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Wedding numbers

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  • 01-10-2009 12:37pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 210 ✭✭


    hi.

    im getting married in december and there are alot of people asked to the wedding. we havent sent the invites out yet but we are worried about numbers. we have to keep it at 300ish. it hard to leave out relatives and friends, but we are inviting 350. is there a general trend with weddings in that couples invite extra and some pull out. I know that everyone is going say... well just invite 300!!!! i know that this is a berrible thing to say but we are hoping that 50 pull out. is there any trends or advice anybody could lend us???? its wrecking our heads

    thanks


Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 6,423 ✭✭✭tinkerbell


    350?? That's just insane.


  • Registered Users Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    300 is insane, never mind 350. You will just be looking into a sea of faces and won't get a chance to talk to a fraction of them.

    Quick tip on cutting down numbers: If a guest has to introduce themselves at your own wedding, that person shouldn't be there.

    But you seem to have made up your mind so helpful advice:

    If most/all of guests are going to have to stay overnight or otherwise won't be within taxiing distance of home, you can expect a 20-30% drop-out rate.
    If the reception is closer to home, the rate is about half that. We made a mistake in trying to keep our numbers tied down and ended up a bit less than we were aiming for because there were a number of people we'd put down as "definites" who ended up not being able to go. You'll be very surprised by some of the people who won't go/can't go. In the 2-3 weeks before the wedding a sizeable number of people (probably around 5% of your confirmed guests) will drop out.

    If you invite 350, at least 50 will pull out, probably more.


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,339 ✭✭✭How Strange


    300 :eek:
    350 :eek: :eek:

    We're inviting 120 max and trying to squeeze a few more off the list.

    Our rule of thumb, 'if we don't know you', or 'if we haven't seen you in 6 months' then you're not invited.

    If someone gets offended that they're not invited to our wedding then they can get over themselves.

    Parents are not inviting so and so who invited them to their daughter or sons wedding. Local self appointed VIP's who get invited to every dogfight in the area are not invited either.


  • Registered Users Posts: 210 ✭✭iron man


    thanks very much for all your help. i know that 350 is crazy!!! what can we do. we've been asked to about 20 weddings in the past 3 years. we both have loads of cousins and we both play football. im just afraid of somebody being annoyed. i quess we are too soft.


  • Registered Users Posts: 20,653 ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    350 of your closest friends right?!

    300/350 :eek: Are you mad?!!!!!!!! :confused:


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  • Registered Users Posts: 49 Yoda08


    I feel your pain... we're keeping the invite list to 300 and looking at about 250 to sit, so would be happy with that.

    I understand for some people that this is a lot, but when you come from a large family, large extended family, large extended family who you are very close to, grew up with and see at least monthly, then unfortunately then the numbers add up - and you do want everyone to be there. There isn't one person we need to be introduced to, or haven't seen in past 6 months - even my aunt from America was over last week!

    In this climate, drop out rate can be as high as 25%. Best of luck:)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 30 sunnygirl


    In this climate, drop out rate can be as high as 25%. Best of luck:)[/quote]

    i agree with this - it will be harder for some guests to make it, and you will be surprised by how many probably (secretly) hope only to go to the Afters etc..especially if there are a few weddings happening close enough together (As with large families, large groups of friends etc)...
    Like the other posters have said, if you havent seen them for over a year, dont invite to the main thing, and definately state a max number for the parents friends etc


  • Administrators, Business & Finance Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,918 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Toots


    iron man wrote: »
    thanks very much for all your help. i know that 350 is crazy!!! what can we do. we've been asked to about 20 weddings in the past 3 years. we both have loads of cousins and we both play football. im just afraid of somebody being annoyed. i quess we are too soft.

    Just cos someone invited you to their wedding, that doesn't mean you have to invite them to yours. You could invite all of those people to just the afters. I hate to use this expression but "in the current climate" people will understand that you are trying to cut costs. TBH, it's win-win to me cos then those that get invited to afters only won't have to spend as much money to go to your wedding, and it keeps your costs down too, but they still get to share part of the day with you.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 17 rumor


    We have done up a list of people to invite to our wedding and it comes to 150 max. People are telling me this is too small. Any opinions? Anyone been to a wedding of this size? We only want to invite close friends and family and dont want to be inviting "crowd fillers".


  • Administrators, Business & Finance Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,918 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Toots


    rumor wrote: »
    We have done up a list of people to invite to our wedding and it comes to 150 max. People are telling me this is too small. Any opinions? Anyone been to a wedding of this size? We only want to invite close friends and family and dont want to be inviting "crowd fillers".

    150 is fine! I'm having about 120 at mine and I think that's a lot!!! Only invite who you want to invite, and forget about crowd fillers, if you're not close to them why bother inviting them?


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 17 rumor


    Toots* wrote: »
    150 is fine! I'm having about 120 at mine and I think that's a lot!!! Only invite who you want to invite, and forget about crowd fillers, if you're not close to them why bother inviting them?

    Thanks Toots*


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 125 ✭✭emma82


    Friend of mine recently got married and there were 40 odd people who didn't show on the day- think her numbers were 250 ish. Not sure of definite figures. Hope this helps.


  • Registered Users Posts: 752 ✭✭✭havana


    In my opinion people who get offended about not being invited to a wedding don't really care about or respect the couple. My cousin recently got married. Some cousins were invited, some weren't. i wasn't but wasn't the slightest upset or offended. Maybe we're just a very understanding family :-) if people can't grasp that weddings are expensive and people need to keep costs down then i wouldn't really want them there anyway.


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,423 ✭✭✭tinkerbell


    rumor wrote: »
    We have done up a list of people to invite to our wedding and it comes to 150 max. People are telling me this is too small. Any opinions? Anyone been to a wedding of this size? We only want to invite close friends and family and dont want to be inviting "crowd fillers".

    150 ... too small!? Are you joking! lol, I would consider 50 people to be a big wedding, 100 to be huge.

    And as for those people who are saying that 150 is too small - don't listen to them. Not everybody wants a big gigantic wedding full of people they hardly know and are only inviting them for the sake of it. Invite who you want - if it's just to be close friends and family, then just invite those. You won't need "crowd fillers" lol with 150 people - that's a huge wedding!!


  • Registered Users Posts: 49 Yoda08


    rumor wrote: »
    We have done up a list of people to invite to our wedding and it comes to 150 max. People are telling me this is too small. Any opinions? Anyone been to a wedding of this size? We only want to invite close friends and family and dont want to be inviting "crowd fillers".

    150 is a great size.... enough so that you have a good crew for dancing, but comfortable enough that you don't spend your whole meal running around to every table trying to talk to everyone!! Stick to your guns!:)


  • Registered Users Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    rumor wrote: »
    We have done up a list of people to invite to our wedding and it comes to 150 max. People are telling me this is too small. Any opinions? Anyone been to a wedding of this size? We only want to invite close friends and family and dont want to be inviting "crowd fillers".
    Most weddings are smaller than this and 100 is considered "big enough". Anything 200 or more is considered enormous.

    A tip that will help immensely throughout the entire planning process: Ignore anyone else who tells you what you "should" do or what the "right" thing is. The right thing is what you want - it's your wedding and no-one else's, so thank people for their advice, but don't do anything for the sake of pleasing someone else.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,062 ✭✭✭dlambirl


    I come from a big family, about 16 aunts and uncles and most of them have least 4 kids, some 6 or 7! We are all close and get along really well so they'd all have to be invited...
    My OH hasnt got as bog of a family, maybe 6 aunts and uncles.

    We are after moving in together and get along with all of our neighbours so they'd have to be invited too and then my neighbours from home too (only about 2 or 3 miles away so everyone would know everyone).

    And then our friends..

    Now counting all that up, we'd have 300 -320 people and thats not inviting crowd fillers. We would love to be able to have a wedding with 150 guests but we cant. We love our family, neighbours and friends and would want them all their on our special day.

    Some are lucky enough to get away with inviting small numbers, others are not. Especially people who live in rural area are alot closer to their neighbours than people in estates would be.

    You might think 300 people is alot, but I wouldnt invite anyone I wouldnt know or have spoken to on a regular basis...

    Good luck OP


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,853 ✭✭✭messrs


    where im from that is average size wedding! and esp if you have big famlies hard to leave peple out. What day is your wedding? if it is a week day some people mite not be able to get the day of work or might not have holidays left.
    if your invtiting lots of cousins, could you maybe just invite the oldest 2/3 to full wedding and the rest to the afters?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,401 ✭✭✭reilig


    We got married in July. Where I'm from 250 to 300 is the average size of a wedding. We invited 330 and ended up with about 270. We had a great bash with all of our family and friends and it didn't cost the earth either.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166 ✭✭Roisinbunny


    rumor wrote: »
    We have done up a list of people to invite to our wedding and it comes to 150 max. People are telling me this is too small. Any opinions? Anyone been to a wedding of this size? We only want to invite close friends and family and dont want to be inviting "crowd fillers".

    God I hope that's not too small :(- we're only inviting 80 max of our close family and best friends, i.e most we know for over 10 years. We want to be able to have a chat with every single person on the day, and also want to go all out for those closest to us, give them a great day out to say thanks. So for us the skys the limit when it comes to the food and I don't want my guests to have to put their hands in their pockets at any stage for drink.

    I couldnt imagine what the bill for 350 at that standard would be!!!! But then again, I know a few couples who did go for the big wedding and were projecting potential profit they could expect...


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  • Registered Users Posts: 49 Yoda08


    God I hope that's not too small :(- we're only inviting 80 max of our close family and best friends, i.e most we know for over 10 years. We want to be able to have a chat with every single person on the day, and also want to go all out for those closest to us, give them a great day out to say thanks. So for us the skys the limit when it comes to the food and I don't want my guests to have to put their hands in their pockets at any stage for drink.

    I couldnt imagine what the bill for 350 at that standard would be!!!! But then again, I know a few couples who did go for the big wedding and were projecting potential profit they could expect...

    that's great for you Roisinbunny, I'm sure you will have a great day... there is no such thing as "too small" but by the same token, some people just have large families, so for us, we know everyone coming (bar work who I _only_ know 4 years) also for over 10 years so whatever works! :)

    and I can only speak for us who are inviting a max of 300, that a profit is the furthest thing from our minds, weddings are expensive I can't see how a. anyone would have that attitude, but that's just me, and b. how you could possibly make a profit on a large wedding where you want good food, plenty good quality wine, and ESPECIALLY when more people are more likely to give gifts than cash in the current climate.

    Not everyone who are having large weddings are having cheap weddings, and not in it for the money :confused:
    Best of luck with your wedding.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166 ✭✭Roisinbunny


    Yoda08 wrote: »

    Not everyone who are having large weddings are having cheap weddings, and not in it for the money :confused:


    I'm sorry, please don't think I was referring to your situation. It's just I do know people and know of people who did calculate expected turnover from their wedding! And then my best friend in the world is panicking cos he has about 300 also; profit is the furthest from his mind. He just has a really big family and comes from a large community where the norm is to invite the neighbourhood. I think it's a rural tradition maybe.

    Not everyone having a big wedding is in it for the profit at all, no more than those going for small weddings are cheap ;). Im just unlucky to have bad family politics which is why I chose a small day with just a close circle of good family and friends. If I had a large happy family/community and lots of people who supported me through the years I'd probably want to show respect and invite them all too just like you so good on you both.

    PS: I don't think though that just because you were invited to someone's wedding means you have to invite them? Unless you're close and that's fair enough. I just know myself and my OH have been invited to weddings for the sake of numbers and we respectfully declined due to a prior engagement. No offence, we just weren't close to them at all, and didn't really know anyone attending. That seems to happen a lot in this country.:confused:


    And the very best of luck to you both. You're blessed to have so many people that have been there for you and that's what weddings are about at the end of the day - saying a little thank you to them


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