Cant get over the past

LegacyUser

My boyfriend keeps bringing up ex-bs and asking me about them. I know this might make many people uncomfortable but it actually makes me fee physically ill, and I hate talking about it, but I don't know how to get out of it. I was sleeping with a 28 year old guy when I was sixteen - I know it was choice but I still feel he should have been the bigger person and said no. My first sexual experience was when I was 14 and a guy tried to put it in me and I froze for ages before leaving. I was terrified and so upset. At the time I was okish, but now these things haunt me. I was young, and I made bad choices, but I wish soooo much they never happened. There is no way to erase the past, but they keep coming up in my head. Sometimes I hate myself so much and wish I wasn't that person. I am in my 20s now and still experience periods of self loathing at these things I have done

Kevster

You are in the right here and there is something wrong with him. The fact that he keeps bringing it up makes me think that it bothers him and 'festers' on his mind day-in, day-out. You and he need to have a serious talk about this before the relationship becomes intolerable for both of you. I suggest that you both arrange to sit down together at the kitchen table and talk about it. Don't stand up and talk, because when you do that it's easy to just walk away. If you are both sitting down (and have a cup of tea or whatever), then there's less reason to just up and leave.

Allow each other to talk about what you feel is wrong respectively, and try to understand each viewpoint. It really sounds like this is a problem for him though, and I imagine he's obsessing about it. Perhaps he's obsessing about it because he hasn't had that many partners in his own life and feels rather curious/jealous about it.

Kevin

herya

Regardless of what your current bf does or doesn't (I agree that he shouldn't press and mind his own business), I feel that you should maybe seek some counselling on your past sexual experiences and your current reaction to them. If you're unhappy with your past and it comes back to haunt you I highly recommend talking it through with a helpful professional. You've done nothing wrong but you make yourself suffer - please don't leave it this way.

Is there a chance that your boyfriend feels your discomfort and wants to help you by getting to the centre of the problem? He shouldn't be the one doing it though, please find a qualified person.

LegacyUser

Im going unreg to post to this, OP your past experiences and current situation sound very similar to my own.
I too had a varied sex life from about 14 and now in my mid 20's I deeply regret the decisions I made then, cant belive I was so stupid and wish they had never happened! I often just hate myself when I think about it, I feel like dirt and try to think of back then as if it was a different person or different version of myself.
Now my boyfriend too likes to hear stories about my ex's and various "dirty" things I did for them or we did together, you dont say why your boyfriend asks you about it or how he feels about it, with myself my boyfriend actually enjoys the stories, being blunt about it they turn him on. We talked about this and he knows how I feel about my past and now he does try his best not to ask me too much about it, theres still times when he forgets and does ask but at least he's trying and its not very often.
My best advice to you would be to sit down and talk with your boyfriend, if you dont know already why he's asking you all these questions then you need to find out and also try and find a way of him cutting out talking about it or at least cutting down on it if its hurting you this much.