Have to give money back, include a note?

LegacyUser

Was with my ex for a year and a half. We broke up during the summer. We had been having some big problems, basically i found her extremely demanding and a touch controlling, whereas she said I was lazy and basically didnt care about her. I spoke to some close friends and asked for their unbiased opinion, and they confirmed what I already knew deep down that she was being too demanding and controlling.

Even with this though, I really missed her and a few weeks later we started to see each other again. We saw each other almost everyday for maybe 3 weeks and of course argued about the typical things straight away. One day it all came to a head when I was ten minutes late for meeting her because
A. She got her break from work early an it was suggested that we meet. I was caught off guard, we had never even arranged to meet.
B. She forgot her purse so I made her some lunch to bring down to her.

Anyway she flips out at me over this, and i apologised because I kno how annoyin it is to be waitin around for someone. but she keeps goin mad explaining in detail exactly how Ive put her out even though ive already apologised. So I say f*ck this Ive had enough an argue back. She accuses me then of goin mad in the first place which only gets me angrier. Anyway she got very upset an told me to eff off, i didnt at first but when she said it the secnd time I did.

Thats the last time I had any contact her, which was about 6 or 7 weeks ago. The reason I explained the argument in detail was so u cud get an idea of how angry I was, to get the point accross that im not in the habit of walkin off an abandoning her.

But the thing is that the way I acted that day by sayin i dont give a f*ck, and walking off confirms what she thought about me for the majority of the relationship, an that is that I didnt care about her and didnt put in any effort.

The thing is, I owe her some money and Ive just been paid so im goin to send it out to her. So the question is shud i include a note to:
A. Put some closure on the whole thing
B. Explain what happened that day, and that she shud kno i did love her an car about her during the relationship. I mean I still care abouther now and i dont wan her to feel rejected or abandoned by me (not wantin to sound cocky but she expressed this before). Or am i just being stubborn an want to be right?


Any help positive/negative would be greatly appreciated!

Gyalist

The answer to A & B is NO. Just write "Thank you" and enclose the money.

Anyway she got very upset an told me to eff off, i didnt at first but when she said it the secnd time I did.

Good man. The lesson that she needs to learn is that the things you say have consequences.

CDfm

OP - lots of people say nasty things under stress.

Any apology should be genuine. So I would think get one of those nice blank cards and write a simple note. Say thanks for the loan and that it was really helpful to recieve. On the walking off keep it brief - say you are sorry it happened and do miss her. Dont accept responsibility or attach blame and leave it at that.

Shin Bet

She told you to eff off twice so do that till she comes begging for the money that will learn her.

Oh The Humanity

Dont explain.

Whats bugging you is she misjudged you unfairly during the relationship and it seems to me you are now on a mission to prove to her and yourself you are not that guy (uncaring)

You are not that guy.

BUT.

You will never get her to see/admit that. Controlling/highly strung people are often very self absorbed, they often see others more as 'things' than people with three dimensions and feelings.

She is basically spoilt and bandies about accusations in order to get her own way. Someone being late but bring lunch and then getting an earbashing? She is bang out of order. She won't last long in any relationship with that attitude because who would put up with the spolit brat.

Say nothing. She won't listen anyway AND more importantly she doesn't deserve any explanation or apology. YOU DO.

Also I'd advise against giving this one cash, I'd give her a bank draft if its a large amount. She sounds like the type of person who might deny she ever got the money.

wexford202

I would make very sure like the last poster said to ensure to give her either a bank draft or postal order.

She does to me too seem a little like she could say she never got it.

OP you may just forget about her. You do not need to explain youself either. By the way she behaved to yo sh should be expalining herself.

squonk

Let her off OP. You broke up, you tried again. You got shot down for it and she told you to eff off. Send herr back the money, with just a thakns and leave it at that. Plenty more ut there who would actually be grateful to get lunch made for them by their OH in the first place. Spoilt bitch!

The Corinthian

If want to avoid ending up back with her I would avoid either B, as it could rekindle things if you're not careful.

Option A would be a simple "thank you. Sorry things didn't work out" - and then leave it at that.

laura l

if you have no intention of getting back with this girl kept the note minimal, just a "here's the money i owe you, thanks" like other posters are saying.
otherwise what you say in the note will be probably scrutinised and read into by your ex-girlfriend and her closest friends.

worriedman

laura l wrote: »

if you have no intention of getting back with this girl kept the note minimal, just a "here's the money i owe you, thanks" like other posters are saying.
otherwise what you say in the note will be probably scrutinised and read into by your ex-girlfriend and her closest friends.

+1. Envelope with cheque or PO, very short note, very impersonal with justt thank you on it.

If youd like to take that further and if shes know your sense of humour, you could make a bit light of it by saying something like "for your next lunch" but if you dont, just keep it simple.