Is that it..?

LegacyUser

So my boyfriend just went to college a couple hours away, I've come to visit him for a week, and he has now decided he wants his freedom. He still claims he loves me to absolute bits, but he just doesn't feel like being in a relationship right now and it's just bad timing, it'd work out if he was out of college, etc. He does want to keep me in his life, or do a long-distance relationship, but I don't think I could handle it (bad experiences with former LDR), and I'd have to have him completely out of my life, at least for awhile, once it's over.. no visits, texts, calls, facebook, etc. He's not too fond of the idea but I can't really deal with it any other way.

I guess what I'm asking is, does this seem like bullshít to anyone else..? I mean, if he really did honestly love me, why wouldn't he want a relationship with me..? Other than to have his cake and eat it, too.. visit me back home when he feels like it and fúck around when he's here in college without having to worry about anything.

But he seems genuine when he tells me he loves me. That or he's an incredible actor.

I don't know. I don't like the situation one bit. Should I just cut him out and move on?

ash23

moltovivace wrote: »

I guess what I'm asking is, does this seem like bullshít to anyone else..? I mean, if he really did honestly love me, why wouldn't he want a relationship with me..? Other than to have his cake and eat it, too.. visit me back home when he feels like it and fúck around when he's here in college without having to worry about anything.

It seems like Bull**** to me. I'm not saying he doesn't still care for you. He probably does.
But from your post it reads that he has discovered college life and all it entails and is feeling a bit trapped. He is going out, meeting new people and isn't able to do anything about it as he has a girlfriend.


PS When you say LDR, isn't that what you have now? Did he mean an LDR where you both see other people? Or that you would both still be faithful?

LegacyUser

ash23 wrote: »

It seems like Bull**** to me. I'm not saying he doesn't still care for you. He probably does.
But from your post it reads that he has discovered college life and all it entails and is feeling a bit trapped. He is going out, meeting new people and isn't able to do anything about it as he has a girlfriend.


PS When you say LDR, isn't that what you have now? Did he mean an LDR where you both see other people? Or that you would both still be faithful?

OP here.

We were apart for two weeks after he left for college, then I came up to him, and then this came up when we discussed me sticking around here. We lived together for a couple months before this btw.

You're right though, he probably is feeling trapped, although I'm not sure why, as his issues were leaving me alone when he was out with his mates and stuff like that, which I was fine with as I like my space. I'm easygoing as anything and I never stop him from doing what he likes to do or going where he wants to go with or without me. I've made sure to let him know it doesn't bother me.

I asked him if he wanted to play the field or something because he's young, in college, etc, and he said no. He just wanted "freedom," but if he doesn't want the freedom to chase girls and I give him the freedom to do everything else he wants, then what does that mean?

I suppose I already know what I should do, it's just really bloody hard and I wish I could understand him a bit more.

Wibbs

How long are you together OP? I don't quite get the freedom bit myself. For me freedom would generally mean other women. Maybe he means the freedom not to be involved in your day to day life, to leave him concentrate on himself/his studies kinda thing? Dubious if so though and not what I would be thinking of as far as a loving equal relationship.

LegacyUser

Wibbs wrote: »

How long are you together OP? I don't quite get the freedom bit myself. For me freedom would generally mean other women. Maybe he means the freedom not to be involved in your day to day life, to leave him concentrate on himself/his studies kinda thing? Dubious if so though and not what I would be thinking of as far as a loving equal relationship.

Long enough for this to be a bit ridiculous for him to be pulling now.

Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't, but he never cited studies as a reason (mainly because I push him to get to class and the like when he doesn't want to) and he gets plenty of time to do his own thing. The issues were money (which can be fixed), worrying about me being on my own (which I already told him does NOT bother me), and "being able to just disappear for a few days without having to worry about you, not that I'd ever do it but you know what I mean" (which just plain doesn't make sense at all, if he's not going to do it then why is it an issue, especially since it wouldn't bother me anyway?!).

I have a sneaking feeling that when I do go back home tomorrow or the next day that he might change his mind once he realizes I'm completely gone from his life. It's that part I'm worried about in terms of how strong I'd be in holding out in that situation, because I want to stick to my guns if he's going to dick me around like this. Not that he means to.. but you know what I mean.

I suppose theoretically he's just been slammed with a crapload of stress and responsibility and a brand new life... and I'm part of the "old life" and an extra responsibility that he doesn't want to have to deal with anymore.

I don't know. My mind's a mess.