Terrified that he'll propose

LegacyUser

I'm 24, in an LTR with my 27-yo bf. He is a good looking, very fit guy with a great job, he is very caring, and women friends are always telling me how lucky I am. We bought an apartment and moved in together two years ago. At first things were amazing. I remember it as a time when we spent so much quality time together, when I would literally rush home from work to be with him. I loved having his arms around me, and sex felt great.

Now I feel like the relationship has gone stale. It feels like we are just going through the motions, and one day is much the same as the next. Much of his conversation now is about petty goings on at his job, 90% of which is old news (he forgets now when he tells me things, and I will sometimes hear the same story about Joe in Accounts 3 or 4 times). When I try to change the subject, he doesn't seem to care, and we wind up circling back to more small talk about his work colleagues. Things aren't really any better in the physical department. He always initiates sex in exactly the same way (he looks at my breasts, raises his eyebrows knowingly, and goes 'Mmmm!'), wants the same things in the same positions, and even uses the same language. While we're "in the act" he just keeps saying 'Oh, you bad girl, oh you bad girl, ooh you're such a bad girl'. It used to make me feel naughty, but now it makes me want to scream (for the wrong reasons). I don't even feel involved, really. It's like the same script over and over without change.

I started typing an address into our (shared) computer browser yesterday and it auto-completed to the address of an engagement rings website. I looked in the history and saw other similar sites. I'm now terrified that he is buying a ring and is planning to propose, maybe on my birthday (late November), at Christmas, or on Valentine's Day. I don't know what to say. I don't know how to explain to him how I feel. I just feel like running away from the idea of becoming his wife so that my life doesn't feel like it's on endless repeat, but I don't want to ruin everything in case we are just in a temporary rut.

Oh The Humanity

I wouldn't think there is such a thing as a temporary rut.....

You need to sit him down bigtime and talk to him.

I think before you do this you also need to have a big think yourself. He probably thought because you bought an apartment together that meant you two are gonna get married. Did you make it clear from the start you are not the marrying kind etc?

You need to head this off at the pass anyway because he might confide in people and then make a huge fool of himself when it all goes t1ts up.

cruizer101

I agree with OTH, buying a property together is basically a precursor to marriage, and if after 2 years together all is still going well in his eyes it is definitly a possiblity that he is considering proposing.
If it was all going well would you have considered marriageat this stage like.

You need to talk to him, the sooner the better, let him know how u feel.

Also in the bedreoom how much have you talked to him about it, if he thinks he is satisfying you, he is going to keep doing the same.

Moomoo1

if you want to feel involved in sex, it's up to YOU to do something about it. Men love it when a woman gets involved. I guess you just lie there and wait till it's over, right?

As convos go, it's a particular art to make sure you always have something new to say. It's mainly about broadening your interests, and the like, knowing what the partner finds interesting/amusing, and subconsciously picking it up in order to say if when you see him/her.

Madame Razz

Moomoo1 wrote: »

if you want to feel involved in sex, it's up to YOU to do something about it. Men love it when a woman gets involved. I guess you just lie there and wait till it's over, right?

As convos go, it's a particular art to make sure you always have something new to say. It's mainly about broadening your interests, and the like, knowing what the partner finds interesting/amusing, and subconsciously picking it up in order to say if when you see him/her.

Exactly, it's all down to YOUR input aswell.

Yes it does sound like you are in a rut, but what are you doing about it?? Change in a relationship takes effort from both parties. You need to look at yourself first before you criticise your OH. Realistically he's doing these things because he doesn't know any different; it's up to you to make him aware what you want/don't want; like/dislike etc. He isn't a mind reader afterall.

EamoS

I presume you havent talked to him about it cause he obviously has no idea anything is worng if he's looking at rings?

I really think that your problems will be solved if you just talk to him. Firstly because the things you mentioned are easily fixed. I think you should give the examples you gave here about him constantly talkin bout the same things and how he initiates sex. You should do different stuff together so you have smething to talk about that your BOTH interested in. As regards the sex I think that once you make it clear to him he should get the point. But do stress that you want more romance in the bedroom. Again you should try different things, maybe a bubble bath?

Secondly, talkin bout these things indicates your not as happy as you were so he obviously wont propose unless he's an idiot!

Beruthiel

Runaway gf wrote: »

Now I feel like the relationship has gone stale.

FYI
Long term relationships don't just happen by magic.
When you are young and the world is looked at through rose tinted glasses, you might be of the impression that it is going to be a fairytale of some sort. This is not so.
LTR take work and effort from both people.
You have to go out of your way to keep it alive and in good working order.
If you don't, then it will peter out until it's dead.
You have two options:
Decide that you are 50% to blame for allowing this relationship to fizzle and discuss it honestly with your b/f. Both of ye make an effort to get it back on track.
Or,
Tell him it's over.

BroomBurner

Wrong thread, how'de that happen??