Calories That Don't Count

TheScribbler

Most people nowadays have lived with the idea that calories count and that the quality of our lives may depend on it? Speaking personally I don't believe it. If calories can count, are they conducting a census, perhaps. Are they intent on taking over society?

So let me suggest a challenging idea that maybe, just maybe some calories don't or cannot count. If this is the case can we define how this paradox might arise? So here is my take on a few calories that don't count:

The calories in broken biscuits don't count so you can eat them safely
Eating sweets that other people give you don't count
Eating biscuits that are left on plates in restaurants don't count
Consuming the mints that a hotel maid leaves on your pillow don't count
The calories in the food your child leaves don't count
Licking cakes tins during preparation don't count
The calories generated by the crisps you bought with the money Grandma gave you don't count
Free samples given out at a supermarket don't count

So there it is. I have proved that you can dine out all day and yet be safe in the knowledge that the calories attributed to you, simply don't count.

QED

Maybe you can put your thinking caps on and suggest more? At this rate we can recapture the world!

jimmycrackcorm

Calories in sperm definitely don't count....

TheScribbler

Ummm they could be hiding

The_Minister

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

Calories in sperm definitely don't count....

I would imagine the motions nessacery to "attain" the sperm would more then counter-act the calories in the sperm.

EDIT: http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/46/how-many-calories-are-in-the-average-male-ejaculation
From the mod of Expand Your Horizons.

phlegms

It doesn't count if she's asleep.


Whoops, wrong thread..

TheScribbler

Hiding Kinder eggs in your mouth having liberated them from their plastic prison don't count and are calorie free

Sofaspud

Any takeaway / food in general that's eaten while drunk.

TheScribbler

C'mon guys keep the faith here

jimmycrackcorm

The_Minister wrote: »

I would imagine the motions nessacery to "attain" the sperm would more then counter-act the calories in the sperm.

EDIT: http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/46/how-many-calories-are-in-the-average-male-ejaculation
From the mod of Expand Your Horizons.

Only if you are on top!

TheScribbler

Good one Sofaspud. In fact all beer taken to wash down calories don't count either do they?

Calories don't count where as a KFC or McD 2 Star Team Leader you tidy away the spare chips by swallowing them

Consuming Terry's Oranges whose sell by dates have expired definitely don't count

Zillah

TheScribbler wrote: »

Good one Sofaspud. In fact all beer taken to wash down calories don't count either do they?

You and your thread are like in a medical drama when a doctor won't let a patient die, and they're all like "BREATHE DAMMIT BREATHE!" and everyone else in the room looks awkward and embarrassed for them.

Time of death, 1:53AM.

4zn76tysfajdxp

TheScribbler wrote: »

Good one Sofaspud. In fact all beer taken to wash down calories don't count either do they?

Calories don't count where as a KFC or McD 2 Star Team Leader you tidy away the spare chips by swallowing them

Consuming Terry's Oranges whose sell by dates have expired definitely don't count

Posts merged. Try to keep multiple points in one post, it makes a thread far easier to read that way.

The_Minister

TheScribbler wrote: »

Most people nowadays have lived with the idea that calories count and that the quality of our lives may depend on it? Speaking personally I don't believe it. If calories can count, are they conducting a census, perhaps. Are they intent on taking over society?

So let me suggest a challenging idea that maybe, just maybe some calories don't or cannot count. If this is the case can we define how this paradox might arise? So here is my take on a few calories that don't count:

The calories in broken biscuits don't count so you can eat them safely
Eating sweets that other people give you don't count
Eating biscuits that are left on plates in restaurants don't count
Consuming the mints that a hotel maid leaves on your pillow don't count
The calories in the food your child leaves don't count
Licking cakes tins during preparation don't count
The calories generated by the crisps you bought with the money Grandma gave you don't count
Free samples given out at a supermarket don't count

So there it is. I have proved that you can dine out all day and yet be safe in the knowledge that the calories attributed to you, simply don't count.

QED

Maybe you can put your thinking caps on and suggest more? At this rate we can recapture the world!

TheScribbler wrote: »

Hiding Kinder eggs in your mouth having liberated them from their plastic prison don't count and are calorie free

TheScribbler wrote: »

C'mon guys keep the faith here

TheScribbler wrote: »

Good one Sofaspud. In fact all beer taken to wash down calories don't count either do they?

TheScribbler wrote: »

Calories don't count where as a KFC or McD 2 Star Team Leader you tidy away the spare chips by swallowing them

TheScribbler wrote: »

Consuming Terry's Oranges whose sell by dates have expired definitely don't count

You go girl

loalae

It doesn't count if it's a pastry in the morning - the rest of the day will work it off for you.

TheScribbler

Hey that's my sister but she doesn't eat calories. Eats a lot of chocolate though

loalae

Calories in chocolate don't count because chocolate releases endorphines and endorphins make you happy and happy people work off the chocolate by laughing.

TheScribbler

I like the academic approach to this issue. Good thinking. Using parallel logic one could say that calories are, in reality, inanimate and unless possessed of implanted artificial intelligence, are incapable of counting at all. So you can eat anything you like if calories can't count. We've cracked it people. Unless.....

pikachucheeks

Calories that don't count?

If you're on a diet, and you like how the food tastes...

TheScribbler

Now that's worrying. Licking the bottom of an ice cream carton left in the freezer with half a spoon of ice cream left - that doesn't count either, does it?

Elliemental

TheScribbler wrote: »

Most people nowadays have lived with the idea that calories count and that the quality of our lives may depend on it? Speaking personally I don't believe it. If calories can count, are they conducting a census, perhaps. Are they intent on taking over society?

So let me suggest a challenging idea that maybe, just maybe some calories don't or cannot count. If this is the case can we define how this paradox might arise? So here is my take on a few calories that don't count:

The calories in broken biscuits don't count so you can eat them safely
Eating sweets that other people give you don't count
Eating biscuits that are left on plates in restaurants don't count
Consuming the mints that a hotel maid leaves on your pillow don't count
The calories in the food your child leaves don't count
Licking cakes tins during preparation don't count
The calories generated by the crisps you bought with the money Grandma gave you don't count
Free samples given out at a supermarket don't count

So there it is. I have proved that you can dine out all day and yet be safe in the knowledge that the calories attributed to you, simply don't count.

QED

Maybe you can put your thinking caps on and suggest more? At this rate we can recapture the world!

Okay...So going by your theory, are there any calories that actually do count?

ottostreet

I'm not even really sure what you're talking about

TheScribbler

Elliemental, by applying my theory of calories that don't count, I should, by now have a waistline like a trapeze artist. The fact that I don't may point to a potential flaw in the logic, but it is fun.

Michellenman

Other peoples food. Known that they don't count.

Archeron

Licking the icing on donuts in Statoil stations don't count, especially when you put them back on the rack afterward.

Capt'n Midnight

yiz are only fooling yerselves

a food caloire is a thousand real caloires , look at the label again , it says kcal

Food eaten on your birthday doesn't contain calories.

All Birthday cakes are calorie free.

Elliemental

Okay then, I`ve decided that cake calories don`t count!:D (or is that stretching it a little)

John Mason

any food on a friday doesnt count:)

Max Power1

chocolate/popcorn in the cinema. If its dark and you cant see what you are eating then clearly neither does your body. Ergo no calories.

juke

Diet Coke cancels out all the calories in a Big Mac

Capt'n Midnight

If you are bulimic ....

TheScribbler

Your point being.....?

dr.bollocko

OP if you wish to bump your thread in future please do so with at least some sort of comment. Simply posting a smiley to get a thread back to the top of AH is not ok and adds nothing to the discussion.

TheScribbler

Thank you but I am not sure if you are referring to me or not. I simply did not understand the previous respondents point and I was seeking clarification. If you check my track record you will see that I do not do this

This thread is failing and failing fast.

TheScribbler

I agree. It was started to promote humorous debate, thus I will not participate any further in the discussion

candy-gal1

veggies, small chocolates:D, milk, diet items! i wish lol

Corkfeen

Fish oil tablets, would take about a 1000 of them to have a negative effect.

wudangclan

eating a boiled egg.
i believe it burns more calories to digest than you get from the egg.

GalwayKiefer

Eating while walking cos you're burning off the calories straight away....It's true, I read it in a book once...