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problems regarding drug use

  • 24-09-2009 12:17am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi, apologies for such a long post

    A few years ago I got involved with a 'bad boy' who had quite a serious drug problem. As a result of this I saw quite a few things that I should not have seen and experienced as a teenager. There was also violence in the relationship when he was using. I ended the relationship when I got some common sense literally beaten into me and he is no longer on the scene in any way.

    Now I am in my early 20s and with a wonderful guy who knows the basic gist of what has happened before. He knows my stance on drug use in a relationship (that I wont tolerate it in any form) and has sworn to never use anything again. Would have used weed, hash before but nothing major. I thought that this was a nice thing for him to say and he reassured me it was his way of being "cool" when he was younger and he grew out of it. He swore he'd tell me if he did ever try anything again altho admitted he would be afraid to in case I broke up with him. However everything has been fine.

    The other day I went down to his house and his messages on his phone were open. He asked me to get a number that a friend had text him so i did but opened the wrong one which said "cant get any tonight, tonight if u want tho?" Now i know i shouldnt have but i looked in his sent items and he had asked his friend could he get any weed for him. I dont know wat to do? I know he didnt get any that time but how do i know he has not done it before? im very paranoid about it all now and dont know whether to confront him over the message or not? even if he did I know hash is not that big a deal and I need to get over this thing I have in my head that its so bad. has anyone been through anything like this? How do you change your way of thinking?

    just wondering what people think? Thanks in advance.


Comments

  • #2
    MizzLolly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,556 ✭✭✭MizzLolly


    You don't need to change your way of thinking. If you don't want to be with somebody who uses any illegal substance, then don't. You don't have to justify why to anybody or change your feelings on it to suit somebody else.

    Your boyfriend hasn't done anything particularly offensive but he has kept the truth from you. I could have written a lot of what you've posted myself about a past relationship and I know if it was me, as trivial as it may be to other posters here, I would be very upset by it. You've been hurt physically and mentally by a person under the influence, of course you want to protect yourself. I'm sure your current boyfriend poses absolutely no threat to you with what he's doing now but at the same time, he's doing something you swore you would never get involved in again. Honestly, I'm not sure how I'd handle this if it happened to me.
    I know I'd probably feel I was over reacting as it's not like he's doing anything too serious but at the same time, judging on past experience, I definitely wouldn't feel comfortable with it. I just don't think I could be with anyone who uses anything like that again, even though plenty of people do it and it is for the most part fine. The principal of it is that he swore to you he wouldn't do it and now he's doing it but behind your back. That's the main issue I'd have with it. You obviously aren't happy with him smoking it but you can't exactly tell him what to do either. So you've got to decide if; A) You can forgive him for lying? and B) If you can accept that he's happy to do it in his own time? If yes to both, I reckon you'll be fine as long as he agrees to be open with you and no more hiding secrets. You know from your last relationship when to back out so I'd say just trust your instinct a little bit more here. Decide for yourself if you can let it go or not. Either way, you're perfectly entitled to do what's best for you.


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