just wearing thin

i wouldnt discuss it with the father - can you say what the access arangements are and where the collection and delivey takes place -not specifically but like whose house or whereever

remember your agreement is with her and not her father and he will have his own ax to grind - so lets say there is no goodwill there with him

can arrangements be made where you and your ex exchange the child

theT

If she is denying you access you will have to be able to give the court at least three specific dates where she has done so, once you have that you can then bring her back to court for Breach of Access, risk of fines and imprisonment and all that but to be honest I dont think an Irish court will ever jail a mother for something like that, fathers just are not given enough rights, hope all works out mate

CDfm

theT wrote: »

If she is denying you access you will have to be able to give the court at least three specific dates where she has done so, once you have that you can then bring her back to court for Breach of Access, risk of fines and imprisonment and all that but to be honest I dont think an Irish court will ever jail a mother for something like that, fathers just are not given enough rights, hope all works out mate

A court will enforce its own orders -especially if the judge likes you.:)

thats why I always suggest to people to accomadate reasonable requests so that if you do end up in court that you can demonstrate that you have been reasonable

handlebears

CDfm wrote: »

A court will enforce its own orders -especially if the judge likes you.:)

thats why I always suggest to people to accomadate reasonable requests so that if you do end up in court that you can demonstrate that you have been reasonable

A friend of mine was told that she would be on her way to Mountjoy if it was not established in court the following week that the terms of the access order had been complied with. A place and time was named where the visit was to take place.

CDfm

handlebears wrote: »

A friend of mine was told that she would be on her way to Mountjoy if it was not established in court the following week that the terms of the access order had been complied with. A place and time was named where the visit was to take place.

I am a divorced Dad and I do think the OP and others in the system should try to demonstrate goodwillas that way you can get orders enforced.

If you behave badly like karma it comes back on you like happened here

Whynotme

My son had a similar problem. He was stopped from seeing his son for 3 months. After the 2nd missed access he made complaints to the gardai. He got everything logged, every time. He texted her every time the night before his due access. In time they got to court. She did not bother to turn up. Judge issued a bench warrant and she was issued with a long term peace bond. Judges are finally starting to sit up and note that fathers DO have rights and women need to cop on. Fathers are not meal tickets for their children, they are entitled to a relationship with them too.

bumpintraining

Whynotme wrote: »

Fathers are not meal tickets for their children, they are entitled to a relationship with them too.

completly agree. To be honest the amount of mothers I have seen use their children as pawns to get back at the father for leaving the relationship is sickening. Shame on them for denying their child the right to have a relationship with their fathers; who are willing to do anything to have relationship with their flesh and blood

OP I hope it works out and I hope in the near future fathers will get the rights and recognition they deserve.

traceybere

CDfm wrote: »

i wouldnt discuss it with the father - can you say what the access arangements are and where the collection and delivey takes place -not specifically but like whose house or whereever

remember your agreement is with her and not her father and he will have his own ax to grind - so lets say there is no goodwill there with him

can arrangements be made where you and your ex exchange the child

Our arrangement our every second weekend collect from her play group and dropped of at her grandparents - also every Tues for 3 hours again from her play group and dropped of at her grandparents.

CDfm

traceybere wrote: »

Our arrangement our every second weekend collect from her play group and dropped of at her grandparents - also every Tues for 3 hours again from her play group and dropped of at her grandparents.

So if the child is supposed to be there - why isnt she?

It would make sense to build into the agreement delivery to your house rather than waste a journey and by the mother. The mother cant police others behavior and you can hardly bring an enforcement order against the dad.

metrovelvet

Eoineo wrote: »

@ Tracey sorry for not replying sooner. I'd give him a maximum of 15 mins leeway if he cannot do you the courtesy of letting you know he will be late. If he is more than 15 mins late to collect the child then don't be there. IMHO he had his opportunity and he missed it. Plan something on a contingency (e.g. trip to the park) and if he does turn up and call you then he will have to wait until you are ready. Give it a couple of times like that and then I suspect he will learn his lesson.
.

Yes I would agree with this. Also, given his unreliability I would not tell the child he is going to see his father in case he doesn't turn up.

Also is there anyway of reporting it when the father breaks the court order?

traceybere

CDfm wrote: »

So if the child is supposed to be there - why isnt she?

It would make sense to build into the agreement delivery to your house rather than waste a journey and by the mother. The mother cant police others behavior and you can hardly bring an enforcement order against the dad.

Sorry I don't follow?????

CDfm

traceybere wrote: »

Sorry I don't follow?????

The reason being if the parent with the child does the delivery at least the other person is free if there is a no show.

I am not into delegating handover.