Unanwered Calls

LegacyUser

Just a quick Question, Kind of "seeing" a girl for a while, its been on and off kind of thing nothing serious, to be honest I like her alot but she is unsure of what she wants, i.e. friendship / relatioonship.

Thing is hadn't spoken in a few days (was trying to give her space) so i called sunday evening, no answer which was fine, tried again at lunch time yesterday, she answered just said Im driving can I ring ya back, again no problem, but i had a bad feeling for same reason, got a text an hour later saying "well, whats up"....Kinda annoyed me, but I tried calling again few minutes later, again rung out, so i texted back then "just wanna see how your getting on, everything ok yeah"

No reply, left it a few hours and asked wat was up (at this stage there definatley was something) no reply, cpl hours later tried again, annoyed now and asked why i was getting the silent treatment, thought i deserved better then that, (have done alot for her recently and did think this was pretty rude)

Few hours later i get a pretty aggresive txt along the lines of "what the %^* just got my phone from my room and get all this, its so annoying, sometimes people dont get to the phone in time"

Replied saying i didn't think it was too much too ask for her to reply / answer...to which i was accused of trying to make her feel bad and she hadn't done anything to deserve these txts.

I mean am i wrong here or was it pretty harsh not replying, this has happened b4 with her and she knows it really irritates me so, and i mean i rang a few mins after i got the txt saying "wats up" (not exactly going to much effort there either), so she def had her phone then, its done now anyway...ive been told that in no uncertain terms but i still think it wasn't too much to expect a response over a 2 day period (except to give abuse), would like ppls opinions on this cos i don't wanna make the same mistake again with someone else, hurts like hell today cos maybe i was wrong and ive blown it, but i still think it wasn't too much to ask..

kjl

i dont this she is into you, or she is just not bothered talking to you.

Oh The Humanity

Hm, out and out rude. Its like as if she is 'phasing you out' (cowards way of breaking up) but is going to try to turn it around and blame you.

I'd guess her next step is going to accuse you of being a stalker and goad you into a break up.

She is bang out of order from what I can see. Its your choice as to what to do next but its not looking good Im sorry to say...

ash23

GQ2406 wrote: »

Just a quick Question, Kind of "seeing" a girl for a while, its been on and off kind of thing nothing serious, to be honest I like her alot but she is unsure of what she wants, i.e. friendship / relatioonship. ..

OK, so it's not serious, your not her boyfriend. You're just a guy she's been kind of seeing.

GQ2406 wrote: »

Thing is hadn't spoken in a few days (was trying to give her space) so i called sunday evening, no answer which was fine, tried again at lunch time yesterday, she answered just said Im driving can I ring ya back, again no problem, but i had a bad feeling for same reason, got a text an hour later saying "well, whats up"....Kinda annoyed me, but I tried calling again few minutes later, again rung out, so i texted back then "just wanna see how your getting on, everything ok yeah"..

You should have left it after trying to call on Sunday. Leave a message and let her get back to you. She answered on Monday but couldn't talk as she was driving. Maybe when she texted asking what was up she couldn't speak. Does she have a job? A life? Would it have been possible that she wasn't in a position to answer?

GQ2406 wrote: »

No reply, left it a few hours and asked wat was up (at this stage there definatley was something) no reply, cpl hours later tried again, annoyed now and asked why i was getting the silent treatment, thought i deserved better then that, (have done alot for her recently and did think this was pretty rude)

Few hours later i get a pretty aggresive txt along the lines of "what the %^* just got my phone from my room and get all this, its so annoying, sometimes people dont get to the phone in time" "..

Perhaps she isn't the type to have her phone on her at all times? You texting every couple of hours with the texts getting more and more aggressive from you, would really piss me off if I'd been having a busy day. I have often left my phone in my house charging and headed out for the day. Some people just don't feel the need to be contactable at all times. There was no emergency, you were being needy and strange to be honest. This girl isn't your girlfriend. Why should she be at your beck and call when you decide you want to speak to her?

GQ2406 wrote: »

Replied saying i didn't think it was too much too ask for her to reply / answer...to which i was accused of trying to make her feel bad and she hadn't done anything to deserve these txts.

I mean am i wrong here or was it pretty harsh not replying, this has happened b4 with her and she knows it really irritates me so, and i mean i rang a few mins after i got the txt saying "wats up" (not exactly going to much effort there either), so she def had her phone then, its done now anyway...ive been told that in no uncertain terms but i still think it wasn't too much to expect a response over a 2 day period (except to give abuse), would like ppls opinions on this cos i don't wanna make the same mistake again with someone else, hurts like hell today cos maybe i was wrong and ive blown it, but i still think it wasn't too much to ask..

You are too intense. You are not well matched to her as you are clearly taking this "relationship" far more seriously than she is and you are making her feel smothered.
Personally i think you have blown it but it was doomed anyway. You wanted more than she was willing to give.
Doesn't make her a bad person, nor does it make you a bad person. You guys just were in this with different expectations.

But a word to the wise. Nobody wants to feel policed by their partner. You were coming down on her for not replying to your calls. But you didn't give her much of a chance. I have gotten texts and calls and been too busy to reply right away. I usually remember in a day or two. Some of us are just a bit useless at stuff like that. And I'd apologise for not getting back to someone sooner but if they carried on the way you did it would have me running in the opposite direction.

OS119

Hi OP, i'm not so sure about the later stuff, but certainly if i'm driving - or just busy - i cannot stand people ringing me for what is just rubbish - and 'how yer doin' is just rubbish.

my partner does it all the time - well, she used to - i'm driving, i don't answer the call (there's an indicator for you!) and i reply with a sneaky 'wots up?' text. what i expect is a short, to the point text reply giving me the information that was obviously so important she rang me in the first place, and what the options are if any of my input is needed. what i obviously don't want is either to be RUNG back by whatever moron hasn't twigged as to why i didn't pick up the phone in the first place, or why i replied by very short SMS, or to be just not answered at all.

you ring up, i don't answer. i text you 'wots up?', you call me again. i don't answer (see a pattern yet?) you then send me some inane rubbish that couldn't possibly need the attention of somebody who should be concentrating on avoiding other 1 ton lumps of steel travelling at 100kph - all of which are being driven by half-wits obviously - on not enough road.

what do you expect - i'm glad you got called, i was getting bored of all this life or death shite..?

SMS is a superb method of communication, one of the biggest reasons its great is that allows people to respond when its convenient for them to do so.

shellyboo

Yeah, you're only seeing the girl - she's not your gf. If she doesn't want to speak to you, or is too busy to speak to you, then you're no right to be getting annoyed. She did text you back, you replied, she didn't get to reply back... and then you gave out to her?

That would really bug me. Sometimes people can't get to their phone, genuinely, and even if someone decides not to answer on purpose, then where's the harm? Not everyone is sociable 24/7.

lolli

I think that you overreacted, maybe she was busy. Shes not your girlfriend so she has no obligation to ring you or text you back.

Sounds to me like shes losing interest.

CDfm

You might have over reacted but it could be that she took advantage of you when she needed you. So she could be a user.

Terodil

Hmm, granted she isn't his girlfriend, but if you promise that you'll call back, then I do think it's common courtesy to actually do it -- and that does not even depend on friendship (IMO). Now fair enough she texted, but the tone of voice, and especially the earful she gave you... hmm.

In any case, she's not interested in you, I think you should spare yourself the hurt and stop thinking about this event AND her.

miec

Hi Op

Whilst I would ordinarily agree with the other posters that you were being too needy with the multiple texts, I also got the feeling that she was playing with you as well.

Just a quick Question, Kind of "seeing" a girl for a while, its been on and off kind of thing nothing serious, to be honest I like her alot but she is unsure of what she wants, i.e. friendship / relatioonship.

Did you ever state you wanted more than friendship? It sounds like she had all the power here, you liked her, she was unsure. If there is an unequal balance of desire, ie: one wants friendship, the other more, I suggest in future stop seeing that person, it will only end in heartache and frustration.

Thing is hadn't spoken in a few days (was trying to give her space) so i called sunday evening, no answer which was fine, tried again at lunch time yesterday, she answered just said Im driving can I ring ya back, again no problem, but i had a bad feeling for same reason, got a text an hour later saying "well, whats up"....Kinda annoyed me, but I tried calling again few minutes later, again rung out, so i texted back then "just wanna see how your getting on, everything ok yeah"

She said she would ring you back but instead she texted you with a 'well whats up', you got annoyed because you sensed (rightly) that she was viewing you as a pest. You did not, and never deserved to be treated in that manner, what I would suggest in the future if you get such a reply is to tell them that their response is rude and maybe they can ring you when they get some manners and then do not call them back until they apologise or continue to ignore you.

Basically if someone likes you they will show it and not

opinion guy

OP something I've come to realise is that different people work to different call and texting ettiquette. Yours is quite stringent. other people don't work like that. hahaha i have one friend who ttpyically repsonds to her texts about 2 or 3 days later - its pretty funny actually. usually by the time she responsds i've forgotten what i textd her to begin with.
some peopl just forget to answer - truth is some people just forget they were supposed to text someone.

Advice ? Hmm well when you getting to no someone take note of what level of phone/text ettiquettte they adhere to. Adjust your expectations accordingly. that will make things much easier

dirtydress

This happened to me with a friend recently, obviously different circumstances but similar I was trying to call her to sort a night out and she never answered then i just get a vague text asking whats up. Its extremely hurtful and low and behold when I did meet her for the night out she was horrible to me for no reason at all.
This girl was wrong to ignore you all that time, if she had a problem with you she should have said it. Some people are just moody but if thats how she is then she should know this about herself and have the manners to text you something substantial after such a long time. Forget about her, she's definitely not worth your trouble.

LegacyUser

Hmmmmm, seems to be differing views here, suppose its a thing thats different for everyone, To be honest looking at it with a clear head it seems she was pushing me away, We have been here before, she knows how much it gets to me, so she knew well how it would make me feel...

In regard to coming across needy etc. don't agree to be honest, if it was a case of just a day i could understand, this was 24 hours, I 1st tried her on the Sunday night, and got the abusive txt on the Monday night, maybe she had other stuff going on, dunno, not a mind reader but all it would have taken was a "can't talk now, will call ya later" - and actually call rather then texting "whats up" and then not answering but as I said maybe everyone is different,

Anyway since yesterday i just texted apolgising for annoyin her, and asking her do i need to change the name on her ticket (we were due to go away for a cpl days soon),

Replied with, "do whatever you like, i dont know why you are going on like this its wrecking my head, i have no credit OK OK OK"....I mean sorry but if that aint pretty harsh reply i don't know what is, Really annoyed at myself now for letting someone like that get to me, I really didn't think she was like this.

ManOfMystery

To be honest, it sounds like you're relying a lot on texts - try ringing her instead. You keep texting, she keeps giving short and abrupt replies - take a hint!

Some people simply find texting irritating and thus replies are short and seem rude. A phone call always comes across so much better.

ash23

GQ2406 wrote: »

Anyway since yesterday i just texted apolgising for annoyin her, and asking her do i need to change the name on her ticket (we were due to go away for a cpl days soon),

Replied with, "do whatever you like, i dont know why you are going on like this its wrecking my head, i have no credit OK OK OK"....I mean sorry but if that aint pretty harsh reply i don't know what is, Really annoyed at myself now for letting someone like that get to me, I really didn't think she was like this.

But your text to her was passive aggressive which is really childish and irritating.
First you text her loads when she is possibly busy, getting more and more annoyed. Then you apologise for texting too much but back it up with a roundabout "are you dumping me" whinge whinge.....It's going to get her back up.

Do you ever actually call this girl or see her?
Jesus, just call around and talk to her. Texts are not for deep and meaningfuls, nor are they for asking the future of your relationship.
This may come across as harsh but if I were "seeing" you then I would be thinking you are possessive and childish. Sending a text saying "will I change your name on the ticket" after a minor tiff would have alarm bells ringing in my head. That was a challenge and a game and it was immature imo. And it backfired on you because she didn't take the bait.

Would you freak out like this if you rang/texted a male friend and he replied saying he couldn't answer and would call when he could? You are waaaaay too intense. Relax a bit.

opinion guy

who paid for this ticket ?

LegacyUser

ash23 wrote: »

But your text to her was passive aggressive which is really childish and irritating.
First you text her loads when she is possibly busy, getting more and more annoyed. Then you apologise for texting too much but back it up with a roundabout "are you dumping me" whinge whinge.....It's going to get her back up.

Do you ever actually call this girl or see her?
Jesus, just call around and talk to her. Texts are not for deep and meaningfuls, nor are they for asking the future of your relationship.
This may come across as harsh but if I were "seeing" you then I would be thinking you are possessive and childish. Sending a text saying "will I change your name on the ticket" after a minor tiff would have alarm bells ringing in my head. That was a challenge and a game and it was immature imo. And it backfired on you because she didn't take the bait.

Would you freak out like this if you rang/texted a male friend and he replied saying he couldn't answer and would call when he could? You are waaaaay too intense. Relax a bit.

I see your point but To be honest if she had said i'll call when i can id have no problem, it was the fact that the returned call comprised of 3 word text, and when I replied to this, (not in a passive aggresive manner in any way, i got no reply at all...(did try and call her, she didn't answer, thats the only reason i resorted to texting her, i much prefer talking i find texts can be easily mis interpreted) Maybe i am being a bit full on but i just think its rude plain and simple, If a male friend had done the same id be annoyed also, maybe not to the same degree but that is because i like her alot...

In regard to asking about the ticket, it wasn't a challenge, she had told me in no uncertain terms where to go before that so I just wanted to confirm that and make sure it wasn't "in the heat of the moment"

If this had been a 1 off thing id even be ok with it, but we've been here before and she knows very well how her ignoring my calls etc annoys me but she did so anyway, Ill take that for what it is.

I mean getting the "dont know why your going on like this, its wrecking my head, ive no credit OK OK OK!!!" just because i texted her to wish her all the best and tell her id miss her (didn't want to leave things on a bad note), i mean come on, that isn't just me is it????

I feel about 2 foot tall today because of this...

LegacyUser

opinion guy wrote: »

who paid for this ticket ?

i did, as a birthday present for her, don't care about the money its just that it makes me feel like a total dope for letting myself fall for someone that plainly could care less despite what she has said, actions seem to say different but thats a whole other story..

cruizer101

dirtydress wrote: »

Forget about her, she's definitely not worth your trouble.

Or your definitely not worth her trouble. Clearly from the different posts different people have different views, in my opinion what she did was fine. There was nothing urgent to your texts it was just standard how are you stuff so so what if she didn't get back to you straight away.

You say 24 hours but look at it this way you called sunday evening she missed the call she was busy on Monday and by monday evening you were annoyed. Thats a short ammount of time in my book for a how are you call, in a kinda seeing each other relationship.

I'm not saying there isn't something else there may well be and this is it coming to a head, but by my books she has done nothing wrong, in fact I'd prefer a girl like that.

CDfm

If you are going away for a few days you do need to talk to her.

She sort of brings to mind an ex of mine who once said to me when I didnt want to go somewhere and pay for it said I should "pleasure of her company". The phrase was odd and I couldnt get it out of my head for a few days but she had an enormous sense of entitlement.

So you have to ask yourself are you friends because you do stuff for her and buy her things or not.If you said to her I have been ill for a few days would she say " I will be over and make you some soup" or "Dont come near me I dont want your bugs".

What type of friendship do you have here as there are a lot of girls out there who are just nice people and fun to be with.

ash23

Look, you're annoyed that she knows not texting back annoys you but she still does it. But on the flip side, you know she doesn't reply right away and is a bit more relaxed about replying and you can't just accept that is who she is and you get all worked up over it and basically give out to her.


You want someone who replies right away, who is available to you, who likes being contacted regularly and who enjoys that kind of attention but you've been barking up the wrong tree with this lady. Many guys would love a girl who wasn't intense and always looking for his attention.

You just aren't well matched to this girl. It happens.
But stop contacting her now. She's made it clear where she stands and imo, your reactions were partly to blame for the intensity of her replies.
But stop at her. Part of the reason you've broken up is because she thinks you contact her too much and you think she doesn't contact you enough. And yet, you're still contacting her and texting her. Way to win her back! Prove her right :rolleyes:

opinion guy

Yup
to be honest I'd kind of see both sides to this. WHAT were you thinking texting an apology? No you didn't want ot end things on a better note, you wanted to maintain communication. Which quite frankly you shouldn't be - cos shes treating you badly. Don't get me wrong - I do think you are over texting - but as you said yourself she KNOWS not answering winds you up.

Why do you want anything to do with someone who, when annoyed with you, chooses to wind you up rather than just tell you whats bugging them.

Its done. I wouldn't bother making any more contact if I were you

LegacyUser

opinion guy wrote: »

Yup
to be honest I'd kind of see both sides to this. WHAT were you thinking texting an apology? No you didn't want ot end things on a better note, you wanted to maintain communication. Which quite frankly you shouldn't be - cos shes treating you badly. Don't get me wrong - I do think you are over texting - but as you said yourself she KNOWS not answering winds you up.

Why do you want anything to do with someone who, when annoyed with you, chooses to wind you up rather than just tell you whats bugging them.

Its done. I wouldn't bother making any more contact if I were you

Your right, I do really like her tho so it will be real hard not avin her around, as was said maybe we just aren't suited, but when we are together we really get on like a house on fire and the only conflict there has been has been down to this issue....I don't know, the last time a cpl months back when she didn't reply it transpired that she had decided to finish it, but when push came to shove, (after 3 days of ignoring me) and i told her fine, good luck she came back, don't think thats happening this time, Ive had enough, think we just make it too hard for eachother, wrong place and time i suppose....