Is being seperatred a big deal?

LegacyUser

Hi
Going unreg for this.

Basically am male, seperated, 35 and have young child that I have every weekend.

Have been on few dates since break up (18 mths ago) and I always wind myself up about telling the girl I'm meeting that I'm seperated and have a child.

What I want to ask readers (esp females!) is it a big deal for a girl if a guy she is dating is seperated / has kid etc. To be fair I've never got bad reaction over it and maybe am just worrying un necessarily. It is what it is.

Thanks

LegacyUser

Im in the same boat as you except im a woman.

I would actully prefer a new partner to have children as we would have something in common and they would realise I cant be as spontaneous as someone without a family

Now what would bother me is if the bloke had left some girl in the lurch with kids coz he didnt do family or was out cheating on her while she was at home with the kids or even worse coz he only wanted to be a part time daddy.

I also wouldnt be wanting to introduce my kids to new partners until I knew it was a long term thing.

John Mason

for me it would be but i am sure there are loads of women out there who wouldnt bat an eyelid at it

herya

Some will some won't but it's good that you bring it straightaway so that the situation is clear for both of you.

apsalar

Hi! Let me not lie to you....it would be a big deal if a gentleman I was dating is separated/has a child. But only because it would be intimidating and this is not the same as off-putting. If the dates are progressing well, then I would have to ask myself if I'd like to take it further and how does anything meaningful progress without affecting your relationship with your child/ ex wife. Or indeed if i would like to have something happening in those circumstances.

This doesn't mean it would scare me off, and I'll be honest with you, the fact that you're so truthful early on is a great thing. I would be happier finding it all out early than 3 months down the line. I don't think you should stop telling your dates this...if they're running scared then maybe you are approaching things as if it bothers you? If it truly doesn't then a simple "listen, i am enjoying the night, but I'll let you know about my personal circumstances right now so that we're clear about it from the get-go" will suffice.

Either way, good on you for getting out there and dating again. I can just imagine how nervous you must be feeling. It's not easy when you have a child and restricted personal circumstances. Anyway, the point is you're supposed to be enjoying women's company again. I hope you are, and good luck being back on the scene.

Limerick1976

While I'm separated with no kids what I have found is that women are looking for someone nice and while you think your baggage is a limiting factor its not as long as the woman finds you interesting and nice they genuinely don't mind about your past

CDfm

OP - I am going to go out on a limb here.

If you are going out on a first date no. lots of women wont date a guy with kids so for a one off date etc I wouldnt go volunteering too much information.Also it gives the impression that you are not "over it"

Thats not saying absolutely lie but somepeople have prejudice against seperated or divorced guys/girls.

Going out on a first date is different and you should be putting your best foot forward - lookin like that great hunk of manhood you know you are:D

LegacyUser

OP here - Thanks for the views - kinda depends on the person you are meeting really.

I often thought it would be good to meet a girl in a position similar to mine - we'd have a lot in common straight away!

LegacyUser

Im that single parent in the same positon as you and as I said earlier. I would much prefer someone in the same boat as me coz yeah when someone has been there, there would def be lots to talk aobut

So keep your chin up and you will meet someone who will love you and wont mind that you have a child/children, Everyone has a past whether we have kids or not.

Munstermad

I'm a recently seperated woman with 3 kids, in my mid 30's and I also think meeting someone in a similar position would be great.

Both starting the relationship with common ground..
I do agree with being open and honest from the start but maybe not the very first date. A little mystery is always nice;)

Is early days for me, and I wouldn't even know where to begin on the dating scene. Am half terrified half excited by the prospect.

Best of luck to my fellow spereatees!!!:D

Lux23

Its a big issue for me and its unlikely that I would have any interest in a man with a kid. I was dating someone with a child and it was a big barrier between us so it would put me off.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,
Just wanted to say that I have been in a situation where I went out with a man who was seperated, I am single with no kids in my late 20's, when I met him, and he told me on our first date that he was separated with 3 kids. I had no problem with this although friends of mine said to me at the time tht they wouldn't go out with a man who had kids.
We went out for 2years, and I met his kids after about 4/5 months and got on great with them.
unfortunatly I came to realise the reason why he split with his wife was because he was an eternal teenager, and wasnt capable of settling down..... so in answer to your question, and as other posters have mentioned, some girls will have a problem with it.... some wont, but there is no harm in being upfront and honest.

mylittlepony

It should not be a problem.
As long as the guy is guinely nice all round sound mature guy.
And if the separation was mutally agreed on both side.
If one sided, it tends to be ongoing issues. IMO

Also if one have children and other none, i think it should be made clear not on first date but later but not too late, if say the one with 2+ children doesnt want anymore kids and the other does cos none, it should be made clear.
No point in avoiding the issue or reluctantly going along with it.