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is my ex gay??

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  • 07-10-2009 5:09pm
    #1
    Marina-anseo2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 40 ✭


    My ex boyfriend and I recently broke up but we're still close and we have gotten together on nights out since we broke up...mostly because of alcohol because during the day we are just like best friends.
    His ex girlfriend was out last week when we hooked up again. He dances a lot with his best friend, a guy he knows all his life but not in an ordinary way. He stands behind him lowers him onto him..i dont really know how to describe it, you'd just imagine if he was heterosexual that this is how he'd dance with girls only...
    While doing this his ex girlfriend asked me if it doesnt worry me...obviously she was unsure about him too.
    When in his home town I was told by a waitress in a place he goes too quite often after a night out that she always thought he was gay and surprised that I was his gf.
    I've seen him try to kiss a guy when very drunk before but was given the cheek and I've been told he has kissed one of his male friends twice. This particular friend is bisexual.
    He dies his hair and straightens it, which looks good and I like the fact that he makes an effort but most guys i know wouldn't bother.
    All this could very well be trying to stand out from the crowd, he dresses in an alternative way but not too much and he is very immature.
    I just thought maybe you could give me your opinions? Is he the type guy trying to avoid admitting his true sexuality? Is he unsure?
    He has had quite a few girlfriends, chatting up girls is very easy for him, he seems to know exactly how we think. A lot of my friends say he is definitely homosexual but I'm not convinced... maybe its because I don't want to believe it for selfish reasons. What do you think?:confused:
    Tagged:


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    #2
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Why are you so concerned about what his sexuality maybe?
    Why did you break up?


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    #3
    Marina-anseo2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 40 ✭Marina-anseo2


    we broke up because we felt we are better as friends... I want to know because he asked me to get back with him a few times... I said no for the reason we broke up but when i have some people telling me they think he is gay and others not I would just like to get others opinions based on they way he acts etc. I know you can't say he's definitely gay or he's definitely heterosexual but you could give opinions...


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    #4
    partyguinness
    Registered Users Posts: 8,207 ✭✭✭partyguinness


    TBH the only person that answer this for you is your ex...

    Would you consider asking him if he is bi or had 'experiences' with male friends? Ask him in a casual way when yer in bed if it concerns you that much.


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    #5
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    If you want to be with him and he wants to be with you why are you worried about what other people may think about him being gay/bi ?


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    #6
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    Marina-anseo2 wrote: »
    I want to know

    I have to wonder why you haven't asked him instead of a bunch of strangers on the internet who don't know him and haven't a clue.


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    #7
    jady88
    Closed Accounts Posts: 185 ✭✭jady88


    Beruthiel wrote: »
    I have to wonder why you haven't asked him instead of a bunch of strangers on the internet who don't know him and haven't a clue.

    I have to wonder how you could miss the obvious reason, she doesn't want to confront him in case she might offend him or cause him to panic.


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    #8
    Marina-anseo2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 40 ✭Marina-anseo2


    Yes thats exactly what happened, i did already ask him, not a direct question but just told him I couldn't help but question it. That was the morning after the time when he tried to kiss the guy when he was very drunk. My answer was he doesnt even remember doing it. I asked him why he would try to kiss a man and he said he was very very drunk so he doesnt know why. It is true that he was very drunk at the time, I had to support him walking home (only time that ever happened) so maybe he doesnt... he was on stage singing too after that, when we left the pub he asked me what song he sang because he couldnt remember.... When i said it to him he got very insulted and he said "so you think I'm gay now do you?" I said "I don't know what to think" it carried on a bit like that and then he said "fine so I must be gay" but you see he didnt say it sincerely it was an if you say so kind of answer, he was very annoyed, I was also very annoyed so I don't think thats really anything to go by.
    That evening we broke up...


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    #9
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    jady88 wrote: »
    I have to wonder how you could miss the obvious reason, she doesn't want to confront him in case she might offend him or cause him to panic.

    But she's been in a relationship with him before, and they are now friends?
    Sorry, but if I knew someone that well, I'll just about ask any question that's on my mind.


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    #10
    Tricity Bendix
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,510 ✭✭✭Tricity Bendix


    Obviously none of us know the answer, but lets review the evidence.

    Nice hair: Lots of straight guys have fancy hair. Lots of gay guys don't.

    He dances with his oldest friend in a provocative way: I don't know any guy, gay or straight or bi, who doesn't do this.

    Some waitress said so: Why would someone come up to you and tell you she thinks your boyfriend is gay? This waitress sounds weird.

    You heard he kissed some guys: Without context this means nothing. Rather than depending on what other people say, you should really just ask him if you want to know. I mean, if you guys are still hooking up you have a right to know. If he refuses to talk about it then you have to consider how close you can get to him.


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    #11
    jady88
    Closed Accounts Posts: 185 ✭✭jady88


    Beruthiel wrote: »
    But she's been in a relationship with him before, and they are now friends?
    Sorry, but if I knew someone that well, I'll just about ask any question that's on my mind.

    Good for you, not everyone has that confidence and some might consider it rude, but I guess you wouldn't.


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    #12
    Boston
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,163 ✭✭✭✭Boston


    Marina-anseo2 wrote: »
    Yes thats exactly what happened, i did already ask him, not a direct question but just told him I couldn't help but question it. That was the morning after the time when he tried to kiss the guy when he was very drunk. My answer was he doesnt even remember doing it. I asked him why he would try to kiss a man and he said he was very very drunk so he doesnt know why. It is true that he was very drunk at the time, I had to support him walking home (only time that ever happened) so maybe he doesnt... he was on stage singing too after that, when we left the pub he asked me what song he sang because he couldnt remember.... When i said it to him he got very insulted and he said "so you think I'm gay now do you?" I said "I don't know what to think" it carried on a bit like that and then he said "fine so I must be gay" but you see he didnt say it sincerely it was an if you say so kind of answer, he was very annoyed, I was also very annoyed so I don't think thats really anything to go by. That evening we broke up...

    Maybe his heavy drinking is the only way he can allow himself explore his sexuality.
    Beruthiel wrote: »
    But she's been in a relationship with him before, and they are now friends?
    Sorry, but if I knew someone that well, I'll just about ask any question that's on my mind.

    I wouldn't ask a friend, I'd ask a lover though.
    jady88 wrote: »
    Good for you, not everyone has that confidence and some might consider it rude, but I guess you wouldn't.

    If you can't bring yourself to ask a sexual partner a question like "are you gay" then how can you establish any trust? It's not a case of being rude, its fairly straight forward question. That not to say he won't get pissed off and see it as a complete attack on his masculinity.


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    #13
    jady88
    Closed Accounts Posts: 185 ✭✭jady88


    Boston wrote: »
    If you can't bring yourself to ask a sexual partner a question like "are you gay" then how can you establish any trust? It's not a case of being rude, its fairly straight forward question. That not to say he won't get pissed off and see it as a complete attack on his masculinity.

    Exactly so in order to make sure whether their is any point in asking the question and risking such a question she came on boards simple really. I doubt very much if she was planning on making a final decision based on what the characters of this forum said.


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    #14
    Marina-anseo2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 40 ✭Marina-anseo2


    jady88 wrote: »
    Exactly so in order to make sure whether their is any point in asking the question and risking such a question she came on boards simple really. I doubt very much if she was planning on making a final decision based on what the characters of this forum said.

    Thats exactly it, I obviously cannot expect people who dont know him to tell me if he is gay or not, I just want to know if I'm being paranoid etc. I don't want to insult him further if I'm in the wrong....
    The I have been told he kissed his friend thing is definitely true, he has told me himself thinking I'd find it cool???
    I'd imagine most girlfriends wouldnt find that news about their partner "cool" lol.
    judging by what you guys have said i'm going towards the more immature root... perhaps he's bisexual, that I don't know...
    Can a person just be experimental sexually or would you think it would mean the person is bisexual? I mean that question in general sense not just in this case.
    Just a general question again as I don't know the answer to this one, If you are bisexual are you equally attracted to both sexes or are you more attracted to one just interested in both? For example if you are a bisexual man more attracted to woman (if thats the case), dating both, would you still have a man as your life time partner? Just curious..:)
    I'm guessing in that case you would fall for the person...


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    #15
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    I find certain people of both gender to be attractive but I do have when I look back over past relationships a preference for one gender over another.

    Oh and I would not be bothered if anyone I was with had kissed a person of the same gender.

    and yes it is about falling for the person, he's said he wants to be with you, yes?
    If that is the case why are you concerned?


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    #16
    MicraBoy
    Registered Users Posts: 916 ✭✭✭MicraBoy


    Marina-anseo2 wrote: »
    Thats exactly it, I obviously cannot expect people who dont know him to tell me if he is gay or not, I just want to know if I'm being paranoid etc. I don't want to insult him further if I'm in the wrong....
    The I have been told he kissed his friend thing is definitely true, he has told me himself thinking I'd find it cool???
    I'd imagine most girlfriends wouldnt find that news about their partner "cool" lol.
    judging by what you guys have said i'm going towards the more immature root... perhaps he's bisexual, that I don't know...
    Can a person just be experimental sexually or would you think it would mean the person is bisexual? I mean that question in general sense not just in this case.
    Just a general question again as I don't know the answer to this one, If you are bisexual are you equally attracted to both sexes or are you more attracted to one just interested in both? For example if you are a bisexual man more attracted to woman (if thats the case), dating both, would you still have a man as your life time partner? Just curious..:)
    I'm guessing in that case you would fall for the person...

    You have to remember that sexuality is quite fluid, rather than being static. There are people at either end of the spectrum who are exclusively straight or exclusively gay and then there are those in between.

    My personal experience is that I have found I have gone through periods of being equally attracted to both sexs and periods of being more attracted to one or other sex.

    I would think younger bisexuals (and I would rate your friend as bisexual based on limited info) tend to flip flop more, but as they get older they realise they have a preference for one sex. That doesn't mean they remain exclusive to that one sex, its's just a preference.


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