Dating websites

e04bf099

Has anyone used dating websites and can anyone tell me if there are any good ones.

I have never thought of using them before. I never even considered it and if anyone mentioned it a week ago I'd have laughed. But I've finished college and I'm living out in the country so I'm not really around my mates a lot recently. We've all dispersed and are still very close, but geographically speaking I'm a bit alone.

I've never been confident in bars and don't come across very well I guess. I don't know how to chat up women, and although I'm pretty talkative I completely lose the ability to carry a conversation when I meet a stranger. Or else I become creepy and wierd.

So when I tell my Dad that I don't really have any luck with women he a couple of months ago he starts pestering me about being more direct and laying my cards on the table, despite any fear of reproach or derision. So in this context he starts telling me to look at dating sites.

So in passing yesterday I noticed a dating thing on gumtree. I started browsing and some of of them seemed like spammers. But some seemed genuine. I didn't post or send any messages or anything but it got me thinkin' about the whole concept.

I have to be honest, I have an expectation that the people that use the sites probably need councilling sessions more than dates. But that be mean.

Can anyone tell me if they know any proper free dating sites for Dublin?

CDfm

My understanding is that most are businesses and run on commercial lines.

Try gumtree and see as its free. There is a Gentlemens Club thread http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055660378



You probably would get along better at a boards beers.

ash23

There is a free one called www.plentyoffish.com

Having said that the few guys I did meet were either looking to get laid, married or strange. I gave up after a couple of months.
Worth a shot though. My sister is based in a city and had a good few dates from it with fairly normal blokes.
Seems down here in the country the pool is smaller and they're all a bit odd

Paulw

Dating sites can work well.

I'm currently engaged to someone I met on a dating site ( www.themeetingpoint.ie ) and I know at least 3-4 other couples married after meeting on dating sites.

Like anything, you get out of it what you put in to it. It can take a few dates, and you may have to meet a number of people before you find someone right.

LegacyUser

I have heard results ranging from perfect soulmates found, to people who got nothing other than a long list of wack-jobs and married men after the ride. So you could be lucky or not, but they're well worth a shot it seems.

With pof, LOADS of people are on it as just another way of meeting someone as opposed to because they can't get any anywhere else. Plenty of 'normal people', for the want of a better expression.

LegacyUser

Wouldn't worry too much about chat up technique being rough e04. Just a matter of practice. You get more relaxed about it after a while.

I broke up with my girlfriend 3 months ago and I'm finding it quite frustrating getting something else happening. I'm going to sign up to a few of these sites now and give it a try. I'd imagine if you arrange to go for coffee then you can eject yourself from the situation should they turn out to be oddballs. You meet plenty of oddballs in the real world too so no point in letting that discourage you.

From what I gather these sites are best if you're in an urban area unfortunately. I'm in boggerland as well so I'm doubtful there will be much of a pool to choose from.

CDfm

before there was dating sites there was Macra

http://www.macra.ie/events

if you are shy try getting involved in a social group

miec

Hi Op

It is what you make of them to be honest but I know what you mean about the difficulties in meeting people through clubs etc. What I would suggest is trying a variety of options, you could try plentyoffish.com as it is free (I met my partner there, engaged now, but met some oddballs and timewasters, so it all depends), another one is called anotherfriend.com but you have to pay. Gumtree in my opinion is pretty dodgy, but if you go in with a healthy dose of sceptism and keep your wits about you should be fine. Maybe join clubs such as a drama group, book club, the macra na feirme as suggested by someone, or anything you are interested in, that way your life is full no matter what happens.

When I did online dating, I tend to take things slowly, as in chat by e-mail for while through the site, then swap emails and pictures (I never met anyone without a picture) then if we got on I or they suggested meeting for tea/coffee during the day, that way if you don't like the person or there is no chemistry, there is no harm done. Anyhow I would say go for it, you could get very lucky first time, or have to try a few times, good luck.

nesbitt

miec wrote: »

Hi Op

It is what you make of them to be honest but I know what you mean about the difficulties in meeting people through clubs etc. What I would suggest is trying a variety of options, you could try plentyoffish.com as it is free (I met my partner there, engaged now, but met some oddballs and timewasters, so it all depends), another one is called anotherfriend.com but you have to pay. Gumtree in my opinion is pretty dodgy, but if you go in with a healthy dose of sceptism and keep your wits about you should be fine. Maybe join clubs such as a drama group, book club, the macra na feirme as suggested by someone, or anything you are interested in, that way your life is full no matter what happens.

When I did online dating, I tend to take things slowly, as in chat by e-mail for while through the site, then swap emails and pictures (I never met anyone without a picture) then if we got on I or they suggested meeting for tea/coffee during the day, that way if you don't like the person or there is no chemistry, there is no harm done. Anyhow I would say go for it, you could get very lucky first time, or have to try a few times, good luck.

+1 absolutely you must see a photo, email and then simply meet for a coffee during day/lunchtime. That really avoids a date from hell with someone you just have no chemistry with.

G-Money

I've been on a few and had no luck whatsoever. After getting burnt by a girl last year I went on the rampage meeting up with as many girls as possible. Nothing happened but at the very least it makes you feel like you are getting out and trying to meet people.

Some tips. Put a pic of yourself up on the site and be wary of girls who don't send you on a pic or stall about it (assuming they don't have one on their profile). Some won't have a pic on their profile but most will send one on after you exchange a few mails and I think that's ok. But if they were stalling, alarm bells would be going off.

Like real life, some women will be very fickle so don't be surprised if you get chatting to a few and they all of a sudden stop responding. Also, don't feel guilty about emailing more than one girl. I remember back in my naive innocent days I was chatting to a girl and I was getting interested then felt a bit sad when she talked about going out on dates with other guys from the site that week. In fairness she had every right to as she was single, but it was then that I instigated my "Don't put all your eggs in one basket" policy.

Girls get so many mails on those things that it's stupid to just mail one or two that you like and wait for a response before contacting others. If you like the look of their profile, feel free to email them and don't feel guilty about it either. I'm sure you aren't the only guy they are mailing and unless you start seeing someone, then you're free to meet as many as you want.

Also, never agree to dinner as a first date, EVER! I remember this one girl I was talking to. We'd been exchanging texts and called each other a few times. We got on ok and I suggested meeting up and she was on for dinner and I was super hesitant and she kind of teased me about it saying stuff like "ah you just don't want to have dinner incase you can't wait to get away from me". Anyway I stuck to my guns and suggested a drink and I was right to. We met and it was a complete train wreck. I could tell the instant she met me that she couldn't wait to get away. Dinner would have been so awful I'm pretty sure it would have contravined some United Nations human rights policy.

You'll meet girls who aren't interested in you and you are in them, girls who are into you but you aren't interested and girls where both of you aren't interested. If you are lucky you'll meet someone you click with.

Unfortunately I didn't.

I still think boards.ie should have some sort of dating forum. There's so many people on here trying to find someone. There's got to be a few matches.

e04bf099

I really appreciate all your comments. I'm a lad and I have just been browsing for a couple of hours. I'm starting to think it could take a lot of effort because girls probably get a lot of messages. I suppose I'll just play the averages.

G-Money

A few more tips. Don't send sleazy messages, you will almost never get a reply. Also don't send some boring message like "hi, how are you?" For all they know you could be just copying and pasting the same thing into 100 different messages.

What I do is read their profile, try and pick something out of it and write a bit about that or comment about it. I try and make it funny or something as its original plus it shows you actually read their profile and didn't just see their pic and feel your d*** getting hard so decided to mail them.

Having said that, you could write them the most original funny perfect mail and you won't get a response. You might even see that they've read your mail, looked at your profile then deleted it without replying. It's a pain when that happens but just forget about it and move on.

Like I say, don't feel guilty about mailing a few girls at the same time. The chances of them all replying are probably slim so you might as well contact as many as you find interesting. Rather than waiting around for one or two to reply or make contact.

My own view is that when it comes to internet dating, you really can't hold back, you have to plant a lot of seeds (sending mails to different girls). It can be difficult to get replies at times so you can't really just sit there and wait for that one you really liked to get back to you.

Also, be prepared for girls you aren't interested in to send you mails. It's happened to me a few times and as shallow as it sounds, I've seen their pics and just not been interested. I've often felt bad that I don't fancy them so I tend to be polite and send a reply but not actually saying I'm not interested. More like a curteous acknowledgement that I got their mail. Having said that, sometimes I get fed up and I think back to the girls who don't bother replying to my mails so occasionally I haven't replied at all. But that tends to be the exception rather than the rule.

e04bf099

Well goodluck, I hope it works well for ya.

I've just started chattin to a model/postgrad philosopher:eek::D. I didn't even think she'd reply.

shellyboo

grandmaster wrote: »

I still think boards.ie should have some sort of dating forum. There's so many people on here trying to find someone. There's got to be a few matches.

There are loads of matches! I think the reason it works so well is that it's NOT a dating site though - there's no pressure to declare your interests, you can just get to know people, and it's more natural I think

Aside from that, I totally agree with everything you said. Dating websites are great for widening your net, but you get out of them what you put in - if you have a crappy profile and don't make the effort to impress in your initial emails, it's the equivalent of going out to a pub in your most knackerish, tatty clothes, without having a shower. You have to present yourself well and make an effort.

e04bf099

grandmaster wrote: »

Also, be prepared for girls you aren't interested in to send you mails. It's happened to me a few times and as shallow as it sounds, I've seen their pics and just not been interested. I've often felt bad that I don't fancy them so I tend to be polite and send a reply but not actually saying I'm not interested. More like a curteous acknowledgement that I got their mail. Having said that, sometimes I get fed up and I think back to the girls who don't bother replying to my mails so occasionally I haven't replied at all. But that tends to be the exception rather than the rule.

I feel that, ye I can't stand feelin' like I'm bein' rude but I don't like the obligated feeling either. Thats life though, not usually very fair:)

G-Money

shellyboo wrote: »

There are loads of matches! I think the reason it works so well is that it's NOT a dating site though - there's no pressure to declare your interests, you can just get to know people, and it's more natural I think

I must start PM'ing a few more of the girls on here then, I never do

shellyboo

As long as you keep it civil it might just work Most boards couples I know met at a beers though!

G-Money

shellyboo wrote: »

As long as you keep it civil it might just work Most boards couples I know met at a beers though!

I've never actually been to a boards beers. I should consider it though then get all nervous and chicken out. The usual process

Sure I'm always civil, that's half the problem!

shellyboo

Well, if you can muster the courage, they're great. Now I'm going to shut up before we get our arses kicked for being crazily OT!

OP - good luck!

nodirectionhome

Hi, yeah I have just signed up for a few, I dont want to put my pic up tho as I see my ex on one and a guy from school lol, so its hard to get chatting on them without a pic up. I signed up for parship but fnd it very hard to use??

G-Money

Aye, got to love those draconian undeserved bans!

Yeah OP, good luck with the dating site. Just fire out mails to girls you find interesting and see what happens.

I've been on a few dating sites over the years, I sort of have different opinions about each of them.

Maybefriends - I swear, I check this site every 4-6 months and it's the same set of girls on it that were there before.

Plentyoffish - It's free which I guess is good. Plenty of girls, but nothing to make the site better than the others. They also send you an annoying email twice a week with your matches that you can't seem to switch off. I never opened them, I deleted them straight away. The good thing is that by checking your sent messages you can see if the girl has read your email or not. Got to love that "Read Deleted" status!

Match - It's ok, a fair few girls on it and if I'm honest, better looking one's than on Plentyoffish. However I don't know if they are extremely choosy or I'm just extremely unattractive but I found it hard to get replies at times.

Irish Examiner Dating - It's ok, but the site is so slow you visibly age waiting for mails and stuff to load. It's unreasonable how slow it is. And you have to pay for it as well.

The whole internet dating thing is hit and miss. You can fire off loads of mails and get little or no replies. Then all of a sudden you'll get 3 or 4 in the same day. It's completely random.

I'd also advise putting in your profile what you aren't looking for. I always make sure to highlight that I'm not looking for a friend and if they are they should just move along.

e04bf099

Not OT, it is all in the same ball park and I'm all about acquiring the experience of others.

I'm in a very similar position. I'm the only one of my siblings who's still single and my parents suggested dating sites. It sounds like a fairly decent idea since I am rather socially awkward. But they want me to join one that charges a fee so as to rule out timewasters or those who are just there for a laugh. It sounds perfectly reasonable but I'd want to know that I'd be handing my money over to somewhere good.

G-Money

I just don't talk to my folks about stuff like that, I don't think they'd ever suggest an internet dating site. I think they still have a bit of an opinion that the internet is full of psycho's and murderers! I'm sure my ma is starting to wonder if I'm gay or something as I've never really had a gf or anything.

Hopefully all the Pamela Anderson posters I used to have in my room when I was growing up will put her mind at ease

e04bf099

I'm sure she doesn't think you are gay. A psycho or a murderer though... Maybe you should reassure her by diving straight into the internet dating scene. Neither of those categories ever gets gfs.

G-Money

I've been into the internet dating scene and never had any luck. I sometimes get a bit fed up of chatting to someone, getting on well and not knowing whether I'm going to like them when we meet. Then the whole nervousness and anticipation of the meeting, then meeting up and we don't click and it's back to square one. Thats kind of what I like about being out, you know straight away. None of this uncertainty.

Not that I had any luck when I was out either!

G-Money

Just joined Parship but I think they are shafting me as I paid the money and still can't see other members pictures. They're all blurred. Grrrr.

grandmaster

grandmaster wrote: »

Just joined Parship but I think they are shafting me as I paid the money and still can't see other members pictures. They're all blurred. Grrrr.

You can only view another member's photos if they agree to release them to you.

e04bf099

That sucks grandmaster. Except for one girl I'm messaging atm, I haven't had any luck with either pof or okcupid (which leans toward being just another facebook or bebo). Maybe my one-liners are just a little too cheesy. I'd say the sites that you can view pictures on before you pay might be a little more legit. If you scope them out for a little while you can pick up things from the pictures and the profiles that will tell you if there is a lot of spam. Keep on truckin' man.

G-Money

Karsini wrote: »

You can only view another member's photos if they agree to release them to you.

Hmmmm, I'm not sure I like that.

teachertrixibel

.....just be careful to read their cancellation terms - they debited money from my visa account, despite the fact that I had cancelled in time and it took me AGES to get it refunded.

Good luck in your search :0)
Trix

How Soon Is Now

I been on and off plenty of fish for past year or so. I have met a couple of girls on this site me current girlfriend was on there to.

But my main problem is that alot the women are just plain ignorant i mean i aint type fella looking for sex or anything like that. I send decent original mails to them all dont just talk ****e like most fellas. And to be totally honest i aint worst looking fella i usually have no problems gettin attention when im out i have me moments ya no but some women and men are just ignorant and dont have a clue what they actually want even though they think they do.

But ill be honest there is lot of decent people on these dating sites to i met have a couple really nice down to earth normal good looking girls so good luck :-)

carlychick

hi, i have tried the dating sites down through the years. i have to say in fairness i have met some good guys and had some interesting conversations over coffee a drink and they were all normal. this was in dublin
i am living down the country now and i met a few odd balls ( i am single again since march and all my friends are married and thinking about the dating site again just to meet new people) but checked the guys in my area and they are all the same guys!!! (anotherfriend) the last guy i met hounded me and i couldnt shake him off. that was about 2 years ago, id be cautious about going on the site again or any site.
having said that - if your careful and meet someone for a coffee what is the harm?
the way i view dating sites is for me personally i dont think i will meet the love of my life on the site i guess you never know keep an open mind for me i think it will happen when i least expect it. however, it is really nice to just meet a decent guy for a chat and a coffee. good luck i would definitely recommend you to go ahead and try it.
i live down the country and everyone i know is married. i am finding it difficult to meet single people to go out on the town with. everyone keeps saying join clubs. have done lots of that but a lot of older people in these clubs and married as well and have never met anyone! but thats cool i am happy on my own ( i was in a miserable relationship - that is worse!!!)
you could get a dog (and make it a cute one i was in the supermarket today and this good looking guy who was about 40 had a labrador pup, women were falling over themselves getting to talk to him and the pup including myself!!! its an excellent tactic for catching women!!!

G-Money

I just cancelled my Parship account. It's a very expensive site and even when you fully join you can't see people's photos unless they've "released" them to you. Seems to be a badly designed site too. Thumbs down from me.

mood

I think I'll might give it a go in the future (life is a little complicated now so I'll hold off). I think it would be very important to just meet for coffee first, not give your phone number etc until you have meet in person etc.

G-Money

However I did just join AnotherFriend.com

Any girls on here who want to have a nosey at my profile, fire me on a PM