Dislike work, apathetic, boss is awful

LegacyUser

Hi,
I'll try to be short. Basically, I'm a year and a half into a job, (my first proper one). I was depressed for about 2/3 years, and this included the first full year of my job. I came into work (sometimes a few minutes late), sat there in body only, did very little, no enthusiasm.

I very soon realised that it's not the job for me. However, being a bit sad etc just made it worse. I've had 2 bosses in the 1.5 years. The second one was over me for about a year. That person has since left and now we're dealing directly with the manager until the team leader position is filled. We have always had to deal with the manager, but less so when there's a team leader around. The manager is absolutely awful, he is a complete bully. He has made one team leader cry on a few occasions. He consistently tries to catch people out. It's only to his subordinates he behaves like this. He behaves impecably to his equals/superior. He never raises his voice, he speaks softly, but it's questioning and attitude, and tone of voice that's the problem. I believe he thinks I'm a useless yoke, and he has questioned me once or twice on things, and his tone is not very nice. Eg, "why did you do X", "What is the reason for that?", "Was there a particular reason for you omitting X?". Now, these kinda questions probably don't seem all that bad, but like I said, it's his manner; he asks things in a way that makes you feel very small.

Recently, I am a bit more happy, and I'm doing more at work (still don't like the work, want to go travelling next sept, so can't really leave). So, I'm doing a project right now. We are team leader-less so some of the work is challenging cos I haven't had the experience of this particular project before. One other team member is working on same project, although this guy is a bit more experienced that me. So I've been putting some stuff together, then realised that something else needs to go into it which will delay the work by a week. We are on a dealine of end of Jan, with several thing needing doing. Anyway my team buddy mentions this set-back to manager as we're unsure how to proceed. To cut a long story short it's sorted now, but it will delay this aspect of project by about a week. A day or so later, I get a really snotty email from manager regarding this blip. The language in the email was a bit formal in my opinion, and it was bascially a big dig at how/why I didn't foresee this issue arise. About 8 weeks ago, this same manager had a go at me for not doing something properly. Actually I had scheduled a cross functional team meeting to sort something out. Some staff members couldn't make the meeting, and besides the issue got more or less resolved at the last minute, so I cancelled the meeting. He marched over to me, questioned me with why I cancelled such a critical meeting, asked me several more (unnecessary) Why questions, then said I shouldn't need "to involve people in the work when we can do it ourselves". He said all of this in front of someone else!! It's his belittling attitude more than anything that is the problem. As I said he's not the sort to raise his voice, he just speaks to you quietly in a condescending way. He does similar things to others, but I sometimes feel like he's WAY worse with me...

The man really really is a pig. I'm sitting here, it's a Saturday and I really shouldn't give a crap, but I'm actually a bit stressed. I'm very unassertive, I'm not good with dealing with these kind of people. I'm a bit too sincere for my own good, and I take things to heart. I have no intention of staying with this company, I just wish I could fast forward to next summer and head on my RTW trip. All in all I couldn't give a crap about work, but I'm trying to do more ( I know I might have come across bad in myy early days). More ofthen that not however, I'm apathetic to the lot of them to be honest. Despite that, I don't like being made to feel so small by this despicable man!! Do you have any advice on how to deal with this asshole? Like, I see no point in standing up to him, he's a bully, and from my experience in the working world, when you get to magagerial level you're untouchable. But I don't want to be a door mat either, and I don't want his horrible digs to sink in....
Any advice?
and sorry for this post being so long!
thanks

thefeatheredcat

It sounds like your current role isn't challenging and you're bored with it. There's no permanent team leader to actually lead. Main manager sounds unapproachable and morale is low. You've been happier because you're engaging in different activities from the normal and taking pride in it.

I think you have a great opportunity to show your true worth in stepping up to the chance to be a team leader/manager, if that was something you have any enthusiasm about.

With the manager... sticky situation but don't take it personally...assholes are assholes (but you never really know what's actually really happening in people's lives)...but if conduct is outside of the accepted professional norm then its something to sort out.

You do have the option to look for another job. But in every workplace you'll meet the same sort as your manager. Maybe this is a personal challenge to face up to a bully?

LegacyUser

Hi, op here.
Thanks for your reply Thefeatheredcat. You're right, I'm not challenged in this position at all, hence the boredom and lack of enthusiasm. I'm here now though, so i'll have to keep it going for a while longer. It would be too difficult job hunting at the mo.

kmick

Sounds to me like you need to be more upfront about progress. You need to "manage up" as they say. If it were me I would send him a weekly report (or keep the weekly report yourself on the network and just send him a link) where you outline progress for the week, blocking issues, how you are attempting to resolve the blocking issues, tasks for next week etc. If you keep your work tight then there is no way he can come after you. As regards his behaviour you cant do much about that so dont stress. Dont take it personally - it sounds to me like you take things on board too easily. Grow a thicker skin - it cmoes with time but the decide to do it and start now.

Kipperhell

OP it does sound like you aren't challenged by the work as you see it. If you have been depressed for a prolonged period of time in work the chances are you haven't been doing your best. You have said you weren't doing that much so it isn't much of a surprise your manager doesn't trust you.
From your description of events it sounds like your boss wants you to do the work in a different way and be more careful. The problem is this doesn't mean it isn't actually a challenge to you to do this job as it appears from your own description that you aren't actually getting the job done correctly. You might be mentally able to do the work but incapable of motivating yourself or staying focused.
It really comes down to one of two things either you are over reacting to what is being said to you or you are actually not working very well. Both can be from depression. Bosses will talk to people like you described relatively regularly but I would say if you think he is asking unnecessary questions you are probably showing contempt.

I think people often don't realise that the ability to do work consistently whether you enjoy it or not is actually what people want from people they work with . If you are that unhappy in work then maybe try get another job but if you don't address your own work issues they won't suddenly go away because every job has its boring tedious bits.

My advise to deal with this guy is to actually shut up and do your job and pay attention. Try and consider how you would feel if you were relying on somebody who did things a different way to everybody else, didn't keep you informed, appeared to dislike their job and has a been seen to have a lazy attitude. It may sound rough but you do sound a little immature with regard to your work ethic.

LegacyUser

hi again, OP here.
thanks for the feedback guys. I think my problem isn't work ethic (kipperhell thanks), I've worked for years, and didn't have a problem with the boring tedious tasks before. I also didn't have a problem with respecting superiors. I don't think I have a work immaturity either, at 31 years old!!
It's really this past 2 years or so, when I have zero motivation, and have apathy when it comes in most things in life, but work in particular.
Anyhow, I know I need to try a bit harder just to get the job done, and 'manage up' as kmick mentioned (thanks, nice advice.). It doesn't interest me in the slightest, but I'll have to sit tight and do my best for the next year or so... and then hopefully move onto an more satisfying job.
and yes I deffo need to grow thicker skin, hopefully that will with time, cos I certainly do lack confidence in every aspect of my working life. too quiet for my own good, and if people know they can get to you they will do so.

thanks again.