Lonely on course

fifomania

Hi all
Back to college as a mature and I'm feeling a bit disheartened. I'm doing a course where I'm the only mature person, everyone else is 17 - 18.
I'm getting along with the other mature students at break time but they are all doing the same degree so I'm in class and most lectures alone.
Anyone else in the same boat?

xinchao

Yep!!!!!!!!
Just started back myself. I'm doing HPSS in UL. Everybody else in the course seems to be doing the history and politics part, I'm doing the social sciences part. So I'm not in the same lectures as most people. I seem to be with Law, European Studies, Sociology and Economics and Psychology. I know absolutely no-one! haha..:( , I'm 33 the rest are as you said 17,18 there are some older people in their 50's (three or four guys) but they seem to keep to themselves).
Hard to talk to the younger people, as they seem very shy. I tried to talk to one girl beside me in the lecture hall and she started giggling with her friend. hahaha...Bless her innocence! So yeah on breaks and lunch time i read a newspaper and drink coffee on my lonesome. Kinda hard to tell you the truth but I'm finding the whole University thing very difficult at the moment, having no-one to talk to is kinda hard at times and when everybody seems to be doing other subjects it is not hard to feel isolated. God University is very very different from my previous experience of college. Which is also not helping. However i did meet one girl in the queue when i was registering and she is in my sociology classes (i.e. 2 out of 15) and i had a chat to her and she's feeling the same. So i did feel a little bit better late last week when i met her because she was finding Uni hard too.
so all said and done i think there are many people in the same boat as us.
Some people here might say join clubs or go out or go to the mature student office and meet other people. Which is an idea, but at the moment i'm finding it very difficult just to settle in. Reading and learning again, and having to read ten million articles and sections of books that are written in a different language! So i do feel that i even haven't time to waste going there. Might sound negative but that's how it feels at the moment.
Last week i had an assignment for a tutorial to do and it took me 3 hours to do it. I thought to myself God i must be thick or something and questioning myself as to why the hell am i back at my age to university. I could go back to Asia teach English and live in the sun...haha..Well that's what i was thinking about. BUT, i did manage to write something down and get most of the assignment done even though i thought i had done it incorrectly but at least i made a stab at it. So the next day i went in and i found out that i was right which to me was a major confidence boost. Something that i really needed because if i got that totally wrong i would have seriously have doubted my abilities. And because it made me relax a little bit more i did feel a little bit more at ease there. However only a little bit, enough to get me through that week. I spent all the weekend in the library doing bits and pieces for each subject this weekend and still got nowhere. Well that's what it felt like. Still having no friends in my classes is difficult, so you're definitely not alone on that front. But i do think, logically, that it does take time to settle in and people do open up more when given the chance. In a few weeks that girl will probably say hi to me and open up too! I hope!
Hope springs eternal!
Anyway that's my piece, hope it didn't depress anyone! hehe...

Larianne

It's frickin hard but you just got to go and talk to people. And I know it's difficult but don't think of age as a barrier. 33 is not old but yeah to anyone who's 17/18 anything over 21 is old. (I'm 26). But I really think it is 'us' making a bigger deal of it. I've so far been very lucky with getting talking to other people from my class. But honestly, it's been a case of me saying "Do you know what the timetables like?" or "Have you joined many societies yet?" or "Were you out last night?" to get the convo going. I tell them I'm a mature student and they usually ask what you did before etc. Breaks the ice real well.

Don't see them as kids. See them as adults, which they are and you should be less frightened of them. And most of all, just be yourself, don't try to be young or cool or whatever!

Edit: Defo defo defo join the mature student society and go to the socials. Believe me, you will find plenty of people feeling the same. But also join a club or two!! I've just come back from a scuba diving lecture and just asked the two girls beside me "Have you dived before?" and we were away chatting. (And I'm defo not the most extrovert person out there!)

atheist

Education is wasted on the young.
The young are just wasted!

Use life experience when answering any open class questions and you may find classmates soon asking your help with projects etc.

Italians should feel at home in Ireland:
In Rome people have names like Antonio and Diego
In Dublin they have names like Anto and Deco!

I'd suggest going UCD, outside of Dublin City Center, if practical business english is what youre looking for

billy the squid

@xinchao

If you are in first year, you are probably in the same sociology lectures as myself, and there is a sizeable amount of mature students in UL. 270 enrolled this year.

Did you try the mature student mentoring programme.

Unfortunately, UL doesn't have a mature student society.

Also have a look at the boards.ie UL forum, they organise get togethers and if you don't find a fellow mature student, you may find a fellow boards.ie member in your class. I know of at least one in mine.

Larianne

billy the squid wrote: »

Unfortunately, UL doesn't have a mature student society.

That's unfortunate to hear! Maybe you could start up your own society? I know myself that meeting up with other Mature Students really helped me ease into college.

billy the squid

Larianne wrote: »

That's unfortunate to hear! Maybe you could start up your own society? I know myself that meeting up with other Mature Students really helped me ease into college.

not too sure if they are too keen on allowing a mature students society in UL. something to do with the way the previous one ended up. rumour has it they took the budget and went on a pishup.

Larianne

billy the squid wrote: »

not too sure if they are too keen on allowing a mature students society in UL. something to do with the way the previous one ended up. rumour has it they took the budget and went on a pishup.

Well that's a bit silly. I mean they can't penalise new students because of what other students have done. It's such a good support network for mature students. Something I think every college should have.

LauraLoo

xinchao wrote: »

Yep!!!!!!!!
Just started back myself. I'm doing HPSS in UL. Everybody else in the course seems to be doing the history and politics part, I'm doing the social sciences part. So I'm not in the same lectures as most people. I seem to be with Law, European Studies, Sociology and Economics and Psychology. I know absolutely no-one! haha..:( , I'm 33 the rest are as you said 17,18 there are some older people in their 50's (three or four guys) but they seem to keep to themselves).
Hard to talk to the younger people, as they seem very shy. I tried to talk to one girl beside me in the lecture hall and she started giggling with her friend. hahaha...Bless her innocence! So yeah on breaks and lunch time i read a newspaper and drink coffee on my lonesome. Kinda hard to tell you the truth but I'm finding the whole University thing very difficult at the moment, having no-one to talk to is kinda hard at times and when everybody seems to be doing other subjects it is not hard to feel isolated. God University is very very different from my previous experience of college. Which is also not helping. However i did meet one girl in the queue when i was registering and she is in my sociology classes (i.e. 2 out of 15) and i had a chat to her and she's feeling the same. So i did feel a little bit better late last week when i met her because she was finding Uni hard too.
so all said and done i think there are many people in the same boat as us.
Some people here might say join clubs or go out or go to the mature student office and meet other people. Which is an idea, but at the moment i'm finding it very difficult just to settle in. Reading and learning again, and having to read ten million articles and sections of books that are written in a different language! So i do feel that i even haven't time to waste going there. Might sound negative but that's how it feels at the moment.
Last week i had an assignment for a tutorial to do and it took me 3 hours to do it. I thought to myself God i must be thick or something and questioning myself as to why the hell am i back at my age to university. I could go back to Asia teach English and live in the sun...haha..Well that's what i was thinking about. BUT, i did manage to write something down and get most of the assignment done even though i thought i had done it incorrectly but at least i made a stab at it. So the next day i went in and i found out that i was right which to me was a major confidence boost. Something that i really needed because if i got that totally wrong i would have seriously have doubted my abilities. And because it made me relax a little bit more i did feel a little bit more at ease there. However only a little bit, enough to get me through that week. I spent all the weekend in the library doing bits and pieces for each subject this weekend and still got nowhere. Well that's what it felt like. Still having no friends in my classes is difficult, so you're definitely not alone on that front. But i do think, logically, that it does take time to settle in and people do open up more when given the chance. In a few weeks that girl will probably say hi to me and open up too! I hope!
Hope springs eternal!
Anyway that's my piece, hope it didn't depress anyone! hehe...

xinchao, thank you so much for your post. you wrote down exactly how im feeling. it is comforting to know others are having the same experience

WiseMona

Hi there,

Going through pretty much all of the same on my end too. (35 yrs old).
It is bloody hard to make new friends at college and I am not a shrinking violet. I think joining clubs/societies etc. is a great idea but most of the activities take place in the evening. I try to get home by 6pm in the evening to have dinner with my kids and hubby and do not think I will be signing up for any clubs etc. this year as I just have no time :eek:

I have made a few younger friends as well as a few matures - but the way I feel about it is 'you get out of it, what you put into it' works for all relationships. You got to make the effort................

Hang in there, it is lonely - but I am loving the subjects/classes etc.!

mrmanire

HPSS = No PROPER job...ever

xinchao

If you stay in Ireland you mean...
there are other places in the world where Arts and hunamities are used even in the private sector and people have other experiences in life too...;)

fifomania

Still on the course but still finding it strange being the only mature in the year!!
Usually make the first step to talk to the younger ones but it fizzles out or they go red or clam up.
Worse still I find that the younger students will fall over themselves to talk to me if we've an essay to do or are looking information but then will blank me!
Had a mature meeting and it was good to talk about it. A mature student in another year said the same thing happens him: it's like you're viewed as helpful if they need something!!
Anyway hope everyone else is getting on well!

mitsy

hi fifomania, i know how lonely it can be but stick with it, it will be well worth it. It can be a very lonely time when you start college and even moreso as a mature student but remember why you are there and make the absolute most of it (easier said than done i know).

I went back as a mature student when i was 25 and graduated a few years ago and i can honestly say it was the best thing i ever did. I found it incedibly difficult and lonely for a long time which wasnt helped by the fact that i am very shy but i perservered and i am delighted i did.

Keep going, you have every right to be there, the age thing doesnt matter and the younger students will cop on a bit, it is all new to them too and they find it just as difficult to settle into it so dont dwell on it too much and try to enjoy student life:)

xinchao

Hi there,

Just read the update.
Yeah I've settled in a lot more than I thought I would. But I haven't made that many friends. I know three or four people on the course and that's enough for me. I'm not there to make friends and have a great social life. I'm there to do the best I can at my course. For me personally I feel it is better to be one of the best in the class at your subjects, get to know your lecturers and tutors, they can be the nicest and most sincere of all. As far as other students looking for help with projects, I've found myself doing most of the work, but that's ok with me, I want to get good grades so I know if i did most of the work it would work out ok. If left it to them then there we would have all suffered. No big deal.
The only thing i can say to you is really keep your head down. Keep abreast of Uni work and exams and learn how to research and write an academic paper in your first year. That's the main thing to do. I think though after the exams etc more people will start asking each other questions and the class will be more open to each other. I do make the effort to talk to people but it's only hi, how are you? etc. But then you find when you see these people around they say hi to you. I think it is important for anyone to see that this is a golden opportunity for themselves to better and fulfil what opportunities they have in life. Difficult sometimes and lonely, yes, but it toughens you up a bit and makes you more independent, hard at the time yes but as long as your family/personal life is ok then Uni/college should be seen like a job you like in many respects. I personally feel that if i had lots of friends there it would be too distracting for me! Then again this is just a subjective view point and it depends entirely on the person in question and how that persons feels.
But i do think it's important to remember why you are there and keep that the focus and basis for your opinion of your experience going back. It's a great great opportunity to be given a second or a proper shot at studying again. And really that's all that matters in the end. Yes being the only mature student must be hard, very hard, but just keep reminding yourself why you are there and what you want to achieve out of it, to help you keep focused.
Hell, with everything else going on outside in the real world maybe we are blessed to be safe indoors using our minds to explore new possibilities! rather than being in an environment where everybody is worried about cuts/ job tenure or mortgage payments and kids allowances.......

atheist

Sorry - spoke too soon - edit

LeBash

I can understand where people are coming from and infact i thought it was going to be the very same for me. To my surprise there was almost an equal number of mature students and school leavers. The class has actually ended up being very close knit which creates a really great atmosphere.

Now that everyone is more settled in, I wonder are other mature students having simular expirences