Haunted by violent images

LegacyUser

Hi,

I've had this problem for several years, sometimes I go through worse spells. I'm particularly sensitive to violent images on TV / movies. I can watch action movies all day, and it's not the blood etc I have trouble with.

It's physical or psychological torture that really disturbs me, and I can't stop thinking about afterwards (I never want to watch those Saw or Hostel movies for example).

I've known this for a while, but five or so years ago (I suppose I was 19) I came home drunk from the pub one night, and it was around the time that the Iraqi hostage beheadings were in the news.
Now, I know that what I did here was completely wrong (maybe illegal), and I had no right, but curiousity got the better of me and as I said I was quite drunk. I watched the beheading video online. I don't want to go into detail, but I had to look away after a few seconds, but the sound of the screams still haunt me five years later.

I'm not a violent person (quite the opposite actually, I'm very quiet and passive), but some nights I lie in bed and I can't stop imagining what it must have been like for the victims.

I know many of you might find it horrible that I would look this up. I realise it was a complete lack of respect for him and his family and I've never stopped regretting watching those 20 seconds or so. It's really only after watching this that I realised how sensitive I was to these kind of images.

I've been affected as well by reading on Wikipedia about the 1994 Tutsi massacre (the detail there is quite graphic). And just now after reading this article. Children being kidnapped, having their eyes gouged out, then beheaded. Jesus. I've had a fairly sheltered upbringing, but when I see or read about the sheer violence and horror in the world it's overwhelming.

I suppose I'm looking for any advice from someone who had a similar problem, on how I can get these thoughts out of my mind.

KilOit

I just got desensitized to it over time, 10 years ago when i was 15-16 or so i opened a clip of a Chechen beheading needless to say i was haunted and scarred by it for quite a long time, as time went on i seen more awful clips and over time i was affected less and less.
I have matured enough to now know that the world is a really awfull place and i just have to live with it and accept it.

Just my own experiences with the whole internet boom and end of living in a bubble with media telling and showing what they like and keeping the real horrow hidden away from my innocent sheltered life.

Latchy

I remember when much younger I had a similar expierence .OP .It was when I first heard about the Jewish Holocaust .I couldn't get my head around the fact that hundreds of thousends of people were rounded up like cattle and sent off to be slaughterd in the camps .The images in the newsreels haunted me for many years and the fact that humans 'so called ' could do this to other humans made me deeply sad and depressed .Then I read up on the Nanking Massacre in the early 1940s when after invading China ,the Japanese commited the most horrific of atrocitys on the civilian population ,slaughtering hundreds of thousends in the most appalling way .It was the discriptions of how they butcherd the people , like trying to think up different more cruel ways to torture them to death .It made me so sick to think about it and still can if I dwell on it to much .Same with the African atrocities you mention ,Tutsis slaughtering Hutus in the most barbaric way while the world looked on .Yet on a much lower level , some people can look at a movie like Hostel which I've seen and laugh at the sillyness of storyline and gore in it while others like yourself find it quite revolting and disturbing .I am not a fan of gore and blood myself and the over use of violence in movies either .I think it's the fact that we realise mankind has the capability to carry out the most horrible of crimes against his fellow man ,both in individual situations such as the man you describe being beheaded and on a mass scale that is most frightining and disturbing .We seem in many way to have become immune to the horrors but that's some part of our way of coping and blocking out .Many thousends of soldiers who have seen the horrors of war up front have come back to civilian life suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfo/problems/ptsd/posttraumaticstressdisorder.aspx

The way to stop thinking about these images OP is not easy as we cant really stop our thought process bringing images back into our heads .But if they really disturb you then you could think about going to see a trained counselor of sorts ,somebody who will help you deal with this and maybe teach you a method of how to block them out . You could ask at a local libary ,health centre or your GP if their is a service such as this available .

Irishcrx

Your not the only one, I think about this stuff all the time and it can be very overwhelming. I'm one of these people who's mind is always wandering I think about how people can be that violent, the horror the victims must have felt , what if it happened to someone I knew , I think about the world, the corruption , the useless wars , lifes wasted for nothing , the bad decisions we have all made, how blind we have been , i think about the before the after and the present and at times it can even stress me out.

So I try to just life my own life and not think so much about things I cannot control. So it's not entirely unusual to have these thoughts, I've even read several books on serial killers and other things like that, not because I am one or admire them, of course I don't but i was really interested in seeing what made them tick.

I can't tell you how to get them out of your mind, ignoring them usually doesn't work it will make you think more, just try to understand that its a big world and not everywhere is a peacefull, nations are differant and so are the people, try to think thats its not so much there fault (Child soilders) ie , it's society that has bred this kind of behavier. One quote I heard that always sticks out in my mind but I can't remember who said it is.

"If there was a god, he left this place to be damned a long time ago"

Oh The Humanity

I'd echo what the posters above said. Stuff like that can haunt you for a long time.

I stupidly looked at one of the beheadings over the shoulders of people in work and was also sick to my stomach and shocked to the core by the screams for a long time. People just have different levels of what they can cope with looking at.

I've also for some reason read every serial killer book going. Morbid fascination.

I think with things like that where there is nothing you can do about them you are better off for your own good to avoid looking at them.

I also avoid movies like Saw and such as I am just too wimpy to be able to cope with what seems to the brain to be a snuff movie. I know its fake but my brain doesn't know.

The images will fade eventually. Make a concsious effort to remove them from your brain. Go to Alton Towers and get on some terrifying rollercoasters etc Just re-boot your brain with other highly stimulating stuff that will replace these images.

Your brain to dawdle over them if you let it. Do everything you can think of to block it out.

LegacyUser

I'm exactly the same as you. I'm a journalist and have had to watch some pretty horrific uncensored clips from the world wires and they really stick with you. I saw a really bad crash about a month ago and it still bothers me. At least it shows that we aren't hardened to the world. I find distracting myself when I dwell on these things is the best option, watch a funny movie or go out for dinner with your mates.

OS119

guy24 wrote: »

I know many of you might find it horrible that I would look this up. I realise it was a complete lack of respect for him and his family and I've never stopped regretting watching those 20 seconds or so.

actually OP, i think the greatest disrespect one can have in such situations is not to watch the death of a fellow human being, the disrespect comes, IMV, in not regarding it with the seriousness it deserves.

i'd take a wild guess and assume, because your issues are around real events and not made-up ones, that the problem is one of powerlessness, and perhaps (a 'long-ranged' version of) survivors guilt.

i've no idea about any kind of 'treatment' for such a thing, but perhaps a way to counter the powerlessness and impotence in the face of such things is to become politically involved in organisations/events which work in this field...

Eve_Dublin

OS119 wrote: »

actually OP, i think the greatest disrespect one can have in such situations is not to watch the death of a fellow human being, the disrespect comes, IMV, in not regarding it with the seriousness it deserves.

i'd take a wild guess and assume, because your issues are around real events and not made-up ones, that the problem is one of powerlessness, and perhaps (a 'long-ranged' version of) survivors guilt.

i've no idea about any kind of 'treatment' for such a thing, but perhaps a way to counter the powerlessness and impotence in the face of such things is to become politically involved in organisations/events which work in this field...

I´d have to disagree with SOME what you´re saying you OS119. Mass media is a fairly recent phenomenon and we have all these images of atrocities committed worldwide broadcasted into our homes every minute of the day if we so choose (Sky 24, CNN etc) and I think this has desensitised us and our ability to be shocked at such images is reducing rapidly. In turn, I think that´s why we´ve so many films like Saw being shown in mainstream cinemas....people are too used to seeing these types of images and this over-consumption means the line between reality and fantasy is becoming more blurred by the day. So the directors have to up the notch and increase the violence to shock the audience. How can the human brain differentiate between reality and fantasy if fantasy is becoming more and more realistic looking, as Oh The Humanity said? It can´t.

The fact that I avoid any gorey films or turn over from a documentary when it shows the torture of a fellow man means I still FEEL, I still feel physically sick to the stomach when I do catch a glimpse. I still know it´s going on...but there´s only so much the human mind can take without becoming desensitised. I´m very much like yourself OP, I have images from telly and film that still play over in my mind when I day dream and I find it distressing.

I remember when I travelled by bus in South America, they´d show a film and they were almost always violent films and more specifically, violence towards women. There was every age group on the bus, including very small children and I tried to complain a few times but they thought I was mad. I used to hide under my blanket and stick my head phones in my ears to block it out. When I got to Colombia, they´d show a few of these films over the space of a long bus ride but in between, they´d show an ad for a group campaigning for the rights of women who are victims of abuse at home. They´d show a reconstruction of what happened to a victim...but it wasn´t anywhere near as shocking as the films show before. This is a MASSIVE problem in some Latin American countries where machismo is rife. Now I´m not saying these films are responsible for this violence but it most definitely normalised it to some degree. What message were these films sending out to the children on these buses if this type of film was being shown on the screens of the bus of a normal, mainstream commercial bus company?

My point is that when we see these images on our tellies daily on certain news channels, you can be sure that the researchers have tried to find the goriest image because they now have to compete with fiction. Even RTE news is a public service but it still needs to draw an audience to justify its existance and bring in the big bucks from advertising. I personally don´t watch these images anymore, not because I´m apathetic, because I don´t believe they were put there to inform, just to entertain and I don´t want to loose the ability to care. I´ve seen enough to get off my backside and do something about it at some (very small) level.

Gregor Samsa

In fairness, Eve_Dublin, the kind of images the OP is talking about don't compare at all to what they show on the news.

A few years ago, I looked up a beheading video, simply because what we see on the news is the sanitised version, and I wanted to know more about the reality of what was going on in Iraq. What amazed me was how it was so unlike anything you'd see in a movie - I think the human mind is very good at distinguishing reality from fantasy.

The sound, the way the people moved, how casual the whole thing was, how the victim didn't just try to struggle even against the impossible odds - it was horrific, and I was glad to see that I wasn't actually as desensitized to it as I expected to be, given my exposure to movies, computer games and the news. Now, it didn't give me nightmares, but it certainly made me think long and hard about human nature an its capacity for unspeakable atrocities. And I have no desire to ever see anything like it again.

I don't think there's real way to come to terms with the knowledge of this reality, and in a way nor should there be, apart from recognising that it's always been going on, and probably always will. Humanity has some fantastic qualities, and has made some absolutely amazing achievements. But there's also a streak of utter barbarity simmers below the surface, and I think it's prudent to be aware of it, so we can be watchful that it doesn't simmer over in the parts of human society where we have influence and experience.

spitfireIRL

OP i feel the exact same as ya... cant watch those films.

Fiend-Foe

Those beheading videos really got to me when I saw them a few years ago and certain things on the news etc will stick with me for a while. However I don't mind gory movies at all. I realise that it is just special effects, props etc and its fiction. But then on the other hand, movies based on factual events like the D-Day landings in the opening sequence of Saving Private Ryan for example would leave me thinking about the people who actually went through it and would get me down a little. Movies like Saw and Hostel etc don't bother me at all because its not real. But I don't like or enjoy these kind of movies, I don't see the point. They usually have a very weak plot and just keep the audience interested with shock scenes and gore.

LegacyUser

OP perhaps the best way to get over this is to work for charities involved in preventing these type of atrocities?

Eve_Dublin

phutyle wrote: »

In fairness, Eve_Dublin, the kind of images the OP is talking about don't compare at all to what they show on the news.

A few years ago, I looked up a beheading video, simply because what we see on the news is the sanitised version, and I wanted to know more about the reality of what was going on in Iraq. What amazed me was how it was so unlike anything you'd see in a movie - I think the human mind is very good at distinguishing reality from fantasy.

The sound, the way the people moved, how casual the whole thing was, how the victim didn't just try to struggle even against the impossible odds - it was horrific, and I was glad to see that I wasn't actually as desensitized to it as I expected to be, given my exposure to movies, computer games and the news. Now, it didn't give me nightmares, but it certainly made me think long and hard about human nature an its capacity for unspeakable atrocities. And I have no desire to ever see anything like it again.

I don't think there's real way to come to terms with the knowledge of this reality, and in a way nor should there be, apart from recognising that it's always been going on, and probably always will. Humanity has some fantastic qualities, and has made some absolutely amazing achievements. But there's also a streak of utter barbarity simmers below the surface, and I think it's prudent to be aware of it, so we can be watchful that it doesn't simmer over in the parts of human society where we have influence and experience.

Fair enough but I´m not just talking about the news though. I´m talking about people showing any kind of documentary on television or posting any kind of video, including what you saw on the internet. I don´t watch them because I don´t believe the person responsible for making these videos available on the internet or on television have put them there to inform, they´ve put them there to entertain (and in the case of television, to draw an audience and in turn, revenue) just as I don´t believe everyone who watches those videos watch them to be informed, just to get some perverse thrill from them and don´t know or don´t care about the background of what they are watching. It´s sensationalising issues that shouldn´t be and I don´t see how it does us any good to watch them on a regular basis. If you believe it will give us the kick up the bum to do something about it, then how come most of us are still doing nothing about it? I don´t believe that most people who go searching for these types of videos are doing it with the best intentions and in turn, I don´t see how me or the OP avoiding watching this type of footage shows the greatest kind of disrespect to our fellow man. I read the papers everyday, I know what´s going on, I´m doing my very small bit, that´s enough.

OS119

sorry, that argument is c0ck.

you buy your newspapers don't you? you pay money for a product that someone has 'built' in such a way as to make it as appealing and therefore as commercially successful as possible.

you may not giggle your way through it, but you buy the paper that suits you, and its been designed - with the type of news stories, comment, adverts, and journalism that an editorial team (employed by the publisher to increase circulation and maximize revenue and profit) has put together - to make it attractive to you so that you'll hand over your cash for it.

the people who make these video's may have done it for 'entertainment' and for entirely political purposes, but that doesn't mean that the person who watches it learns nothing or remotely subscribes to the views of the maker. watch one, unless you've got problems you'll not be entertained, but you'll bloody learn something.

in a moral sense, if you were doing 'enough' then such things wouldn't happen - but perhaps what you mean by 'enough' is a shortened version of 'enough to me feel good, regardless of whether it achieves the effect i claim to be working for...'

Jumpy

Jesus OP, I was haunted for weeks by the beheading thing and I didnt even watch it. I wouldnt.

Fiend-Foe

sunflower27 wrote: »

Same here. Couldnt watch it in a million years.

One of the most shocking images I ever saw was when I was about 16/17 and was studying modern history and WW1. We were made watch a documentary on Nazi Germany and the concentration camps. In one sccene there were dumpsters dropping hundreds and hundreds naked bodies into pits. I was absolutely horrified and had mightmares for weeks. At first it was hard to believe it was real. I really wish I had never seen that image. I will never forget it.

WWII

Do you not think it is important that everybody sees these images and is shocked (educated) so we can learn from the past and make sure these things never happen again?

Latchy

sunflower27 wrote: »

Same here. Couldnt watch it in a million years.

One of the most shocking images I ever saw was when I was about 16/17 and was studying modern history and WW1. We were made watch a documentary on Nazi Germany and the concentration camps. In one sccene there were dumpsters dropping hundreds and hundreds naked bodies into pits. I was absolutely horrified and had mightmares for weeks. At first it was hard to believe it was real. I really wish I had never seen that image. I will never forget it.

Horrific indeed and how I remememer it to but the whole idea is to make us never forget .I have seen those images many times since in historical documentrys and even some movies have used clips of the concentration camps .Their are many other examples of mans crimes against humanity .I was recently reading an article about when the Russians stormed into Berlin ,they raped an estimated 2 million women ,young and old ( that's like the entire female population of Ireland ) .The majority of the women were German but they also raped Jewish women and Russian women who had being slaves of the Nazis .The latter aside .Many thousends of these women who would have being gang raped commited suicide rather than suffer the shame . They Russians would justify this as retribution for crimes commited by the Nazis in Russia but that would be to excuse one races crimes against another .It was pure barbarity and in a lot of case, much much worse than anything the German troops ( extermination camps aside ) had commited in Russia / Ukraine . When we put things into context like this , man at the lowest level of his being is capable of the most horrific and beastly acts .

Fiend-Foe

sunflower27 wrote: »

Good God, and to think I actually topped my history class

I take your point - these things shouldnt be hidden away. I wasn't implying that.

I know you weren't. I was just adding that to the discussion, you were the first person to mention disturbing images in a educational context.

LegacyUser

I`ve had this problem for a long time and spent a lot of time trying to understand why. This is what i`ve worked out
1) was watching a program and they showed peoples reaction to someone falling and banging their head - everyone grabbed there head and made a "oh" kind of noise, its empaty and an awareness of our own mortality.
2) its open to interpretation but some muslims believe its wrong to listen to music as it commits to the blood, although initially this sounds ridiculous its true. When you watch a scary movie and your suspence is building your body is not able to distinguish reality and fiction so your body (blood etc) begins to believe and act (commit) to what it feels is happening to you.
So alot of people feel sick after, maybe even the next day or week, when they see something traumatic. Basicly you have been traumatised and are suffering post traumatic stress. Be kind to you body and let it know you are safe and ok. Try meditation and reiki to help you heal.

Hope this helps good luck!

LegacyUser

OP, I have the exact same problem....and I don't want to be de-sensitised. Why should you "get used" to these things? Or " get over" the fact that they disturb you? They ARE disturbing, horrible, graphic, etc,etc,etc
I just do my utmost to avoid having to watch/see any of these things. Literally, I don't care who is with me, I will say " that's it, switch it off, I don't want to see that". I work with people who say things like "that person is raping me over such and such" referring to getting in trouble/being charged a lot of money at work. I have a serious problem with that phrase. So much so, that I've asked people to stop using it.
Unfortunately to deal with what you've already seen, you'll just have to try and distract yourself. And when you can't, I literally have to stop the thought, and say to myself " I'm not thinking about that " and conciously think about something else. Only way.
You're not weird and there's nothing wrong with you. There's no reason why we should be okay with these events or these images.