hit rock bottom at 20

LegacyUser

i basically feel i cant go any lower...im living at home with my parents, no job prospects, woman arent the slightest bit interested in me(for obvious reasons) and my confidence has taken such a shattering that i hate even going outside during the day. i think ive hit rock bottom!

minidazzler

Wow, you basically sound like me, The Good thing about rock bottom is, as long as you on't have a Kango hammer, the only way is UP.

Is there any particular reason you can't go out, get a job or get a woman?

Are you in College? Would you think about going to College?

Is there any reason you are living at home and CAN'T Move out? Or is it just a case of it's easier to stay home.

mikewest

O.K. so I take it you are at least getting some dole or at the very least signing on for credits? This allows you to get onto some schemes via FAS etc. Find anything in these courses you can start soon that interests you in any way. Find one that doesn't cost you money and preferably puts money in your pocket. This will do the most basic and important thing, it will get you out of the house and mixing with other people. Once you can make this breakthrough things will look different. Joining clubs and finding hobbies are often recommended but if you are skint and at alow ebb these are often either too expensive or above your esteem treshold (this changes once you get any purpose in life)

As regards work, try applying for unpopular type jobs e.g. night security, night shift type work. Gets you out and about and allows you to see any real oppertunities that are out there. Crap jobs often open doors to good jobs and employers can be very impressed that you are willing to work at anything to get by.

thedeadpoet

You're a mirror image of myself this time last year before I found the right anti-depressant. I'm not suggesting that you're depressed, but judging by your symptoms of low self esteem and being almost afraid of leaving the house it certainly seems like a veritable possibility.

I agree with 'mikewest' on his first point in relation to the dole - that you should definitely at least sign on and generate some income for yourself. Perhaps you could purchase some new clothes, create a new style for yourself or visit a bookshop and study an area that catches your interest. Joining a club is usually the last thing on a persons list of priorities when they cant bear to go outside - although indeed you could say that about the book and clothes shops.

It seems to me that you could be going through a phase of general or social anxiety for which I'd advise you to visit your GP about. It can be tough as hell getting out and up to the surgery (I've been in your situation and worse many times) but it will be all worth it in the long run.

I'm a former recluse who couldn't leave the house for over three years so if you have any specific questions you'd like to ask someone who's been there you can throw them my way and I'll answer everything to the best of my ability. I wish you all the best - no one deserves this.

Gone Drinking

You'll find there's alot of people in this world alot worse off then you at the moment..

If you've got your health, get off your ass and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

LegacyUser

True. I'm 20, I have no job, didn't go to college, live at home, have little or no friends, oh and as for the money I get disability but I'm still always skint, oh I've never had a girlfriend eirther. Did I mention that I also have a progressive disease which is going to get worse and possibly kill me in my 30's if something else doesn't that is? However what makes me different to you is I could not care less, infact I have never being happier and I mean that from the bottom of my heart truly.

So I think you need to take a long hard look at yourself, and be thankful for what you do have lad.

sunnyside

thedeadpoet wrote: »

Perhaps you could purchase some new clothes, create a new style for yourself or visit a bookshop and study an area that catches your interest.

I like that advice, it could help lots of people in lots of situations by giving a bit of a confidence boost.

Gone Drinking wrote: »

You'll find there's alot of people in this world alot worse off then you at the moment..

If you've got your health, get off your ass and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

True but not hugely helpful to PI. OP as he says you are young and you don't have mortgage or relationship problems to weigh you down so you have far more options than a lot of people who post here. That's a huge advantage when planning a different lifestyle for yourself.

Everyone goes through miserable periods like this. It will pass.

soon30

I cant believe people in this day and age would give advice like "get up off your ass" to someone who is obviously feeling very down and has low self esteem.I suffer from deppression myself and take medication for it and it helps a lot my antidepressant helps with anxiety as well.The only thing telling me to get up off my ass done was made me fell worse.As for comparing one problem to another they would have to be similar so there is no point telling people that are in the OP position that you have things a lot worse but are happy as larry life is weird that way you can meet homeless people who are perfectly content with life and millionairs that feel like **** about there life.I think you should talk to your gp and dont worry about feeling stupid telling him this stuff (as i did) if nothing else you will get another persons view face to face and maybie he will be able to help you.talking to my gp helped me nearly more than the meds walked out of his office like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder and he wasnt even after prescribing me anything at that stage anyway thats my two cents

FatherTed

If you don't have a job, try volunteering at a charity. It will keep you busy, plus you will be doing something good to help others, you will be meeting new people, networking, and this will make you feel good.

Gone Drinking

Gone Drinking wrote: »

You'll find there's alot of people in this world alot worse off then you at the moment..

If you've got your health, get off your ass and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

I'm sure the OP is well aware that he isn't about to starve to death, isn't in a third world country, isn't being weighed down by a mortgage or so forth.

The "get over it" advice is among the worst anyone could ever give.


I assure you, OP, people who give you such advice have got absolutely no idea how you are feeling, and I can totally and completely relate to your situation. In fact, I'm in the exact situation, except you've got a year head start on me. I'm 21 now. On my 20th birthday, i said to myself that I would definitely, no matter how hard, turn my life around by the time i was 21.

Of course, saying something and doing something are different things, and I've pretty much wasted the last year of my life, doing nothing and going nowhere.


However, I did do a FAS course, where I met a few other people. I hated the thoughts of doing the course, so I went on a course with someone I already knew (so I wouldn't have to go it alone). That course ended in June of this year, and I still talk regularly to two people from it.


I'm currently on another course that ends in a month or so, and although I haven't really befriended anyone on this course as such (I get on well with the people, but I doubt I'll be goin gout of my way to contact any of them anytime soon) I still have the opportunity to mix with people daily... And because you know that if you miss a day of a FAS course, it costs you money, you're more likely to stick to going in, and will eventually feel comfortable in it.


In my opinion, for people in this situation, the recession is the best thing that could ever happen.

More, broader courses are being launched by FAS, in colleges, etc. and there's a better opportunity to take a step back and try to work out what you want to do with your life.

Personally, I left school after Transition year and therefore never done the Leaving Cert. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life and didn't want to sit the leaving as a kid with no interest in it (i knew i'd fail). It's about six years later and i've still no idea what I want to do. I'm still living with my dad and I've no real future to speak of.


My only real advice is to just get out there and pick up a local paper or check out FAS and check out the courses on offer. Look for something that you may find interesting, google it and see if you like the look of it, and go for it. Trial and error is the only way to figure out what you'd like to do with yourself (I know you didn't specifically state you're not sure what to do with yourself, but I'm assuming so by your 'no job prospects' comment).


The not wanting to leave the house thing is something that I can't really offer advice on, because I'm the same. I could tell you to get out there and do this and do that, but I know that I'm in the same situation and if smeone told me that, I'd ignore it, so I won't waste my time telling you crap. What I will say though, is take a trip to a gym and try your luck there. I find that I have no confidence whatsoever, but if I spend about an hour in the gym, when I leave it, I'll get a good three or four hours of feeling confident and happy with myself out of it (I'm a fat bastard by the way, i'm not exactly Hogan).


I don't know if it's because I feel like i haven't wasted my day or because 'working out' is good for you or what it is, but I highly recommend it. You should check out the Fitness forum on here. It's at the top of the page under "rec" (but don't take the forum too seriously, i get the impression a lot of the posters on there are hardcore fitness experts who live by scary diets and constant working out. People in the gym aren't like that. I was terrified of walking into a gym at first, thinking i'd be the only fat bastard among a sea of Hogans', but I was proven wrong very early on. I'm huge, but i wasn't the biggest in it).




As for girls, again, entirely my own personal opinion, but the only proper way to get a girlfriend or expand your social circle is to do a course or somethin glike that, or get introduced to friends' friends. Pubs, Clubs, etc. are a waste of time and money. I always assumed this, but I learned it to be very true last week. Pubs/clubs/etc. are so pretentious, I honestly would recommend you avoid them if you plan to meet women (though again in saying that, my own personal opinion. I don't know if you've been out and about a fair bit or never tried it before, but you'll only know if you like it or not by giving it a shot).



Out from that I can't think of what to say, except find something that excites you or you have a great interest in, and find a way to make it become time-consuming for you. It'll take your mind off worries and problems for a little while, and you'd be surprised how social you can become due to them.


Best of luck OP. Keep the 'auld head down

LegacyUser

Been there done that!
Less than a year ago in fact, was about 19 then
Had no job, no girlfriend, felt like **** didnt want to even go outside the door.
My self confidence had just taken a hammering from working in **** jobs I hated. Felt worthless. No girl would have me. Started to resent my friends and the list goes on.
Thing is OP I just took a plunge. I went off to do a FETAC course, I didnt even know if I'd like it, but anything is better than your situation.
I loved it. Made some great friends and it really brought me out of a dark place.
Now Im just after starting University by using the FETAC qualification to get in.
There's girls aplenty and Im much more confident now than I ever was.
Depending on your situation you may be eligible for Back to Education Allowance. You can get by quite comfortably on it.
You have nothing to lose, all it will take is a few phone calls and some forms to fill out.
You may have missed the boat though given the fact that the academic year is already on the go. But some courses do run a few times a year. And even if the one you want isnt starting for a while at least you have something to look forward to.
Its easy to get out of a rut OP it just takes a bit of bravery if your coming from where you are.
Its ****ing damn hard I know to live like that. But it doesnt have to be so.

Nevyn

Gone Drinking off topic and unhelpful posts will get you banned from this forum
Do read the charter before posting agian.
Have a nice day
Thaedydal