Can't help but being anti social in College.

LegacyUser

Hi guys, I thought I would post this here and maybe see what happens. I am a 22yr old male student and I have been in college before but dropped out only to return this year to pick up from where I left off. Anyway I never liked college since I first went when I was 18. I had always thought it would be the greatest thing in the world and had huge hopes as a teenager but it just never clicked. I initially blamed this on going to the wrong college and doing the wrong course but after returning recently to a new University, I think it is just my own personality that doesn't fit with college. Don't get me wrong I am a VERY outgoing and friendly person but I just cannot seem to channel my social skills in college towards other people.

I don't really like the whole student persona and I just can't get excited about most students idea of fun. For example, all the crap night clubs and silly balls and the gimmicky student union stuff. Even when I was 18 I just didn't fit in to this scene. Your probably thinking I am just a bit stuck up or snobby or what ever and maybe this is true but I genuinely have tried to get involved in this scene. I have nothing against the students who enjoy this stuff and actually respect them coz they are getting way more out of college than I am, thats for sure. For me though I can't wait until the year ends and I can go away and travel. I feel like it is a job and I welcome the exam season as I know it is closer to finishing. I don't like admitting this but it is true. The only reason I am in college is to get that piece of paper at the end of the day so I will have more opportunities.

Perhaps I just need to meet the right friends who share my interests and college could be a lot more fun but I really doubt this will happen. Seriously, its weird, outside of college I have loads of fun with my good friends and also find it very easy to meet new people. In college however even though I can be very social and friendly with fellow students I simply feel that I am not one of them and there is like this void between me and the rest of college.

Can anybody relate to these feeling from your own personal experience at University?
Thanks

Totally understand how you feel. I too looked forward to college and was hugely disappointed when I got there. The college social scene to me just seemed so fake and forced - meeting dozens of people, people being overly friendly and overly talkative/loud.......most people seemed to love this stuff but I just couldn't get into it. It seemed superficial to me. I'm now doing a postgrad and forcing myself to join in, but again, it seems superficial. I'm just better at bullsh*tting now and I need to get out and about as I don't know anyone here. I also don't think I'm above people or whatever, I just feel like I don't quite fit in/click with everyone else. I've resigned myself to the fact that I'll always feel a bit of an outsider, but that now I have the maturity/confidence I didn't have at 18 to realise that this isn't the be-all and end-all, and that I can still enjoy myself and have fun and take it for what it is. There usually are a couple of people you click with sooner or later, so I'm just waiting for that to happen and if it doesn't, that's fine too. Just wanted to say you're not alone OP and I suspect a lot of people feel this way also!

Azureus

In my own experiences, college can be a very lonely place. This becomes even harder when you see everyone else click and have the time of their lives or so it can seem at least, but personally I didnt really fit into it either.
Similar to you, Id see myself as really social, have a great group of mates, love going out etc, but I didnt slot of neatly into the college 'thing' as Id originally hoped as a fresher. I found I just didnt have anything in common with my classmates, despite studying the same subject etc. This isnt their fault, but I dont think its mine either-i tried but always felt on the outskirts of things. And now (im well into my college years) i find that while Ill be nice and friendly to everyone, chat to them at classes and everything, we wouldnt hang out outside of that, and I enjoy my time with my other friends outside of college. Sometimes I feel as though Im missing out but at the same time, I wouldnt really have time for much else if Im honest so Im not too fussed about it/dont dwell on it.
Youre not the only one who feels like this (unless we are the only two?? :P ) and once you're friendly, not isolating yourself and have an active social life outside of college, I wouldnt worry bout it too much! At least I dont

Pleo

As far as I am concerned the only reason you are in college is to graduate and better yourself, I hate the idea of people thinking that you should be dossing and drinking the whole time, if you are a student its your occupation and therefore missing lectures should be veiwed in the same regard as absentism in the workforce in my opinion.

G86

I completely understand what you mean. I was the same. I took two years out myself and when I went back I was 22 for my final year. I wasn't into the whole 'typical' college scene either - just didn't see the point in it - I was there to get a good degree not to get off my face every night. I think it depends on your circumstance too though, I worked through college so I just couldn't justify spending the money I'd earned to keep me there on drink, you know?

However, there ARE like minded people, you just have to find them!! I think that maybe mature students would be more of your mindset, there can be a big difference between an 18 year old and a 22 year old with regard to life exp, especially when this is your second time round.

Maybe have a look for groups/clubs that attract an older crowd? I wouldn't worry too much over it though, you have your own friends outside of college sure so if you make new friends great but if you don't then it's not the end of the world. There's no rule book that says you have to meet lifelong friends in col, you might already have those friends:)

ash23

I was the same. Never really got involved in the socs and never went to the balls etc. It just wasn't me.
I was fortunate in some ways that I worked part time while in college and met a lot of people who had similar interests. My free time in college was spent lounging around the coffee areas, drinking tea, reading papers and chatting with friends. I probably only went to the college bar once or twice.

I think some people are just the stereotypical "student" and some are just people who are there to get an education. I found I was tolerant of the type who were "into" the student lifestyle, but that waned as I got older
now those people bug the hell out of me!

Just stick with your own friends, talk to people in college, avoid the socs if you're not interested and hang out where you are most comfortable and most likely to meet people you will get on with.
You needn't be anti social. Look for places off concourse where students go. I find the "studenty" types live, eat and breathe college where the ones who are a bit less involved tend to hang out off campus.

G86

G86 wrote: »

I completely understand what you mean. I was the same. I took two years out myself and when I went back I was 22 for my final year.

I sort of chuckled reading that, because 22 is a normal age for final year in most places! Got me thinking that part of the reason I found many Irish students so immature and childish is that some of them are only just 17 when they go to college. I think that's just far too young, tbh. Most seem to like the fact that they can have graduated at 20, but I don't think it's a good thing. I remember when I was in first year, a lot of the students acted like they were still in school. I notice the students over here (UK) seem more mature - they're all at least 18 when they start and many of them take a gap year or two first.

G86

[quote=[Deleted User];62462322]I sort of chuckled reading that, because 22 is a normal age for final year in most places! Got me thinking that part of the reason I found many Irish students so immature and childish is that some of them are only just 17 when they go to college. I think that's just far too young, tbh. Most seem to like the fact that they can have graduated at 20, but I don't think it's a good thing. I remember when I was in first year, a lot of the students acted like they were still in school. I notice the students over here (UK) seem more mature - they're all at least 18 when they start and many of them take a gap year or two first.[/QUOTE]

Aye, see I finished college at 17, took a year out, and then started college at 18, then I took 2 more years out and finished at 23:) I did find in the first 2 years though that there was an awful lot of immaturity with regards to skipping classes, coming in dying of a hangover etc. I know some people think that's part of the college exp but I had a decent head on my shoulders at 18 and that whole scene just wrecked my head to be honest, couldn't see the point in it.

WesternNight

Oh thank god I'm not the only one. Jesus H. Christ.

I'm just after starting college for the first time at 24. I'd kind of rejected the idea of college before because, quite frankly, the whole thing just didn't appeal to me. I was never interested in going out on the tear, drinking, house-parties, none of that. I knew I'd be completely lost in college at 19.

Now, though, I'm a bit older and a bit wiser so I though "what the hell". I knew I'd be surrounded by teenagers but went for it anyway. I was right though, when I thought that I'd always be kind of on the periphery of things. I'm fine with that in general...I'm never going to conform with the ridiculousness that goes on...but I was hoping I'd find a couple of other people who might be more like me. So far, not quite.

Chatting to people before and after class is fine, but when the conversation gets going it's almost always about whether they went out, where they went, how drunk they got...and this is even some of the slightly more mature students (my age and older).

It breaks my heart just a little bit when the second or third question from a lot of people is "do you go out much?" and when you say "nah, I'm not really into going out" you get kind of a blank stare followed by a "ohh, right, ok".

In the first couple of weeks it wasn't too bad. I was too preoccupied with finding my way around and generally getting my bearings to be worried about what people said/thought. But this past week it's gotten quite lonely. People chatting over me about their night out when we'd previously been having a nice chat between all of us. That kind of thing doesn't make the prospect of making good friends in college look too bright.

I'm sure I'll make some eventually. And if I don't, I don't.

But no, you're definitely not the only one.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies guys, its good to hear that I am not the only one who feels this way. Yeah I put off going back to college for an extra year coz I just wasn't sure if I would hack it. Now though I am determined to finish it but I can't help but feel that if I had just taken to college in the first place, I would be finished by now like most of my friends. I guess I shouldn't think in this way though coz I am who I am and I made the choices that I thought were best at the time. Anyway as for the whole college 'scene', I think it is the same everywhere in Ireland and we just have this mentality of 'lets get wasted for 3 years' before entering college. Not that there is anything wrong with getting wasted but it is just the medium of doing it that I don't like. I have never attended college in any other country so I can't say this for definite but from visiting the states and UK, and Europe and meeting students, they all seem to have a much better time at college than most people I know. I think in Ireland is all themed balls and county colours nites. I just feel that the whole student union thing lacks serious imagination and if you are unlucky enough to not enjoy this scene then you are sort of out on your own. I guess it is all about just meeting the right people though and once this happens college could be a great experience.