College Update :(

DigiGal

hey Guys....

I posted a few weeks back about college. I can deal with the work load etc but at the mo I'm having alo of trouble making friends.
I'm too shy to just go up and talk to people and everyone seems to be in a little clique already.
I think in many ways I still have a school mentality as I wasn't very popular and it really damaged my confindence, I'm trying to be positive but I don't want to be alone again like i was in school.
I feel as if People will think I'm weird and clingy if I try to join in with them. I'm so worried about having friends that its preventing me from making them if you get what I mean.

I don't want millions of best mates just one or 2 people to eat lunch with etc...
College was supposed to be a fresh start....I;'m starting to feel like there is something wrong with me

Has anyone any advice on how to make friends.
Thanks

KrustyUCC

Clubs and Societies are a great way to go. Pick a club or society that interstest you then go to their next session. All club/socs love having new members and will make an effort to include you. If you like the first session keep goin.

username123

The best way to make new friends is to just relax and be friendly with people without being pushy. So for example, in the canteen, say hello to people you recognise from the class, dont be afraid to go up to a group eating and ask them can you join them - but dont monopolise the conversation or try to force arrangements to meet them again, just let it flow, if you see them, hook up, if not, dont worry, there'll be a next time.
After a while people will start inviting you to join them and then it just moves from there.
Also look around for other people who may be shy, and if you see others alone go and ask them if you can join them.

The key is not pushing it with people, be friendly, be open, but dont be clingy.

Faith

I started a new course in a new university last week, and you really just have to start chatting to people. Presumably most people are in the same boat as you, and everyone's open to making new friends. Just get over the thought that people will laugh at you or whatever, and just smile and be friendly.

TelePaul

Just go into a lecture five minutes before it starts and sit by someone. Ask them do they know about the topic at hand and then introduce yourself. For instance:

"Sorry, is someone sitting there? No? Great, thanks!
What'd you think of last weeks (insert class here) class? It kinda dragged, huh? I hope they're not all this bad. Oh, by the way, I'm (your name here), nice to meet you guys."

You'd be surprised at how easily you'll be able to tag along with people between classes to lunch, to the bar, wherever. Small group sessions like labs/tutorials are also a really good way to meet people - in these situations you're encouraged to interact with the people around you. Depending on the college/class, there'll probably be a few nights out where everyone gets to know each other. And it's always always always intimidating at first. Just be friendly!

jdivision

When I started college many moons ago I didn't know anybody and was extremely shy. The best advice is if as others said, talk to people in lectures, then if you see them in the canteen in a small group or on their own say hey how's it going. Also societies are probably the best way of getting to know people, particuarly if you're in a big class and feeling anonymous. Shared interests make conversation easier.

LadyJ

OP, what college are you at if you don't mind me asking?

I am really friendly and outgoing but I still have terrible trouble making friends in college. I'm a mature student now, (though a young one at that) so maybe that's part of my problem but I do have a few people that I chat to and eat with etc. It depends on the course and it depends on the people but it also depends on you.

Some advanced entry people joined my course this year so I asked a few people in the class if they'd like to go for a drink and get to know the new people and then a few people suggested we all head out next week after college. Hopefully this will help us all gel a bit better.

Maybe suggest getting people out for drinks after class or mention it to someone else who is likely to organise it. It's a good way to get to know people. Clubs and socs are good too. Throw yourself into things. Go on nights out and if there's some event on ask people in your class if they are going and see if you can meet them there. I know you feel like a sap asking to tag along but they really won't see it like that. Just try it.

DigiGal

KrustyUCC wrote: »

Clubs and Societies are a great way to go. Pick a club or society that interstest you then go to their next session. All club/socs love having new members and will make an effort to include you. If you like the first session keep goin.

Will do, freshers week is next week

DigiGal

LadyJ wrote: »

OP, what college are you at if you don't mind me asking?

I am really friendly and outgoing but I still have terrible trouble making friends in college. I'm a mature student now, (though a young one at that) so maybe that's part of my problem but I do have a few people that I chat to and eat with etc. It depends on the course and it depends on the people but it also depends on you.

Some advanced entry people joined my course this year so I asked a few people in the class if they'd like to go for a drink and get to know the new people and then a few people suggested we all head out next week after college. Hopefully this will help us all gel a bit better.

Maybe suggest getting people out for drinks after class or mention it to someone else who is likely to organise it. It's a good way to get to know people. Clubs and socs are good too. Throw yourself into things. Go on nights out and if there's some event on ask people in your class if they are going and see if you can meet them there. I know you feel like a sap asking to tag along but they really won't see it like that. Just try it.

NCAD

There is just one small prob, I'm one of the only LCers in my group the rest are all PLC people and already know each other which makes joining a group even more daunting.

LadyJ

DigiGal wrote: »

NCAD

Oh yeah, I remember you said that before alright.

There is just one small prob, I'm one of the only LCers in my group the rest are all PLC people and already know each other which makes joining a group even more daunting.

Well that's quite tough but I honestly think that if you just approach people casually and chat to them or do the drinks thing then it'll make things better. Maybe say to the PLC people that you and the other LCers would like to get to know them better and would they be interested in going for pints after college. Students generally will respond well to being asked out for drinks!

Seriously, I know you might feel weird doing it but no one will think it's weird.

Cuddlesworth

DigiGal wrote: »

NCAD

There is just one small prob, I'm one of the only LCers in my group the rest are all PLC people and already know each other which makes joining a group even more daunting.

Tough college to make friends in over the first few weeks.

DigiGal

LadyJ wrote: »

Oh yeah, I remember you said that before alright.



Well that's quite tough but I honestly think that if you just approach people casually and chat to them or do the drinks thing then it'll make things better. Maybe say to the PLC people that you and the other LCers would like to get to know them better and would they be interested in going for pints after college. Students generally will respond well to being asked out for drinks!

Seriously, I know you might feel weird doing it but no one will think it's weird.

k i'll give it a try so.I'll see if anybody wants to stay back for cans as most people do on a thursday

Sin1981

Hi there,
I was/am the exact same as you. I was so shy at school, primary school wasn't too bad cos it was a small friendly country school. Secondary school, I basically spent 3 out of the 6 years a loner. I was so uncomfortable and shy around people. At college I made really good housemate/class mate friends. I think we were all kinda similar really, the unassuming/down to earth type. I'm still good friends with all of them but don't see them all the time.
I'm 27 now. I've very very slowly come out of my shell. I'm not a person who immediately chats to strangers, but once ppl get to know me, i feel like I'm reasonably popular.
My advice is, pick one club/society (not necessarily at college), and go along. Be positive and brave, and chat to people who you think will receive you, ie. maybe the less loud of the group.. Just chat about everyday things. It took me a long time, but I got there, and so can you!!!

ALso, with your classmates, do the same thing. Try to chat to one or two of them, and you will find yourself getting more comfortably and confidence doing so. One thing I think is important. On the face of it, you will think that this clique from the PLC course are all great buddies. I bet you a lot of money, that 50-60% are not the nicest of people and the kinda ppl you wanna hang around with. The rest of probably really decent. I bet in time this bunch will disintegrate slowly. For example I started work in the West over a year ago. At first I thought everyone gets on, and everyone was all part of a big happy clique of ~20 people. But, slowly I see cracks, and to a certain extent it is a bit false, out of the 20 people there are roughly 6 genuinely lovely people, and those 5/6 probably see the things in the others that I see. So, all Im saying is, it's quality, not quantity. If you can make a good friend here and there, when you hit your late 20's you'll have gathered up 5/6 friends for life.

Try your best to be positive also, and smile when you sit down at a lecture hall/art studio, becasue if you're like me (in the past), my fear of being rejected (quiet disposition etc) was projected as me being a bit odd and strange, and I wasn't I was just shy and scared. So please, please try to smile a bit when you meet these people!!!

you'll be fine!! :-)
Good luck.

Handsome Bob

Hi DigiGal. I've been in University for the past four years and I'm sad to say that all I have are at best acquaintances. Like you, I was really shy when I was in secondary school and I wasn't the most popular guy around either. So that followed me to Uni, and again like you, it didn't help that everybody seemed to know each other already. It really is a disheartening situation but don't let it get you down. What helped me was that I told myself that "First and foremost you're here to get a good degree, and anything after that is a bonus." So that helped me relax to a certain extent, and I eventually made two or three friends. Just don't think about it so much, it will happen eventually for ya.

Firetrap

Oh dear. Sorry to hear it's not going too well. I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself to make friends. I was shy too when I started college but I took a pragmatic decision to yap to everyone I could. You don't necessarily have to go up to groups of people but if you end up in situations where you're standing beside them in queues to go into lectures, in the canteen etc., just start talking. Chatting to people before lectures is another good one.

Now that your course has started, you should have some common ground to start a conversation on. Like what do you think of the course or this module? If the other person is chatty at all, let them yap away and appear to be interested in what they're saying. If you come across to people as a pleasant person who is prepared to chat and say the odd word to them, they'll start inviting you along to the canteen or wherever. The trick is not to appear desperate.

entropi

DigiGal wrote: »

NCAD

There is just one small prob, I'm one of the only LCers in my group the rest are all PLC people and already know each other which makes joining a group even more daunting.

Trust me, that college has alot of parties!! i live about a minute from the place at most and can hear the music up until the wee hours:D Oh they like to drink in The Thomas House too (a pub about 2 mins down the street towards town) i've seen the graffiti in the toilets:pac:

College will be just like you have described for almost all LC'ers heading directly to Uni, feeling all alone and left out...the main thing is just get chatty with people you recognise from labs or lectures etc...and freshers week will definitely help you get to know a few faces:)

Good luck in the college, its quite a good one for art students:)

DigiGal

Master of Nothing wrote: »

Trust me, that college has alot of parties!! i live about a minute from the place at most and can hear the music up until the wee hours:D Oh they like to drink in The Thomas House too (a pub about 2 mins down the street towards town) i've seen the graffiti in the toilets:pac:

College will be just like you have described for almost all LC'ers heading directly to Uni, feeling all alone and left out...the main thing is just get chatty with people you recognise from labs or lectures etc...and freshers week will definitely help you get to know a few faces:)

Good luck in the college, its quite a good one for art students:)

You live near NCAD...hmmm you don't happen to work in UO aswell do ya?
Jamie is that you? lol

If its not sorry about that!!!!!!
I know about the parties I just need to get the invites now!!! I'll post an update after reshers week to see if anyhting has gotten better

DigiGal

LZ5by5 wrote: »

Hi DigiGal. I've been in University for the past four years and I'm sad to say that all I have are at best acquaintances. Like you, I was really shy when I was in secondary school and I wasn't the most popular guy around either. So that followed me to Uni, and again like you, it didn't help that everybody seemed to know each other already. It really is a disheartening situation but don't let it get you down. What helped me was that I told myself that "First and foremost you're here to get a good degree, and anything after that is a bonus." So that helped me relax to a certain extent, and I eventually made two or three friends. Just don't think about it so much, it will happen eventually for ya.

I really hope I make friends soon. I don't sunnderstand why being shy makes you unpopular I'm really nice if people just give me a chance
I need to make friends for my own sanity...I'm so bloody lonely:(

DigiGal

Firetrap wrote: »

Oh dear. Sorry to hear it's not going too well. I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself to make friends. I was shy too when I started college but I took a pragmatic decision to yap to everyone I could. You don't necessarily have to go up to groups of people but if you end up in situations where you're standing beside them in queues to go into lectures, in the canteen etc., just start talking. Chatting to people before lectures is another good one.

Now that your course has started, you should have some common ground to start a conversation on. Like what do you think of the course or this module? If the other person is chatty at all, let them yap away and appear to be interested in what they're saying. If you come across to people as a pleasant person who is prepared to chat and say the odd word to them, they'll start inviting you along to the canteen or wherever. The trick is not to appear desperate.

I'll try my best to chat to people. The reason I can' approach a group is that in school were I was rather unpopular (i was a little weird/tomboyish) If I walked towards a group i could see tehm all whispering oh no, oh don't come over here etc and I'm so terrified of putting myself through that again.
I will try chatting in lectures I have one in an hour and I don't know where the room is so that is a good way to get talking to people.

Handsome Bob

DigiGal wrote: »

I really hope I make friends soon. I don't sunnderstand why being shy makes you unpopular I'm really nice if people just give me a chance
I need to make friends for my own sanity...I'm so bloody lonely:(

You see I have the same mentality. I think the main problem is that we think we're the only shy people in the room. While you're sitting alone and thinking "I'm really nice if someone would just give me a chance" I would be willing to bet my last euro that there would be at least one other person in the room thinking the exact same thing as you. So someone needs to build up the courage to make the first move, but unfortunately you might be waiting forever for that other person to make the move. I hope that made sense. :pac:

DigiGal

LZ5by5 wrote: »

You see I have the same mentality. I think the main problem is that we think we're the only shy people in the room. While you're sitting alone and thinking "I'm really nice if someone would just give me a chance" I would be willing to bet my last euro that there would be at least one other person in the room thinking the exact same thing as you. So someone needs to build up the courage to make the first move, but unfortunately you might be waiting forever for that other person to make the move. I hope that made sense. :pac:

yeah I get ya......I talked to a few people this morning anyway..making progress

entropi

DigiGal wrote: »

You live near NCAD...hmmm you don't happen to work in UO aswell do ya?
Jamie is that you? lol

If its not sorry about that!!!!!!
I know about the parties I just need to get the invites now!!! I'll post an update after reshers week to see if anyhting has gotten better

Nah i live quite close to it, but i'm not this Jamie you speak of, no worries:D

Posting updates is a great way for other posters with similar problems to see how advice given can hopefully be put to very good use and everything works out for the best:) Have a blast in college eh!!:D

jdivision

The various boards beers should probably be mentioned too, you'd get to meet some people outside of college. I haven't gone to one myself but a lot of people seem to and they apparently are very welcoming to newbies.

LadyJ

jdivision wrote: »

The various boards beers should probably be mentioned too, you'd get to meet some people outside of college. I haven't gone to one myself but a lot of people seem to and they apparently are very welcoming to newbies.

Ahem

Glad to hear you made an effort today. Keep it up.

DigiGal

Stayed back for cans 2night was great craic.......!!!!!

minidazzler

Glad to see your finally having fun DigiGal. Keep it up and make as many friends as possible:D

Firetrap

Yay! Delighted to hear that.

Handsome Bob

DigiGal wrote: »

Stayed back for cans 2night was great craic.......!!!!!

Well done!

minidazzler

EU RULES wrote: »

*Eejit speak*

Dude, fcuk off, there is a reason you are banned from so many forums.

DigiGal, I'm glad to hear you had fun in college and I hope it continues.

Wibbs

EU RULES permabanned and his posts removed. *edit* removed other folks posts as well that referenced the guy. No need to give him the publicity I reckon.

Nevyn

minidazzler I don't care what a troll says personal abuse is not justified, report rather then react or else you may face a ban from this forum.

DigiGal

Can a moderater please help


EU RULES is harrassing me on my public profile and in PMs

eg; lol where were your 'friends' and their no votes? lol just a fabrication of your imagination....just like your friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I've reported it but he is still doing it

Hamiltonion

Hey DigiGirl, I moved to Dublin to start college last year knowing no one, I was pretty shy, but eventually I made some friends in my course, we're not super close but its nice to have people to talk to, I made one great friend and then through her made more! Sadly she moved to DCU this year but we still hang out.

Anyway, I joined a society and got really involved, I'm on the committee this year, and made loads of great friends, similer interests and that. Its a debating soc and my confidence has improved x100, I spent freshers week working with the soc, striking up conversations with every fresher within distance! Also I've gotten opportunities to travel with the society which is great. I go out with these people 10 times as much as my class mates so it just goes to show you.

I realise this may not be for everyone but its certainly worked for me, I'd also recommend going to evening exhibitions (be plenty in NCAD) and just asking people for drinks, without wanting to sound like an alco you always seem to be closer to people after getting pissed with them! I find socs to be better than sports clubs as there seems to be a popularity depends on performance mentality which I find childish

If you want any advice/someone to talk to feel free to give me a pm, I'm in TCD and always up for a chat! Best of luck anyway, it takes a while to get settled but it will happen, just try not to think like 'I'm a month in and made no progress' because thats something that caused me loads of stress last year,

Enjoy!

DigiGal

HI again
Hey guys,

sorry to dredge this up again but Its been a month now and I'm still having a lot of trouble relaxing around people. I get all flustered etc as I'm so worried they won't like me
Any advice?