Gf thinks its ok to have drinks with guys

LegacyUser

No not a control issue here please read on.
Me and my gf are both in college in different parts of the country. we talk everyday etc but today she told me when guys ask her out for a drink she sometimes goes as friends.
I was a bit shocked she is always telling me about guys hitting on her and asking her out for a drink. today I told her a girl asked me out for dinner she said why didnt you go. needles to say I told her that would be wrong as I have a girlfriend, then she dropped the bombshell that sometimes she goes out with these guys. were only going out two months and dont get to see each other that often she told me recently she had been for drinks with an ex of hers from 3 years ago but then added they were never alone.
Im worried should I be? we both tell each other we love them but the other day she wanted me to cool it off as I love you is sacred and she doesnt want it to lose its meaning. that and the drinks thing has me really bugged out.
as usual any help guys would be appretiated.

minidazzler

Going out 2 months and exchanged "I Love you's"???

Truth be told mate, I can't see this lasting.

If it were me in this situation I would just call it quits before it gets too serious, as I can see YOU being the one most hurt here.

I'm sorry if this isn't the answer you wanted, but being separated by College after only dating 2 months? That's a relationship killer if I ever saw one.


Aside from taht, It IS Ok for her to go for drinks and dinner with people, as long as she is going as Just friends. Would you rather she wasted her college years staying in and talking to you ALL night EVERY Night?

dsmythy

Originally when i saw the first couple of lines i was going to say there shoudn't really be an problems. Having read the details however it would appear that this relationship's legs have already tired out. Her telling you to ease up on the love talk would compliment this thought. I don't see it lasting. Go out and enjoy yourself with other women since the girl you're seeing is so understanding. Seems to me she is already looking at other guys at her own college. Do the same yourself and forget about her.

Terodil

WHATSITALLABOUT wrote: »

we both tell each other we love them but the other day she wanted me to cool it off as I love you is sacred and she doesnt want it to lose its meaning.

That's much more a killer than the going-out-for-drinks bit. 'I love you' holds a very special meaning for me too and I was very reluctant to use it at first, especially for the same reason -- I didn't want it to come out thoughtlessly or prematurely. That she's holding back on it now can only mean one thing: She doesn't love you (any more/not yet). Seeing as you've only been together for 2 months -- could it be that she's one of those 'needs-the-talk-to-be-exclusive' people?

G-Money

The one thing that jumped out at me from your post was when you told her a girl asked you out she said "why didn't you go?" For me, this can only be one of two possibilities:

1. She's testing you to see how interested you are.

2. She doesn't think you two are that serious.

I think though that it's most likely to be the 2nd possibility. Added into the mix that she mentioned easing off on the 'I love you' thing suggests that you are more invested in this relationship than she is.

I think you should back off a bit. If she's been going out with other guys for drinks are you sure that's all it's been? I can understand why you wouldn't be happy about it. But if she's going out with other guys for drinks my guess is that she doesn't think you's are exclusive. And maybe the reason why she asked why you didn't say yes to the dinner invite is because she knows she's been out with other guys and this might make her feel less "guilty".

kjl

and no offense, but were you testing her with this another girl asked me out for dinner crap.

Sounds to me like you are needy, get out of this relationship while you still have some face. 2 months and you have already used up I love you, Well I got news for you, you DON'T love her. You love the idea of being in love.

She's not into you, get out while you can mate.

Virgil°

Yeah ive gone out with someone like this. Trust me your better off without. Cut the bond now before you really get hurt further down the line.
The people who(seemingly) fall in love quickly like this are also the ones who fall out of love just as fast.

Nervous Wreck

Tbh OP, it sounds like you're taking the relationship too seriously. If she's happy enough to go for drinks with someone on a platonic level, that's her business and it's pretty cool too. If you're uncomfortable with that, it's kinda your issue. As people have already said the "I love you" thing is an indicator. If you're already saying it after two months, ye're either made for each other or overcompensating for the distance. My guess is the latter. Saying it too often can be a wreck the head but if it gets to the point where she's asking you to chill out on it, it means you're really overdoing it. Or she's really not into it. Either way... probably best to say an amicable goodbye soon.

LadyJ

kjl wrote: »

2 months and you have already used up I love you, Well I got news for you, you DON'T love her. You love the idea of being in love.

This is a pretty sweeping statement. People can fall in love in this amount of time. Just because this has never happened to you, it doesn't mean it's not possible. I'm sure the OP knows what his feelings are. Telling him that he loves the idea of being in love is just ridiculously condescending.

VinnyTGM

It look's like the girl in question is trying to imply that you and her don't really have a future. And her telling you that you should go out with other women is reinforcing that. Maybe she dosen't want to say it straight to you.

opinion guy

I'm sorry i think everyone is overinterpreting.

Of course going for drinks with someone is ok ? why wouldnt' it be ? she is entitled to friends. you are entiteld to friends. its just drinks. drinks do not come with strings attached.

as regards the i love you thing that everyone is reading so much into. I THINK - your reaction to her saying she is going out for dirnks the odd time with guys has spooked her. dude, it sounds like shes a nice girl who is honest with you because she doesn't see any harm in the drinks thing. she probably assuemd oyu felt same way. but then she saw you weren't comfortable with things and is a little worried you might be possessive and is backing off a bit.

if you go reading into it more than that then you will make your readings come true. if you chill out, back off the i love thing for a while thne things might go back to normal in a little while.


all of this is on the assumption that there's no other reason not to be trusting her

There's nothing wrong with a girl (who's with someone) and a guy going out as friends. However, it doesnt seem as clear cut as that here.

Girls love attention. Especially from guys and especially in a not so much just friendly way. It's very flattering, and makes us feel great about ourselves. Some girls enjoy what attention they get from guys but dont seek it out. Others seek male attention whether they're taken or not.

I'm not in any position to judge whether or not this girl is one of those super attention seekers, but it does kinda sound like it. In the past I've know girls who have boyfriends, get attention from them, then flirt with guys, get attention from them, then let the boyfriend know about these "but theyre only friends, honest" guys, thus getting even more attention from their boyfriend. One particular friend of mine is a great girl, but when it comes to guys she gets herself in these positions all the time. It can send a gal on a complete power trip.

Bear in mind though, not most girls are like that, and its more something to just keep in mind than to actually suspect her of. If you feel you do need to do something, then just talk to her about it bothering you, and if she cares about you she'll be more than happy to sacrifice that extra attention for the sake of your feelings. If she's not, and accuses you of being unreasonable, then you'll have to accept that the relationship wont work, as you're both looking for different kinds of relationships.

nesbitt

true-or-false wrote: »

Girls love attention. Especially from guys and especially in a not so much just friendly way. It's very flattering, and makes us feel great about ourselves. Some girls enjoy what attention they get from guys but dont seek it out. Others seek male attention whether they're taken or not.

I'm not in any position to judge whether or not this girl is one of those super attention seekers, but it does kinda sound like it. In the past I've know girls who have boyfriends, get attention from them, then flirt with guys, get attention from them, then let the boyfriend know about these "but theyre only friends, honest" guys, thus getting even more attention from their boyfriend. One particular friend of mine is a great girl, but when it comes to guys she gets herself in these positions all the time. It can send a gal on a complete power trip.

+1

When a guy or girl overplay the 'friends' card it is indeed a method of making the other person feel on their toes and insecure in the relationship. Furthermore I think the OP should have a talk to this girl about exclusivity with them as BF and boundaries with 'friends'.

Red Alert

I'm in a rather unusual situation in that I've a lot of friends who are girls, who I enjoy meeting for drinks or dinner. I fully realize that this could be an issue in a relationship for someone not used to it, so I'd be sure to be very open with my partner about exactly who I was meeting, where and why. I'd also ask her to come along if she happened to be nearby.

But, you can't get away from the fact that some people have different boundaries to others. In short, it depends on the two of you.

Chinafoot

"I love you" after 2 months is very fast. I'd be very curious to know if it was the OP that said it first.

OP, to be honest, you do sound very insecure and quite clingy. Perhaps she's finding it all a bit much too soon, hence her asking you to cool it on the 'love' stuff.

Her going out with male friends is completely normal and it's something you're going to have to deal with in most relationships. If you go making demands about who she can and cant hang out with, while putting pressure on her with the love stuff you'll find yourself single very quickly.

LegacyUser

Cheers guys,
It was all a big misunderstanding after a talk and a very honost one at that I told her I wasnt happy with what she said.
she meant to go out as only friends and to make sure the other person knew that. she realised she didnt say it to me right and after a lot of laughing everything is cool and better than ever.
as for the I love you thing everyone here is overreacting she said it fiirst but what does that matter. I love her were best friends and we both think each others soulmate.
Im bloddy happy as hell in fact Ive never been happier.
damm it I hate when explanations get mixed up : ( but I love it when they turn out great.