Condom / erection anxiety issues

LegacyUser

My problem is with maintaining an erection while/after putting on a condom. When I'm with a girl I'll be fully ready to go until I go to put a condom on, and then I go limp and find it very difficult to get hard again. It's embarrassing, it pisses me off and I can't enjoy sex because of it. It worries me too. I tried broaching the topic with my best mate recently and he just laughed and slagged me off with all the usual macho bull****.

I'm 26 years old. This first happened when I first had sex at 22. Between then and before the start of this summer, I think I'd only slept with one other girl (twice) and both times I was so drunk I could barely see stand let alone have sex, so I didn't know there was an issue (other than not being able to get a girl). I've always had real confidence issues (in general) but I've been working through them; saw a therapist for a few months towards the end of the last year and I feel a hell of a lot better about myself now.

However this summer I went travelling alone, and while I was doing that I slept with 7 girls (sex [or attempted!] about 10 times in total), and it happened every single time. A few times I couldn't do it at all, sometimes masturbation would work, sometimes it would work until halfway through actually having sex. At first I figured it was just a bit of performance anxiety as I'm a late starter and all and that a bit of practise would cure all, but the last occasion (last weekend) was as bad as the first time I had sex.

I met a really fantastic girl (that I did not hook up with) on my travels and she's coming to visit me near the end of the year. I'm very, very excited about the prospect, but at the same time I'm dreading the possibility of us sleeping together (which is ****ed up). This makes me determined to resolve the issue, but I don't really fancy searching Dublin for girls to bang to try different solutions. To some extent that is what I was doing on my travels and it was pretty empty and I'm reluctant to do it again.

Following a suggestion I saw on the web, towards the end of the holiday I tried buying bigger condoms and they are certainly more comfortable, but thus far I've only had one opportunity to use them (usually I don't have em on me and I use the girl's) and the result wasn't good, but I was very drunk at the time, so maybe it will make things easier. At the same time, I don't really want to go shagging more randomers to find out.

I'm thinking of going to see a therapist again for it specifically but that's a couple of hundred yoyos I'd rather not spend (no job at present!), so if anyone has had and has overcome the same thing, I'd love to know how they managed it!

minidazzler

I had the same thing happen to me at the end of last year.

You have to get used to putting condoms on quickly as possible.

I solved it myself by having ALOT of "posh" *ahem*.

It's a vicious circle really where your nervous it won't work so then it won't work.

But Just give the posh ones a try, if that helps.

Also, carry the bigger condoms with you ALL the time. Get some sort of Retainer hardshell pouch though, just to keep them safe!!!

shellyboo

From what you're saying here, it sounds like the whole casual sex thing just doesn't work for you. It could be a case that when you're with someone you care about and you're excited about, the issue will resolve itself.

Good advice from mini there as well - practice putting on condoms and staying erect by yourself, get yourself used to the feel of them, etc. If all else fails, don't worry. There's plenty of things you can do in bed that don't involve an erect penis - if you find it's not happening for you, just tell her you might need a bit of time and use your perfectly functioning hands or tongue to please her instead.

Wibbs

Good advice above. Esp the practice bit. Personally I went through same. I hated the damn things. All I needed to see was the packet and "oh bugger" Of course the more you concentrate on trying to stay ready, the worse it becomes. Yep defo the practice bit.

seanie2

Keep practising it'll come to you

Fiend-Foe

Like above keep practising. You could also try wearing a cock ring, it goes around the base and will keep all the blood where its supposed to be.

_blank_

What condoms are you using?

if it's them durex performa, bin them and get something without anesthetic in them.

davmol

Happens to nearly all of my mates!.
Even my girl mates dread the use of them as they are renowned for spoiling the moment,even though they could save your life or sexual health.

they take all the feeling away for some people ,me included but as said before get ones that increase the sensation.

I think its mental too aswell as physical,its like a chore within something very exxciting is putting on a jonny...like going on holiday but having to bring your work with you

LD 50

As was said, practice with them on. Maybe when this girl comes over to see you, ask her if she wants to put it on you. just make sure she's confident putting it on, and keep a close eye if she does put it on you. Women aren't as experienced putting them on. But having your partner put it on does save some of the awkwardness of it.

Smyth

Hi OP,

Sorry to hear about your problem. Good news is that it's not a major issue and can be solved easily enough (depending on your willpower).

I went through a stage quite similar to yourself. I had one bad experience, which in turn caused me to overthink it day and night until it came to the point where it'd be all I thought about when I had sex. The solution? divert your attention to what's in front of you. Focus on her soft skin, the smell of her hair. Look into her eyes, stroke her thighs. Whisper sweet nothings into her ear. Once you divert your attention to these things, you're on the right path.

That's was the mental solution for me. Did that a few times and the problem was a thing of the past.

On a physical note, condoms do have a way of spoiling things. My girlfriend only recently came off the pill (been together a year and a bit), so I was used to going "bareback". It took me a while to get used to the condoms, and even after having sex literally hundreds of times I went limp the first few times due to the lack of feeling and tightness.

There's no real solution to that I'm afraid. The best I could come up with was using ultra featherlight to regain some feeling. Even then the feeling is numbed somewhat. That's when you focus on those little things I mentioned.

Like Wibbs said, it's a vicious circle. Don't over think it. Enjoy the woman, enjoy the sensations and have loads of self love like the posters above said.

Good luck!