Man trouble- whats new?!

LegacyUser

Goin unreg for this!

I am with my boyfriend for 2 years now (broke up 2 months ago for 3 weeks over something minor) and things were goin pretty good up until last wknd. i borrowed his mobile to make a call and a msg popped up while i was on the phone from a girl's name i never heard him mention before asking how he was with an 'x'. i went in to his inbox (for those of you who will say that was wrong to do, try imagine yourself in my position and how i was feeling there and then- needing to know) there were about 15 msgs from this girl and ones in his sent box from him stating wat sexual positions he likes, wat fantasies he has and asking her what 'kinky stuff' she likes. hands trembling, i called her and she seemed fairly disappointed to hear a girl's voice. i said i was his girlfriend and she hung up. she text afew simplistic immature msgs, mocking me and tryin to slag me off. Basically it turns out she is 17, im 25, my boyfriend 23. He told her he was 20 and that he was single.
I confronted him in tears, iv been cheated on before but this seemed to hurt so much more because it was so unexpected and I love him,unlike my ex's. He swore repeditly he never intended on meeting her and that he got her number when we broke up.but when we got back together they just textd the odd time. he said it made him feel good to know that someone was interested in him. (what the hell am i to him, i thought)
I debated for afew days on what to do,ignoring his calls and texts. After much deliberation and confiding in close mates, I decided I will just go with what he is saying, give him the benfit of the doubt and meet him. We are now back together and he says he will make it up to me and never ever text her or another random girl again. A large part of me does think he has had sex with her, it makes me sick shes only 17, and sounded so immature with her texts,slagging me etc. i keep looking at other girls wondering do they look like her. I know I am an attractive fit girl and am offered numbers etc every time i go out. He said she was just there in front of him, as if it was an excuse he more or less tried to justify what he did.
Im going to try to get over this and work on building up trust again. Maybe he did just text her so Im going to go with that in my mind. He has changed his story afew times - how are men so good at detaching themselves from the truth?! I think if I did that and he found out he would not give up until i confessed everything I had on my mind. Guys seems to be so good at making themselves believe what they want girls to hear?
Our relationship has been the toughest one iv been in as he is somewhat immautre and does not exactly exude altruism compassion or sensitivity. eg. if i got done up for a night out he might say ' you look nice' and thats it. I think he's said 'youre sexy' once some time last year. I dont need or want compliments, I want him to make me feel special and treat me like a girlfriend shoud be treated...And what i found out lately makes me wonder is it all worth the sweat and tears of the rship...
He knows if he is caught again its the end of us.
Do you think he did it?!! Am I being a complete walkover by getting back with him?

dirtydress

There is no trust here, it's not a relationship. Unless he wants to come clean with what actually happened (and why he kept all those texts) then you need to move on. He sounds very immature and maybe a 17 year old is just what he needs, I hope his ego massage was worth risking your relationship.

MelanieC

God, it's hard to know what to do in this situation. Deep down in your heart, if you're truly honest with yourself and not just wishful thinking, do you believe him? I guess then you'll have your answer as to whether you should be back with him or not.

The main thing I'd worry about in being back with him is trust. You're obviously and understandably not going to be able to trust him for a long time. Your heart will race and your mind boggle every time he gets or sends a text on his phone. Equally, if he ever were going to do something like this again (not saying he would or wouldn't but just hypothetically) he now knows to delete all msgs from his inbox and sent msgs and to be more careful with his phone - once bitten twice shy - so inevitably he would be better equipped to get away with it this time and you may never find out.

Can you have a relationship like this?

He does sound immature but that's really no excuse. My bf can be quite immature too and drives me crazy at the best of times but he'd never do anything like this to me. Like you said, if he can do this to you so easily then what do you really mean to him? Maybe he's too immature for a real relationship at all. I know you took him back but if I were you, I'd take some more time to think everything through before ultimately deciding. It's your decision so you should take your time and make it wisely. He'll wait, he's really in no position to push. Good luck.......

laura l

wattodo wrote: »

I want him to make me feel special and treat me like a girlfriend shoud be treated...

well, if you haven't achieved this with him in the past 2 years, sounds like you're barking up the wrong tree.

can't believe the BS that he said about "nice to know someone was interested" when he was texting the other girl when you got back together.

if you are 25 and know that you have no shortage of male attention on a night out i don't understand why you would want to waste your time on this "boy"...i'm sure there are plenty of guys out there who would jump to attention in treating you "like a girlfriend should be treated!"