DONEGAL TO BECOME INDEPENDENT STATE

irish1967

From Disassociated Press

Tuesday 9th October 2012

Donegal – An Independent State

Unbeknownst to the rest of the world the county of Donegal in the barren northwest of Ireland has been secretly working for several years to establish itself as an independent state. Following many months of negotiations Disassociated Press has managed to gain permission from the Donegal High Commission to photograph inside the secretive state.

As can be seen from the map below the changes to the physical landscape alone have been immense. It appears that under cover of darkness a gigantic waterway has been constructed in order to separate this new state from the rest of the island of Ireland. Local contractors with experience in the construction of the UK’s Channel Tunnel are thought to have accomplished this feat in record time.

Another engineering masterpiece has just been completed off the south west coast of the county (see map above). Similar to Dubai in the Middle East engineers has constructed a man-made island. The island was named An Méar Mór and is believed to carry a significant message to the rest of the world who may view it from satellite imagery or on Google Earth. Below can be seen local contractors putting the finishing touches to the new waterway close to the former capital city of Lifford.

Outshining even this engineering marvel is the construction in record time of the new state capital – Tir Connaill City. Its gleaming towers can be seen for many miles. With a population already well in excess of 600 it is truly one of the wonders of the modern world.

Tir Connaill City with the magestic Errigal in the background

The reasons behind the forming of this independent nation seem to stem from the No vote which was returned in The Lisbon Treaty Referendum several years ago in October 2009. For many years Tir Connaillians, as they are now officially known, had felt ostracised from not only the EU but the island of Ireland itself. The decision to go it alone was seen as the only alternative by the population and the former county opted out of both the EU and The Irish Republic in December 2010.

The new government was formed following general elections in early 2011, elections which only allowed native Tir Connaillians to stand as candidates. Another stipulation during these elections was that no former or serving politician at the time was allowed to stand. There were not many surprises when results were announced. The single party state is now led by President Eithne Ní Bhraonáin. Minister for foreign affairs – Bernard McHugh (a former Fashin expert), Minister for Leisure – Patsy Brogan, Minster for Sport – Packie Bonner, Minister for Children - Paul Burke (aged 6), Minister for Communications Muffler Ó Boardie, Minister of Defence Paul O’Donnell (landscaper and fencing expert).

With the new government came many changes and new laws in order to maintain the independence and stability of the world’s newest nation. The currency within the new nation reverted back to the Punt. The new government stated that it was because it rhymed with bank manager.
The compulsory consumption of alcohol on a daily basis was passed by a unanimous vote thought to be close to 99.9%. The outlawing of Toyota Twin cams by the new Ministry of Transport and the adoption of The Hills of Donegal as the new national anthem soon followed.

The new Tir Connaill Vehicle Registration plates

This reporter was impressed by the world’s newest independent state and in forthcoming articles we will look more closely and Tir Connaill which it must be said definitely adheres to its new national slogan

“Up yours ! We’re Different !”

deman

Best news I've heard all day. Great. Where do I apply for my new passport?

I take it that Letterkenny disagreed to this new state and were nuked into oblivion?

yuloni

This post has been deleted.

irish1967

According to my sources within Disassociated Press Letterkenny was infact nuked. It was accidental though. Its seems the LYIT freshers mystery tour in 2011 went to Selafield Nuclear plant and a few items just happened to be brought back on the bus. These are unconfirmed reprts I must add.

ednwireland

just seen a bangarda busting someone (only) double parked on the diamond (donegal town) illegal TN plate as well, is this the start ?

PattheMetaller

The gleaming towers of Fintown?

alfranken

Mary Coughlan would get voted president anyway.

ladymarmalade

Irish1967 well done you ........... a hell of a lot of work went into that post and i applaud you

hairyprincess

pml irish1967, you have a career there somewhere!!

Mac055

Ah brilliant!!! You made me feel closer to home again, thank you

.17hmr

top marks to you irish 1967 if only it were true .;):)

ToniTuddle

Legend!

Durnish

Has the new state announced any plans for the empty house now littering the countryside?
I would like one, preferably scenicly located, not too exposed, mind, and within ten miles of Portnoo. I only have £20,000. Is that the going rate for two loads of breeze (?) blocks, some slates, some wires and two bathroom suites? Did the planning stuff cost extra in brown envelopes?

loc5

to start a new state you need one or all of 4 things

historical precedent

cultural precedent

geographical precedent

political precedent

i can only think of one for historical which would be the nordic connection
most people would laugh but there are smaller countrys like san marino monaco andorra aland greenland and lictenstein and theres lots more in pacific/oceania region so maybe but i doubt it will catch on as most people are happy enough being wayne rooney patriots of the british isles:P:pac:
(boy am i going to get into trouble for this and its still only monday:P:P:P)

Senna

loc5 wrote: »

to start a new state you need one thing......a lorry load of guns

FYP

loc5

erk.... er FYP???

ednwireland

loc5 wrote: »

to start a new state you need one or all of 4 things

A BEER thats what you ned to be a country (havent got that either that i know off )
you are so off with that

frank zappa defined what a country needs

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.


end of

loc5

aha so thats whats holding the whole thing up!!

but shir thats no bother at all just skip down the the local library and look up home brewing in the cookery section
one independent nation coming right up
yes coming right up (again and again and uaghh....

The J Stands for Jay

We just need to make an alcoholic version of Football Special, and we'll be set. Then there'll be a war of independance for Inishowen.

irish1967

I suggest that we call this new beverage DonegAle