Afraid of catching something

LegacyUser

I never imagined I would be the type of person to be affected by something like this. Until a few years ago, I was a normal young woman, going out with friends, all the usual. I've always been a cautious and responsible person but not a worrywart. Well, a few years ago I lost my virginity in a less-than-ideal situation, with someone I barely knew. Used a condom so didn't worry until I next saw my GP for a smear, and she decided to tell me how unreliable condoms are and how it could have broken without me noticing. Well, that started it all off. I managed to convince myself that I had every STD under the sun. I spent a horrific 3 weeks worrying, getting up the nerve to get tested, and another 2 weeks waiting on results. Everything was clear, I decided not to ever have casual sex again, and I was back to normal. Or so I thought.

Since then, I've been irrationally afraid of STD's. I've only had 2 more long term partners but still got tested 2-3 times a year, even though we used condoms. That is bad enough but I'm also afraid of getting HIV or hepatitis through any means. I used to work as a cleaner during college and touched all sorts and never worried, but now I worry about being infected by things in my daily life. I go out of my way to be careful, but one example is that a few months ago I was staying in a hostel and picked up my hair from the plughole. It looked clean, but I got this brown stuff on my finger. It could have been anything but I couldn't stop worrying that it might be blood. A while after that, I was in a bar and got a glass that didn't look very clean. It was possibly already used. I was tipsy so used it anyway, but now I'm paranoid I could have caught hepatitis from it if there was any saliva.
I could get tested but I can't spend my whole life getting tested for hepatitis and HIV, especially as a non drug user and non promiscuous person! I have already been tested about 5 times. And I'm sure there will be another situation I'll worry about. I really try to avoid them but there's always something.

I have an understanding boyfriend, but he's starting to get tired of my constant worry. He has told me I can't have got anything but I don't believe him. I'm afraid he'll break up with me because of this. We are mid twenties, we should be enjoying ourselves, not online looking up symptoms of diseases. Help.

LegacyUser

Thats a tough problem OP.

Its easy to look at this rationally: there is no point getting tested and retested when you already know the answer. HIV and hepatitis is very rare. You are healthy and strong. Even you take this to the place of your worry: people I've known who've had stds were treated quickly and successfully.

I'm sure you know all that.

I'm no expert but.... you have a phobia. You need to see a counsellor about this and begin the long road of getting to the roots of this.

They say a phobia is where someone gathers all their worries together and throws them at one thing. You may be collecting all your life anxieties and projecting them at stds.

Nobody here is going to know but you need to get help now from someone who knows what they're talking about.

Good luck OP.

LegacyUser

Thanks for replying. I know it is a phobia. I guess it's the 'uncurable' part that scares me - I could have caught something I'll have for life and that scares me. What is insane is that a few years ago, catching something from a plughole or a glass would have never crossed my mind. HIV and hepatitis never crossed my mind. I didn't sleep with strangers or inject drugs, so there was no need to even think about it. It's so so hard to get back to that place. No matter how much my boyfriend tells me I'm fine, I feel like I won't relax until I get tested. But as you said, I can't keep getting tested. I don't want it on my medical record, for one thing. But I don't know how else I can reassure myself. I will try to see a counsellor soon. I am getting desperate.

LegacyUser

Yeah it sounds like your nerves have got out of control on this one alright.

But you're taking the first step to sort it out and in a few months or so this fear will recede and you may have learned alot about yourself in the process; so in a weird way, see this as an opportunity.

Can't advise you where to find a good counsellor but I've heard they're not charging that much these days. Good luck OP.