Can I change

LegacyUser

Can you become a better person or is who you are just who you are? At the moment I'm not speaking to my mother (it's been a few months now), dont have a great relationship with my father, i have 2 brothers - one of which i don't speak to (it's been years) and couldn't be bothered if i ever spoke to the other one. On paper it looks really bad, and i think what type of person has this kind of relationship with their flesh and blood? But i just couldn't be bothered with them. My parents would move mountains for me, when i'm around it's like theyre walking on egg shells and i treat them like sh!t..i.e losing my temper with them, making them feel stupid, ordering them around the place.

Similarly with my friends, not bothered with them either and could go for days without speaking to any of them. An ex once told me my parents were afraid of me, and i think that's right. In work i get along with everyone fine, they all think i'm such a great people person and have a great way with people.. top interpersonal skills.. which i probably do whilst in work but its an act i pull off quite well.

Aynway i'm feeling really low and wondering what type of person have i become, whats wrong with me and can i change it or is this just me? My DNA. Destined to be some sort of lone wolf that thinks they need no one and will know no love. Any thoughts?

Kevster

People change all of the time, and that is what prevents this world from becoming boring. Friends drift apart, relationships end, people switch religions, etc. Be open to change, and try not to expect everything to be the same day-in - day-out. However, I think that mainatining a good relationship with your parents is a priority, and you should put some effort into that. Your mother - God bless her - probably tries her best for you but just applies this in the wrong way. She is old though, and she will therefore be less likely to change her views than you are. So, you have to 'accomodate' the way she is and just try to see her point of view. You wont' always agree, but the 'attrition' between you and her right now is killing you, and it must end.

Kevin

supermouse

Well you've made the first step, realising you cant go on like this and need to so something about it.

If you had a magic wand to shake, what would you change instantly about your life? Relationship with family? Make new friends? Maek a list of what you would like to change and set about changing it...

You are the only person in control of your feelings and your emotions - you are the only person who can change those.

Change is possible, you've made the first step realising you want to change. Now you have to act on it. Why not pop over to your home house this weekend for a while? Just a chat? Or pick up the phone and call your mum, how would you feel if she died today and you never made up with her?

Family are one of the most important factors in our lives remember.

Im not saying you have to be the ideal model child, but being civil and remembering their feelings has to be done.

Good luck!

martdalto

OP, have you considered going to your GP? I'm no expert, but some of the things you say, about the way you behave/feel towards others, you may have some form of depression?

On the other hand you may just be a grumpy person (!), and if this is the case you either want to make a conscious effort to change how you interact with people, or else you just go down the route of labelling yourself as "grumpy" and thinking there's nothing you can do about it. Although you do seem to be able to turn it on and off in different circumstances.. ie work thinks you're great, your parents are afraid of you.

You sound as if you genuinely want to change though. How about going home this weekend, as someone else mentioned, and make an effort to not allow yourself to get annoyed by your parents. You have said yourself that they would move mountains for you, they love you with all their heart, and I'm guessing it's tearing them apart to not have a relationship with you. You don't ever have to be lovey dovey, or hugs and kisses with them (!), but it would be nice for you to feel comfortable in their company and them in yours.

Maybe going home and trying all this is too big a step at the moment, but why don't you ring your mam today?

Just ring her to say hi, ask her how she is, tell her how you're getting on in work. Keep it light, keep it simple and try keep in your mind that YOU are the one with "issues" (hate that word!) around people and not them. I mean that with all the greatest respect to you by the way. What I'm trying to say is give them a chance... and give yourself a chance to have some sort of civil relationship with your family.

You asked, can a person change? If they really want to, then yes.

If they're happy to just say "Well I'm a difficult person, deal with it", then they don't really want to change.

Good Luck.
Ring your mam.

kmick

Its simple - just start being nice to them. Pretend you are still in work? Maybe over time you will get to like having a proper relationship with them.