friends annoying behaviour!

LegacyUser

My best friend has a boyfriend of about 3 years now. She claims to love him and be crazy about him, and yet has cheated on him countless times (slept with about 10 other people). She now says she's on a "good streak" but I don't know how long that will last. It's a bit of a long distance thing so he's not around a lot.
Anyway, what annoys me now is this thing she does (despite the "good streak") where every male who comes into our life (apart from the few really unattractive ones) she gets these little obsessions with. It's not so much fancying them, its more like wanting them to fancy her. She flirts like mad, texts and facebooks them constanlty (never mentions her boyfriend. so many people don't know she has one) and just loves the attention from them. Then when they try it on with her she's done with them, and moves on to the next "challenge". She'd never admit that she does this but all our close friends have noticed it and it bothers me for so many reasons. First of all, if there happens to be someone I like (I'm single) I can't get a word in because she's too busy being up in their face flirting with them. As well as that, if her boyfriend was acting like this she'd be heartbroken. She's very sneaky about the whole thing, constantly being really secretive about her laptop and her phone, like turning the laptop away if she's on facebook chat and one of us comes into the room, yet if i'm chatting online or if I get a text straight away she HAS to know who it is.

I hate feeling so angry at her for just the way she is, but I just find it really annoying, attention seeking and makes her look bad to people who know her a while and see this behaviour. It's probably an insecurity, but I can't talk to her about it because she just denies it and acts as if I'm just imagining things and that she never leads anyone one.

Sorry for the rant!!

tbh

you've asked her to address the problem. She refuses to accept the problem. Sorry to be blunt, but, as you now know the facts, you have two choices:

1. Put up.

2. Shut up.


edit: i've just realised that basically "put up" and "shut up" are the same thing You know what I mean tho.

Taltos

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Think if she is annoying you this much you would be much better off with her out of your life.

But - it might be worthwhile a few of you talking to her first on this. Hard to dispute when 2 or 3 people all say the same thing to you.

She might change - doubtful - but at least you can say you tried.

martdalto

The one thing I hate is cheating.. and I hate blatant cheating. I'm assuming you know her boyfriend. If that's the case then by you knowing she's cheating and condoning it (by staying good friends and keeping it quite you are condoning it) you are making him feel.. when he eventually does find out.. that you are laughing at him.

Now, obviously this isn't the case, but the only thing you can do in this case is distance yourself from her. I have a 'friend' who is cheating on her husband. I (and many others) tried talking sense into her. She was having none of it. I know her husband very well, and I didn't want him to feel that we all knew and were having a good laugh at his expense. I haven't spoken to my 'friend' in about 3 years. It wasn't just that she was cheating on him.. she was boasting to us about it too. If she did it on the sly, and didn't feel the need to fill us in on the details, I might have been able to "pretend" it wasn't happening, and continued a friendship.


(Sorry to go off on my own rant!)

Why are you still her friend? What is it about her that you like, and makes you enjoy being in her company? If you didn't see her or have contact with her in a few days, what would you miss about her?

If you can come up with good answers to these, then maybe it worth getting you and a few more of your friends together to have a chat with her. If you can't come up with answers then it's time to move on.

By the way, I would be petty! If she's in the pub flirting outrageously with someone you fancy.. keep talking about her boyfriend!

You can't change her behaviour... but you can change the way you handle her. For a start, stop telling her who you are texting, or who's texting you etc.

shellyboo

Why are you still friends with this person? She doesn't sound very nice, or like much of a friend.

Advice-wise... This only really affects you practically if she's getting in the way of you finding a bloke. That's easy to fix... If she's trying it on with some bloke you fancy, stick your oar in the conversation. A lighthearted "jaysus, you'd swear she didn't have a boyfriend, wouldn't ya? Ha ha" to the bloke in question, while she's there, should shut her up.

Kooli

I had a friend like that.

To be honest, if affirmation from guys is that important to her self-esteem, there's very little you can say that will make her change.

I distanced myself from that particular friend and am so much happier for it. Your friends should make you feel good about yourself, not bad. It's as simple as that. Unless there's something really amazing about your friendship that you're not mentioning, I think it's time to give yourself some space from her. You'll feel much better.

And don't feel guilty for feeling this way about her - it's natural.

LegacyUser

Ditch the friend if she can treat someone she supposedly loves like that then one can only imagine what she is capable of doing to a friend

Miss Fluff

She sounds rancid to the core. Why is she your friend exactly? I'd give her a wide berth if I were you.

Kipperhell

Generally I would think of friendship as overlooking the other person's flaws or simply not passing judgement on them. As she really isn't doing anything to you I don't see why you care so much to be angry.

If you have such a difference of opinion I don't think you are going to stay friends. Some people simply grow apart.

martdalto

Kipperhell wrote: »

Generally I would think of friendship as overlooking the other person's flaws or simply not passing judgement on them.

While I agree with this, if the friends behaviour is making you miserable, and you can't 'overlook' some things about her, then it's time to move on.