Í feel ancient and I´m only 29!

Eve_Dublin

Hey guys, just want to see what everyone else thinks about this and just want to see if I´m being an idiot or not. I´ve recently moved to Spain and am slowly but surely making new friends. I´ve met a few my own age but I´m mainly meeting up with people around the 25 mark (I´m 29) because most of the English teachers i´ve come across so far seem to be around that age group. That´s cool but...and I´ve never felt this way before in the past and I´m not ageist in any way and have friends of different ages back home (mainly same age and older and a few a couple of years younger from college)... but I suddenly feel very old in comparison to these girls and guys.

Went to a club with 2 of the girls last night thinking there´d be a variety of ages but I was the oldest in there by at least 4 years. I suppose it really hit home when I was talking to a guy for a while (I´d no intention of anything happening but was happy enough just chatting for a sec) and he started to tell me I was beautiful etc and I, of course, knew this guy was a good bit younger than me and just thanked him for the compliment (always nice to hear from young or old). Then he asks me how old I was, I told him I was 29 and his face dropped. Turns out he was 22, which I suspected anyway but as I said, I just wanted to chat. As soon as he found out, he proceeded to tell me I don´t LOOK 29 and turned around to his big group of friends to tell them I was 29 and wasn´t that unbelievable (I definitely look 29 in the cold light of day! Haha!). I was standing there to be gawked at and I felt like an idiot, quite frankly. I felt old, really old.

I don´t want to judge anyone purely on their age and these girls are lovely and it´s kind of refreshing to hang out with people who aren´t talking about weddings and kids....but I definitely feel like the older, wiser sister in comparison and one of them is constantly asking me for advice regarding her bad relationship, presuming I´ll know the answers jus because I´m older (I´m as flummuxed about love as she is). The conversations are the same kinds of conversations I was having 5 years ago and they´re going through all the insecurities I went through already and I just feel ancient. Is this all in my head? I know people are going to tell me that age is just a number but all of a sudden since I turned 29 a few months ago, my age has become an issue in my head, more than it should because I´m ONLY 29 and it´s being amplified now that I´m meeting more people who are younger than me. Perhaps it has something to do with taking a risk moving over here when all my friends are going down the conventional route of marriage, mortgage etc.

Sorry, just had to get this out. I´m yet to find good friends here so need to vent that so thanks for listening. Any thoughts?

dixiefly

I am quite a bit older than you but have been told many times that I look younger. At times I have worked and socialsed with people a lot younger than myself.
To be honest I think that you should juct forget about it if you cam, take it as a compliment the fact that people thought you were younger and just think abiout and worry about the things you have a control over.

Everyone gets older as you know, sometimes we end up in social or work circles with people of different age groups. I say that you should go with the flow.

And btw, 29 is NOT old.

miec

Hi Op

I know where you are coming from, it is not that in reality you feel old but you are surrounded by people much younger and you are more conscious of your age. I went through a similar thing, I went back to college as a mature student, studied single honours english and I was one of the older ones, I was that in between age in that I was not middle age like the other mature students but I wasn't a young one either, I was in my mid 30s and whist my fellow college mates had no issue whatsoever with my age, I felt older, or should say very conscious of my age and it is possible you are experiencing that too. Unfortunately I have no advice to offer you because when I meet up with my former college mates (whom I really like) I still get very conscious of my age.

As to the guy that chatted you up, to be honest he sounded a wally and I would be tempted to say to him not to make such an issue of your age, his behaviour was (probably without meaning) insensitive and rude. I would have upbraided him on that. As for those seeking advice, sometimes I've said things like heck, even though Im older, I still haven't a notion. The only comfort I can give is when you are around people your own age, you won't feel so old if that is any consolation.

I feel the same and I'm 24!! I went back to college this year and I'm so conscious of being older than most people. I have a June birthday so I'd always been the youngest in the class up until now, and I preferred it that way. I have nothing against younger people, I socialise with 18 and 19 year olds in the student union, but they seem to see me as really old. Like yourself, I look young (probably 19 or 20) and I dress young so I see the faces drop as people realise I'm an 'oldie'. Between that and the fact that every time I log onto Facebook and see another friend or old classmate has gotten married, I feel bloody ancient. And every time I buy alcohol and show my ID, I get the 'you don't look THAT old!' face. God, I never thought I'd be feeling this way at this age.
Especially coming back from teaching English in another country, where nobody could believe I was only 24 and I was constantly being made to feel like a baby and having people question my experience and qualifications! I really think it just depends on the people you meet. It is a crappy feeling, but I think it just happens when you hang around with people much younger. 29 is not old at all!

Dudess

OP, maybe try and look at it from a different perspective. I'm 31 and find the "cool older sister" treatment of me/"you look way younger than 31" comments highly complimentary.

Moomoo1

welcome to the club (I am 29 as well). At this age the realisation that you ain't young anymore first hits you.

newestUser

I'm 31, and moved to the UK for work last year. On the whole, I'm not very bothered about my age, even though sometimes when people find out I came over here on my own last year for work, there's a raised eyebrow, and comments along the lines of 'I wouldn't do what you're doing at your age'.

I also socialise with people who are 22/23 sometimes. I don't look my age, and I do sometimes get the 'I can't believe you're 31!' line, but I'm secretly quite smug about looking young. That said, we had a new girl start last week. She asked how old I was, when I told her, she looked shocked (that's fine) but then started asking me why I came over here. I found *that* annoying: she never questioned why I was here, until she found out I was in my 30s, at which point it didn't make sense to her that I was here. I dunno. Maybe I'm making something out of nothing. But I do get my decision to come here questioned, and I don't like people feeling that I've done something out of the ordinary which I need to explain to them.

While I'm sure that some people find it hard to understand why I made the decision to come over here, I don't think they spend a lot of time thinking about it, so I don't either. I don't think 29/30/31 is that old. Some people admire me for it, some think I'm an oddball for doing it. Same as anything really. It's not quite the same as when I was abroad as a 22/23 year old, because there's less 'future' to shape your life with, and that's a bit scary. But, not *really* scary, and it's not constantly on my mind. I'm doing something I want to do, I've come over here by choice and I feel like I'm sampling a wide variety of life's pleasures, I'm meeting some great people, doing well in work, opening up more opportunities for myself, having fun, socialising, playing sport, etc. I came over here because I felt that it was a step towards a happier life, by making moves towards industries/work environments I'd be happier in than where I was previously. I think there's lots of opportunities out there for me to sample, in my personal and professional life that I wouldn't have if I'd made more 'conventional' choices. That more than helps alleviate any insecurities or misgivings I have about coming over here.

It also helps that I have friends who I respect who have made similar decisions (going abroad to work in their 30s, sometimes without knowing anyone where they were going). I like and respect these people. I don't think they're losers/weird/not acting their age: and if anyone else thought this, I'd think they were narrow minded/nasty/d!ckheads. So long as there's people out there who think of me in a similar fashion, I'm satisfied being in the UK.

Just some random thoughts.

sunnyside

I'm 31 (female). I also tend to look and act younger but what makes me feel old is being weighed down by the responsibility of a mortgage and endless bills.

LegacyUser

When you hit 30 you are ****ed. Especially women.

dudara

the hooded claw wrote: »

When you hit 30 you are ****ed. Especially women.

Please don't post if you don't have anything constructive to offer.

dudara

OP - Age really is a state of mind. If you let yourself be beaten down by silly circumstance, then you really will be old before your time.

Personally, I think your late twenties/early thirties are a great period. You finally have a decent level of financial independance and a good bit of maturity and experience under your belt.

BumbleB

Hey Eve , Chill out. You do realise, youre going through a transition period new country etc things will work out just relax. The more you think of it as an issue ,the more it becomes an issue.Enjoy your new life and new friends .I'd love to go to spain.

kittenkiller

Hi Eve.

A four year gap between friends is nothing. You'll get used to the new role as wise owl after a little while.
I ar$ed around with my education for a fair while and ended up in classes with people that were 3-4 years younger than me too.
Personally I think it keeps you feeling young too!
And it's nice to be asked advice every now and then.
If your new friends are happy to accept you as you are, then give them the same opportunity.
You don't have to go clubbing with them all the time if you don't feel like it.
You get to do young things again without the insecurity and panic of youth holding you back.

Happy Days!
Enjoy it!

Eve_Dublin

Great advice and perspectives from everyone so thanks. As I was writing that post, I knew how ridiculous it sounded to feel like this at 29 so thanks for not laughing! Just having an insecure few moments (which I thought I was above!) so just thought I´d see what everyone else thought.

Honestly, I just can´t take the "You don´t look 29!" as a compliment because what is 29 supposed to look like??? All haggard and wrinkly with a stooped back? I´d like to be acknowledged that I look my age but that perhaps a decent model of someone my age, not younger-looking. Ye know? I suppose I´m a little sensitive over the issue that women aren´t desirable once they look older, even if they´re a fit, well-dressed version of someone their age. I´ve no problem with getting older....I´m happy enough to turn 30 next year...people in their 30s seem happier in their own skin and sexier because of it but I do have a problem with other people making it out like aging is some sort of disability.

I should relax I know and I´m probably over-reacting. The guy in the club probably meant it as a compliment, bless him but I felt it was the kind of compliment you pay someone in their 40s, not someone who´s 29 but yeah, I can see where you´re all coming from and should be happy that people don´t think I look older than my age. I must be doing something right, I guess.

And besides from the physical side of it, I´ve met some guys (also ex-pats) over here in their very late 30s, early 40s and no one bats an eye-lid when they spend days on end getting p*ssed and cracking on to women half their age (fair play to them...why not!) whereas I know what people would think of me if I did the same thing ( I like to party with the best of them and I don´t think that´s going to change any time soon). I suppose it´s trickier for a woman to not follow the conventional route and I suppose I need to meet a few more women my age and older doing the same thing over here.

Feck it....it was never going to be easy moving to a new country as a (newly) single, 29 year old female and I am delighted I did but I guess I have to stop worrying what other people think and just get on with it. It´ll take a bit of time, I guess. Thanks for all your thoughts and wise words everyone!

kittenkiller

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Feck it....it was never going to be easy moving to a new country as a (newly) single, 29 year old female and I am delighted I did but I guess I have to stop worrying what other people think and just get on with it. It´ll take a bit of time, I guess. Thanks for all your thoughts and wise words everyone!

Exactly, and you're doing brilliantly with it!
Getting cracked onto by younger men n everything!!!

I've no idea what a 29 year old looks like and I'm 27 myself.
Don't focus on it.
Enjoy yourself, you're still young and on a massive adventure.
Don't let anyone take that away from you.

Oh The Humanity

Was reading in the papers yesterday that the babies born now will live to 100. So really you are not much more than a baby yourself!

The problem is hanging around with younger people can do that to you.
They dont know you're older so don't tell them!

I don't believe in all this you shouldn't do this that and the other at certain ages, like a 35 yr old shouldn't go to a club. They should be at home parenting etc etc

Do exactly what makes you happy. Don't make a big issue of your age. I hate that sh1t people do though in pubs etc when they find out your age and display you like a well preserved fossil for everyone to marvel at. But its meant well !!! lol

Try to ignore it. Seriously you feel old ONLY until you see your schoolmates on facebook and wonder who all these baggy faced old frumps are and then you realise you are doing well.

MissHoneyBun

You're as old (or as young!) as you feel. End of. Too many people waste their lives worrying about following the pointless conventions that society throws at them. Forget them and feel however you want to feel, not how somebody else tells you to!

Dudess

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Honestly, I just can´t take the "You don´t look 29!" as a compliment because what is 29 supposed to look like??? All haggard and wrinkly with a stooped back? I´d like to be acknowledged that I look my age but that perhaps a decent model of someone my age, not younger-looking. Ye know? I suppose I´m a little sensitive over the issue that women aren´t desirable once they look older, even if they´re a fit, well-dressed version of someone their age. I´ve no problem with getting older....I´m happy enough to turn 30 next year...people in their 30s seem happier in their own skin and sexier because of it but I do have a problem with other people making it out like aging is some sort of disability.

I understand what you're saying, but I suppose maybe look at it from the perspective of those who are younger: to them, 29 is not haggard and decrepid, but just older-looking than you are (because they have a particular idea of it).