Am I right to be annoyed?

LegacyUser

My oh's birthday is coming up in 2 weeks. I spent ages researching & found a present that I knew he'd really like. He's been out of the country for the last 5 birthdays so I wanted to make a bit of a fuss of him. We're together about 9 months and it's also the first birthday we'll celebrate together.

I asked him a few times what he would like to do. Something in his hometown or where we live etc. Go out or stay home. He made it clear he didn't want a big fuss so I was planning a small surprise get together at our house, just a couple of close friends. It was pretty obvious that I was planning something anyhow.

I wouldn't have contact details for all his friends so I was waiting for the girl he lives with to get back from holidays, which she did yesterday. So when I arrived over they were in the Kitchen chatting all excited. They'd planned a big party, bouncy castle bbq, loads of guests.

So here is why I'm annoyed.

1. He lied when he told me he didn't want any fuss
2. He knew I wanted to organise it and has now let someone else do it

I brought it up with him and he said he thought I had enough on my plate so didn't want me going to the bother, then said he's not really fussed but she had it all planned and it was easier to let her off.

The way I see it he either would just prefer her to do it, or he was more concerned with making her happy by organising it than me.

I think as his girlfriend he should be more concerned with making me happy... am I wrong?

MsMolly

why are you annoyed with him. It's his birthday, he didn't want a fuss but his mates are throwing him a party......whats the problem with that. if you've reason to be slightly put out, it should be with the friends who organised the party for not asking your input but even that isn' t a huge deal. we all say we don't want a big fuss , but are secretly delighted when someone makes an effort to be thoughtful. You should be pleased that he's the type of guy who has friends who think highly enough of him to go to that kinda effort. why hshould his priority be to make you happy on HIS birthday. i don't see what your issue is ?

minidazzler

I think you are wrong, because he probably doesn't actually really want a party, he could be open and honest with you and tell you that he didn't want one. It's harder to refuse a friend really.

Besides, there's a bouncy castle and BBQ, there is not a man I know who doesn't love a Bouncy castle regardless of age!!! Let him have it, it's his Bday after all.

Sarah**

You will just have to out do them on the present front! Which shouldnt be too difficult!

LegacyUser

I had planned sumo suits for him which I know he'd love.

The problem is when I wanted to throw a party he told me he didn't want one. He lied.

I think he's priority should be to make ME happy rather than HER. Not at any detriment to HIS happiness. I want to be the one putting a smile on his face not her.

Sharlovesjohn

I understand why you could feel upset im sure i would in same situation but isnt seeing your boyfriend happy on his birthday most important thing?

And there is nothing stopping you from still having a input on the party maybe go to the friends and ask is there anything i can help with maybe organise a band or something just to put ur input in it you have to remember as well as it been the first birthday with you its the same with his friends for the last few years they couldnt celebrate they could have easily talked him into it

anyway if he really means so much to u theres always next year!!!

Oh The Humanity

Yeh, you have a right to be annoyed.

He blew off your plans and then got together with his female housemate and made plans with her? The thick...and just how did he think that was gonna go down with you?

Thats his first 'mistake'

Then let us ask ourselves, the flatmate -whats her game anyway? Thats clear girlfriend territory (making your fellas birthday plans) She needs to back off and know her place.

I would let her know she's overstepped her mark and let him know she has too and this is not how things are going to be.

Define your territory now. If he so much as bleats or whines.....well then.

Sharlovesjohn

Would this be so much of an issue it the friend wasnt a girl? Yeah i'd be pretty pissed off but its not like he went well you know shes better at planning theses things i want her to do it? ''he said he thought I had enough on my plate so didn't want me going to the bother, then said he's not really fussed but she had it all planned and it was easier to let her off''

Same as my boyfriend just agrees for the sake of it and a easier life,

he didnt lie? he said he wasnt fussed about having a party but that she had it planned already you never made it clearly known that you were planning something so Im sure theres no blowing off of plans? if you did im sure he would have put her in her place as my bf says their not mind readers

if you have such a problem let him know and /or her , some girls wouldnt go all out for their oh after 9 months so it may be case of wires crossed.

LegacyUser

Thats clear girlfriend territory (making your fellas birthday plans)

If he so much as bleats or whines.....well then.

We don't have and I don't want that sort of relationship, it seems a bit controlling.

I DID tell him that I was organising something. I just didn't make a big deal out of it & didn't tell him the details because I wanted it to be a surprise.

And he is saying he isn't fussed and let her off but he was clearly all exciting and getting involved in the plans.

An no her being a girl doesn't make a difference, she is just a friend and I'd be the same if it was any other friend

Terodil

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

Yeh, you have a right to be annoyed.

He blew off your plans and then got together with his female housemate and made plans with her? The thick...and just how did he think that was gonna go down with you? [... etc.]

I fully agree with this, especially because you were talking about it before. He knew it was a topic that was on your mind, yet he chose to 'forget' it and not to give you a choice to partake in the fun.

Unfortunately I don't really know what advice to give here, I just wanted to support you in the assessment of the situation. You're not being irrational. I think a talk is in order.

ladygirl

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

Yeh, you have a right to be annoyed.

He blew off your plans and then got together with his female housemate and made plans with her? The thick...and just how did he think that was gonna go down with you?

Thats his first 'mistake'

Then let us ask ourselves, the flatmate -whats her game anyway? Thats clear girlfriend territory (making your fellas birthday plans) She needs to back off and know her place.

I would let her know she's overstepped her mark and let him know she has too and this is not how things are going to be.

Define your territory now. If he so much as bleats or whines.....well then.

I agree here, for all she knew you could have been planning a surprise weekend break with him or something, (then ye would have had problems) she should have at least checked with you had you any plans for that weekend,, personally i would be furious if some other girl made his birthday arrangements for my bf,

ok - i know the issue shouldnt be about her being a girl (but it is and we know that) anyhow if it was a lads planning a birthday they would just go on a session and prob not have so much fuss - (bouncing castle).. I wouldnt so much be as angry with him as i would be with her, however if he knew she was organising it he surely knew that he should have let you know especially since you had wanted to arrange it anyway...

definitely you need to define your territory!!!!

LegacyUser

Well I did bring it up with him and he was of the opinion that I've no reason to be annoyed and he didn't do anything wrong because the reason he told me he didn't want a fuss was because I'd enough to be doing with organising this. I let it go at that rather than escalating it into a big argument.

I'm very hurt, and know that she'll be bringing it up the whole time over the next few weeks and it's putting me off even going to the house. I know on the day I'm just going to be thinking about how I wished I'd organised it. He seemed so excited about it yesterday that it'll probably over shadow the present I got him too. I put so much effort into it and had to save because I couldn't really afford it and it's just ruined now.

Oh The Humanity

annoyed25 wrote: »

We don't have and I don't want that sort of relationship, it seems a bit controlling.

There is a difference between being controlling and being clear about your boundaries. Sometimes people are so eager to be seen as easygoing that they allow core stuff like this to slide. Which disturbs the natural balance, and worse might set a precedent.

She (flatmate) pi$$ed on you here. In the non verbal battle of wills she edged into your territory and marked it as hers. Its between you and her here. If you let this slide she is A1 top dog alpha female and you are secondary. That cannot stand. So maybe yes it is controlling in a way but its esssential she is pleasantly but firmly shown her place here.

annoyed25 wrote: »

I let it go at that rather than escalating it into a big argument.

You see though you are shooting yourself in the foot there. It doesn't have to be a big argument, maybe some direct talking to him though and a word in her shell like would be more appropriate. There is no point pretending you are ok with it when you obviously aren't.

'Letting it go' is doing yourself a disservice. There is a new order now, she's got to see that. She's got to be shown. You and he have got to be tight, close and singing from the same hymn sheet. If not you've already lost.

annoyed25 wrote: »

I'm very hurt, and know that she'll be bringing it up the whole time over the next few weeks and it's putting me off even going to the house. I know on the day I'm just going to be thinking about how I wished I'd organised it. He seemed so excited about it yesterday that it'll probably over shadow the present I got him too. I put so much effort into it and had to save because I couldn't really afford it and it's just ruined now.

So you are very hurt. Let it be known. you don't need to be aggressive. Some things are priority and some its ok to let slide. This is not ok to let slide. She butted in where she should have butted out. In relationships its better to 'pick your battles' -let 90% of stuff slide but don't bend on the 10% thats important to you.

A certain order has to be observed at a minimum in a relationship. you and him are a unit, everyone else is secondary.

LegacyUser

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

There is a difference between being controlling and being clear about your boundaries. Sometimes people are so eager to be seen as easygoing that they allow core stuff like this to slide. Which disturbs the natural balance, and worse might set a precedent.

She (flatmate) pi$$ed on you here. In the non verbal battle of wills she edged into your territory and marked it as hers. Its between you and her here. If you let this slide she is A1 top dog alpha female and you are secondary. That cannot stand. So maybe yes it is controlling in a way but its esssential she is pleasantly but firmly shown her place here.



You see though you are shooting yourself in the foot there. It doesn't have to be a big argument, maybe some direct talking to him though and a word in her shell like would be more appropriate. There is no point pretending you are ok with it when you obviously aren't.

'Letting it go' is doing yourself a disservice. There is a new order now, she's got to see that. She's got to be shown. You and he have got to be tight, close and singing from the same hymn sheet. If not you've already lost.



So you are very hurt. Let it be known. you don't need to be aggressive. Some things are priority and some its ok to let slide. This is not ok to let slide. She butted in where she should have butted out. In relationships its better to 'pick your battles' -let 90% of stuff slide but don't bend on the 10% thats important to you.

A certain order has to be observed at a minimum in a relationship. you and him are a unit, everyone else is secondary.

I hear what you are saying but does it not make me look like the bitch to make an issue of it when everyone is looking forward to it?

I don't want to be seen as the spoilsport that ruined the party because she didn't get her way

ladygirl

oh just thought to add this....
ok so party is important and you should have planned it but what is going to be the most important thing on the day??? the CAKE!!!!

I get the feeling from the way this girl has planned everything so far that she Could try and pull a fast one and bring out the cake for him too!!!

DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN!!! AGAIN THIS IS YOUR ROLE!!!!

To ensure this I would organise the cake for the day, Make sure she knows you are doing this, tell her straight away in conversation that you have ordered it already,,, have all your candles there hidden away and ready.. steal back some of her thunder on the day cause i know she'l be dying to do this too!!!

Oh and also get done to the nines on the day,, just incase someone else decides to make a big entrance!!!

B***H

OS119

OP, i'm not sure you should get all hung up on roles and territory here, if you've only been going out with your BF for 9 months and he lives in a household where he obviously has very close relationships with his house-mates, then its for him to decide about his party. he actually said when you asked him about the birthday 'i don't want any fuss', which bit of that didn't you understand?

your subsequent posts have all been about you and your pissing contest with this girl - who'll carry the cake, who'll be remembered as the one who organised the party: effectively, who'll get the limelight - nothing about what your boyfriend would enjoy more, nothing about what he's being pressured into and by whom, just lots of possessiveness and jealousy.

maybe he'd prefer to his birthday to be with his friends and his girlfriend, a bbq and bouncy castles sounds great fun - maybe he'd prefer that to some horrific 'romantic' evening that secretly, most blokes enjoy about as much as they would their own autopsy.

so yes, i do think you will come over as the jealous, controlling GF who stamps her foot and throws her toys out of the pram when she doesn't get 'her way' - and i think its unlikely you'll have this problem when it comes to his next birthday...

LegacyUser

OS119 wrote: »

OP, i'm not sure you should get all hung up on roles and territory here, if you've only been going out with your BF for 9 months and he lives in a household where he obviously has very close relationships with his house-mates, then its for him to decide about his party. he actually said when you asked him about the birthday 'i don't want any fuss', which bit of that didn't you understand?

We're moving in together as soon as his house is ready so who lives where is irrelevant. I understood the I don't wan t any fuss bit fine! What I don't understand is why he suddenly does want fuss!!!

OS119 wrote: »

OP
your subsequent posts have all been about you and your pissing contest with this girl - who'll carry the cake, who'll be remembered as the one who organised the party: effectively, who'll get the limelight - nothing about what your boyfriend would enjoy more, nothing about what he's being pressured into and by whom, just lots of possessiveness and jealousy.

My subsequent posts haven't mentioned anything of the sort so I suggest you read them again. My posts have been about wanting to be the one who puts the smile on his face and about not being a spoilsport. I am not in anyway possessive or jealous.

OS119 wrote: »

OP

maybe he'd prefer to his birthday to be with his friends and his girlfriend, a bbq and bouncy castles sounds great fun - maybe he'd prefer that to some horrific 'romantic' evening that secretly, most blokes enjoy about as much as they would their own autopsy.

I also mentioned previously that I had planned sumo suits so I don't see them as being 'romantic' btw he does like romantic, and HE arranges very soppy, romantic dates on a regular basis so not everyone finds these things horrific

OS119 wrote: »

so yes, i do think you will come over as the jealous, controlling GF who stamps her foot and throws her toys out of the pram when she doesn't get 'her way' - and i think its unlikely you'll have this problem when it comes to his next birthday...

I'm not jealous or controlling and my BF knows this very well. And our relationship is a lot stronger than one incident so your suggestion that I might not be around for his next birthday is preposterous.

OS119 I take it you are single?

Oh The Humanity

As I said you don't have to be aggressive or unpleasant. Unfortunately its too late with this battle but if you want to stay with him ensure this doesn't happen again.

Either its going to be one of those relationships where you are going to have to 'compete' with others for what should be automatically yours and come way down the list of priorities or else its a proper grown up relationship where you and he come first and the rest "fall in"

So, as a result of this one sticking her oar in you are now up in the air and your status has been pushed back to 'afterthought'
If this is gonna be the pattern....well....would you be able to entertain that? Other people making your (you and him) plans for you all the time.

I wouldn't personally. Lifes too short.

Its not the old trite cliche of fun VS romance either.

Get that Cuckoo out of your nest. Go along and enjoy the party but let your woman know she crossed a line. Ever so nicely of course. A couple is a unit and the idea that 'friends come first' is fine in the teens and maybe very early 20's but as people grow up into adults they put their other half first before sundry flatmates.

If you ask me its the flatmate thats controlling him not you.

As for:

he actually said when you asked him about the birthday 'i don't want any fuss', which bit of that didn't you understand?

Ha, well all that applies equally to the flatmate then doesn't it. He didn't want fuss but got a tennybopper partay with a bouncy castle. So what part of that didn't the flatmate understand. As for the other nonsense about his 'very close housemates' -my arse, girlfriend comes before housemates. End of.

He needs to man up and make OP priority, she sounds lovely, not high maintenance and is too inclined to let it slide. In other words let the interfering busybody organise someone elses boyfriends party. She needs to back off.

Taltos

I am not sure you should get hung up on this either - but if you really want to "mark your territory" as suggested earlier.

Towards end of the party - in full view and hearing of this girl - grab your fellas hand and starting to pull him away and simply say "Now honey - it's time for the real party to begin..."

Trust me - that will wipe the smile off her face...

Mixedup

Oh my god I'm totally pissed off on your behalf OP! I'd go spare if that happened with my boyfriend, and I'd be so upset with that girl.

I wouldnt make a huge fuss if i were you, but i would some evening sit down, well before the party, and say, look I'm really hurt about this i really wanted to have a party for you and i feel so left out. Not in a bitchy way or in a hissy fit but you have to be honest.

Then text his flatmate and TELL her that you have the cake ordered and thats all taken care of. She needs to back off, how do you get along with her is she nice to you?

If i were you I'd be so jealous and pissed off, so you're not overreacting its perfectly normal reaction!

LegacyUser

Mixedup wrote: »

Then text his flatmate and TELL her that you have the cake ordered and thats all taken care of. She needs to back off, how do you get along with her is she nice to you?

Yeah we get along fine mostly, she likes to be the centre of attention and talks a lot so sometimes I need break from her but for the most part she is nice. She actually introduced us, we didn't really know each other but we had a mutual friend. We often all go out together.

TBH it mostly is us as a unit and the others fall in or we might decide to fall in with other plans between us, but in this case she seems to have just taken over and made the plans and now it's done.

I suppose it's not the end of the world. It's not a regular pattern or anything but this was sort of our first special ocassion as a couple, I did want all his friends to be involved and at the part but I wanted to be the one to organise it and I knew he would have really enjpyed the plans I'd made.

jellie

i think youre overreacting. how long has he been friends with/living with these people? i doubt you even entered their heads, they just thought theyd do a nice thing and have a fun party for their friend. and it DOES sound fun. he could hardly turn around & tell them to cancel it all.

i think you need to relax tbh. i really doubt everyone would be giving out about this friend so much if it had been a boy and not a girl who did the organising.

why not get involved in the organising and offer to help?

i dont know what you expected your bf to do here..

LegacyUser

sar84 wrote: »

i think youre overreacting. how long has he been friends with/living with these people? i doubt you even entered their heads, they just thought theyd do a nice thing and have a fun party for their friend. and it DOES sound fun. he could hardly turn around & tell them to cancel it all.

i think you need to relax tbh. i really doubt everyone would be giving out about this friend so much if it had been a boy and not a girl who did the organising.

why not get involved in the organising and offer to help?

i dont know what you expected your bf to do here..

He's been living there about 6 months so not very long. I'm in their house 5-7 days a week, so I doubt it's a case of not entering her head. And it's one person that's organised this not a few.
What I would have expected him to do was say, sorry there X before you get carried away with yourself, Y (me) has already mentioned to me that she is planning something.

BTW she is just looking for an excuse for a party and doing what she wants to do. It's not because it's a nice thing to do for him.

Oh The Humanity

If you're moving in together soon then problem solved!

Let the baby have her bottle this time around.

Make a huge fake cake and jump out of it in nothing but a bikini !!!!
trust me her buttercream effort wont get a look in !!!

ladygirl

Taltos wrote: »

I am not sure you should get hung up on this either - but if you really want to "mark your territory" as suggested earlier.

Towards end of the party - in full view and hearing of this girl - grab your fellas hand and starting to pull him away and simply say "Now honey - it's time for the real party to begin..."

Trust me - that will wipe the smile off her face...

ha ha i think this is brilliant:):):)

but OP i really am very interested now in how this b-day will fair out, so please update and let us all know,, I really do think she will try take over the day also, but whatever you do let it all fly over your head as it will be his party,,

best of luck,,,

xxx

humanji

OP, did you actually say to him you were going to organise a party for him before you found out about the other one? From the sounds of it, you hinted at it to him, he said he didn't want a fuss and seemed to assume you'd agree and not make a fuss.

Maybe after his friend started talking about having a party, he decided that it could be fun. You acted defensively, so he simply said that it was for your benefit (which is a fairly basic tactic when a partner is upset over something insignificant). If you didn't make it clear that you were organising a party, then it's your own fault that he didn't know.

And ignore the suggestions about starting a pissing contest. The other girl was organising a party. Nothing more.

LegacyUser

humanji wrote: »

OP, did you actually say to him you were going to organise a party for him before you found out about the other one? From the sounds of it, you hinted at it to him, he said he didn't want a fuss and seemed to assume you'd agree and not make a fuss.

Maybe after his friend started talking about having a party, he decided that it could be fun. You acted defensively, so he simply said that it was for your benefit (which is a fairly basic tactic when a partner is upset over something insignificant). If you didn't make it clear that you were organising a party, then it's your own fault that he didn't know.

And ignore the suggestions about starting a pissing contest. The other girl was organising a party. Nothing more.

When he said he didn't want a fuss, I said well I'll just make it a something small so he did no I was organising it.

I don't think it's insignificant either.

iguana

It's not ideal but I think the thing you need to do here is just jump on board with this party. Go to the housemate and tell her you had been organising a party, but in order not to make things difficult you will join forces with her. Arrange the sumo-suits for the party and tell her you have already ordered the cake (or will be baking one if you are a good cook).

She has two possible motives here. Either she just feels like a big party and is using your bf's birthday as an excuse for a big blowout or she does have an interest in him. If it's the former that's not much to worry about but she should have consulted you, she was being thoughtless but not for bad reasons. If it's the latter then you have a bit more of a problem. Whichever it is it's in your best interests to get as involved in this party as possible.

However do not take this out on your bf. It sounds to me as if he didn't want much fuss but she talked him into the party and he's just going along with it. If you keep on being upset with him the main thing he will remember about his birthday is you being angry with him.

Indeed OP, don't let it go from planning giant surprise for your bf just remembering "annoying gf was angry at me for my birthday instead of random chick who was lovely and threw big party"

humanji

annoyed25 wrote: »

When he said he didn't want a fuss, I said well I'll just make it a something small so he did no I was organising it.

Are you sure? Because it sounds like he assumed you'd respect his wishes and not make a big fuss. If he knew you were organising something then the only reason he'd help the other girl organise a party is if he's a complete asshole. And you're the one who knows him better than us. So is he a complete asshole or is it more likely he simply assumed you weren't going to organise anything?

annoyed25 wrote: »

I don't think it's insignificant either.

Apparently he does, though. He has no idea that it meant anything to you. After all it's his day not yours, so he doesn't think it would bother you at all. You should sit him down and tell him what you said to us, namely:

but this was sort of our first special ocassion as a couple, I did want all his friends to be involved and at the part but I wanted to be the one to organise it and I knew he would have really enjpyed the plans I'd made.

dogbert27

Hang on OP, you've said earlier "BTW she is just looking for an excuse for a party and doing what she wants to do. It's not because it's a nice thing to do for him. "

So she's not romantically interested in your OH she just wants a piss up and is organising it with your OH's birthday as the excuse. So there's no dilemma then in some other girl trying to steal your guy!

You're saying that you wanted to organise something and that you wanted his friends to be there. Did you actually tell his friends you were going to be organising something or did you just have all these plans in your head. And did you want to do this to put a smile on your OH's face or really that he'll be so happy and thankful that that would put a smile on your face which is what you really wanted?! In other words you were orgainising this for yourself too.

As for him telling you not to make a big fuss. I think he doesn't want you to be stressing out organising his birthday as (I know from experience!) when my OH is stressing out it leads to me stressing out and then arguments which is something he doesn't want on his birthday. You wanted to organise something and do it your way. With this other person organising he can have an input in to it without feeling guilty about saying "no, I wouldn't like this or that". As people are saying get yourself involved in the current plans that are being organised and if you want be pushy and eventually take over!
Alternatively don't get too involved in the plans for that party but organise a dinner the night before the party with some good desserts for his birthday and then you'll get the smile on his face that you want to see!

LegacyUser

dogbert27 wrote: »

Hang on OP, you've said earlier "BTW she is just looking for an excuse for a party and doing what she wants to do. It's not because it's a nice thing to do for him. "

So she's not romantically interested in your OH she just wants a piss up and is organising it with your OH's birthday as the excuse. So there's no dilemma then in some other girl trying to steal your guy!

There never was a dilemma in her trying to steal my guy??? She's not a threat to me in that sense at all.

dogbert27 wrote: »

You're saying that you wanted to organise something and that you wanted his friends to be there. Did you actually tell his friends you were going to be organising something or did you just have all these plans in your head. And did you want to do this to put a smile on your OH's face or really that he'll be so happy and thankful that that would put a smile on your face which is what you really wanted?! In other words you were orgainising this for yourself too.

Yes I won't deny I take great pleasure in making him happy, and why wouldn't I? I am his girlfriend after all

dogbert27 wrote: »

As for him telling you not to make a big fuss. I think he doesn't want you to be stressing out organising his birthday as (I know from experience!) when my OH is stressing out it leads to me stressing out and then arguments which is something he doesn't want on his birthday. You wanted to organise something and do it your way. With this other person organising he can have an input in to it without feeling guilty about saying "no, I wouldn't like this or that". As people are saying get yourself involved in the current plans that are being organised and if you want be pushy and eventually take over!
Alternatively don't get too involved in the plans for that party but organise a dinner the night before the party with some good desserts for his birthday and then you'll get the smile on his face that you want to see!

Your experience isn't the same as ours, I am an organiser, I always organise events at work, with my group of friends, with my bf etc. I love having a project to work on and don't get stressed, in fact I thrive on it. He knows this.

He know he always has an input with me, and I wouldn't be offended if he didn't want something I aim to please so i always make sure he(and everyone else) is going to like what I am planning.

The night before isn't his birthday, it wouldn't be special.

iguana

annoyed25 wrote: »

The night before isn't his birthday, it wouldn't be special.

Technically the night before is his birthday from mid-night. You could do a little countdown to midnight and give him his present then. The night of his birthday stops being his birthday from mid-night.

But you just need to get on board with the other party. You aren't wrong to be annoyed, but I think you may be too annoyed.

dogbert27

"There never was a dilemma in her trying to steal my guy??? She's not a threat to me in that sense at all."
My post was in response to those saying she's being a threat to you, she obviously isn't.

"Yes I won't deny I take great pleasure in making him happy, and why wouldn't I? I am his girlfriend after all"
You've twisted what I said to suit your own agenda here. Did you tell his friends/flatmates that you were planning a party for him?

"I am an organiser, I always organise events at work, with my group of friends, with my bf etc. I love having a project to work on and don't get stressed, in fact I thrive on it. He knows this."
Seeing as he knows what you are like maybe that's why he said he doesn't want you making a big fuss over him.


"The night before isn't his birthday, it wouldn't be special."

For who? You? It just looks like you're sulking about the whole thing now.

RossFixxxed

Have to agree, it's gone from a curiosity and something that'd annoy anyone into something bigger. We're not writing a western here.

LegacyUser

Yes I told his friends that I would be in touch with, I was waiting for his flatmate to come home from holidays to get in touch with the others. She arrived home on Tuesday and made her plans the same day. And yes I had made arrangements.

What have I twisted? I admit that there is something in it for me too. I think i am entitled to that being his gf.

dogbert27 wrote: »

"I am an organiser, I always organise events at work, with my group of friends, with my bf etc. I love having a project to work on and don't get stressed, in fact I thrive on it. He knows this."
Seeing as he knows what you are like maybe that's why he said he doesn't want you making a big fuss over him.

He knows that I like to arrange things and that I take care to make sure everyone is happy, and you think he wouldn't want me to do it. Yet he is happy for his flatmate to? How do you come to this conclusion?

"The night before isn't his birthday, it wouldn't be special."
For who? You? It just looks like you're sulking about the whole thing now.

It wouldn't be special for his birthday, we do that type of thing on a regular basis so why would it be any different from any random Friday night?? There is nothing special in it for anyone

Monkey61

Op I think you are being way over the top here.

I never want a fuss on my birthday, to the point that I would never invite people on a night out for my birthday even, because I would feel so much pressure and would be worrying the whole time about whether everyone was having a good time or not. And I would hate the idea of my girlfriend organising a party for me, even a small one, because I would feel as much under pressure in that situation as the party would still feel like my responsibility.

If my housemates decided to go ahead and organise a big house party, then I wouldn't mind so much, because it would feel less planned, more relaxed and more just like an average house party with friends that happened to be on my birthday.

You do seem to be thinking about your feelings here and not your boyfriend. The bottom line is, it is his birthday, not yours. He is entitled to let his friends organise a party if he wants. They are his friends. It doesn't matter what you think. It is not your job as his girlfriend to throw parties for him - I would say that is much more a friend's job, especially if you have only been with him for 9 months.

As for making any kind of a big scene...how embarrassing would that be for your boyfriend? Especially whoever suggested making a big show of dragging him off at the end and announcing your intentions...Jesus I would be beyond mortified if my girlfriend did that in front of my housemates and friends.

There is no need to be control freaky. Do what your boyfriend wants. He is letting his friend organise a party (and why shouldn't she if it is in HER house and she is his friend) so getting in the way of that will make you look jealous, bitter and controlling.