Need to stop thinking of her

LegacyUser

Hi

I have a girlfriend. It's going great.
There's a girl I work with who has made it clear she is interested in me. Very interested.
Now she's a good looking girl and quite sexy - but I have no intention of doing anything about it. It's against my personal morals and I wouldn't do that to my girlfriend.

However, this other girl is on my mind quite a bit to my annoyance. I have found myself thinking about her quite a bit and even dreaming about her.

This is where it gets tricky - I do tend to talk in my sleep a little bit. I'm worried I'll say something about this other girl in my sleep or, worse still, possibly call out her name when having sex with my girlfriend.

I haven't said anything to my girlfriend - I don't see the point. But does anyone have any tricks for getting this other girl out of my head before I say something stupid?

Thanks

dirtydress

Maybe look into why you're thinking about her so much? Is it possible you have feelings for her? It really sounds like you might from what you've said anyway.

To really be fair to your girlfriend you need to work out why exactly you're finding it so hard to get this girl out of your head.

jmbkay

You really don't want to get this girl out of your head, do you? Your loyaly to your gf is admirable, but you're not totally committed to her. You sound you will have regrets down the line if you don't "play the field" a bit.

AMK

You need to examine this a bit more closely. It's not as simple as saying it's against your personal morals. Don't get me wrong - it is a very good thing to have moral rules of behaviour but they are not just about actions, they are about being emotionally honest and decent too.

Putting this girl out of your head is not the issue, it's why she's in there in the first place. You need to think about this within the context of your relationship with your girlfriend. They are not two separate issues.

Wibbs

AMK wrote: »

Putting this girl out of your head is not the issue, it's why she's in there in the first place. You need to think about this within the context of your relationship with your girlfriend. They are not two separate issues.

Ehhh maybe they are. You can be in a serious stable and healthy relationship and look at other people. Even kinda fancy or think about other people. In any long termer its going to happen sooner or later for the vast majority of people. The longer they're together the more likely too. It is not always a "sign" that means the relationship is on the skids or there's something wrong. People can be too black and white sometimes and that's worse for a relationship in my humble.

AMK

Wibbs, in general I would agree with you. It's a given that we all can fancy or think about other people even when in a happy, long-term relationship. It's human nature. But most people wouldn't be concerned about it as it wouldn't impact on their day-to-day life with a loved partner. I don't think the majority of people would be concerned in case they called out somebody else's name when having sex with their partner.

LegacyUser

Hi OP here,

Just to clarify a couple of points.
I have what I believe is a great relationship with my girlfriend.
The girl in work is not someone I would consider pursuing a long-term relationship with.
She is a lovely and very attractive girl - but, to me, not a patch on my girlfriend and wouldn't be for me (long-term) anyway.

IMO it is probably a case of me not having sown enough wild oats before I met my girlfriend.
I have been informed by experienced people that this is not as great as you would think it is - and I am sure they are right - but maybe I haven't had enough opportunity to "grow tired" of the wild single scene.

Anyway that's slightly beside the point, what I was really looking for was some practical tips to get this girl out of my head - girlfriend or not!

Thanks,

otwb

Its seems strange that the girl in work would make it clear that she is interested if she wasn't getting any signals from you. Did she know that you have a girlfriend?

It also seems strange to me that you wouldn't be able to "get someone out of your head" that you are not particularly interested in. If this is not someone that you would see turning into a long term relationship then letting some time pass should do the trick. If this is something that could potentially be a long term relationship for you then you need to make a decision.

If the colleague is someone that you see on an ongoing basis then it may be worth having a chat and clarifying the situation in your own head.

lala stone

otwb wrote: »

Its seems strange that the girl in work would make it clear that she is interested if she wasn't getting any signals from you. Did she know that you have a girlfriend?
.

This not a problem for some girls believe me,,maybe u shud just grow a pair and minimise contact with her or change the way u interact with her, like keep it professional.. I do admire you tho for actuvely trying to stop thinking about her..

Oh The Humanity

Getting crush on someone is not indicitave of anything wrong in the relationship. It happens to everyone. We are animals after all. The old cliche what separates us from the animals is what we do about it!

Anyway OP, fair play. To slightly turn the milk sour on the whole thing in work will take a bit of work and going against your instincts.

Don't allow any patterns to form, as in, where you see each other, if you notice any routine forming no matter how harmless break it, mess it up. Even if its just the little glance, touch etc you look forward to all day (on the sly)

Next time you are talking to her tell her something gross/unattractive that you know will turn her off.

Start trying to think of her as a sister. Picture her on the bog doing a big turd/picking her toenails/farting and nagging.

Everyone looks good at work, usually better than their own partners see them. Our partners see us slobbing in tracksuits in the evening. Our workmates see us dressed nice showered, made up with our hair done etc

I know its hard to stop a flow of erotic thoughts as they seem harmless and they are of course but if you feel this might graduate at any point in the future its up to you to sabotage that sooner rather than later. Otherwise the next work drinks is gonna end up with you two making a mistake you will regret.

If you're single and guys at work pay attention it seems harmless to bask in it but it can start trouble. She is probably a bit attention hungry if she is single but look if she is sexy and attractive she hopefully wont be single long.

cleo?

I had that happen to me before, I was with my bf 4 years and started a new job and a guy there kept openly flirting with me, he had a wife. I enjoyed the attention at first but then started to worry a little as I was thinking about him outside of work. He eventually asked me out and I said No I had a boyfriend.

I dealt with it by talking to my bf about it, he was appauled that I could entertain someone enough for them to ask me out and also disgusted by the guy's behaviour. But by telling him, I made it a black and white issue and nothing was hidden and secretive and hey presto, I stopped thinking about the guy. Maybe talk to your girlfriend - from the point of view - does she think that the girl at work is out of line, given that she knows you have a girlfriend. Once your girlfriend knows about the situation, it takes the excitment out of it.

shellyboo

cleo? wrote: »

Maybe talk to your girlfriend - from the point of view - does she think that the girl at work is out of line, given that she knows you have a girlfriend. Once your girlfriend knows about the situation, it takes the excitment out of it.

That's *excellent* advice. You need to be sure your gf won't flip at the idea of there being another woman flirting with you though... if you think she could handle it reasonably, then telling her will definitely work.