question for men??

carlychick

hi,met this guy about 2 months ago, was introduced to him and ran into him around town about twice when we were out on saturday nights....he went to a bit of trouble to get my mobile number. i wasnt into him at all however we went on a date on a friday night and he blew my mind!!! we met on the saturday and had a maraton date for 18 hours..amazing hanging out...having coffee, breakfast, lunch...more coffee it was so sweet we eventually kissed! (no sex at all) i fell in love with this guy on the sunday afternoon........i was sure i had found the one for me!!! it was amazing......then the following week he was too afraid to be involved in a relationship then we ran into each other and he apologised for sending me what he said was a stupid text message........we had another 2 dates and then he cancelled the next date he arranged. he is not married, we got on great........ he seems to have a lot of issues dad died business going badly in the recession......... he seems to be afraid of getting involved cause he was really hurt in the past........ if he was so into me how could he let me go???? do guys actually get afraid of getting involved? it was so 'unexpected' that we met as he said (i went out with a guy for 2 years and never felt this way about him) but i guess this guy is just not interested in me as he has not been in touch............. ( i guess i know the answer here but if anyone has any comments?....like do guys get afraid of getting involved (as he said it was so intense between us - it would have been slap bang and a big relationship ) thanks!!!

Kiera

You fell in love with him on the second date? It sounds like you came on too strong. I'd leave him be tbh.

minidazzler

Do you mean you really fell in love with him in 1 day? did you tell him this? I know I would be freaked if a girl got all doughy eyed for me after 1 date.

It is quite possible for guys to be afraid of Relationships, I know I am petrified of getting into a proper Long term relationship at 20.

But he sounds older. My advice is let him work through his issues first, then see if he wants a relationship. You can't exactly force him into one.

LadyE

Could you be pushing things too fast?? Falling in love on the Sunday would could anyone to panic and leg it!!

Take a step back missus, your eagerness could be a turn off.

Im not suggesting game playing either, but seriously..I dont think he's scared of getting involved, but to say he is the one for you afetr such a short space of time he might be scared that you are expecting too much, from one date!

Latchy

Some men in a new relationship will just go along with the flow and while the initial first few days are wonderful and exciting ,he might in the cold llight of see things in a different light .As others have said you might be expecting to much to happen, to quick , to soon with him

carlychick

no i didnt mention to him that i fell for him a little bit. in actual fact he was the one who was saying all the good stuff to me.......no i actually pulled him back and said look we had a couple of dates we will see where it goes...... but nah i didnt fall in love he kinda just turned my head....... he was coming on strong to me. id say it was 'equal'.......anyways i havent heard from him....hes 36 and i am 35......i guess i can keep getting out there and meet someone else !!! perhaps!!!

LegacyUser

Could be lots of reasons...
1. he's married/in a relationship and only seeking fun / a distraction?
2. was only seeking sex.. didn't get it?...so moved along?
3. been badly burnt in the past, thought he was over it but realises he's not and scared of new relationship?
4. he's just very confused (yep men can get confused too..)?
5. simply decided he wasnt that into you?

Lots of possibilities...but at the end of the day he apparently ISN'T into you so yes indeed 'Next please'

e04bf099

His life is obviously pretty stressful. Don't worry, give him time to adjust. He may have felt that the amount of time you spent together was intense, and after a bit of time to think he probably thought it necessary to cool it. That is normal and a healthy thing to decide.

I wouldn't be conscerned with the comments of other posters. Although it is a natural thing for him to wish to do, it is perfectly normal for you to look for clarification. But I wouldn't hold your breath. He seems to have more issues to deal with than disambiguating your feelings on the weekend.

Try to get think more about your usual routine and let it happen when it does. Suggest coffees as opposed to marathon dates.

Don't let these posters get you down. They don't seem very reasonable to me.

CDfm

It seems pretty intense an 18 hour first date. Anyone in business ATM is finding it tough.

You both are single so suggest lunch on Sunday or something or make up a pretense of something he could help you with.

G-Money

It's hard to say. I guess it's possible you came on too strong but I don't think you did. Although I'm sure you'd know yourself better than any of us would on here.

It's true he could be hurt alright. I know myself I've been hurt in the past and if I see warning signs, I pay attention and pull back. It's happened me recently enough. I got chatting to a girl online and I could tell I was starting to like her and I started to sense a case of deja vu. I could see warning signs that reminded me of something that happened before so I just pulled the ejector handle and got away before I got hurt. I know I was kind of stupid to start liking someone I hadn't met yet, but my point is that he may have been hurt and maybe he's somehow getting reminders of his previous relationship and as a result is pulling back.

I guess you could just see how it goes, keep it light and friendly but don't act disinterested as he'll just rightly assume that you aren't interested.

As someone else said, he could have just been looking to get the leg over and when he realised it wasn't going to happen, he moved on. Who knows.

Just play it by ear and see what happens. I find that most of the time we kind of know what's going on with the other person but sometimes we just don't want to accept it as it may not be what we want to hear.