head wrecked by first love!!!!

harps90

love to hear thoughts/opinions please.first love from distant past contacted via facebook.first 4 months were constant phone calls from him,mainly at night while drunkish or stoned.i hurt him years ago,and from what he said it took a lot to get over it.he has said "i do'nt know where this is going" and "what would have happened if we stayed together".we talk as if no time has passed at all,and both are comfortable with each other.i can feel myself falling in love with him all over again.i am reluctant to keep after him,after all what right do i have,i finished it all those years ago.
recently contact has'nt been as intense,a few time as week now,however it still feels comfortable and right.i have'nt told him how i feel,or how i have felt about him in the ensuing years and am going out of my head.should i risk his absence from my life again by confessing all,or be happy with the contact i have?
we have'nt seen each other in over 10 years, from things he has said i think he's afraid to meet in case ,quote"i do'nt like him".

angeldance

I'm personally all for honesty. Because if you're completely honest about your feelings and he stops contact or backs off then at least you know where you stand with him. Maybe meet up with him first and get to know eachother again, as I think its better to talk about things face to face. Seize the day OP, cause we're too long dead, and you don't wanna look back and regret not telling him how you feel. Good luck x

G-Money

This is a tricky one. I don't think you've much to lose by taking a chance. I mean would you really happy be happy with him just being his friend? I doubt it.

But you've admitted that you hurt him so you should be prepared for him bringing that up. He may be wondering what has changed and why you want to make a go of things now. Also he may find himself wondering if it just won't end up the same way.

daisybelle2008

OP this seems like a strange situation. Not sure if I have all the facts correct but you have been in contact for months and not met up yet? He calls a lot when drunk or stoned and seems to be very hung up on the past?
I would be getting warning bells, he does not seem very 'sorted' for want of a better expression. You seem to be carrying some guilt but a lot of time has passed and ye should have put that behind ye.
The circumstances seem strange and the fact he is avoiding meeting you. He could be in a relationship, just be careful it does not sound kosher and frankly he sounds a bit messed up (not your fault after all these years)

opinion guy

harps90 wrote: »

.......
we have'nt seen each other in over 10 years, from things he has said i think he's afraid to meet in case ,quote"i do'nt like him".

ok now there's a loaded statement if ever i saw one. ok

<opinion guy mode = superficial>
Have you seen a recent photo ? Might he have put on 200lbs, gone bald, got a huge tatoo ?
</ end mode>

harps90

thanks for replies so far.
we have'nt met up yet as we live 3-4 hours away from each other, both are separated with kids so they take priority.i know he has lots of questions for me,maybe when he gets those answers the past wo'nt be as important.
i have seen photos of him, yes he's older and slightly rounder,but who is'nt after 20 years!!
i know i need to do something,because this is stopping me meeting anyone else or even considering looking.
keep the advice and thoughts coming!!!!!

secondchance

Hi harps90, thanks for your reply in my thread.. like you say you were in my situation 20 years ago!! I think you've answered your own question when you say "this is stopping me from meeting other people"... you can't go on like that. The fact that he contacted you on facebook shows he has got over that hurt you caused so many years ago, why would he want to contact you otherwise. But it isn't his place now to make any effort to rekindle the romance.. the ball is in your court and you have to make the next move. There is no way he is going to put himself out there and suggest it when you were the one who dumped him all those years ago. I suspect (and I really hope I'm not wrong here!) but it does sound like he is open to something happening again... I mean why would he be afraid of meeting "in case you don't like him"? Why would he want you to like him?? I reckon go for it, make the move... I know if I was in your situation I would, my head would be wrecked just being friends with him when I wanted more, but then again I'm a firm believer in not being in contact with exes once the relationship is over anyway so you might think differently!

harps90

thnaks secondchance.actually it was me who contacted him,have been looking on and off for years,and suddenly bingo!i always felt,like you do,that he was the "one", but immaturity on my part stood in the way.

harps90

an update!!! still in contact although not as often or intensely,however, i took the plunge last night and told (via email)him how i feel.i must admit i feel so relieved that i've done that,although god knows what he'll think!!
have'nt heard from him as yet,but strangely,i feel ok about everything and certainly the old head is no longer wrecked!!

opinion guy

Good luck OP.
Do let us know how it works out
(opinion guy needs closure for his stories:))