Im so scared I'll never get over him.

lightbulboff

I don't really know what I'm expecting to get out posting this thread but my situation is this...

...My boyfriend of over two years broke up with two weeks ago. This came as a total shock to me because everything was going great, no fighting, talk of moving in together. His feelings went from not wanting to be with me, to wanting space to think things through, to not wanting to be with me again and then for being very sorry and wanting us to get back together. As you can imagine I was very confused and upset and took a few days for myself but then decided that I wanted our relationship to work, only for him to then decide that he couldn't do it anymore and that it just wasn't there for him and that he only loved me a "bit", whereas the week before, when he was dumping me he said he was still in love with me and he still loved being around me and I still made him happy.

I tried not contacting him for a few days but that failed, and whats hard is that he replies to these texts and when I ask him to call me he calls me.

I'm just so scared that I'll never get over him and that I'll always love him, because I do so much and its really hard to hear these things from someone that your crazy about, ya know? i just don't understand how his feelings can change so quickly, because I thought everything was going perfectly.

Any advice or opinions would be greatly appreciated!

Wibbs

You'll read in a fair few threads around here that you're not alone in this. That's the first thing. The second thing is that regardless of what happens next, time will heal if you let it.

What's happening with him? At a guess I'd say its the very common one where the honeymoon period has passed for one person and now the longterm future is looking like it's in play(talk of moving in together etc), he's not feeling enough to want that. This doesn't mean he doesn't love you as such, just not enough to want to continue. That's where his "loves you a bit" and his emotional confusion comes from IMHO. He does like/love you, but losing that extra bit needed for a real future together is what made him come out with the "still love you/still make me happy" part stems from. It more usually comes out in the line "I love you, but I'm not in love with you".

Now it could be other things that are making this worse. Is he under any stress? Is there more things going on in his life than before? Have you noticed this detachment before? It's very rarely "out of the blue" when you stop and look back.

So what do you do now? I know its a mantra but breaking or easing contact is a good bet. If nothing else to let him see what he may be missing. It will let him think about the situation and his feelings without any pressure and who knows what may come from that. Dont worry about him not thinking about you. He will if there was any love there in the first place. If you do talk to him one more time. Agree that it's best that you split if he's not feeling it anymore as it's not fair on either of you. Wish him well, then try and get your own life back on track. Reconnect with mates and things you used to do but may have let slide during the relationship.

LegacyUser

"regardless of what happens next, time will heal if you let it."

Sephiroth_dude

Try and keep yourself busy,delete his number and if he contacts you whether it be by txt or he rings dont answer or reply,surround yourself with your friends,it'll take time but you will get over him in time.

G-Money

First thing I'd say is, don't ask him to call you! I'm guessing he's feeling a bit bad about how it's all working out and maybe he feels the need to be supportive rather than just ditching you and acting like you never met.

Unfortunately if he doesn't want to be with you, there's nothing you can do about it. Anyway, would you really want to be with him now that you know how he feels?

We've all been there before. Been nuts about someone, for whatever reason we end up hurt as it doesn't happen or it ends or whatever. This is followed by the "I'll never get over them, they were perfect. I'll never meet anyone else who I clicked with so well." These are natural thoughts and we all get them.

But guess what? They do go away after a while. I know at the moment you think that will never happen. Again, we've all thought that too. Just after the breakup we think we'll never get over it. But guess what? Eventually we do!

It will be hard, no doubt. What will make it harder is if you keep seeing him and talking to him. It will just remind you of what you once had but don't anymore. You'll still be thinking that anyway, but being in regular contact just makes it infinitely harder.

And here's something that will help you. Forget about this guy for a second and think back to the last guy that you were nuts about. I bet you still don't wish you were with him even though I'm betting you felt the same way back then as you do know.

Lots of people focus on how they are feeling right at that moment and forget that they've probably been through this in the past. I'm not saying that will magically make it all go away, but it hopefully will give you a sense of perspective and make you realise that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Hope things get better for you soon.

Pyr0

It's very hard to fight urge to not text or call but it's something you just have to do to get anywhere. Getting over him is about you having control of your own situation. Keep yourself distracted anyway you can going out with friends, talking to other people, taking up an activity. The key is just keeping yourself distracted from day to day, yeah you'll have those days where there is nothing to do or no one to talk to. Those days are the worst but you have to slug through it. As the days pass it'll get easier, you just have to see it from a day to day point of view as opposed to months and weeks.

Getting kicked out of work, I'll finish this post later !

lightbulboff

Thanks for the replies posters! I know our relationship is over and I know he only answers my calls because he is such a nice guy and feels bad about how things have turned out, but it just makes it harder on me. Iknow no contact is the only thing that will help me get over him, but its easier said than done, but I will try to do it.

I know my thoughts are natural thoughts to have but its very hard to think of a day in the future when I won't feel like this or I won't long to be with him, I mean can I ever truly get over him if I'm still so in live with him and want to be with him???

How Strange

OP, everyone will say the same thing. No contact.

Yes, it's tough because you're knee jerk reaction is to call him. You see something and you think 'he'd think that's funny' etc.

Unfortunately you have to treat it like a death. You have to grieve the end of the relationship and give yourself time to get over it.

It's not easy, in fact it's downright sh1tty but you can make it easier on yourself by cutting contact and getting used to him not being in your life or you can keep calling each other in which case this is it/isn't it thing will fester on for a good while longer and your head will be wrecked.

LegacyUser

Hi there,

I was and am still in the exact same situation as yourself. I split up with my partner of 2 years 4 months ago. I've kept contact and it has made it so much harder.

At first we were in contact every few weeks, then it would get to a few times a week, but all this time I was still feeling very down and very upset about the whole situation. In my case he was addicted to internet dating and I never knew about it until the end, so I had a lot of questions I wanted answered and I thought through contact some of them would be answered. Then after 2 month he hooked up with an internet dater. I was devestated, but I cut contact for 7 weeks and I never felt better. Last week I called him as I wanted to get some of my things from him and he was on holidays with the girl - after 2 mths. He called me yesterday and while the call was fine, I ended up in tears for the day, totally uncontrolable tears that I am embarassed about.

I wish I would have cut all contact from the start. I would definealty be in a different place now and he would be a distant memory. I was chatting to my brother last night about it and he can't understand how we put ourselves through all this. But he did make an interesting point.... that is no matter what, contact or not, you are moving on. Sometimes it takes different ways to come to the same conclusion, ie that you have finally moved on, but rest arrused that at this time you are moving on and it is the old saying.... 'one day at a time'.

Hope you are ok.

LegacyUser

Hey, Not an exact situation like yours but i feel im in a simmilar place, thing is my OH wanted to do the friends thing, I told her it wasn't what i wanted from her and needed to move on, but then she would come back and say maybe she was still into me, could we relax and see what happened, i like a fool agreed (this happened 3 times)

I was told by all around me to just cut contact, i wish i had taken the advice, i wasted 6 months of my life hoping she'd come around, i can see now that this was never going to happen, to be honest even tho im in real pain today i kind of realise that she wasn't right for me anyway, was selfish in many ways but i couldn't see that at the time cos i was smitten.

So what im saying is really that you need to cut contact, seriously its only thing thats going to work, i have learned this the hard way, so try learn from my (and many others) mistakes and not put yourself through it.

All the best.