Big regret

LegacyUser

I met a guy over 18 months ago and we were seeing each other for a few months. When we got together initially he jumped head first into the thinking that we were in a relationship however I always give it time after meeting someone before I would say we were going out. Perhaps this thinking is why I have never had a serious boyfriend/relationship.

I would like to be in a relationship with a loving, kind guy (this guy really fitted the bill), spend time with them and do all the usual couply things but I like my own time aswell and I guess this guy couldn't understand that. He broke it off saying that the spark between us was missing? I was quite upset about that but I guess I couldn't complain really as I hadn't shown him I was head-over-heels about him yet I knew I felt something for him. I never discussed the split with him and although we texted for a short-while after it, I eventually lost all contact with him.

I've always regretted about not giving it a go with him. Inspite making contact with each other some months ago and saying we should meet up and chat sometime, I don’t think that will materialise as he is quite shy and I’m afraid he may see me as being needy.

Terodil

regretful09 wrote: »

I don’t think that will materialise as he is quite shy and I’m afraid he may see me as being needy.

OP, if you regret missing this opportunity enough to repeatedly think about it and to even make a thread here, I don't think this is the time to wonder about whether you will appear as needy or not.

Don't beat around the bush; tell him that you have always liked him very much and that you weren't ready at the time. That you regret breaking it off and that you'd like to try again.

I can't believe any guy worth fighting for would consider this as needy and reject you for it. Quite the contrary. If it were me in his shoes, I'd actually respect your spine for admitting it, feel a bit flattered and definitely give it a go.

This is not the time for playing games any more. Go for it!!

G-Money

I agree with Terodil.

There's only so much he could do and if for whatever reason you weren't willing or able to invest in the relationship, I can see why he decided to break if off.

If you regret this and want to give it a go, I think you should contact him and let him know. But as Terodil says, be straight with him, no mind games.

Also, if I were in his shoes I'd be wondering what was different and why the sudden change of heart. I'm not saying he wouldn't give things another go with you, but he might wonder why you've come back now and how are things going to be any different this time.

However you won't know any of that unless you let him know that you want to make a go of things. He could very well say yes, or he could say no. Either way, you won't know until you talk to him.

Also, seeing you have pretty much lost contact with him as is, even if he says no, you've nothing to lose. It's not like you will see him every day.

Just be open and straight with him, no mind games or anything like that. I'm sure that's how you'd like him to treat you.

Good luck with everything.

LegacyUser

Thanks for your replies

I initiated contact some months ago and after a few texts he said that we should meet up for a chat sometime but no specific time was set and since then I have not heard from him and also we haven't seen each other in almost a year. Am I wasting my time? Afterall since he hasn't followed up on his suggestion to meet up again, has he changed his mind?

To be honset, should he not be the one to initiate the contact this time given I broke the ice betwen us and made the initial contact? I fear me contacting him this time round could really send out the desperate vibes?

Terodil

regretful09 wrote: »

he said that we should meet up for a chat sometime but no specific time was set and since then I have not heard from him and also we haven't seen each other in almost a year. Am I wasting my time? Afterall since he hasn't followed up on his suggestion to meet up again, has he changed his mind?

Seriously, stop being a wuss.

Given your history it's not enough to simply poke at the door. You need to make an effort now, grab the handle and turn it, then push it open.

regretful09 wrote: »

To be honset, should he not be the one to initiate the contact this time given I broke the ice betwen us and made the initial contact? I fear me contacting him this time round could really send out the desperate vibes?

No?

You beat around the bush the last time, you were less than luke warm which was exactly the reason why you two broke up to begin with, by the sound of things.

If you want to give this an honest try then you need to show him that you feel more for him than a simple vibe.

This is not about being desperate, this is about being serious! Stop doing your head in and tell him what you feel and want!

Good luck.

LegacyUser

I was in similar boat to you some time ago. I was going out with a guy for three years, friends before we got together but we lost contact after we broke up. Ran into him almost a year after we split and instantly I knew I still felt something for him, so I talked to him about it and he felt the exact same, we got back together and are still together. My only advice is to talk to him and tell him how you feel.

Good luck hun, hope it all work's out for you.

Let us know how you get on.

LegacyUser

As for why he hasn't leapt back in contact, if he's shy as you say, maybe he is less likely than some (or you) to make that move and may need prodding forward.

Also to consider, do you know if this guy is going out with anybody at the moment?

LegacyUser

OP I was in an almost identical situation to you. I'm the one who says I'm "seeing" a guy when he refers to me as his girlfriend.
Last year I had the same situation. Went out with a guy, he rushed into it and we had a whirlwind of a relationship. After a few months he said the same thing about a spark being missing (honestly, if he sees your post he'll think its from me!!) and that he needed time to think about things. He dumped me a week later, but not before I had poured my heart out to him about how I regretted being so cool with him and wanted to give things another go.

BIG MISTAKE.

I know other poster shave said "what have you got to lose" etc, but I really regret trying to salvage something that was clearly finished. He had decided it was over and no amount of heartfelt outpourings from me was going to change his mind.
I hope this is not horrible to hear, but maybe you are seeing this through rose-tinted glasses? If life seems a bit empty without this guy, maybe you should get out and meet someone new. If he wants to find you he has your number-don't waste any more of your feelings on him and don't try to persue him-it will not work, you can't take back what you say, I know I've been there